happinessplate (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
happinessplate) wrote2013-12-13 12:08 pm
happinessplate) wrote2013-12-13 12:08 pm
GQ Gangster
kris/kyungsoo | pg-13 (r for the last 1k) | 50k
>> kyungsoo is kris' fairy godmother. although it says 'personal assistant' on his namecard.
on the other hand, lu han is xi luhan, no matter what it says on his namecard.
♫♫♫
Kris recruits Kyungsoo because he seems to be a cold-hearted bastard, the kind who would have no qualms sending out emails that Kris has no guts to even draft. Because in stark contrast to the mafia-like tattoos - barely concealed under his shamelessly tight white shirts - and badass earrings he sports, Kris has just about as much spine as an octopus. Offending people makes him squirm like boyband members who are forced to dance freestyle on live radio shows. It should never be allowed to happen. With regards to the freestyle bit, of course, since it’s hard to censor bad porn dancing when it’s streamed live to impressionable (ha) young people all over the world.
But Kris has to let Kyungsoo know the gist of what to write. So he attempts drafting the email anyway. Something along the line of:
At this point, Kris pauses and wonders if he should add an emoticon to undo the harsh. He ends up removing the exclamation mark instead so that the email appears to be more balanced on an emotional level. He continues tying the email:
Kris re-reads his email and removes the smiley then, but only because he doesn’t want to offend Kyungsoo. He keeps the exclamation marks this time, because he thinks they sound encouraging, thoughtful and enthusiastic. Finally satisfied, Kris sneaks a look at the time in the lower right corner of the taskbar and is pleased to see that he only spent an hour drafting the email. He clicks send, with ‘Do, Kyungsoo’ being the only recipient and leans back to rest his overworked brain.
He doesn’t end up getting much rest because within the next minute, Kris finds Kyungsoo at the door of his office.
"May I come in?” Kyungsoo asks, although he has crossed the room with four relaxed strides and is now standing in front of his boss with the desk between them.
“Sure,” Kris smiles and gestures for Kyungsoo to take a seat. He didn't. Instead, Kyungsoo places his laptop on the MD’s desk and swivels it around so Kris can take a look at his screen. It’s the email he just sent.
“Why are there three ‘kindly’s in this email?” Kyungsoo asks point-blank. The email reads like a plea from a girl scout to buy her cookies.
“I wanted to sound kind?” Kris attempts; Kyungsoo just nods at him with a blank expression. But it’s at times like this that Kyungsoo always has a blank expression on his face. It’s as if he couldn’t decide to look scornful, disdainful, or contemptuous (whatever the minute difference is), so he settles for a blank face. And it’s as if he couldn’t decide to mock, judge, or laugh at Kris, so he settles for agreeing with him instead, like, ‘yes, yes, it’s fine, of course, you dumb ass.’
Kris is not afraid of a lot of things but he’s never embarrassed to admit Kyungsoo intimidates him sometimes. Lots of people are afraid of things smaller than they are, anyway, look at Zitao and... but well, everything intimidates that child. It’s true, Kris’ standards are falling at an exponential rate. Still, sometimes it’s alright to be scared of small things, say, Chucky. Kyungsoo is mostly harmless, of course, it’s just that normal people sprout words from their mouths but he spits poison, like a king cobra except cuter. Just in case though, Kris checks his desk for dangerous objects which Kyungsoo might potentially use to hurt him. But the most dangerous thing in near vicinity is the dagger earring he’s sporting.
Kyungsoo is shaking his head, “You don’t need to ask your subordinates if they can ‘kindly’ do something for you.”
Kris laces his long fingers together and smiles faintly. This typical boss-pose calms him down for the simple reason that it makes him feel like a boss. He’s in control, his grey suit is expensive, his leather shoes shiny and Kyungsoo is just the cute little PA who needs to be put in his place. “It’s important to be a kind and considerate boss, Kyungsoo. People work hard for bosses they like.”
Kyungsoo lifts his brows for a second in reaction to his boss’ words and Kris feels like he has just been put in his place. He wants to crawl under his table and hide there while he contemplates if Kyungsoo likes his boss. Probably not, he thinks, when he sees Kyungsoo makes this neck-slicing gesture at him. “…What?” Kris slowly says when Kyungsoo doesn’t stop after a while, “you want my neck?”
Kyungsoo huffs and Kris actually flinches but he isn’t able to ward off Kyungsoo who has reached across the table to grab his tie. “No, but it looks like we’re heading in that direction, doesn’t it?” he mutters through clenched teeth while fixing Kris lopsided tie for him. “Please pay more attention to your attire, don’t embarrass me.”
Kris demurely meows his yes.
♫♫♫
For a second, Kyungsoo considers correcting the name to ‘Lu Han’. Then he shrugs and clicks send.
♫♫♫
Kris is well-known for the vicious emails he sends and everyone is afraid of him. Lu Han doesn't even dare remind him of his name, there’s nothing wrong with Xi Luhan anyway. It sounds like a perfectly sweet name. He’s still the deer of the dawn, just in the west this time.
Kris smiles a lot and likes to show his irritating concern for staff who are supposed to be off for a break in the pantry by asking them questions about their work. It’s sad his employees think that’s only because his DID is acting up. Either that or he’s secretly plotting to destroy everything happy they have been looking forward to. In fact, it’s Kyungsoo who declined SBS’s invitation to film Running Man in the company’s building. There’s just too much hassle involved and since Kris will have to be one of the judges for the last segment, a T-shirt design competition, it means overtime for Kyungsoo too, and that’s not very fun, is it? Personally, it’s also because he doesn’t like Kwangsoo. His dumb insults all the ‘soo’s of the world. “Don’t hate Kwangsoo,” Kris frowns when Kyungsoo voices his opinion, “his life is sad enough.” Kyungsoo cannot believe Kris is defending Kwangsoo but it’s fine, Kris’ opinion hardly matters, he’s just a naive man-boy while Kyungsoo is a mature adult. He will single-handedly save his boss from the humiliation Kim Jongkook will inevitably cause him. On lonely afternoons, Kyungsoo sometimes feels the weight of the world on his narrow shoulders. PA doesn’t even begin to describe the scope of his job, he’s the fairy godmother of every Disney princess’ dream.
He didn't plan on protecting the boss when he first applied for the job. Kyungsoo just wants a relaxing job and it’s not going to be such a difficult job managing another’s life, is it? All he needs to do is to schedule meetings, book plane tickets and, oh, his new boss looks like he just flew out from the pages of the latest GQ. Who doesn’t like nice faces? Not Kyungsoo.
But there’s only so much nice faces can do, i.e. look nice. That’s it. The really sad thing is, Kris wants to be as nice as he looks. Nice managing directors don’t exist in this world simply because they will not do. It was hard on Kris at first because he’s the son who just took over his rich mommy’s - “Don’t call my mum that,” Kris chides Kyungsoo on a regular basis - fashion empire and is too decent to play any games that the working adults play. You can’t manage scheming directors (Byun Baekhyun) being nice, you absolutely cannot afford to save your harsh words on flippant directors (Kim Kai) and you do not smile at clueless directors when they pout and say they can’t hit the sales target for the year (west deer of the dawn).
On account of those ear piercings and tattoos, Kyungsoo used to think that Kris had a shady past, like one of those gangster students from School 2013 sans the melodramatic love-hate BL plus better skin, and only got off the hook because he had a rich mommy. But Kris turns out to be genuinely nice. He lets Kyungsoo have the occasional time off whenever he needs it, never doubts him when he takes sick leave, and he doesn’t seem to think being the managing director is anything special. Kyungsoo guesses that sometimes squishies just like tattoos and flashy earrings, too.
Kris thinks everyone is his friend and lets people take advantage of him. It drives Kyungsoo crazy, making him want to vent his frustration by throwing chairs out of the window. Preferably at Kris actually, but sadly, that’s kind of illegal, isn’t it?
In summary, Kris is not a businessman. Then he hired Kyungsoo six months ago.
Kris stubbornly wants to play nice so Kyungsoo has taken it upon himself to be his knight with thick insoles. He might have been hired because he looked in-control but Kris didn’t exactly ask him to draft his emails, Kyungsoo just requested for it one day. “Trust me,” he said, and somehow, Kris bought it. He has always been decent enough not to ask as a show of trust. How stupid is he? Kyungsoo has wondered.
Kyungsoo rebuilds Kris’ image, sends out emails in his name, keeps the directors in line, reads through all the documents Kris is to sign and lets him know which are ok and which aren’t. He’s the formidable sidekick to the superhero, except no one should really count on Kris to save the world. People don’t work hard for bosses they like, they work hard for mean bosses, Kyungsoo lectures Kris, who just smiles fondly at his nanny, or personal assistant. What’s the difference?
But Kris is right. People do work hard for bosses they like. What in the world does Kyungsoo think he has been doing otherwise?
It also really helps that Kris is a beautiful motherfucker/gorgeous asshole/insert adjective of the good looking kind + expletive. Seriously, it’s hard to stop cussing when he has to see that face everyday. Jesus fucking Christ and holy fuc-
“Can you stop that?” Chanyeol frowns worriedly.
“I’m fucking sorry,” Kyungsoo offers his sincere apologies.
“You’re in worse condition than I thought.”
Kyungsoo shows Chanyeol exactly how much he cares about his opinion by studying his nails.
“You have something to add?” asks Chanyeol cautiously.
Kyungsoo nods his head gravely but just then, someone bites loudly into his cheese cracker at a table nearby and the pair of friends turns their heads around slowly to shoot the stranger ominous looks.
Sehun freezes and a crumb falls silently from his mouth onto the table top. They’re at the park and it’s definitely anyone’s prerogative to sit at any table there and munches his crackers as loudly as he wants, but that doesn’t stop Chanyeol and Kyungsoo from persecuting Sehun. To discourage further judging, Sehun turns around and feigns interest in a nearby bush. It’s green. Fascinating. Sehun fingers a leaf and hopes he doesn’t look psychotic.
“I think I’ve seen him before,” whispers Kyungsoo. Chanyeol just shrugs and pulls out a piece of paper from his wallet. It’s tattered and a bit torn around the edges. He flattens it out, at the very top reads ‘Reasons for Do Kyungsoo to Quit His Job’.
“Do you want a review first?” Chanyeol taps his pen on the paper and Kyungsoo thinks it over for a while before he sighs, “Yeah, please remind me.”
Chanyeol clears his throat. “Reasons for Do Kyungsoo to quit his job. Number one, you don’t get anywhere with the job experience.”
Kyungsoo tuts, “it’s true. Anyone with no inclination towards murder, has a loose grasp on anger management, and the capacity to stay sane when mingling with idiots is capable of it.”
“Number two, too much overtime.” Scratching his nose, Chanyeol recites the second point off the list of reasons.
Something moves in the peripheral of his vision and Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder but it’s just that psychotic stranger molesting a leaf. “I slept at 1 a.m. last night because I was looking through the budget for the second half of the year,” he groans, “this job is eating into my life. I feel like I’m underpaid-”
Chanyeol agrees. “It’s the next point, actually.”
“-but i just got my pay increment last week.” Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol, who momentarily forgets to breathe. Money sometimes has that effect on people.
“How much?” Chanyeol says breathily. He designs characters for a living but hasn’t managed to sell any of his art off yet, so it really isn’t very good living.
“Twenty percent.” Gaping, Chanyeol scratches out point number three so viciously, the thin paper threatens to tear in the middle.
“Money isn’t everything, Chanyeol,” mutters Kyungsoo but Chanyeol defiantly lifts up his shirt to flash him his protruding ribs then. “Say that again.”
“Alright starving artist, it’s something. Pull down your shirt, people are staring.” But only Sehun is staring.
“Number four, which is now the new number three, Xi Luhan.”
“That little piece of,” Kyungsoo censors himself.
“The reasons not to,” declares Chanyeol, looking down at the list and grimacing. “Read it yourself.”
Kyungsoo sighs so loudly a baby starts crying in a pram somewhere three meters away. He takes the paper and recites what Chanyeol scribbled down a month ago when they begun this routine. It’s not his words, it’s Chanyeol’s artistic take on what’s happening in Kyungsoo’s worklife. “My boss is 187cm tall and looks like a GQ gangster. There’s a tattoo on his bicep and i suspect another on his back and ribcage (to update Chanyeol when this fact is confirmed) and he wears nasty earrings. I insist I am 173cm and refuse to wear anything that would make people even more confused about the fact that I’ve already graduated from high school a few years ago. But I baby my darling boss and it would make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to vet through all his emails and documents. It would make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to terrorise all his directors and make sure they do what he wants. It would also make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to see him smile and greet me morning every day when he passes by me on his way to his office,” there’s an unconscious tug at the corner of Kyungsoo’s lips when he recalls Kris’ smile.
“It would make me really, really sad to miss the next secretary day because darling boss got me a cake this year and made me so happy, I didn’t even care that I didn’t care about cakes and I wasn’t a secretary,” the tug transforms into a smile at the memory. Kris forgot and asked Kyungsoo to order the cake before he recalled who it was for, so he bought another cake to make up for the lack of surprise. It was all personalised with a tiny Kyungsoo plastic figurine perched at the top and plastic Kris at his side, bowing lowly to him as if he was his butler. There were also glittery fondant stars, flowers with smiley yellow centers, cute red ladybugs, and no, like, how could a single cake hold all the nice things in the world? “I would be devastated if I weren’t there to pat him on the shoulder and say, ‘it’s ok, you’ll do better next time,’ and fix all the things that are wrong for him, because the last thing I want is for darling boss to be sad. And now, the saddest thing is that, I don’t think I want to lose all of this, even if a PA isn’t what I really want to be.”
Kyungsoo glances over at Chanyeol who now sports a wistful smile on his lips. “That was beautiful, every time, like the first time,” sniffs Chanyeol as he praises himself, then he sobers up, “That last sentence wasn’t in there last week.”
“That was what I wanted to add.” Kyungsoo lies his head down on the table and looks at Chanyeol. He might be starving and all, but it must be nice to have a small brain, saves one from the many worries of life.
Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo fondly, too. Enormous saucer eyes are so cute. He suddenly feels really inspired. “I like this park, it fills me up so much ideas! Good choice, Kyungsoo,” he compliments, although Kyungsoo only picked the park to meet Chanyeol since it’s a short ten minute walk from his place. “This place is filled with so much laughter,” Chanyeol’s eyes meet that of the sobbing baby and he frowns, “tears, I mean,” he turns to Kyungsoo again and decides at least his expression is apt, “and…” why is that dude still touching the leaves like they are the most amazing things on earth? “…really strange people.”
As if on cue, Sehun turns around and gives them a shy smile.
In reply, the pair of friends switches to the table furthest away from him. There’s a noticeable slump to the stranger’s shoulders now but screw empathy, Kyungsoo is feeling pretty down too and the only bright spark in his life right now is anyone else’s unhappiness.
“Now that we are in sane accompany,” Chanyeol resumes their conversation on the current sadness in Kyungsoo’s life and Kyungsoo nods to the frenzied army of ajummas dancing in the open space right beside them. They even have an ajumma leader who has a mic taped onto her face and she’s screaming instructions amidst the music. “SHAKE YOUR HANDS!” she shouts and it’s a strange thing, the human brain. You don’t want to do it but when someone shouts out the instructions, it’s just pure instinct to follow. So all of a sudden, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are flicking their wrists like jolly ajummas. “You’ve finally decided not to quit?”
“No,” sighs Kyungsoo, limp wrists flopping about as he – “SWING YOUR LEGS! HWAITING!” – swings his legs, “I’m still thinking about it but it’s hard when I’m already in the comfort zone.”
But Chanyeol is staring at him with those soul sucking eyes and Kyungsoo can feel his spirit gets taken over, like how that girl in The Exorcist must have felt. He sways his legs even more vigorously as if to get rid of the evil feeling. “It’s not what you think,” he assures Chanyeol calmly, even though no questions are asked.
Chanyeol nods but that might be only because he’s shaking his legs really hard. “I mean, I prefer real members of the mafia, ok,” Kyungsoo nods like he’s agreeing with himself.
“Sure thing, Kyungsoo.” There’s an air of nonchalance in Chanyeol’s deep voice, and Kyungsoo scowls. “I admit, I like his face a lot but (“MOVE THOSE HIPS!”) that’s only because I’m superficial.” The frown on his face intensifies when he realises he just insulted himself.
“You don’t have to explain,” Chanyeol wiggles his hips.
“I’m not explaining, I’m just telling you that I’m not staying in this job because of Kris,” explains Kyungsoo. He’s getting increasingly agitated. “Stop moving your hips, it’s distracting,” he snaps.
“Distracting you from what?” Chanyeol asks innocently as he does a neat little move with his hips.
“From my explanation.” Kyungsoo kind of growls then and it’s really cute when tiny Kyungsoo gets all riled up, so Chanyeol smiles, flashing only one row of shiny white teeth. Who’s the dumb one here again?
“I thought you weren’t explaining.”
“I wasn’t!”
Chanyeol reveals his bottom row of teeth and Kyungsoo explodes. He stops shaking his hands, choosing to reach across the table to grab Chanyeol’s collar instead. “I told you. I. Don’t. Like. Kris.”
Chanyeol hasn’t seen Kyungsoo with so much emotions since their last noraebang session. It’s true that almost all of Kyungsoo’s feelings go into singing. But exceptional situations exist and this is clearly one. In a strange kind of way, it’s profoundly touching to see his frigid friend suddenly start having excessive feelings because of another person. In a Chanyeol kind of way, however, it’s just too good an opportunity to pass up on. It’s like Lee Kwangsoo finally getting back at Kim Jongkook.
Patting Kyungsoo’s head, Chanyeol says kindly, “I never said that.”
Kyungsoo stops breathing for a second. Chanyeol is right. He slowly climbs back to his seat and those large eyes flicker from left to right for a while before they roll back to stare at Chanyeol’s serene smile. Mother Teresa probably looked like that too when she was distributing love. A profound moment of epiphany hangs over their heads.
“CLAP YOUR HANDS!”
Kyungsoo claps his hands slowly, as if he were applauding his friend.
Chanyeol takes a bow.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo really doesn’t like Kris. He's too much of a wimp for Kyungsoo. If fairies could die and get reincarnated, then Kris must be one in his previous life. He always tries to please everyone. “If I treat others well, then they will in turn treat me well.” The last time Kyungsoo encountered this much bullshit was during the last instalment of Transformers.
Kyungsoo is hardly a cold hearted bastard but candidness is not something that is tolerated at the workplace, and he was determined to turn over a new leaf when he got his first job. The resolve lasted for a grand hour on his first day because right after the HR colleague showed him to his boss, Kris very kindly said, “It might be good to pay some attention to fashion and dress up for work since we work in a fashion retailing company. Building up the image is part of the work.” He smiled then, as if to cushion the harshness.
But Kyungsoo just flicked his comment off as if he were flicking off snot he picked from his nose. He looked down at his plain black shirt and pants. “It doesn’t matter what a person wears as long as his face is handsome,” he said coolly before he realised this wasn’t Chanyeol.
He wondered if he should apologise for his rude reply but the grin on Kris’ face just froze for a moment before he moved on to show Kyungsoo his schedule for the current week. My boss is a pushover, Kyungsoo deduced. And he was right.
The person who takes advantage of Kris’ weakness the most is Xi Luhan, or Dong Luhan, or Nan Luhan, whichever way Kyungsoo’s compass is pointing towards that day. It’s not deliberate, sure, but Lu Han is so terrible at sales and marketing that it’s making losses for the company. He’s as interesting as the dried vegetable flakes one finds in a packet of ramyun and it shows in his campaigns. Lu Han seems genuinely sad at failing his targets though, and Kris has to console him instead. It irritates Kyungsoo to see two emotionally-fragile people huddled together, the weak protecting the weak. These annoying little creatures at the bottom of the psychological food-chain.
“Maybe we should get a new Brand Director,” Kyungsoo suggests to Kris, “maybe he’s more suitable for another position.”
His scorpion tattoo is faintly visible over the white shirt but there’s such an incredible look of magnanimity on Kris’ face that Kyungsoo wishes the scorpion were alive just so it could sting his boss to death and return him to Heaven where he fell to Earth from. “Xi eesa has promised he’d do better for the next promotion,” Kris says simply, “I’m sure he will improve.” This level of naivety is unforgivable, and what? Exactly what kind of fairydust did they put in Canadian water and how overdosed is Kris? Kyungsoo is allergic to all-loving people like Kris. For God’s sake, you look like a gangster, why can’t you act like one! he wants to scream at his boss. Instead, Kyungsoo just turns around and saves himself from all the aggravation by walking out of Kris’ office.
From then on, he turns a blind eye to the employees exploiting their MD and he would have continued to ignore the ruckus, honestly. But one day, when he’s down with fever, Kris notices his sniffling and walks out of his office to push the lid of his laptop down. “You’re going home,” he says with a gentle smile. For a fake gangster, Kris has a really soft smile and there seems to be a layer of mist everywhere. He must be stuck in a fairy tale. Kyungsoo shakes his head hard to clear the hazy thoughts, only to end up making himself giddy. He must be sicker than he thought. “I’m fine,” he insists, lifting the lid up again. He just started work a month ago and is too embarrassed to already begin taking medical leave when he hasn’t even contributed anything.
Instead of stopping Kyungsoo from working again, Kris pulls the corners of his tweety lips down and says, “Please.” It is disgusting but Kyungsoo must be really too sick, because then he suddenly sees a lot of flowers framing Kris’ face, as if he’s a walking manga character. Although no one would ever want it, Chanyeol would have gladly given one of his protruding ribs to be able to design a character like Kris. Kyungsoo’s hand reaches out to brush away an imaginary flower on Kris’ amazing face but gets grabbed by the shoulders instead. “There’s a sakura on your cheek,” he mumbles and Kris caters to the sick by grunting, “Yes, yes, I hope you like it,” while he heaves Kyungsoo up from his seat. Kyungsoo nods groggily. Kris is so lovely.
The next thing he knows, Kyungsoo is already in Kris’ car and his boss is bending over him, pushing both his buttons and that of the power seat so Kyungsoo could lie down. He feels like dying; Kyungsoo just isn’t sure if it’s from the fever or heart palpitations. He sniffs and catches a note of citrus and happiness. Kris smells like the goddamn sun. Although, who smells like the sun? More importantly, how does the sun smell like? No, really, there’s something wrong with him, what is it? It is only out of self-preservation that Kyungsoo punches his own face with whatever little strength he has left and tries to knock himself out.
In that moment, he truly believes that God doesn’t exist because not only does he fail to knockout himself, he also attracts the attention of Kris who grabs his floppy wrist and stops him from committing self-harm.
“Are you alright?” he asks and even pulls down Kyungsoo’s right lower eyelid in imitation of a doctor. All he sees is a mess of red blood cells and when Kyungsoo rolls his eye back, Kris hastily releases his hold.
‘Yes, of course not, why do you fucking look like Domyoji right now! Who are you, why are there flowers on your face,’ says the voice of Kyungsoo’s internal anguish, but he just bobs his head. “You… shojo-man…” he whispers before falling into a slumber.
He fully credits it as a symptom of his fever and when he gets well, the shojo feelings he has for Kris in that few hours will surely evaporate as well. But unfortunately, it’s just the beginning of his long journey into self-hatred. Every time his heart leaps when Kris smiles at him, Kyungsoo just hates himself a little more. He positively detests himself when he wakes up and the thought of going to work makes him grin a sleepy grin because it means he’d be able to see Kris.
He misses his old cold-blooded self. Kris makes him realise when people have someone in their hearts, it’s only normal to suddenly burst into song because they are too full of emotions like how people in movies do… not that he has ever done that, excuse you, it’s just attainment of high-level empathy, something like Nirvana.
And honestly, it’s hard not to care for someone who cares for you too, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do, except to repay him in kind. Sometimes, he wants to say truthful words to Kris, like, How can someone be so big and useless at the same time? At least elephants can lift logs. But when his boss looks at him with those stupid lips, Kyungsoo will end up saying in a kind voice, “Sometimes things don’t work out but it’s not your fault.” Although he honestly thinks it’s always Kris’ fault.
It’s just too bad that feelings don’t mix well with work. He wants to throw Kris to the hyenas in the office but goes clucking to work everyday instead, like a mother hen rushing to sit on her eggs. It agonizes Kyungsoo to belittle himself like this, he has never been so soft on anyone else before. But in a sadistic way, it also makes him feel good to do something for the one he lik-
Kyungsoo really doesn’t like Kris. Please believe him. It makes him feel better.
♫♫♫
“Hello.”
Kyungsoo looks up from his monitor to see Lu Han tip-toe into the office. “Is he around?” he asks softly, as if scared to wake a dozing dragon.
He considers lying, but then Kyungsoo sighs and nods. It must be rather urgent if Lu Han has personally come to talk to Kris. He usually avoids coming to Kris’ office even though he frequented it back when Kris first joined the company. After a few nasty emails written by Kyungsoo though, the visits stopped. Kris has never asked, but sometimes Kyungsoo still feels that twinge in his heart. It isn’t deliberate, honestly, Kyungsoo is fair; nastier emails have been sent to Kim Kai, not that Kyungsoo cares about him. It’s just different when it comes to Lu Han.
“How is he feeling today?” Lu Han asks gingerly, as if he’s at the hospital visiting the sick but Kyungsoo knows what he’s on. Tapping a pen against the back of his hand, he contemplates the answer. Kris beamed like the goddamn sun he smelled like when he came in this morning, but Kyungsoo just murmurs, “He’s fine, there’s a meeting at 3p.m. so you’d best catch him now, if you want.”
Lu Han exhales unsteadily and his mouth forms a cute ‘o’. He looks adorable and it makes Kyungsoo frown. “Hurry up and go in,” he urges in a rather harsh tone and immediately regrets it when Lu Han blinks at him. Looking down so he doesn’t need to meet those bright inquisitive eyes, Kyungsoo finds the first excuse that pops up in his mind, “Don’t want to be late for the meeting.”
“Ah,” Lu Han nods and smiles, wrinkles creeping up from the ends of his eyes into his temples but he still looks cute. Sighing gently, Kyungsoo observes him walking up to the door of Kris’ office. “It’s me, Lu Han,” he calls out, and hesitates for a second before adding, “Xi Luhan.” He doesn’t knock on the door, just calling out like how he used to, six months ago before Kyungsoo entered the company. Then Lu Han opens the door, not waiting for Kris to acknowledge him. Some habits die hard. Lu Han freezes when he realises a second too late what he has done but then Kris speaks up.
“Oh,” Kyungsoo hears the surprise in Kris’ voice and he can’t see it, but it’s not hard to imagine the grin hanging off his face because he sees it in Lu Han’s smile, too, a mix of delight and nostalgia. It is also difficult not to notice that they don’t address each other by title, even after this period of time. The titles only come into play when they’re addressing each other to other people like, say, Kyungsoo.
The door closes behind Lu Han’s back and he shouldn’t, but Kyungsoo suddenly feels excluded from their world.
♫♫♫
Lately, Lu Han has been stepping in and out of Kris’ office a lot and his gait gradually becomes relaxed. In fact, today, he skips in. He has been engaged in a lot of discussions with Kris over the Christmas promotions, not that Kyungsoo cares, of course.
Why, of course.
If he’s counting the minutes whenever Lu Han is in Kris’ office, it’s only because he’s afraid Kris will be late for whatever appointment he’s scheduled for next. If he feels anxious whenever Lu Han comes around, it’s only because he’s afraid the promotions will be ruined and Kris might get into trouble with the Board of Directors again. And if he suddenly thinks that the MD’s office should have glass walls instead, it’s only because he cares about Kris’ state of well being. What if Kris keels over one day and no one finds out until it’s too late? Sure, he has never done that before but life is like a box of chocolates, you always end up getting the flavor you hate.
When Kyungsoo was just about to find out more information on the internet about glass walls, Lu Han strides out of the office. “Thanks for your help, Kyungsoo-sshi.” He always says his thanks to Kyungsoo before he takes his leave, all fluttering long lashes and smiling eyes, and it makes Kyungsoo feel really silly for whatever he has been feeling, although it also makes him want to stick his pen up Lu Han’s adorable nostril. He heaves a heavy sigh at Lu Han’s back. Where did the stoic Kyungsoo go? Now he loses his cool so easily. Perhaps there’s really nothing wrong with Lu Han but everything wrong with Kyungsoo. Lu Han doesn’t deserve all this animosity. The little PA stares at his pen he totally deserves to have it up his nose too.
Kris steps out of his office then and stirs Kyungsoo out of his thoughts. “Why are you still around? It’s already 8 p.m.,” Kris says as he removes the jacket of his suit, one hand clutching his briefcase. The bright orange spotlights embedded in the ceiling glints off the metal of his earrings, but his smile is gentle. That dashing rogue.
Kyungsoo pretends he doesn’t notice the way the material stretches across Kris’ chest. “I was trying to preserve your chastity,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, even though he’s the one having bad thoughts about Kris’ chest.
“Huh?”
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo quips, and at Kris’ unconvinced look, he adds, “Trust me.”
Kris breaks into a smile at Kyungsoo’s catchphrase. “Sure.”
“Enjoy your night, sajang-nim,” Kyungsoo says as he makes to walk off. He feels rather stupid to be sulking, since it’s not like Kris can throw Lu Han out of his office when he seeks him out for a discussion and it’s not even that Kyungsoo expects him to. He’s just confused and having a hard time because he’s trying to organise his feelings in a logical manner but what logic is there in emotions? He wants Lu Han to stay away from Kris, it’s as simple as that, and just as difficult. Kyungsoo frowns. He really doesn’t have any right to feel this way.
There’s a faint whiny sound and startled, Kyungsoo turns around quizzically to see Kris patting his tummy. He appears amused by his tummy and is patting it when he looks up into Kyungsoo’s bewildered eyes. “Want to go for dinner?” asks Kris, in a moment of impulse it seems, because right after the words left his lips, he blinks dumbly for a while. Then in the next moment, the nonplussed look morphs into a warm smile, making the invitation a sincere one. Kris looks so dumb-cute with his gums showing and eyes crinkling up into small crescents that Kyungsoo just can’t help it.
He didn’t want to, he swears. They have never eaten together and he’s sure it’d be awkward. But the orange light settles onto Kris like gold dust and he’s blinding. When Kyungsoo takes a step forward, however, he’s bathed in Kris’ shadow and it’s difficult to make sense in the dark. Kyungsoo thinks he has Kris figured out but the way he makes him feel, Kris might as well be both light and darkness, and Kyungsoo is stuck at the juncture when dusk meets dawn; he stands nowhere.
But, “Yes,” he says with a scowl, because he infuriates himself. There’s the look of surprise on Kris’ face again, although this time, it’s easily displaced by a smile. Kyungsoo turns around quickly so that he could hide the pink that’s high on his cheeks.
It is not true that only fools fall in love but those who do become fools indeed.
♫♫♫
Kris watches Kyungsoo pick pieces of tuna out from the soup, brows furrowed in concentration as he sifts through the bubbling jjigae that’s served on a pan set on top of a portable stove. Faint lines of worry etch themselves onto Kyungsoo’s forehead as he fishes out pieces of tuna. It’s not such a big deal, Kris is just being picky about food, but it’s always nice to be taken care of.
Kyungsoo squints but it’s no use, everything appears orange in a bowl of kimchi jjigae. “Sorry,” Kyungsoo says sheepishly, “I forgot you didn’t eat fish.”
But Kyungsoo is also the one who smacks his forehead when he recalls this without Kris having to point it out himself. To be honest, from what Kris knows of Kyungsoo, he thought his PA would just flippantly tell him to deal with it. Instead, Kyungsoo rolls up his sleeves and proceeds to carefully try and pick all the fish out. But if Kris were to recall carefully, despite Kyungsoo's cool demeanor, everything he has done for Kris is always in his favor.
“It’s alright,” Kris says, sampling the soup. He didn’t say anything but the look of amazement on his face makes Kyungsoo burst out laughing and Kris can’t resist laughing along. “It’s my favourite thing on the menu,” Kyungsoo beams with pleasure.
Tilting his head to one side and watching Kyungsoo scrunch up his face in an adorable smile, Kris muses, mostly to himself, “You’re harmless.” This is a side of Kyungsoo he has never seen; he didn’t think Kyungsoo would laugh so much. He thought Kyungsoo was the toughest nut ever, it’s difficult to imagine that hard shell cracking up with laughter. Then he reaches over to pat Kyungsoo’s head.
The smile on Kyungsoo’s face immediately vanishes and Kris snatches back his hand. Kyungsoo throws his head back and lets out a peal of laughter. “You’re so easy,” he jests, before resuming a serious expression, “Mostly harmless. I don’t just have one side, sajang-nim.” he corrects Kris solemnly, clucking his tongue. “You were afraid of me,” Kyungsoo remarks wistfully. He’s a little hurt. It’s true he doesn’t smile as much as people like Lu Han, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t as good.
In retaliation, Kris forces the corners of his lips down and pulls his brows together. The lady at the table beside them stops gawking at Kris and hastily turns away from the terrifying look on his face but Kyungsoo smiles so hard, his eyes narrowing into slits, mouth forming a cute heart shape. “That doesn’t work on me, you’re putty!” he exclaims before realising what he said, pretty sure he just crossed The Line when it comes to boss-subordinate relationships.
But Kris grins. “No, I’m just reminding you that whatever I’ve allowed you to do, it’s with permission,” he says, tapping the bowl with his chopsticks, the light tinkling sound echoing like a bell in Kyungsoo’s heart together with the lazy curl of Kris’ lips. Suddenly flustered, Kyungsoo looks down into his bowl and begins to mindlessly shovel rice into his mouth.
They are in a small eatery that’s bustling with the office crowd for a bowl of soup and bottles of soju after a day of work. It’s cramped with grey walls smelling like oil and a dozen different sauces. Some customers are even helping to wash the dishes so they can get served faster. The place that serves the best soup in Seoul is tucked right at the end of a lonely alley like it never wants to be found. It’s the first time Kyungsoo has ever been here with someone else besides Chanyeol and the eatery looks even tinier with Kris in it, but it’s the best place Kyungsoo knows and the look on Kris’ face is worth a little secret, he reckons.
“What else do you know about me?” Kris picks out a piece of tuna from the soup and gives it to Kyungsoo. “Tell me all my secrets,” he winks, gums flashing, eyes crinkling.
Kyungsoo stares at the piece of fish, and wonders what to say. Your doodles at the end of those sticky note messages are as shitty as your aegyo. Your favorite brand of accessories is Chrome Hearts. You look as tough as a rock but your heart is as soft as water. It’s absurd, I honestly cannot even list one outstanding attribute of yours but this still doesn’t change the way I think about you, and I think you are just absolutely amazing. Help me, I’m beyond hope. But all these are probably just Kyungsoo’s secrets.
“You have a tattoo of a scorpion on your left bicep,” Kyungsoo says instead. This is much safer. Or is it?
Kris’ draws the corners of his mouth up into a grin. He doesn’t deny nor admit it, but Kyugnsoo doesn’t need his concession. He can see the scorpion even now as it presses itself against the snug fit of Kris’ white shirt. “Do you know the process? The tattoo machine is like the dental drill.” His voice is low but sounds strangely clear despite the noise that surrounds them. “Imagine getting pierced by a needle and having a drop of insoluble ink deposited on your skin, your second layer of skin. So technically, even if you touch my arm, you aren’t exactly touching the tattoo.” Well, screw technicality, Kyungsoo’s mouth is going dry at the thought of touching Kris’ tattoo.
“Do you have any other tattoos?” He tries to sound nonchalant as he drinks some soup, like he hasn’t been discussing the whereabouts of Kris’ tattoos with his best friend for the longest time, this sly little fox.
“You’d have to find out for youself.” There’s a smirk lurking on Kris’ lips, and he looks… sexy. This is bad. Kyungsoo has always thought sexy is a word that’s used on someone scantily clad but Kris somehow manages it all the same, in his white shirt that’s buttoned all the way up, grey tailored pants, and smirk. It stirs up all the violent tendencies in Kyungsoo. He wants to first stick a chopstick into Kris’ eye (exorcism) and then his own (self-purification). But how is Kyungsoo going to find Kris’ tattoos? For a moment, he thinks of bare-chested Kris, then proceeds to down his cup of soju like it’s water. His mom is right, he realises, all men think with their dicks.
“What’s wrong with you,” Kris laughs when Kyungsoo chokes on soju and dick thoughts.
Instead of saying, ‘who sent you here to ruin my life’, Kyungsoo sneaks Kris some tuna under the cover of a slice of innocent looking ham and relishes in sweet revenge when he chokes on it.
But then, when Kris lifts his eyes up after a fit of coughing and warns, “You’re going to pay for this one day,” Kyungsoo almost suffers a heart attack. In more ways that Kris would ever know, Kyungsoo is already paying him back.
They are accompanied by a stray cat in the lonely alley as they make their way back to the car. As if to chase away the silence, Kris asks conversationally, “Did you always want to be a personal assistant?” Kyungsoo looks up curiously at Kris but there’s nothing telling on his face.
“Well, no, no one really says PA when asked about his ambition,” he replies truthfully, but now Kyungsoo stays on willingly in this job. It’s not a good time to reflect on this again. “What about you? Did you-“ Kyungsoo bites his tongue when he realises he’s about to repeat Kris’ question as a way of diverting the attention away from him. But he already knows the answer to that.
Kris pauses mid-step to stare at Kyungsoo in surprise for a while, then he smiles fondly. “You are a good person, not just a good assistant.” He resumes walking and Kyungsoo silently follows, eyes lingering on Kris’ back. The quiet drifts back, but peace is nowhere to be found. Kyungsoo tries to put the matter to rest but when he opens his mouth, Kris begins to speak. “Sometimes we do things we don’t want to, Kyungsoo, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing.”
Kyungsoo stops in his tracks. “Is it?” He isn’t sure if this conversation is dicier for him or Kris.
“Sometimes you do things you don’t want to because of another person.” Kyungsoo’s heart stops before it begins to beat furiously; he’s suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he’s alive. Kris turns around then, when he discovers Kyungsoo has been lagging behind. The bewildered expression on Kyungsoo’s face sends a grin blossoming on Kris’ face, as if this isn’t a painful thing to discuss at all. “I have my own dream of course, it’s just that…” Kris trails off, like how dialogue suddenly dies when words become too difficult. But Kris is more than that, his chiselled features appear even sharper now when soaked in neon pink light from an overhead sign.
“…Sometimes another person’s happiness is more important than a dream.”
It is obvious that Kris is talking about his mom but Kyungsoo cannot help but apply it on himself. He places his singer dream and Kris’ happiness on a scale. It tips unfairly to a side. Kyungsoo heaves an exasperated sigh. “Why are there so many ‘sometimes’?” he whines. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he can deal with this kind of agony a second time.
Kris is amused at Kyungsoo’s despondency over a matter that quite frankly, has nothing to do with him. Oh, if only Kris knew. “This time, then.”
Kyungsoo takes an uncertain step forward. “Just this time?”
Kris nods, not knowing he’s agreeing to a promise, so Kyungsoo nods too, with reluctant indulgence. “Alright.” He scowls and begins to walk, the sound of his determined footsteps echo loudly in the alley. Whipping around when he realises Kris isn’t tagging along, Kyungsoo complains, “Aren’t you going to follow me?” But even his complaint packs no punch. Kyungsoo is as flimsy as a paper tiger when it comes to Kris.
Chuckling, Kris jogs to catch up with his fierce tiny PA.
♫♫♫
The next day, Kyungsoo find his new promise put to the test immediately when the official earnings for quarter two is out, It is no surprise that they have failed to hit the targets again when the summer advertising campaign is as clichéd as car accidents in a Korean drama. No one cares about boys and girls frolicking on the beach anymore. People - or at least, their target audience – like it better when boys and boys frolic together now. They have a lot to do for Q4 as it’s obvious now that they’re going to fail Q3 too, since everyone fancies being cold rather than getting bundled up for the chilly weather after Lee Jongsuk starts wearing close to nothing in the wildly popular fall drama - I can Hear Your Voice in the School’s Secret Garden 2013 - that has him taking on the role of an aspiring gay songwriter who used to be a rebellious student and can also listen to the inner voices of people. Or was that three dramas? No matter, not complaining.
As expected, Lu Han makes a trip up to the top floor of the office building to find Kris in order to explain the missed target. But when he asks for the MD, Kyungsoo merely lifts his head up and stares at the ceiling. Perplexed, Lu Han looks up too, but if he were expecting Kris to be sprawled on the ceiling like a Japanese female ghost, he is to be sorely disappointed.
“Where’s sajang-nim?” Lu Han asks again. His use of Kris’ title still irks Kyungsoo especially since Lu Han has so freely called Kris by his name the last time Kyungsoo heard/eavesdropped on them talking to each other. He also blames Lu Han for being terrible at marketing.
“Probably moping somewhere wondering about the deeper meaning of life,” mutters Kyungsoo truthfully.
“Huh?”
“Not around, will tell him Xi eesa is looking for him.” Kyungsoo lowers his head to the stack of documents in his hands and tries to sound less brusque. Lu Han probably doesn’t feel too well now either, but a human heart is only that small, Kyungsoo can’t care about so many people at one time.
“Oh, right, thanks.” The wrinkles on Lu Han’s face seem even wrinklier today. “By the way, my name is Lu Han.”
“Sure,” Kyungsoo murmurs noncommittally.
When Lu Han leaves, Kyungsoo files the documents away neatly and replies to a couple of emails. He checks the time - it’s 4p.m. and there’s a teleconference scheduled at 5p.m., clearly time to be a good PA and kidnap the boss back to the office. Because he’s no Lee Jongsuk, Kyungsoo grabs his jacket and pulls it on when he makes his way to the rooftop.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo knows where Kris slinks off to whenever he’s unhappy or when he feels like he needs a break. Considerate as he is, Kyungsoo has never bothered him. Some hearts like to be left alone when broken. That was yesterday though, before Kyungsoo made a promise he intended to keep.
When he pushes open the door, he sees Kris attempt a lay up in full business attire. The basketball hits the hoop instead of going through it and flies over to Kyungsoo. If this were a hot blooded idol drama, Kyungsoo would have caught the ball, dribbled it over and suavely dunked the ball in (despite his height) right in front of Kris before giving him some good life advice. Unfortunately, this is merely fanfiction with a tortured protagonist and the ball just flies right into Kyungsoo’s face. He drops to the floor immediately. Chanyeol would have stuck his tongue out too, but there’s only so much clowning Kyungsoo is capable of.
There are sounds of running footsteps but Kyungsoo rolls his eyes back and wrinkles his nose to feel its presence. He only ceases his eye antics when it starts to hurt. Kris is bending over him, but his initial look of anxiety has changed into one of amusement, “I thought you died.”
“Just trying to entertain you with slapstick.” Kyungsoo tries to grin but he winces instead. Kris presses a thumb to his right cheek and begins to rub gently in circles. This is rather unexpected and Kyungsoo’s first instinct is to take flight, but Kris pushes him back down to where he’s sitting on the ground and continues to massage the area where a faint red mark has formed. Kris’ eyes thin with mirth in response to the startled expression on Kyungsoo’s face and he has to diffuse his surprise by blinking rapidly and lowering his eyes to scowl at the ground. The howling of the wind cannot mask Kris’ chuckle but Kyungsoo is glad that it’s at least loud enough to smother the loud beat of his heart.
“I’m sorry,” Kris apologises, mistaking Kyungsoo’s embarrassment for annoyance, like how he has done every single time. “What are you doing here? Did anything urgent happen in the office, or did you suddenly want to throw yourself off the building?”
“I suddenly wanted to fling myself off the building, of course,” mumbles Kyungsoo glumly. I just don’t want you to be sad alone, is what he really means but the truer some words are, the harder they are to utter.
He looks adorable and Kris takes advantages of the situation by squishing his face. He’s squashing the sides of Kyungsoo’s face and making his lips pucker. When starting to feel something amiss, Kyungsoo deadpans, “Having fun?”
Ever the smooth dude, Kris stands up and holds out a hand. “How did you know I was up here?”
Kyungsoo lifts large eyes up to look at Kris from where he sits. He looks so tall and formidable; Kyungsoo never wants to see Kris fall. He doesn’t say that of course. He only says, “I’m your PA, I know your deepest darkest secrets.” He pulls on Kris’ hand to haul himself up. Kris doesn’t even budge, but Kyungsoo knows that’s only on the façade. Kris isn’t as strong on the inside and Kyungsoo feels another twist in his heart. It hurts more than the bruise on his cheek.
Snickering, Kris turns around and picks up the ball lying on the floor. “This is my dream,” he says simply, as if introducing a stranger to Kyungsoo. “I’ve always wanted to become a basketball player.” That’s all Kris says because they both know why he didn’t become one.
“You can’t install a hoop on the rooftop just because you want to.” Kyungsoo ignores the elephant on the rooftop.
“Why not? I own the place,” Kris says smugly, and Kyungsoo wants to ride that elephant into Kris’ rich ass.
He dribbles the ball to the hoop and shoots. The ball slides in with a whoosh. “I love that sound.” Kris looks like a kid as he twirls around in his expensive leather shoes and beams at Kyungsoo, but his grin fades into a small consoling smile when he catches that expression on Kyungsoo’s face. Concern turns the edges of his lips down, worry pushing his brows together in a frown, a slight tinge of moisture in his large eyes. Kyungsoo lets Kris read him like a book.
Kris broaches the subject first. “I’m alright.” His voice is strong and it makes Kyungsoo want to believe in the lie. “It’s just more difficult than I thought. I said a lot of big words last night, didn’t I?” Kris squints into the sun and tiredly rubs his eyes.
Kyungsoo isn’t good at consoling people and he doesn’t want to lie and tell Kris that things will be alright when he has no inkling what the future will bring. But he doesn’t want Kris to be sad either; he never ever wants to see this look on Kris’ face again. There are other things that are still in his control. He walks over, pulls Kris’ hand down and holds it. Kyungsoo’s hand is much smaller but it weighs Kris down like an anchor and draws him into the safety of his harbour. There’s no anxiety when he touches Kris this time as resolve calms his nerves down. “I will help you,” Kyungsoo says, loud and clear, while he tiptoes to meet Kris’ eyes. The promise sounds deceptively simple. What’s usually thought to be the simplest thing oftentimes turns out to be the hardest.
Kyungsoo looks so earnest, so sincere, and he’s holding Kris’ hand so carefully, as if he might lose him with a looser grip, and he might crush him with a stronger grasp, like Kris isn’t towering over him, cascading his shadow over Kyungsoo’s entire being.
Kyungsoo holds Kris like water within his hands, precious and fragile.
Kris feels it because genuinely good intentions are as conspicuous as the smell of oranges when a fingernail presses in to break its skin, and Kyungsoo is breaking Kris just as easily now. His protective stance makes Kris feel even more vulnerable and he’s not certain who’s the giant now. Especially when at first glance, it’s obvious that Kris has so much more power than Kyungsoo. What can he possibly offer to Kris that he doesn’t have? Kyungsoo’s hand feels so small within his own. But when a person is down in the dumps, it’s not cold words that will pull him down even further, but a warm touch, a few words of assurance, someone putting a hand in his, gently reminding him that he’d never be alone. It is kindness that will send him crumbling.
He cannot help but be affected. Perhaps Kris just isn’t as tall as the giant residing in Kyungsoo’s heart. There’s a lump in his throat that’s tough to swallow and unexpected wetness in his eyes that’s hard to blink back, but he manages somewhat. What he cannot ignore, however, is that spot of incredible soreness in his heart, and Kyungsoo who causes it. He half crouches to make it easier for Kyungsoo, smiling to make him feel better, just like what Kyungsoo did for him. “Because you are my super duper, invincible, world-dominating PA?”
The grin is back on Kris’ face and Kyungsoo feels relief reasonate throughout his body. The tension in his shoulders seeps out. “Exactly,” Kyungsoo bobs his head, “so you can count on me. Trust me.” Kris might be half-kidding but Kyungsoo doesn’t think he has ever been so serious his entire life.
“You know I always trust you.” Kris grips his hand back and smiles until his gums are showing again. It’s Kyungsoo’s favorite Kris-smile, it makes him look just like a child.
Kyungsoo decides he really is a masochist then, for thinking that all his efforts are worth it, just because of this one sentence from Kris.
And this is the best thing he can ever offer to anyone.
♫♫♫
When Lu Han and Kris next gather for their discussion on the launch of the next season’s campaign, Kyungsoo invites himself to the meeting too.
“Yes?” Kris lifts his brows. Coffee has already been served, so there’s really no reason for Kyungsoo to be present.
“Can I join?” Kyungsoo pretends to ask, but he’s already settling down in the vacant chair.
“Your face…” Lu Han gestures at his own face.
A nice purple bruise resides on Kyungsoo’s cheek. “Got bumped by a bastard and knocked into a pole on my way home yesterday,” he lies without even blinking and Kris spits out some coffee.
“And what’s wrong with you, Kris?” Lu Han asks and when he discovers his faux pas of using Kris' name, swiveling around to look at Kyungsoo and check his reaction. But Kyungsoo has already extracted his revenge; the serving of karma soothes him for this and the terrible thing he’s about to propose.
Kris is just expressing his surprise at getting insulted, of course. But he says, “Showing enthusiasm for the winter campaign, that’s all.”
Kyungsoo elevates an eyebrow at Kris. Smooth player.
Kris reciprocates by lifting both brows. Play nice.
Lu Han knits his brows together. What’s in my coffee?
When Lu Han is about to present his revised proposal, Kyungsoo interrupts him. “I have an idea, if Xi (Lu Han sighs loudly) eesa doesn’t mind?” Kris and Lu Han both look taken back by Kyungsoo’s words but the Brand Director soon smiles, sitting back and gesturing for Kyungsoo to continue.
“No one sells clothes these days. What people sell are lifestyles, and when consumers link products to a certain lifestyle they aspire to have, they would be inclined to purchase them. So what’s really important is not the product but the way they are marketed. How do we generate brand loyalty so that consumers will consistently buy things from us, even if we churn out progressively uglier clothes each season?” Kyungsoo says all this in a single breath and he notices that Lu Han is now sitting up and leaning forward to hear him speak. Even Kris is nodding at him to continue.
“Some companies get celebrities to endorse their products because fans crave to look and behave like them,” Kyungsoo is beginning to sound more confident. “The decision to purchase is not based on needs, it’s psychological. They want to look like Big Bang and wear the same pastel jeans that Girls Generation do. We certainly can’t afford to get celebrities as our spokesperson now, so we’ll have to create our own stars.”
Kris and Lu Han look stupefied by Kyungsoo’s proposal. “Create our own stars? Who?“ asks Lu Han.
This is the horrible part. “Xi eesa and sajang-nim, you two are going to be the stars for our winter advertising campaign.”
“What!” Lu Han gasps. Kris is decidedly calmer after the initial shock has passed. “Why us?”
This is so obvious, Kyungsoo has to bite the inside of his cheek when he grits out, “Because of your faces. The two of you look good, and you look good together.” The disheartening truth is Lu Han looks better standing next to Kris. Kyungsoo is cuter than the average dude but it’s Lu Han, Lu Han with his pretty soft brown eyes and adorable smile. A completely objective person would have picked Lu Han over Kyungsoo too, so why not Kris? He’s getting distracted by his petty thoughts, Kyungsoo shakes his head and steers his attention back to the discussion at hand.
“You must be kidding,” Lu Han exclaims with wide eyes.
“We are approximately 500 million won away from the year’s overall target; I hardly think it’s a good time for jokes,” Kyungsoo says quietly and Lu Han flinches. Kris, however, appears to be in serious thought. Kyungsoo tries to persuade him.
“There is a group of audience out there, females in their teens and twenties, they have, um, fantasies of male-male couples in boybands, co-stars of dramas, et cetera and- I’m not asking you two to start dating,” Kyungsoo mutters darkly when he spots the worried look on Lu Han’s face. “This group has buying power and they are prepared to spend,” he continues, “It’s a tried and tested gimmick, we can generate interest for the two of you via social media, before revealing the whole campaign. We are not just talking about local brick and mortar sales, but also sales through the online shop. There will be the usual photoshoots and videos, the budget remains the same, only the marketing will be done a little differently this time,” he pushes for it but when Kris strokes his chin and appears to be still stuck in deep deliberation, Kyungsoo snaps, “You are a good looking sonovabitch and you know it!”
Kris barks out a laugh at Kyungsoo’s outcry while his PA remains red-faced. “How do you know it’d work?”
“You can’t be serious.” But Kris holds out his hand to stifle Lu Han’s protest.
Kyungsoo can’t possibly let out the fact that he was one of those disappointed fans who queued up for Lee Jongsuk and Kim Woobin’s cancelled fansign. “It’d work, trust me,” Kyungsoo peers into Kris’ eyes. He means to look serious and all business-like, but ends up looking like an imploring puppy instead. It works all the same. Kyungsoo doesn’t need to ask; Kris isn’t lying when he says that he will always trust him.
“Don’t make me ugly,” Kris replies with a smile and Kyungsoo finally relaxes.
“Will put a ribbon on your insect,” Kyungsoo says and taps his left bicep smugly. Puzzled, Lu Han looks over to Kris’ arm but there’s nothing there, certainly no insects.
Kris remains calm. “You cute or what,” he grins and says this lowly so that only Kyungsoo can hear. His PA wanted to tease the boss but ends up getting teased instead. Blushing madly, Kyungsoo takes a sip of his coffee to divert attention away, only to spit it out when he accidentally drinks from Lu Han’s cup.
“It’s salted caramel flavored,” Kyungsoo explains calmly to Lu Han, while he presses a napkin against his chin, “with an emphasis on the salt.”
“Sure…” Lu Han nods unsurely.
♫♫♫
“So in short, you locked yourself into a cell and threw the key out of the window?” Chanyeol sprawls across Kyungsoo’s couch and shouts out his summary after hearing the latest on his friend’s worklife, so that Kyungsoo can feel offended even as he stands in the kitchen, stirring the contents of a pan. It’s a lazy Sunday morning but Chanyeol is already at Kyungsoo’s apartment to cheat a free meal out of his friend. Kyungsoo would have appreciated dumb Chanyeol but unfortunately, the smart one decides to visit again. Isn’t it convenient, Kyungsoo loses half his mind over another person and Chanyeol just decides to gain a brain. It’s as if Chanyeol has been pretending to be dumb in all the years Kyungsoo has known him just so he could get back at him now.
Bristling, Kyungsoo stabs a piece of kimchi in the pan with a spatula and starts on the long speech he has rehearsed. “Sometimes we do things we don’t want to, Chanyeol, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to because of another person. Sometimes another person’s happiness is more important than a dream.”
“Why are there so many ‘sometimes’?” yells Chanyeol as he flips over on the couch.
“This time, then.” Kyungsoo lifts his spatula up as if it’s the Olympic torch and imitates Kris’ when he said these words not too long ago, although the narrowed eyes and determined tone are just figments of his imagination. A few grains of rice fall from the spatula and onto to his hand. Yelping, Kyungsoo switches off the stove and asks Chanyeol to serve up the kimchi fried rice.
“So what’s going to happen?” Chanyeol munches and asks, his soul sucking eyes fixed onto Kyungsoo.
But Kyungsoo will not allow his soul to be siphoned away so easily like the first time. “Nothing, I’m just on loan to Marketing for the winter advertising campaign, but I’m still reporting to the MD and assuming my PA duties. Meanwhile, they’re going to be the leads in the winter advertising campaign, sajang-nim is going to hit the sales targets for the year and I’d reap the fruits of my success by asking for a promotion,” he says plainly.
“Sure, Personal Assistant Manager sounds real nice, just what you need on your resume.” Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo, eyes unmoving in stark contrast to the rapid chewing motions of his mouth.
His uncharacteristic sarcasm is more than what Kyungsoo can take. “What happened to you, Chanyeol?” asks Kyungsoo, large eyes full of concern, “Why are you suddenly smart, witty and sarcastic? Why are you turning into… me?” There’s no time to be modest when his friend’s sanity is at stake, although clearly, the one going insane is Kyungsoo.
“Don’t be silly,” chastises Chanyeol, “nothing is wrong with me. Eat, your rice is getting cold.” He coolly removes the hand Kyungsoo has laid on his cheek.
Kyungsoo evaluates the possibility of them soul swapping without actually knowing it happened.
“You should suggest that you be the lead instead of Lu Han,” Chanyeol speaks up after a moment’s pause.
Kyungsoo scowls and pushes his fried rice around on his plate. It’s difficult to own up but this is just Chanyeol so Kyungsoo admits that he has fantasized about it but, “I… I don’t look good enough to stand next to Kris. The campaign won’t be as successful.” And that’s not all. He’s also not as friendly as Lu Han, nor does he possess that kind of affinity. They’ve had the first meeting to kick off work for the campaign. Everyone, from the stylists to the photographer, likes Lu Han. Kyungsoo is so busy with coordination that he doesn’t even have time to talk to anyone but he memorises the names and faces and keeps them in his heart. But who would know? Who can look through a person and tell how good his heart is? Everyone knows how to appreciate a smile though. And when Kyungsoo smiles, he doesn’t light up the room like Lu Han does. Kyungsoo wishes he wouldn’t do this to himself, comparing himself to Lu Han. This is so unfair to the both of them but he can’t help thinking that if others like Lu Han better than him, then maybe, so will Kris.
“I can’t defeat a fairy. Maybe one fairy just deserves another fairy, them fairies need to stick together. I’d just be the evil witch and wish them cold death in every fairy tale,” says Kyungsoo flatly, making to spoon some rice up but unexpectedly, Chanyeol leans across the table to rap him hard on the knuckle.
“Since when did you get so emotional?” asks Chanyeol wryly, only to find that he has struck a raw nerve when he sees that stunned look on Kyungsoo’s face.
It is the same question Kyungsoo asks himself so often these days. He didn’t realise it got so obvious.
“You’re talking trash,” Chanyeol reprimands to quickly steer the topic back on track, “You are better than you think you are.” Kyungsoo opens his mouth to protest but gets interrupted. “Trust me, I know.” The rap stings but that’s not why Kyungsoo’s eyes are suddenly just a little misty and he has to pull his brows together again to cover it up.
Chanyeol knows. Chanyeol can look through Kyungsoo’s frown and harsh words to see his heart and appreciate the good in him. People find Kyungsoo distant but that’s only because their hearts aren’t close enough. Luckily, Chanyeol always knows, because Kyungsoo knows too, every single time Chanyeol cries, Kyungsoo has been there to wipe the tears away. People think Chanyeol is a bright sunny person but Kyungsoo is the roof over his head during all his rainy days. It was so when he was six years old and Kyungsoo found chubby Chanyeol crying in the dark area under the staircase after their classmates teased him for his ears. It was so when Chanyeol was twenty one years old and thought of himself as a failure for being unable to sell any of his art, and it will always be so. It will always, always, be so.
And then, Chanyeol will do the same for Kyungsoo.
“You don’t need to defeat anyone, just be yourself.”
“What, be cold and sarcastic all the time? I’m unsure if you two share the same kink.” Following Chanyeol’s lead, Kyungsoo lets himself get distracted. He returns to the same question every other day, anyway.
Chanyeol reaches over again but this time, Kyungsoo deflects his spoon with quick reflexes. “Be good to him,” advises Chanyeol.
“I am good to him.” Kyungsoo flushes hotly when Chanyeol smiles widely at him. It makes him want to slowly pull out every single one of Chanyeol’s teeth sans anaesthetic as punishment. He needs time getting used to receiving advice from Chanyeol. “How?”
“You cook real well, Kyungsoo,” grins Chanyeol. His best friend takes the hint and squirms like there’s lemon on his tongue.
“Like hell I’m packing lunch for him like a besotted underage schoolgirl.”
“You’re not?!” Chanyeol widens his eyes and claps both hands over the mouth in an act of exaggerated shock.
“Don’t do that,” Kyungsoo says in great concern, “your eyes might really pop out this time, Pug.”
“Boo.” Chanyeol pouts and holds up two long pieces of kimchi to his eyes in imitation of tears but gasps and drops them when the spices get to his eyes and he begins to tear for real.
It’s Dumb Chanyeol. “Welcome back,” Kyungsoo pats his forearm fondly.
“I’ve never left!” Chanyeol wails and dabs his eyes with a napkin. While he’s still drying his tears, he says, “I have someone I want you to meet.”
“Who’s the unfortunate person,” Kyungsoo drawls, but corrects himself when Chanyeol’s jaw drops in outrage. “I’m sorry, you’re right, he might have judgement issues but that doesn’t really make him unfortuna-” This is when Chanyeol tackles him to the floor and after straddling Kyungsoo, he makes to tickle him. But truly evil people are immune to tickling. If Kyungsoo laughs, it’s only because Chanyeol looks hilarious with crazed eyes when he’s trying his best to inflict death by sticking his fingers into Kyungsoo’s sides.
“I’m happy for you,” Kyungsoo says gently, in the midst of Chanyeol’s mischief, reaching up to pat his friend’s head, as if they were still six years old and Kyungsoo was saying, “I like your ears, even if no one likes them. I’d be your friend, even if no one wants to be yours.”
Chanyeol will never be six years old again, he doesn’t cry for a lot of things now. In fact, there really isn’t a Smart or Dumb Chanyeol at all. He might appear dumb to Kyungsoo but that’s because they’ve known each other their entire lives. Even if Chanyeol isn’t like that anymore, Kyungsoo will always remember his best friend as a chubby, snivelling eleven year old who fervently insisted on taking his ferret to the playground and if Kyungsoo didn’t like that, it just meant their friendship was over. To others, Chanyeol is probably just a bossy dude who’s too tall for his own good. He doesn’t cry anymore, so he just makes this funny face like he has no idea which expression to put on. Chanyeol mutters as he rubs his eyes with the back of a hand, “My eyes are dry. It’s just my dry eyes, you know that.”
“I know, I know,” whispers Kyungsoo indulgingly.
He might know Chanyeol, but there are still things Kyungsoo isn't aware of. It is not that he isn't as strong anymore, but when a heart opens up to another, how is it possible not to get hurt?
♫♫♫
It appears that the new person in Chanyeol’s life isn’t the only one with judgement issues, Kyungsoo acknowledges this as he stares at the lunchbox placed on the table in front of him. It’s the first day of the photoshoot and filming for the winter advertising campaign and instead of being in the office, Kyungsoo is now in a studio located in Cheongdam-dong.
Somehow, he ends up packing lunch for Kris. Even cold-hearted namja Do Kyungsoo has resorted to packing lunchboxes; perhaps there’s hope for Mankind after all. He cooks for his friends whole-heartedly, of course, but this is different. Kris is hardly a friend. “Besotted schoolgirl,” he moodily quotes himself, resting his chin on a hand and poking the white plastic container. It’s grilled eel over rice. The only kind of fish Kris likes to eat. Kyungsoo has always been careful about Kris’ likes and dislikes. He has gotten up at the crack of dawn to cook, afraid that if left overnight, the fish wouldn’t taste as good.
Only Lu Han is involved in the photoshoot and filming today but Kris is also here to oversee things and to find out how things are going to be done too, since his part will be shot the next day. It’s nearing break time and Kyungsoo finds Kris standing outside the circle of frenzy that’s surrounding Lu Han, who’s clad in an oversized baby blue turtleneck and plain white cotton pants. He only has BB cream on and seems to glow in the soft lighting that envelopes him. The set is excruciatingly simple, just a white wooden chair against a white backdrop. Nothing is supposed to rob the attention away from Lu Han.
But the photographer is having a difficult time coaxing a smile out of Lu Han. His smiles all seem too forced when there’s a camera set in front of him and so many eyes around. He sits at the edge of the chair as if perched for flight, tension evident in the narrow hunch of his shoulders. When the frustrated photograph is about to call an early lunch break, Kris calls out, “Hey.”
Lu Han turns around, and when he spots the familiar face in the crowd, his face blossoms into a smile. His eyes curve like slivers of the moon, the ends curling softly like rose petals. There’s no holding back and all the pleasure can be found in the corner of his lips, all the lights of the stars shining in his eyes.
“I got that! Did you catch that as well?” The photographer excitedly asks the cameraman who nods. “Alright, let’s break for lunch!”
Kyungsoo almost loses his nerves then but he forces himself to walk up to Kris who smiles when he sees his PA approaches. Kyungsoo tells himself that when Kris smiles for him, it’s just as lovely a smile as when Lu Han smiles for Kris. “Here,” he says grudgingly, shoving the lunchbox into Kris’ hands.
“What?” Kris asks, opening the lid, “You made this?” The grin on his face stretches even wider and Kyungsoo feels hoodwinked. He sniffs and catches a whiff of the sun. “I… well,” Kyungsoo stammers, unsure why he’s nervous. He’s about to say more, he’s unsure what, maybe useless stuff like ‘enjoy your lunch’, but Kris gets called over to join Lu Han and the stylists at their lunch table. They clearly are unaware of his reputation in the office. “Do you want to-“ Kris starts but Kyungsoo is already shaking his head. They seem to be a merry crowd at the table and he hates to ruin it. “Come on,” Kris cajoles and Kyungsoo furrows his brows slightly. “Alright,” Kris relents, “come find me after lunch to discuss next week’s sales meeting.” Then in the next instance, Kyungsoo is left alone.
But it’s ok, Kyungsoo shrugs and thinks, he hasn’t planned on getting a lunch invitation anyway. He eats his lunch by himself in the storeroom, while he sorts out the props for the afternoon shoot. The eel in his lunchbox tastes just a tad salty and he hopes the one in Kris’ isn’t. Then he spends the larger part of his lunchtime fretting over a slice of eel and worrying that it’s too salty for Kris’ taste. No, Kris had better not eat that, Kyungsoo decides. The sudden-worrywart emerges from the storeroom and quickly approaches Kris’ table, trying to give him a ridiculous warning about salty eel when he sees Lu Han eating from his lunchbox instead.
He stops abruptly in his tracks, the squeak of his sneakers breaking the happy chatter and suddenly everyone is looking at him. A hairstylist at the table giggles at the stupefied expression on Kyungsoo’s face and soon, the table of stylish people begins to laugh and stare curiously at Kyungsoo who’s standing just two feet away, Kyungsoo in his plain long sleeved black v-neck tee and jeans, who’s clearly not good enough to sit at this table.
Surprise has stolen all of Kyungsoo’s words away from him and he stands there, feeling and looking stupid, like someone who cares too much but ends up being a fool. A furious blush burns its way up Kyungsoo’s neck and onto his face. He wishes he had fixed his hair and worn the best shirt in his closet instead. But he didn’t and now, he has become an embarrassment and there’s nowhere to hide his shame.
Kris catches Kyungsoo staring at the lunchbox. He glances over at Lu Han and feeling the need to explain, he says, “Xi eesa says he likes eel, so I- “
“Ok,” Kyungsoo interrupts, so brusquely he sounds like he’s not okay at all. “It’s alright,” he panics when he realises his blunder. “I just,” eyes flickering around the place in search of a reason for his uninvited presence, “I just wanted to collect the lunchbox…” Kyungsoo swallows the bitterness in his mouth and lets the lie out instead. He didn’t mean for his voice to come out so small and sorry but he does feel like an intruder at this table.
“Kyungsoo,” says Kris but he’s not sure what else to say. His heart swells at the sight of Kyungsoo looking so flustered and embarrassed. Kris doesn’t think he has ever seen his efficient PA seem so lost before. Kyungsoo doesn’t even know where to put his hands so he begins to wring them unconsciously instead. It didn’t seem like a big deal just minutes ago, Lu Han only wanted a taste but Kris feels really bad now. He has been careless with Kyungsoo’s good intentions.
“It was really good. You cook very well, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han compliments, giving him one of his special smiles.
“Yeah? I thought it was a little salty,” Kyungsoo says numbly and lets his eyes drop to the ground.
“No, it was excellent.” Lu Han beams at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo nods his head slowly. He hates that he still wishes that Kris could have tasted it instead, if it were good. “Thank you,” he mumbles, still unable to lift his eyes up and show his hurt to everyone who bothers to watch. He also hates his eyes; he can’t hide anything with them.
“Here.” The lunchbox is thrust in his line of vision and Kyungsoo is even more afraid to lift his head up now. Kris has walked over to Kyungsoo to return the lunchbox. Hastily, he grabs it but ends up dropping it instead. His face reddens even more when he hears someone laughs. It suddenly becomes too much all at once and Kyungsoo feels mortification claw at his face because Kris is standing right there, witnessing his embarrassment. He snatches the lunchbox from Kris who has helped pick it up and his thanks are muffled as he makes his exit, hoping it’s as dignified as it could be under that kind of circumstances.
“Kyungsoo,” Kris calls out but once Kyungsoo turns his head, he has already lost control of his facial expression and there’s no way he’d let Kris see just how badly he has hurt him.
“He looks like he’s going to cry,” the assistant stylist remarks with a laugh, stopping only when Kris silences him with a stare.
“Kyungsoo is tougher than that,” he declares, brows furrowed together as he opposes that comment. No one at the table dares doubt Kris, except himself.
“Where are you going?” asks Lu Han when his boss excuses himself.
“Another table,” he says coldly and the crowd falls silent as if someone has tapped the mute button. The studio staff had mistakenly thought Kris to be the best and friendliest client they ever had.
Lu Han thinks of Kyungsoo’s sad eyes. “Me too, then.” This is when the crew first knows of Lu Han’s unsmiling face. It is as harsh as the delicateness of his smile.
♫♫♫
Once he’s back in the safety of the storeroom, Kyungsoo sets Kris’ lunchbox down next to his and tries to steady his harsh breathing. The lunchbox feels heavy. Kyungsoo pulls the lid off and finds that it’s only half-eaten. He tastes the eel; it turns out to be just as salty as the one in his lunchbox.
Lu Han is a good person, Kyungsoo thinks but that only makes him feel worse. He cradles the lunchboxes in his arms and feels very, very small.
That night, after Kyungsoo has thrown away the leftover eel and rinsed all of his shame down the sink, he slips into bed and hides under the safety of his blanket. “He gave your eel away, Kyungsoo, what's the big deal? It’s not really such a terrible thing,” he says quietly to himself in the dark, “so why are you feeling so sad?” There’s no good reason to be this upset, so he should really go to sleep and let tomorrow come already.
A minute later, however, he gets up and switches on the light, pulls open the first drawer of the bedside cabinet, and takes out a tiny figurine. It’s plastic Kris. Then he takes out the figurine of himself and places it beside Kris’ on the bed. He was so happy when Kris presented him with the cake back then. He made him so happy, then he made him so sad. Kris is Kyungsoo’s sunshower, a bizarre mix of sunshine and rain, the most curious existence in Kyungsoo’s life.
Narrowing his eyes, Kyungsoo flicks plastic Kris with a finger and he falls over, but that’s not enough, so Kyungsoo pokes him over and over again. Then he rights the figurine and places it back next to his own. His big eyes become wet when the scenes from today replay themselves in his mind.
“Why are you so nice to everyone, but so mean to me?” Kyungsoo says ruefully, tapping plastic Kris’ head with his index finger. His voice is barely a whisper. “I just wanted to show you my good side. I’m not half-bad too, you know?”
“I’m sorry,” plastic Kris says mournfully, but it’s just Kyungsoo and his bad voice imitation. He feels awfully silly and even scans his bedroom after doing that in case anyone witnesses his foolishness. “Oh God, I’m really losing my mind.” Frustrated, he carefully places the figurines back into the drawer and tries to sleep. But the more determined one is to sleep, the more it eludes him, like a butterfly that refuses to be caught.
♫♫♫
The next day, Kris walks into the studio in casual wear and Kyungsoo is amazed he didn’t get stuck onto the fridge door considering the sheer amount of metal on him. It’s also unfair how incredibly good Kris looks in just a white tee and black jeans. Kyungsoo pulls on the hem of his shirt, feeling extremely foolish for donning his Sunday best. Kris always makes him feel so inadequate, although he doesn’t mean to. Despite Chanyeol’s reassurances, nowadays Kyungsoo has to rummage around within himself to look for his old confidence.
“Keep them on,” the stylist instructs when Kris is about to remove his earrings and necklace. He’s wearing three times the amount of accessories than he does when he’s at work. Discretion is clearly a subjective matter.
“Are you sure? Chrome Hearts doesn’t pay me to advertise for them, you know,” Kris jests as he makes to sit and have his hair styled. Kyungsoo catches his eye then and when he sees that Kris is about to call out for him, he quickly turns and scurries into the area where they’ve hung up next season’s collection, pretending to busy himself with cleaning invisible lint. He doesn’t quite know how to face Kris yet.
“Hey,” A voice suddenly rings out from behind Kyungsoo and he freezes, although Kris also sounds fairly uncertain himself. “About yesterday, I’m sorry,” he says simply.
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo replies, his back still facing Kris, hands never stopping their work.
“Really?” Kris furrows his brows and squints at Kyungsoo’s back, trying to see through him.
Kyungsoo nods firmly because he really wants Kris off his back right now.
If Kris were able to see the downwards pull on the corners of Kyungsoo’s lips, he would know it’s a lie, but there’s really nothing left to say. So when Kris tries to engage Kyungsoo into further conversation, he has to quickly excuse himself, saying he still needs to check on the props.
But once he escapes into the set, Kyungsoo groans and smacks himself on the cheeks repeatedly with both hands as punishment for being so obvious. Now Kris will surely misunderstand that he’s angry, when he’s just hurt. It’s embarrassing to be regarded as being petty over grilled eel, but what can Kyungsoo do? Because he’s so serious, it’s difficult to put on a mask and pretends it’s alright. It’s even harder to explain to Kris, I’m unhappy but it wasn’t the eel, it was never the eel. What I offered wasn’t just that, what you gave away was something else. But people like him don’t know how to express that, they’d just fold themselves up in a corner and nurse their own wounds.
Someone disrupts his internal monologue. “You can’t hang around here, Kyungsoo-sshi, we’re almost ready for the photoshoot.” It’s Jungmin, a member of the crew. They’ve spoken a couple of times before, mostly when Kyungsoo is doing coordination for shooting. Jungmin isn’t particularly friendly but Kyungsoo figures that’s probably his own fault, he’s too busy to hang around building ties with the crew.
“I just, I just need to clear these.” On a whim, Kyungsoo shifts some of the props around and Jungmin quickly stops him, “You need to move out now.” Glad for a reason to leave, Kyungsoo flees.
When the flush on his face finally recedes, Kyungsoo creeps out of the storeroom to stand in a corner and watch Kris’ photoshoot, which is already in progress. His hair has been dyed blond a week before shooting commences and now that the hairstylist has given him bangs, even the sharpness of his features seems to lose their edges. He looks younger, especially when he jokes with the photographer and the expression on his face mellows out into a gummy smile; Kyungsoo’s favorite smile. For a while, Kyungsoo smiles along with Kris in secret, before he starts to mope again. How can he allow someone else to manipulate his feelings like this? It’s the worst thing in the worl- Kris laughs out loud then and the sound is so charming that Kyungsoo wishes he were a carpet so that Kris could step all over him, as if he weren’t already allowing that. This is terrible. He smacks himself on the cheek again.
“What are you doing?”
It’s the fairy. What, he can’t even commit self-abuse in peace now? “There’s an itch on my cheek,” says Kyungsoo respectfully, instead of, ‘please drop into the deepest hole on Earth and melt in lava’. But it’s not Lu Han’s fault, just like it isn’t Kris’ fault. There’s nothing to forgive.
“He looks good,” comments Lu Han, turning to observe the shoot and realising he has just uttered an understatement. The cameraman is asking Kris to turn away so he can shoot his profile. “Stop smiling,” he scolds when Kris can’t stop himself from breaking out into bouts of laughter because it’s pretty awkward being the focus of everyone’s attention. He laughs again and Kyungsoo sees yet another head turn to look at him. He wonders how it feels so be so admired. Kris is just wearing a simple white shirt that’s buttoned up all the way. It’s not anything different from the usual shirts he wears, but Kyungsoo has heard from Lu Han that they plan to launch shirts in the flagship store starting next spring and who better to model them other than sajang-nim himself?
“GQ gangster,” Kyungsoo mutters to himself. As if on cue, the flash of the camera goes off then, catching the shine of Kris’ dual cross earring and blinding Kyungsoo, just like how he always does.
The shoot ends and Lu Han leaves Kyungsoo to speak to Kris, which works just fine for the little PA so that he could scamper off before he gets noticed again. But a deafening crash and a piercing scream make him gasp, pulls him back running, almost slipping in his haste. Kyungsoo’s heartbeat ceases for a moment before it begins to hammer furiously in his chest when he pushes into the small crowd that have gathered around the set and discovers Lu Han sitting on the ground with Kris beside him, holding him up. The lighting umbrella kit is lying broken on the ground. It seems to have taken a crash, broken pieces of the glass bulb strewn not too far away. But what’s most alarming is neither that nor the ugly bruise that’s already beginning to form on Lu Han’s forearm; it’s the fearsome way Kris pulls his brows together, the menacing way he narrows his eyes and the commanding tone in his voice when he questions the staff in charge of lighting. Kyungsoo has never seen this side of Kris before. Gone is the sajang-nim who wants to be nice and everyone’s friend; his authority is unquestionable.
“Explain,” Kris demands of the flustered man, making to stand and using his height to its full advantage. Jungmin takes an unconscious step back from Kris who’s towering over him, “I have no idea, I checked. The safety check was done properly and according to procedure, no one was allowed onto the set after the last check.”
“I witnessed the checking,” someone in the crew speaks up in aid of Jungmin.
“You are absolutely sure it was done right?” Kris presses on. The sharpness of his glare is terrifying, even if he holds no power in his hands, and he does.
Jungmin swallows but he says, “Yes.”
“How did you ensure no one was let into the set?“ Kris is unrelenting, but that’s understandable. Safety in the workplace is something that cannot be compromised.
Jungmin looks like he’s about to say more but he closes his mouth after a moment’s hesitation and lets his eyes drift slowly over to Kyungsoo. When their eyes meet, Kyungsoo feels cold dread trickle down his system.
In the next instance, Kris swivels around to face Kyungsoo, jaw slackening in his realisation and Kyungsoo finds himself held at gunpoint. He is pinned to the spot when Kris fixes his eyes on him. His stomach does a flip, sickened by the turn of events. There’s bile, bitter and caustic, on his tongue. “No,” he denies automatically, although his mind frantically tries to recall what he touched earlier this afternoon when he fled from Kris. What if he were the one who caused Lu Han’s injury? But it couldn’t be him, he doesn’t recall messing with anything but the props and those were set aside for shooting in the afternoon session. “It, it wasn’t me, I didn’t touch any equipment.” His stuttering makes him even more suspicious, however.
“Did you enter the set after the safety check was done?” Kris questions with a frown.
“I, I,” Kyungsoo stammers because he doesn’t know the answer, in a flurry of panic, he turns to Jungmin who answers for him, “He did.”
His reply and the soft exclamations from the crowd send Kyungsoo’s heart sinking; it’s as if he has already been charged guilty. “I’ve always known he’s jealous of Xi eesa, have you seen the way he sometimes looks at him?” He hears someone whisper. Horrified, he hurries to drop his eyes to the floor, so no one could see exactly how much damage those words cause. He doesn’t want what he has kept so long in his heart to be spoken out loud because his secret sounds so hideous. The ugly truth is, Kyungsoo has always measured himself against Lu Han. The uglier truth is that he probably wouldn’t even think this way of Lu Han and himself, if not for Kris. But no one can really be confident of something that matters so much. Everyone who is loved stands tall like Kris, and Kyungsoo has always been so small, so small.
The accusation is true but the thought that someone would think him capable of such malice cuts like a knife. “I’m not that bad,” he says in a tiny voice, but he’s sure no one can hear. Kyungsoo knows he looks pitiful now - to Kris, Lu Han, everyone - with his eyes trained on the ground to avoid the accusatory stares, teeth worrying his bottom lip, hands wrangled together. It gnaws at his pride.
But Kris is different. It’s alright as long as Kris is on his side. “I didn’t mess with the equipment,” Kyungsoo finally lifts his eyes up to look beseechingly at his boss. “Trust me.” It’s his catchphrase and not without a reason. Kris has never failed to do exactly just that.
“I trust you,” Kris says, not missing a beat and Kyungsoo’s heart sings. It isn’t relief though - trust is an absolute thing when it comes to Kris and Kyungsoo – it’s simply reaffirmation. Kyungsoo’s feelings play out on his face and someone in the crowd tries to protest. “Sajang-nim, I think-“
But Kris puts up a hand to stop him, because he isn’t done speaking. “Who did I put in charge of this campaign?” Kris directs the question to Kyungsoo, sounding cold and business-like, someone Kyungsoo doesn’t know at all. The tension creeps back onto his shoulders.
“Me,” Kyungsoo answers softly. He’s suddenly afraid.
“Yes.” The gentleness is back in Kris’ voice but at his next words, Kyungsoo’s highly strung nerves finally snap. “It’s precisely because I trust you.”
All at once, the shame engulfs Kyungsoo, overwhelming him without courtesy of a warning. It has never been Kris; his boss has never doubted him. It’s Kyungsoo who has compromised that trust. As the one in charge, he should have taken care of all aspects during shooting, and safety should always be right at the top of the list. What he should have done is to conduct safety checks a second time to make sure all things are in place. Instead, Kyungsoo has spent his energy focusing on the relationship between Kris and Lu Han, like he’s hell bent on hurting himself. There’s nothing to defend, so Kyungsoo simmers quietly in the shame that’s burning his face. But Kris knows what he should say.
“Apologise,” Kris instructs.
Kyungsoo would gladly apologise for his overlook, even if Kris hasn’t ordered him to. But the authority in Kris’ stance builds a wall between them and when he stands aside, Kyungsoo finally, finally, sees who he has been shielding. His breath comes out in a shudder, along with all the hopes he secretly harbours.
It's hopeless. No matter what I do, I'm just never going to be as good as him, am I?
He should have known and maybe he did, he nurtures his fears just as much as his hopes, but Kyungsoo wants it so much he simply refuses to surrender. He really doesn't want to give Kris up. Kyungsoo has been playing the tug of war game for too long, desperately clinging onto the rope with bleeding hands. But in that moment, he gives up, just like that. This is a game he can never win.
“Apologise,” Kris repeats, his voice as gentle as when he pledged his trust to Kyungsoo, but now it’s a warning and Kyungsoo is not allowed to disobey. It is embarrassing to watch Kris put Kyungsoo down; some of the crew members shift their feet uneasily and have to avert their glances.
“Sanjang-nim, I am alright, it was just an accident,” Lu Han says, a surprising sharpness in his voice. He walks out from behind Kris and puts himself in front of Kyungsoo, protecting him, because Kyungsoo has no wall around him, no shield, no armour. When it comes to Kris, he always has little defences. If Kris would just try to recall, he would find no episode where Kyungsoo hasn’t bent himself over and backwards, making sure every little request of his is fulfilled. And Kyungsoo would concede this time too, he would lay his pride down at his feet.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says quietly, sounding as small as he looks. In contrast, the pain inside of him is so strong, it rips up Kyungsoo, transforming into physical pain, causing his head to throb with the intensity of it. Sourness surges onto his tongue and he feels it redden his eyes. Kyungsoo almost gasps with the pain but he clenches his teeth and locks himself together. He will not let the tears slip out. He will not allow himself this. It is too pitiful to watch and the staff move away to clear out the set.
Kris widens his eyes at the sight of Kyungsoo’s tears, signs of weakness that are so uncharacteristic of him. They propel him forward but Kyungsoo takes a large step backwards, nearly tripping himself in his haste to put distance between them. Alarmed, Kris grabs Kyungsoo’s hand and steadies him but Kyungsoo pushes him away with such force that he falls to the ground instead. Kris rushes forward to help him up but when he touches Kyungsoo, his hand has become limp.
“No,” Kyungsoo clenches his teeth, fighting to keep the remnants of his dignity. Don’t look at me. Let me hurt alone. He refuses to break in front of Kris, he will not falter.
Kris has to tighten his fists to restrain himself while he watches Kyungsoo pick himself off the ground. A crew member is still watching and Kris quickly steps up to block off Kyungsoo, but it’s too late. It’s all too late.
“Take the day off, I’d send you back,” Kris says soothingly when Kyungsoo has finally struggled onto his feet. Kyungsoo still offers no resistance at Kris’ touch but when he lifts his head, his big eyes so shiny with unshed tears, Kris drops his hand instead, as if burned. He has never seen Kyungsoo like this before. Kyungsoo is calm and strong, he should be able to take this, Kyungsoo doesn't...cry.
“Don’t be surprised,” whispers Kyungsoo, “I can cry too, you know?” Although Kyungsoo still isn’t crying.
There is genuine concern on Kris’ face when he reaches out for Kyungsoo again but there’s just no way Kyungsoo is able to accept that right now. “Don’t touch me,” he rasps out.
“Kyungsoo,” Kris says, those words drenched in helplessness.
But for the first time, Kyungsoo turns his back on his boss. He can’t handle this, not now. Immediately, he escapes to the toilet and scrubs his face roughly, bending over the sink and forcing the tears back, moaning while he does so because it hurts so much. He glances at himself in the mirror but looks away quickly because his eyes are so red, he doesn't want to see himself like this.
“Don’t,” he chants, squeezing his eyes shut, allowing the words to do their magic, “don’t.”
Kyungsoo desperately wishes he could walk out of the door and leave all his humiliation behind, but he just can’t. His duty bounds him. “Don’t do this,” he says hoarsely to his reflection, praying for the redness of his eyes to quickly recede, so he can at least look his normal self, even if he doesn’t feel that way. “There’s still work to do.”
When he has calmed down sufficiently and feels like he’s ready, Kyungsoo makes up for his inadequate apology earlier. He swallows his pride, does the full 90 degree bow to every individual in the crew and apologises for his overlook. He saves Lu Han for the last, bending his back for such a long time that Lu Han has to right him up.
“It is nothing,” Lu Han insists fiercely.
“I’m sorry,” says Kyungsoo, sincerely this time. He deserves the punishment, it is his fault.
Then he works, sinks himself into it just like any other day, looking so normal that everyone else pretends the same. But when the clock strikes 6 p.m., Kyungsoo is the first out of the door. Lu Han looks at Kris reproachfully, because they know that Kyungsoo has never left work on time before.
♫♫♫
Once Kyungsoo left the building, he walks briskly and aimlessly until he’s sure that he’s lost. The restraint he has bound himself up tightly with unravels so fast, he has to halt and turn blindly into an alley to stop himself from falling apart right there in the middle of the street. Don’t recall, he pleads with himself, but the image of Kris’ impassive face has singed itself into his mind. Kris used to only smile at Kyungsoo. He recollects his favorite gummy smile when Kris told him, You know I always trust you.
Kris has always honoured his words, hasn’t he?
Don’t cry, Do Kyungsoo, don’t cry, he commands himself again. But the magic of these words has worn out and first sob breaks through Kyungsoo’s defences.
When his crying subsides, Kyungsoo takes out his cell phone and makes a call with trembling fingers. A moment later, a deep voice booms, “Miss me?” It’s Chanyeol, sounding so familiar and reassuring, the forever effective medicine for Kyungsoo’s heartache, even if he makes him cry again. The sudden relief of listening to the voice of his oldest friend engulfs Kyungsoo. He was crying to himself previously to vent his emotions, and now he’s crying to Chanyeol because he wants to pour out his grievances to the one person who would understand and coddle him. There’s no need to pretend to be so strong in front of Chanyeol.
“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says tentatively on the other end when he guesses. Kyungsoo cries, of course, who doesn’t? Sometimes people forget that about Kyungsoo because he’s so strong. But everyone has their own breaking point. He usually doesn’t let Chanyeol know though, Kyungsoo would never call for comfort. This has to be bad.
“I’m, I’m alright,” Kyungsoo tries to calm himself down but he’s still gasping for air, voice shattered by hiccups, “I- I…just want to hear your voice...”
Immediately, he hears Chanyeol drop the sketching pencil he must have been holding. “Are you alone? Where are you now?” When Kyungsoo finishes reciting his whereabouts off the nearest street sign, Chanyeol is already out of his house and flying down the street. “I’m coming for you, Kyungsoo.” His deep voice soothes Kyungsoo and he nods at the other end, although Chanyeol can’t see. The tears have dwindled down to sniffles but when Chanyeol begins talking again, they slip out, feeling so hot when his cold hands catch them.
“Don’t cry, I’m right here.”
They don’t talk even if they don’t hang up the phone either. Chanyeol listens to Kyungsoo until his crying weakens once again to the occasional sniffles. He hears Kyungsoo’s soft intake when he rounds the corner and finally finds him crouched against the wall, looking so tiny and woebegone, big sad eyes that were once so judging are now swollen and as he watches, a raindrop gathers and falls as the new storm brews.
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo whispers pitifully at the familiar sight of his giraffe.
“Hey.” Chanyeol smiles while he pants, wide and bright, and that’s all it takes for Kyungsoo to start all over again. It’s Chanyeol who causes the tears this time, because he knows that no matter what, his friend will stand by him.
Park Chanyeol will always be on Do Kyungsoo’s side.
♫♫♫
“Ok, I gotta go now because we’re not ten anymore and your small bed can no longer contain my supermodel legs,” Chanyeol says solemnly at Kyungsoo’s door. Then he scowls at Kyungsoo’s feeble smile. “Don’t smile if you don’t want to.”
Chanyeol still doesn’t know what happened except that he’s sure it definitely has something to do with Kris. Everything Kyungsoo seems to do these days revolves around his boss. Sometimes Kyungsoo looks happier than Chanyeol has ever known him to be and on other days, he seems so confused and sad. The weather has become more predictable than Kyungsoo.
When Kyungsoo quieted down, Chanyeol took him home and before long, Kyungsoo was back to his usual self, criticizing Chanyeol for leaving his house in a ratty tee but not saying much beyond that because he knew why his friend had been in a hurry. Only his swollen eyes serve as evidence that something bad has happened.
Kyungsoo’s smile becomes real when unexpectedly, he throws his arms around his gigantic friend who feels so secure and solid in his hold. Kyungsoo clings onto him like a life buoy and what is Chanyeol, if not that? It’s a wordless ‘thank you’ but it warms up Chanyeol so well in this chilly autumn night, much better than the hot pack in his pocket. Then Kyungsoo resumes his old self. “Ok, you can go now,” he declares, pushing Chanyeol out of the house.
“You used me,” Chanyeol plays along, pouting and stumbling back with his hands clasped over his chest, as if shot through the heart. “Are you sure,” he asks again after putting on his shoes, because it isn’t that they are now too big to share the same bed. Chanyeol would have gladly suffered that backache and slept on the floor if his mere presence could somewhat comfort Kyungsoo. But Kyungsoo insisted that Chanyeol not stay the night, and Chanyeol would not ask his friend to do what he didn’t want to.
“I’d be fine,” Kyungsoo assures Chanyeol who appears distressed. He is glad, because there’s nothing better than having someone fret over him, worrying about his worries.
Chanyeol is unconvinced but he lets Kyungsoo have his way, patting his head patronizingly until Kyungsoo has to kick him out. He almost calls out to him when Chanyeol takes the first step forward, but chooses to watch his best friend walk off instead. Some battles must be fought alone.
Kyungsoo goes right to bed, hoping the day would end as soon as possible. He didn’t even consider mutilating plastic Kris because he’s sick of his own meanness.
“I don’t like myself anymore,” he confides to the ceiling. Liking Kris has transformed him into someone so hideous. The feelings of jealousy and inferiority invade him, crawling under his skin and accumulating until it becomes a second layer of skin and every single doubt he has about himself marks him easily like a tattoo. They spread, like a disease, and Kyungsoo can no longer recognise himself. He used to stay up happy all night, just because a smile from Kris made him feel special. How did something that was once so wonderful turn ugly so fast? Once, Kyungsoo was so good, good enough for Kris. But he is now so ugly. And Kyungsoo has always thought that only the best is fitting for Kris. He has always wanted to save only the best for him.
Kyungsoo has prioritised Kris above himself, trying so hard to hold water in his hands. But when tightened into fists, those hands hold nothing.
Today was an episode of gross overreaction. He did something wrong and as the boss, Kris rightfully demanded that he apologise. Instead, he threw a fucking tantrum. Kyungsoo expected preferential treatment, he wanted reciprocation. Kris warned him before that he was no pushover, but Kyungsoo thought he’d always have Kris’ permission. Kyungsoo had always believed they would be on the same side, no matter what, even when he was wrong. In this instance, he feels mean and ugly, even on the inside. They are right about him. Exasperated with himself, he throws the blanket over his head, but that doesn’t put out the thoughts.
And Kyungsoo is well aware that the problem is, he does try to put Kris away, carefully folding away the thoughts of him like the way fireflies extinguish their lights at the end of summer, but summer always comes back and Kris always returns. He can be found in the flip of a page, a sip of coffee on a Saturday morning, the first drop of spring rain; the most mundane moments of Kyungsoo’s life. That’s how it works, that’s how it cages Kyungsoo in.
Someone has to give in before anyone gets hurt again, and of course, it will be Kyungsoo. He would ask nothing of Kris. There has to be a way to keep summer away so Kyungsoo won’t ever need to burn his lights out anymore. He’d nestle in spring that knows no more wanderlust.
He wants to like himself again.
♫♫♫
Despite Chanyeol’s repeated threats to disown him if he goes to work the next day, Kyungsoo does it anyway. Personal issues aside, the most pressing thing now is to ensure that the campaign comes to a successful completion. Kris has trusted him enough to give him full autonomy for this project and the least he could do is to give it his all for the project. They are right smack in the midst of aggressive filming and shooting, and anyone’s absence is intolerable. The first ad will be unveiled next week, just in time for them to be amongst the last to launch their winter campaign. He knows the staff is whispering about him behind his back, isolating him every chance they get, but he grits his teeth, strides into the studio, and resumes his work anyway. When he’s hell-bent on accomplishing something, it’s easy to ignore everything else, including himself.
Kyungsoo doesn’t avoid Kris. He already has reasoned that it’s not Kris’ fault, it’s Kyungsoo who’s unable to get over himself. If Kris had defended him even when he’d been in the wrong, Kyungsoo would have thought less of his boss. And if there were still any remnants of disappointment or hurt, they are purely Kyungsoo’s own personal matters. He has promised to keep this strictly business; there will be no more overreactions like yesterday. Although when laid bare, the exhibition of honest emotions always seems like an overreaction, humiliating in their realism. The one who gets hurt more loses.
When their morning meeting ends, Kris approaches him to ask about his schedule for the next two weeks. The black mid-length gabardine trench coat and skinny wool twill trousers make him look like he belongs to the catwalk and not here in this room, standing beside Kyungsoo who feels rather ordinary in his old sneakers. Kris’ blond hair is slicked back and those earrings are all out on display. Everyone in the meeting room is taking turns to stare at Kris when they think he’s not looking. Kris is everyone’s superstar; he belongs to no one.
Kyungsoo watches the chain on one black wing earring dangle and feels his irritation grow with each swing. Kris looks as good as Kyungsoo knew he would in the outfit he hand-picked for today’s shooting. He seems just as unaffected as before.
“Can we go through my upcoming schedule?” Kris asks with a cautious smile, already half sure that Kyungsoo would reject him again. To his surprise, Kyungsoo nods and takes out his thick notebook, going right to the page he marked and beginning to tick off the points. His nonchalance is exactly the same as it was before Kris got to know Kyungsoo’s other side. He has his efficient PA back, but someone else has gone missing.
“Phase two of shooting begins next week. There is a Director’s meeting scheduled next Tuesday morning in the office, I have arranged your part to be shot in the afternoon so we won’t have any problem with that. Estimates for the year’s revenue will be announced in the meeting,” Kyungsoo frowns at this, “but don’t worry, I have let Kim eesa know that he is to project higher earnings for Q4 so that we will hit the year’s target. If they question that, just appear confident in the winter campaign. Do you need me to be present? I can help with the presentation.” Kyungsoo pins Kris with a questioning gaze.
But Kris just nods distractedly at his words, skipping over his concern about projected earnings. Maybe he’s more worried about other things besides earnings. “Kyungsoo, I-“
“I have finished the presentation,” Kyungsoo fishes out a thumb drive from his pocket and hands it to Kris, shoving it in his hand when he doesn’t take it. “Please go through it and let me know if you wish to add anything else.”
“It’s fine,” Kris says hastily even though he hasn’t even perused the documents Kyungsoo has prepared and his assistant furrows his brows at his boss’ quick dismissal. “No, listen,” Kris curls a hand around Kyungsoo’s forearm.
Kyungsoo realises then that Kris doesn’t want to talk about work. Without a word, he steps back and frees himself from Kris’ grasp, clearing himself out of his personal space. Kyungsoo is ruthless, to both himself and Kris. But at the same time, he’s finally being kind to himself.
Kyungsoo stands a step away but Kris feels as if he has just stepped out of his world. Slowly, he lowers his hand. Kris inhales deeply and appears as if he were trying to say the right words to make up for something he might have done wrong. “I thought it was the correct thing to do,” he carefully says, in reference to his order for Kyungsoo to apologise, “and I still think it is. But I never meant to-“
“It was the right thing to do,” Kyungsoo interrupts but his words are kind, “You are a good boss, sajang-nim, not just to me, but everyone else, too.” He lowers his head and a small wistful smile appears on his face. “It is a good thing,” he softly murmurs, before sinking into a deep bow. Kyungsoo has apologised to everyone but Kris, when in fact, he should be the one to apologise to first.
“My deepest apologies with regards to yesterday. It will not happen again,” he promises. He will not allow it to happen again. Kyungsoo holds his bow for a few seconds, then he sidesteps Kris and walks out of the room.
That afternoon, the photographer has a hard time cajoling a smile out of Kris. “Smile for the camera, Kris-sshi!” There’s a dash of exasperation in his usually cheery voice, unsure why the friendly model is so moody today.
But when Kris’ eyes flicker up, the remorse in them is greyer than autumn skies. “I can’t.” His reply is just as muted.
With a snap, the photographer captures the instance and Kris’ melancholy becomes forever.
♫♫♫
Today is the day the first ad is going to be shown on television at 10:35 p.m., one of those annoying commercials tucked between the broadcast of Lee Jongsuk’s drama, which is exceedingly popular among their target audience. Kyungsoo wants to be home early to catch it and tries to round up things at the studio so he can get off on time. He has been working himself to the ground supervising the editing and shooting, not to mention preparation work for the annual general meeting at the end of the year, plus reviewing next year’s budget. He’s back to being the super duper, invincible, world-dominating PA he used to be. It’s just like old times. His interactions with Kris are kept impersonal, just the way he likes it, and he always makes an excuse to leave whenever Kris tries to-, well, whatever it is that he’s trying to do, Kyungsoo has never stayed long enough to find out. So he always misses that look on Kris’ face.
But Kyungsoo rather enjoys the hellish workload, it takes his mind off a lot of things. A memory of him crying over Kris chooses to surface in this moment, however, and in mortification, he resorts to smacking his cheeks again. Kyungsoo has cried over Kris. This is so humiliating that he wants to suffer from memory loss. It seems to happen to every Korean in dramas, so why not him.
It goes without saying that Lu Han has to walk past him right that moment, of course.
“Very itchy,” Kyungsoo deadpans when Lu Han side eyes him. The Brand Director nods, although that’s probably only because he’s afraid Kyungsoo might smack him too if he disagrees. But that’s alright, Kyungsoo doesn’t need Lu Han’s understanding. His lifelong ambition is to become South Korea’s representative cold-hearted ajusshi. Cold-hearted ajusshis don’t falter just because they don’t have others’ understanding. Cold-hearted ajusshis live forever.
“Sajang-nim is sorry,” Lu Han says out of the blue and Kyungsoo ceases handling the clothes, if only for a moment. He grunts before resuming work.
“So, will you forgive him?”
“I’m not angry with him,” mumbles the disgruntled Kyungsoo, “and stop using ‘sajang-nim’, I know Lu Han eesa calls him by his name in private.”
Lu Han swivels around to gape at Kyungsoo, eyes round with astonishment. It’s not the mention of Kris but that it’s the first time Kyungsoo has called him by the right name. He barks out a laugh as realisation strikes him. However, he appreciates the joke. There’s a mischievous glimmer in Lu Han’s brilliant eyes when he retorts, “What about you and Kris?” He gloats at the expression on Kyungsoo’s face at his use of the name. “What about the things the two of you do in private?” Lu Han whispers slyly, as if unleashing a secret. Then he lets his gaze flit playfully up to the ceiling and Kyungsoo’s eyes follow suit. But if he were expecting answers to be sprawled onto the ceiling like a Japanese ghost, he is to be sorely disappointed.
“What?” he snarls.
Lu Han smiles serenely at Kyungsoo, like an angel on earth.
In reply, Kyungsoo raises a fist at him. Laughing, Lu Han pretends to shield himself from Kyungsoo by crossing his arms over his chest, but he stops when Kyungsoo suddenly looks down. “Huh?” And he notices then his sleeve has drooped and the bruise on his forearm is showing.
“It’s not your fault,” Lu Han shakes his sleeve down to cover the offending blue-black and says indifferently.
“I know that,” Kyungsoo counters snidely. He huffs and wishes Lu Han was mean so he could hate on him properly. Silence surfaces while Kyungsoo takes a moment to struggle with himself. “Thank you.” He grimaces and misplaces a piece of clothing on the rack when he utters his thanks.
Lu Han’s eyes soften. “For someone who works so closely with Kris, you sure have a lot to learn about him.”
Kyungsoo bristles. This feels like an invitation to compete. “I know the password to his bank account. I know his daily routine, hell, I plan it. I know he likes to sleep in. I know-” he breaks his speech abruptly, because he doesn’t want to share it with Lu Han. I know his dream.
“Ah. But you don’t know how he feels.”
Kyungsoo makes to retort, he realises, however, that he doesn’t know how to refute a fact.
“He cares about you,” Lu Han says gently and Kyungsoo averts his gaze, because he knows Kris is concerned about him. The problem is, Kris is concerned about everyone else, too. The sun shines on all sunflowers. Kyungsoo is not special.
“Much more than you know,” Lu Han adds. (He recalls that incident when Kris called him ‘Kyungsoo’ by accident. “My name is Xi Luhan,” he gritted his teeth at Kris. But the MD just looked at him innocently like he had no idea of his slip-up. “I know,” he said with an expression of why-are-you-telling-me-this. “Urgh.” Lu Han wanted to slap his own mouth.)
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes rebelliously. His heart also stutters a little at Lu Han’s words but this will become just another one of Kyungsoo’s secrets.
“I’m telling you this only because you’re my… my… friend?” Lu Han decides and feels his face redden when Kyungsoo twirls around to look at him with surprise. “Kris is looking for you. He wants to gather the crew for a drinking session so we could catch the broadcast together, so you’d better flee while you still can,” he sings in revenge and saunters out all carefree. Kyungsoo plots to sprinkle itching powder in Lu Han’s clothes at the next photoshoot session.
He hurries to pack up but Kris still manages to catch him on his way out. Tutting, he turns around to acknowledge Kris who’s beckoning him over with this three-finger gesture that he’s so fond of. Kyungsoo wants to snap his fingers off.
“Why, what’s wrong with your other two fingers? Is it arthritis? Why did you give up treatment?” he drawls.
Those offending fingers stop their waving motion and Kris stares at his hand, before drawing his fingers into a fist and letting his hand swing down. “Do you want to join us, Kyungsoo? We are going to-“
“Nope,” Kyungsoo quips and makes to go off again, “Enjoy, sajang-nim.”
But Kris just says, “You’ve lost weight, stop working so hard.” It doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with their current thread of conversation at all.
Kyungsoo halts but only for a while. “I’m fine,” he says curtly before striding off again.
Kris runs to catch up with him. He makes to grab Kyungsoo’s wrist but remembers and snatches his hand back at the last second. At a loss for what to do, he gives up, throwing his hands up and just says, “Kyungsoo, please,” not just in reference to the present but everything since the incident, and Kyungsoo knows it.
Kyungsoo doesn’t want Kris to make up to him, he doesn’t like this at all. Can’t Kris just leave him be. He makes everything so much harder for Kyungsoo. “I’m alright, sajang-nim, you don’t have to do this for me anymore,” he pauses in his tracks and sighs deeply.
Kris runs a hand through his styled hair, messing it up, fatigue apparent on his face. Messing up his hair is simply not enough, he seems to want to pull all his tresses out. Kyungsoo has not seen Kris so aggravated since the last Board Meeting when Kyungsoo had to pass him notes of ‘this is all my fault for not wearing my lucky underwear, i hereby apologise’, ‘his face is his worst retribution already’, ‘stop asking me the color of my lucky underwear!’ just so he wouldn’t go up and punch the pompous shareholder. Or just shred his namecard in revenge, more likely. But no matter how bad they once were, these were the good times.
“Sajang-nim?” Kyungsoo says warily when Kris begins to pace, venting all his pent up frustration.
“I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for myself!” Kris brakes to a stop before Kyungsoo and finally snaps with unnecessary accusation.
“What?” Kyungsoo exclaims. Why is this suddenly his fault?
“I want things to be back the way they were,” Kris demands like a spoiled chaebol, planting his hands on his hips and heaving.
“Like how?” Kyungsoo scoffs.
Kris tries but he simply isn’t eloquent enough to explain the nuances of their relationship, how the minute changes have pulled them together, so much closer than before. They had dinner together and suddenly, Kyungsoo was more than just his personal assistant.
So Kris gives up on words and crouches down so he could look into Kyungsoo’s eyes. Startled, Kyungsoo jerks his head back but Kris just pokes the edges of his lips with his index fingers and pulls them up, drawing Kyungsoo’s face into a smile. Perplexed, Kyungsoo blinks rapidly at Kris. Then deciding this isn’t enough, Kris removes a finger, causing half of Kyungsoo’s smile to collapse. He sticks the finger into the right corner of his mouth and tugs it up, so there’s half a smile on his face too.
“Like this,” he says, half pleading, half smiles on both his and Kyungsoo’s faces. They were both so complete back then.
Kyungsoo stares deep into Kris’ eyes, allowing his touch for a while, before he moves back. Kris is wrong, Kyungsoo hasn’t been smiling for a long time. He has given all his smiles to Kris. “Have you forgotten, sajang-nim? This is how things were,” he mutters quietly, but firmly. This is how things should be. Kyungsoo knows his place now. He crossed The Line once, wandered too close to the sun and got burned. Once is enough.
Kris straightens and gives Kyungsoo a confused hurt expression, unsure why he’s so determined not to forgive him. But it isn’t forgiveness that Kyungsoo wants to give him. He finally got to know that look on Kris’ face but Kyungsoo still shows him his back, because he doesn’t want Kris to see the look on his own face. He is cruel, but it will be alright, no pain lasts.
Kyungsoo turns first and walks out of his cage.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo calls Chanyeol at 10:30 p.m., insisting that he switches channel to watch the broadcast of the ad with him.
“Why don’t you watch with your colleagues instead?” Chanyeol complains but obediently flicks the channel to Lee Jongsuk’s drama.
“I prefer your companionship, you should be flattered, you sorry-“
“Who wears this little in autumn?!” Chanyeol interrupts Kyungsoo’s insult and he bursts out laughing, the sound echoing in his small living room. He likes the sound of his laughter so much.
“Kyungsoo, look,” Chanyeol hushes him.
“What?” Kyungsoo asks while he signals to his mom that he’d be quiet when she comes out of the bedroom to hush him.
“The TV.”
Kyungsoo hears the ad before he sees it. Faint soothing notes of Canon in D drifts into his ears and when his eyes flit up, he sees the backview of someone sitting on a wooden chair in the center of a room, empty with white walls and a lonely window in front of him that he’s gazing out of. The rich blue of the turtleneck he dons swallows the emptiness like an ocean. Everything is so serene. The entire world is isolated by a window. The camera moves slowly along the length of the room to zoom into the lone figure as the music climbs to its climax. It moves up to revolve 180° around the person’s head, brown hair catching every light in the room, looking soft as honey, and Canon in D bursts into a joyous climax when Kyungsoo chances upon the curl of an ear and then Lu Han’s face in its entirety. His sideswept bangs are unable to hide the worry in his gentle eyes, and when he blinks, the motion is slowed down so Kyungsoo could see the flutter of his long eyelashes before they lift up again, gentle like the beat of a butterfly’s wings. Then the music mellows out into a hum and without warning, Lu Han’s lips curl into a smile, the worry in his eyes dissipating easily like a spring breeze, radiance now brimming in the twinkle of those crescents and the highs of his soft cheeks, every line on his face delicate like folds of a lotus. No music accompanies this smile, it stands alone like a gem, but Kyungsoo could hear the loud drumming of his heart. Like a cunning thief, Lu Han steals Kyungsoo’s breath. When the bright tinkling of Lu Han’s laughter echoes, his face blurs out until there’s only a white screen left with a website address in the center, in skinny grey font: http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei
Kyungsoo didn’t expect to tear up but he did. All his labour has manifested into so much enchantment. All the tears, jealousy, disappointment have burned themselves out to reveal such a lovely form. They were once so ugly.
“He is beautiful.” Chanyeol says, the awe is his voice is quiet, and Kyungsoo recalls that they are still on the line with each other.
“He is,” Kyungsoo whispers, holding the phone tighter to his ear, “he is.”
“You did well.”
There’s so much emotion fighting to gush out of him that he doesn’t know how to react. In the end, Kyungsoo could only nod to the phone.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo is stuck on the phone all night, refreshing the company’s official youtube channel so he could check the number of views Lu Han’s ad is getting. He is excited at first when the number rises quickly to more than a hundred by 11 p.m., but then it gets stuck there for a long time before finally reaching two hundred at the crack of dawn. By the time he gets to work, the figure is still only at the whereabouts of two hundred and fifty, and anxiety plants itself in Kyungsoo’s heart.
His anxiety is evident on his face when he engages Kris in discussion the next day for the Board meeting, especially when they are talking about the projected earnings for Q4. “It’s too early to fret, we’ve only just started,” Kris says, but when Kyungsoo looks at him, he is already studying the documents Kyungsoo has just handed over. “I need corrections to be made, here and here,” he circles some figures onto the estimates. “Talk to Kim eesa and ask him to send me the corrected report by this afternoon. I will return to the office after my shooting is done to check on them,” he finishes instructing Kyungsoo but his PA fixes him with a nonplussed look. “Questions?”
“No,” Kyungsoo corrects his facial expression and abruptly begins to shuffle through the stack of notes in his hands. “Not at all.” In the past, Kris would have placed Kyungsoo above work, ensuring he is well before moving onto official matters. But this is exactly what Kyungsoo wants, he must be fair and not question Kris about it. With new resolve, he inhales deeply and makes to leave when Kris calls out to him.
“I already told the rest of the crew this last night but you’ve had to wait until today,” Kris says, as Kyungsoo watches the morning light play with the rhinestones on his slim fingers, the brilliance adding onto his shine. Kris stays perfect, as always. Kyungsoo will never break him. He is glad.
“Good job.”
The compliment is sincere and so is Kyungsoo’s smile, it blossoms on his face like a sunflower after receiving the sun’s favor. It has been so long since he last smiled like this.
“Thank you.”
Kris blinks in amazement at Kyungsoo’s smile. Unconsciously he lifts his hand, but before he could reach out to capture that brilliance, Kyungsoo has already left.
♫♫♫
The view count for Lu Han’s ad is stuck at three hundred and one for half a day already, so Kyungsoo consults the internet for an answer. It appears that Youtube is verifying the views. Kyungsoo will whip his monitor with a belt from their latest collection if they even take away his paltry view count.
To distract himself from continuing to refresh the Youtube page, he agrees to meet Chanyeol and his boyfriend that day after work. The second ad is ready for broadcast tomorrow and Kyungsoo finds himself alone with some free time after a long while. The third ad will be shown the day after. It is the longest, almost a minute long and the prime time slot costs them a bomb but they need it. With that, they would be done with the first wave of promotion.
His friend makes a striking couple with his partner but when they stride into the café, even for someone as collected as Kyungsoo, it takes all of his willpower not to point and shriek, “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re dating your stalker!” It seems like the more graceful alternative, so he chooses to choke on his milk tea and greet them with spit over his chin instead.
“Why do you shame me so!” Chanyeol berates the coughing Kyungsoo before turning to Sehun, “He’s usually more presentable, please forgive him,” he explains in order to save Kyungsoo’s reputation. Sehun possesses enough decency in him to at least look bashful at Kyungsoo’s reaction. They take their seats at the table and Kyungsoo slowly inches away from Sehun until he’s almost sticking to Chanyeol’s side.
“What are you doing?” Chanyeol mumbles while he smiles at Sehun, practising his ventriloquy act because he doesn’t want to alienate his new boyfriend with his suddenly-strange best friend.
“I am afraid,” Kyungsoo says truthfully. Then he decides to be brave for the sake of his friend. Reaching for his cup of milk tea, he empties it right into Chanyeol’s lap and says valiantly, “You have to go to the restroom now, Chanyeol.” He will help Chanyeol fend off his stalker. Alone.
Yelping, Chanyeol shoots up and the flustered Sehun grabs a stack of napkins and begins to help Chanyeol clean the front of his pants. Extremely horrified by the turn of events, Kyungsoo snatches the napkins from Sehun and stops him from groping Chanyeol. “It’s ok, I’ll help him!” Then he starts patting Chanyeol’s crotch down but Chanyeol quickly moves to seize his wrist.
“What the hell are you doing?!” he hisses into Kyungsoo’s ear.
“I’m trying to help you,” Kyungsoo pleads and hopes Chanyeol could see the love and despondence swimming in his eyes. For all the intelligence of Smart Chanyeol, it has to be the dumb one who takes control of his love life. Oh, what does he know, this stupid giraffe.
“No! You’re touching my dick through my pants in front of my boyfriend!” Chanyeol grits his teeth. Then he shakes his head at Sehun, “I’m going to clean up.”
“Stay sane,” he twirls around and instructs Kyungsoo fiercely, wagging a finger in his face before moving off and leaving his friend to sulk at his back. Chanyeol is already playing favorites.
“Who are you?” Kyungsoo turns back and narrows his eyes at Sehun.
“Please don’t tell him,” Sehun says worriedly. When Kyungsoo realises Sehun is more afraid of Kyungsoo than he is of him, he relaxes and leans back. What he didn’t expect though, was a sob story of a crush that lasted for more than two years. Sehun studied in the same college as Chanyeol but the latter had never noticed him, despite the fact that Sehun was quite well known in school because of his pretty face. They met in the most clichéd of ways. Not possessing much in the way of discretion, Chanyeol dropped by every lecture hall in college waving Sehun’s wallet, trying to seek its owner. “We found him,” he smiled to the wallet when Sehun stood up in the middle of class after seeing his wallet in Chanyeol’s hands. The hall erupted when he flew down the steps to Chanyeol. “Hello,” Chanyeol chimed, waving enthusiastically when Sehun approached, “I think you lost this.” But no, what Sehun lost was his heart.
“That’s dumb. He couldn’t just make an announcement over the system or something?” Kyungsoo drawls.
“Yes, I thought so too,” Sehun grins, lowering his eyes to the menu, browsing through it. “But that’s why he’s different, isn’t it?” he says casually, as if it were nothing but a passing remark. Seconds later, however, Sehun has to cup a hand over his mouth in order to hide his self-conscious smile. He looks silly.
But the smile fades from Kyungsoo’s face. He stares down at his empty cup of milk tea because looking at Sehun now is like looking at his past self, head over heels with another person, wholly smitten. “Yes,” he mumbles, because he understands, he really does. “So, you decided to stalk him?”
“Is there no better word for it?” Sehun muses, “if not, then yes,” he shrugs. “I just… I just wanted to be close but I didn’t know how to do it.”
“You’re lucky he’s dumb enough not to notice any stalker,” Kyungsoo says, and quenches Sehun’s protest about Chanyeol’s intelligence with another question, “What happened then?”
“I ‘lost’ my wallet again,” Sehun makes air quotes with a wicked smile and Kyungsoo thinks he would be an absolute brat once they got to know each other better. Sehun never disappoints, of course, but that lies in the future.
“What are you guys talking about?” They hear Chanyeol even before they see him.
“We talked shit about you,” Kyungsoo beams.
“Yehet,” Sehun grins.
“Ok, if someone has to be sacrificed for sake of harmony, why not me?” Chanyeol joins in the table of smiles. And again, Kyungsoo is reminded that despite all his frequent insults directed to Chanyeol, some of the best things he knows were taught by his friend.
After dinner, they shoo Sehun off and take the familiar route home, one they trotted on every day after school when they were kids.
“He’s so good to me, I feel so grateful every single day,” Chanyeol says to Kyungsoo, who might not be able to see Chanyeol’s smile in the dark but can definitely hear it.
Kyungsoo is glad but he doesn’t know how to say it properly, so he just curls an arm around Chanyeol’s. “It’s cold,” he sniffs to emphasize his point, when Chanyeol looks over.
Chanyeol just chuckles and pats Kyungsoo’s head.
Because best friends don’t need to say ‘thank you’s to each other.
♫♫♫
By the time the second ad is about to be shown, the view count for Lu Han’s ad is revealed to be just ten views shy of five hundred. It’s a much more lukewarm response than Kyungsoo expected and he frets because there’s so much hinging on the success of this campaign. If they fail to achieve the year’s targets, it will be Kyungsoo’s fault. Although he’s not so worried about this, he’s worried about Kris, that he will suffer because his trust has been placed on the wrong person. But he remembers what Kris has said and tries not to worry too much as he settles down to watch the broadcast of the second ad.
Loud static sounds from the television and Kyungsoo sees the close-up of an ear, blond hair curling gently behind it. The black onyx stud captures the light, and Kyungsoo has to close his eyes against the sudden glare. When he opens his eyes again, he sees a fleur cross dangling freely from the ear as the camera zooms out slowly, and with a sudden blare of the electric guitar, the static bursts into heavy metal music. It roars louder and louder as each feature of the person is revealed - the harsh angle of the jawline, full lips, intimidating sharp brows. When the music crashes into its climax, Kyungsoo’s entire screen is filled with Kris’ side profile. His eyes are closed and only the collar of his fully buttoned up crisp white shirt can be seen. They aren’t really selling clothes anyway, they are selling his cinematic presence, and even when locked up in a box, Kris is larger than life, reaching out to seize every bit of Kyungsoo’s attention. The jarring music stops without warning and the dead silence that follows screams louder than heavy metal when Kris’ eyes fly open. His side profile is strong, impressive, but this lasts only a second. In the next instance, when the edge of his lips quirks into a lazy smirk, he transforms into a bad boy, complete with earrings and a faux tattoo creeping up his nape. Music blasts from the television again as Kris’ handsome profile blurs into a black screen with a website address in the center in skinny white font: http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei
Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide and he’s breathing hard, feeling abuzz with excitement, even as the next detergent commercial airs. He’s just introduced his GQ gangster to the world. Before he could absorb this fact properly, Chanyeol calls him on his phone. “Your boss is a motherfucking gorgeous asshole!” he hollers.
“I told you so,” Kyungsoo laughs proudly. He wants to show the world just how perfect Kris is.
♫♫♫
The view count for Kris’ ad goes over five hundred in the first twenty four hours, which is more encouraging than Lu Han’s. The Brand Director cannot help but keep insisting that it’s only because nappeun namja is all the rage now.
“Did you just call yourself a flower boy?” Kyungsoo says in disgust.
As a reply, Lu Han cups his face with both hands and smiles sweetly at Kyungsoo, who is so unimpressed he threatens Lu Han by raising a fist in his face.
Kyungsoo himself is unsure why he agreed to watch the broadcast of the third ad with Lu Han. It’s night but he still has to work, so Lu Han stays back in the studio to help him with stuff while they wait for 10:35 p.m. to arrive. They chat easily about all sorts of things and Kyungsoo is almost certain now they really are friends, but then comes 10:35 p.m.
The scene is set in a high school. A cute cheery jingle plays as Lu Han sits prim and proper in his seat at the last row, looking every bit the good student. He wears a grey plaid vest with an intricate emblazoned red and gold school crest, a large ‘H’ stitched in the middle of the crest with golden thread. Under the vest, he has on a white shirt with a black/white/red triple striped tie and pairs it off with grey slim fit trousers. He’s nodding to everything his teacher is saying, but once she turns her back, Lu Han quietly slips off his chair and creeps along the floor until he’s out of the classroom. He straightens up and grins gleefully directly at the camera, breaking the fourth wall, looking so haughty now that he has successfully played truant. That mischievous look on his face is so adorable and charming, Kyungsoo side eyes the Lu Han in real life.
“Nothing is real on screen, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han says with an aura of great old wisdom, crushing all of Kyungsoo’s hopes. When he turns back to the screen, Lu Han is looking at his watch and the viewer sees that it’s 11 a.m.
“Lu Han!” A female voice shouts, likely the teacher. Alarmed, on-screen Lu Han scampers off to the nearest staircase and sprints up to the rooftop. He doesn’t try opening the door that leads to the roof. Instead, with practised ease he walks over to the pile of unused school desks in the space right beside the door and reaches into the drawer of the nearest desk. The cheeky grin is back again when he retrieves the key so the viewer knows it’s not Lu Han’s first time sneaking up here.
He enters the rooftop and shivers when a breeze picks up. Hugging himself, he strolls to his usual spot, a low-rise table that he always lies on to enjoy the morning sun. Today, however, he pauses on his way there, before slowly inching forward. The bright jingle is replaced by a curious tinkling melody, which is accompanied by the sounds of Lu Han’s footsteps as he walks over.
A stranger is lying on his old spot, basking in the sun with his eyes closed, hands cushioning his head. The camera zooms in to give the viewer a close up of the stranger’s face. Blond hair, full lips, tiny star stud piercings in his ears. He wears the same grey trousers as Lu Han but instead of a vest, a crimson sweater is layered over his shirt. The sweater has the same school crest on it, but the letter stitched on it is a golden ‘K’. Lu Han blinks in bewilderment at the stranger, then at the key in his hand, intrigued as to how this man got to the roof and stole his place. The wind ruffles the stranger’s hair just then, blond bangs sweeping carelessly across sharp brows. Enthralled, Lu Han reaches out with a hand but retracts it and scratches his head awkwardly instead when his fingers are about to touch the stranger’s cheek.
After Lu Han turns, the stranger’s eyes crack open to watch his retreating back, a sliver of a smile on his face.
In the next scene, Lu Han is standing outside the door, glancing at his watch. It’s 11 a.m. He opens the door with the key, only to find it unlocked. Nonplussed, he pokes his head through, surveying the scene. He has half expected the blond stranger to be there and he is, but he isn’t lying on Lu Han’s spot. He’s engaged in a group fight. It’s the classic three against one scene with Kris being outnumbered. The music switches to the loud chorus of Song 2 when the camera zooms in on the fighting. “Ya!” Lu Han shouts, pushing the door open and the music fades out so the viewer registers the loud slam, “Ssam!” he yells down the flight of stairs behind him and the three delinquents flee from the rooftop, leaving Kris alone.
Lu Han walks tentatively over to Kris, uncertain about what to say. But Kris saves him the trouble. With aggressive big strides, he makes his way over to Lu Han. “Mind your own business,” he whispers into Lu Han’s ear, lips almost touching sensitive skin, before he stalks off. On-screen Lu Han is infuriated that Kris has repaid him with such arrogance. In anger, he wrenches the sneaker off his right foot and throws it at Kris’ back, falling short by a whole lot. “Ya!” he shouts again but Kris doesn’t turn around. Huffing and puffing, he has to hop to his sneaker, hurt evident on his face as he puts it on.
Real life Lu Han groans, “Who wrote this script?” It’s so terrifyingly clichéd he wants to melt into the floor and becomes one with the cement.
Kyungsoo laughs because he’s the scriptwriter, but it’s Kris who added in the clichéd bits.
When they turn back to the screen, it’s another day and Lu Han in the little box is standing with his arms akimbo, lording over Kris who’s lying on his spot. “This is mine,” he glowers before forcefully rolling Kris onto the other side of the low-rise table. With a hmmp!, Lu Han leaps onto his spot and sprawls all over it, doing his best to take up as much space as he can. Scowling, Kris sits up but his frown dissolves into a low chuckle when he catches a glimpse of Lu Han’s determined face as he tries to spread himself out all over the table. Lu Han ceases his wiggling when he hears the pleasant sound, shock written all over his face when he peeps at Kris and realises it’s the sound of his laughter. He quickly flips over to face the other side when Kris catches him staring but a secret smile slowly spreads when he thinks no one can see.
“Disgusting,” In real life Lu Han quips and Kyungsoo has to agree.
“First love is gross.”
The annoyingly cheery jingle is back again. Kris and Lu Han are lying side by side on the table, in the exact same position, heads cushioned by hands as they gaze up at the skies. Lu Han’s hair soaks up the bright morning sunshine, until it appears blond too. When Kris turns to lie on his side, Lu Han follows in sync, eyes glued to the back of Kris’ blond head. When Lu Han flips onto the other side, Kris rolls over too. In the next turn, they are facing skywards again. Suddenly, with a small roar of exasperation, Lu Han jerks up into a sitting position and begins pulling on his hair as if vexed. But Kris just smiles at his frustration. He sits up too, and squints into the far distance, the camera zooming in on his profile and then out again when he turns around to face Lu Han.
The jingle dies and is replaced by just the wind’s murmur as the view now cuts to the side, showing their side profiles. Lu Han has stopped tugging on his hair, he is leaning forward towards Kris but when he turns his head to face him, Lu Han pauses. His impulse evaporates and hesitation can be found in the slight pursing of the lips. His gentle brown eyes are downcast, intent on the fullness of Kris’ lower lip. When that pair of lips thins to stretch into a grin, Lu Han’s eyelids flicker only to drop to half mast and he slowly inclines forward to meet Kris’ smile.
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat dulls to a slow burn and he has to quickly avert his eyes from the television, although he knows what happens next. The kiss never happens, the image blurs out as Lu Han continues to bend forward before their lips can touch and the official Youtube address appears on a plain white screen. But the promise of what could be lingers and it allows the viewer more imagination than a kiss would. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to see their possibilities play out in front of him. It’s not that easy for him yet.
“Nothing is real on screen, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han quietly reminds him.
It’s too late for Kyungsoo to hide his expression from Lu Han, he has been so immersed he forgot his presence. “The two of you look good,” he says without much thought, hoping to distract Lu Han. The jingle from the next commercial is loud in his ears. But Lu Han allows neither to distract him.
“That’s because you are so good at what you do, and you make us good, too.” A pair of hands envelope his, encompassing him in their warmth and generosity. “You need to have more confidence in yourself. You are much, much better than you think you are.” When Lu Han smiles, lines show up around his eyes. But each fold only adds to the radiance of his smile, telling of the genuineness of his feelings. Against himself, Kyungsoo is moved when Lu Han says these words, so much like what Chanyeol has told him before. He removes a hand but only so he can place it over Lu Han’s, reciprocating in a way that mere words cannot achieve.
They say it’s amazing how strangers can become friends in the next second, and that affinity lies somewhere sight cannot reach. But Kyungsoo thinks it’s even more extraordinary, how he’s determined to keep someone out of his life, yet they stole their way in, demanding to stay in his world as someone he cannot help but love.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo checks the view count obsessively. Lu Han’s ad is at six hundred plus, Kris’ is nearing eight hundred, and the last ad is stuck at the magical figure of three hundred and one. Since no amount of refreshing would make that number budge, Kyungsoo washes up and wills himself a night with no dreams.
He’s rudely wakened up by a phone call. Rolling over, he picks it up but says nothing even as he holds it to his ear. “Where the hell are you!” It’s Lu Han, sounding extremely rude and unlike his usual self.
“In bed,” Kyungsoo mumbles, too sleepy to muster a lie.
“It’s 9 a.m.!” Kyungsoo’s eyes snap open and he removes his mobile from the ear to glance at the time, groaning when he realises it’s 9:09 a.m and finally registers the light streaming into his room through the curtains. He has overslept for once. “I’m sorry, I-“
“You’d better get your ass to the company quick.”
“Can’t, I need to go supervise the shooting,” Kyungsoo’s eyes squint against sunlight.
“We got banned!”
Kyungsoo shoots up from bed, hair spiking up as if he’s wearing a crown. “What.” He tries to lift one sticky eyelid.
“We got banned from national TV, we are not allowed airtime anymore.”
♫♫♫
Lu Han shows him the email he received from Corp Comm, who in turn was sent the email from Korea Communications Commission. “Says we are promoting immoral practices,” he says dryly.
“Oh.” The pucker between his brows intensifies. “Strict or what?” he says lamely.
Lu Han sits up straighter in his chair. “Please tell me you have thought of this possibility, and there’s a contingency plan.” The bleakness in Kyungsoo’s eyes answers his question and Lu Han lowers his head.
This is honestly out of Kyungsoo’s expectations. He knows the last ad might be a little controversial but in all honesty, everything is hinted at rather than an outright display.
Sighing, Lu Han turns to his desktop and starts clicking around mindlessly. “Kyungsoo?” There’s an odd emptiness to Lu Han’s voice.
“What?” Kyungsoo hurries over to Lu Han’s side. “Oh,” he says uselessly again.
“You haven’t checked the view count, have you?” Lu Han’s voice sounds dead.
“Last I checked, it was three hundred and one,” Kyungsoo rasps out.
“Well, it’s over eight thousand views now.”
Kyungsoo gapes. The previous two ads only had at the very most five hundred views in the first twenty four hours, but this time, the third ad is already hitting close to twenty times that figure. Lu Han and he stare at each other.
“Slap me,” Lu Han says, like how they always do in movies. “I was kidding!,” he adds agitatedly when Kyungsoo really raises an open palm.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
He should be ecstatic but Kyungsoo shrugs, unsure if getting banned on TV and achieving mediocre success on the internet is considered good or bad news. His phone buzzes then. It’s a message from Chanyeol. check naver!!, the message reads.
“Hell, that’s my face on the front page of Naver.” It’s the first time Kyungsoo hears Lu Han mutter a curse. Along with Lu Han’s face is a headline saying, Banned! Controversial Marketing Campaign by Huifei Holdings. They click into it and the article basically reads like the email they received from Corp Comm. They do a search on the internet but there’s not much to be found. Not yet, anyway.
“Where’s Kris?” Lu Han has long given up calling Kris by his title.
“Sanjang-nim is at an outdoor shoot,” Kyungsoo replies with a frown. They will have to resolve this by themselves.
Confusion continues to reign when by noon, the view count for their third ad surges to over ten thousand, with comments flowing in by tens and dozens. Lu Han’s and Kris’ ads that had relatively low view counts previously are also pushing the five thousand mark. Meanwhile, the pair is still unsure what the hell has happened. To add on to his bewilderment, Lu Han’s phone has been buzzing non-stop with messages from his friends, some mocking, some congratulatory. “It’s not like I’m getting married,” he bites out. Lu Han is in the middle of violently removing the battery from his phone when the Consumer Services Manager makes a special visit down to Lu Han’s office.
“My department’s phones have been ringing off the hook with requests to know who the two models in our winter advertising campaign are. I realise there are privacy issues involved but would like to request that an official statement be made so we could properly handle the additional workload,” she says politely to Lu Han and Kyungsoo. They gape at her but nod anyway, even if they have no idea what to do.
“Try me2day,” the Corporate Communications executive drops by and says sympathetically to the Brand Director and the boss’ PA, “or twitter.”
Gratefully, the two latch onto the tip and do a search on the two microblogging and social network services. The search for the keyword ‘huifei’ returns a staggering number of results that goes on for pages and pages. Links to their official Youtube account have gone viral. One particular me2day post has more than five hundred ‘me2’s and three hundred comments. “What the fuck…” Lu Han curses again and revamps his image in Kyungsoo’s mind, “it’s not even twenty four hours.” He clearly has no idea about the potentials of a couple of fangirls converging on the same topic of interest.
“The two ads have been out since Monday though,” Kyungsoo points out.
“I don’t think I can stomach so much of my own face,” Lu Han says, mildly revolted at the number of pictures and gifs of his own self the results spawn, especially when the majority of those are that of him closing in on Kris like a lovesick puppy.
“I don’t think I can stomach the fangirling,” Kyungoo deadpans, clicking closed a window with a twitter message that goes, huifei oppa is so beautiful i can't breathe ㅠㅠ, together with a gif upload from Kris’ ad. But there are so many messages, pictures, gifs, and posts of the same sort.
who are the huifei oppa deul? nam-nam couple daebak~♥ ><
huifei…SM new duo ?
my school uniform is so ugly compared to huifei oppa’s~!!
huifei sells clothes, nice models ㅋㅋㅋ
The above are some examples of the messages floating around. There are even a couple of English tweets that Kyungsoo cannot read.
They go back to Youtube. The view count is accumulating at a much faster speed, almost pushing twenty thousand by late noon and Kyungsoo calls an emergency meeting that Kris is still unable to attend. All he knows is that they aren’t allowed any more airtime on television despite the ‘mild’ success of the third ad. “I will leave you to handle it,” Kris says to Kyungsoo via the phone and his little PA cannot help the burst of pride in his heart that his boss thinks him capable of such. “Yes, boss,” he speaks solemnly into the phone, while gesturing for Lu Han to get into the meeting room.
Together with Corporate Communication, in a joint decision, they crafted an appeal to remove the ban and set up a Twitter account to handle all the enquiries. The twitter address is edited into the description of the Youtube videos, and they received more than one hundred mentions within minutes, all asking about the two leads.
The Corp Comm Director releases a statement via Twitter to address privacy issues, stating that the two leads are not celebrities and are just employees of Huifei Holdings Ltd, and that their rights to privacy are to be respected and not infringed upon. Honestly, that is when it all explodes. Someone visits the company’s website to dig for information, striking gold when they click into the Management link only to see Kris’ and Lu Han’s faces. Now they are good looking and rich. A post is made on me2day and an hour later, Kris, Lu Han, and Huifei Holdings make it to the top ten of Naver search engine ranking. By mysterious forces, the third ad makes it to Youtube with much higher quality than the one they uploaded. The same version is also uploaded on several other accounts with different titles and include download links.
“Ok, I got it,” Kyungsoo puts the phone down, exhaustion apparent on his face. He turns to Lu Han. “I.T. called, the company website just crashed due to sheer traffic.”
“And Kris made it to number one on Naver,” Lu Han says numbly.
“…All I wanted was to achieve the company targets.” Not sudden insanity, not at all.
Nam-nam Couple Takes the Nation by Storm Overnight.
Kyungsoo and Lu Han are staring at the front page of Naver with expressionless faces when Kris finally saunters into the office still wearing the clothes from the photoshoot and looking as carefree as a lark. The black wool jacket with press stud leather collar fits him like a second layer of skin. Kyungsoo feels like punching Kris’ amazing face.
“Guess what? I was stopped at the entrance of the building by a couple of schoolgirls and they asked for my autograph. Cute right?” He grins, showing them his gums.
“Oh my God,” Lu Han says in English. He begins to fear for his safety.
“Almost paradise~” Kyungsoo sings to Kris, whom the younger generation of South Korea probably already now see as Goo Jun Pyo personified.
Because paradise is clearly now very far, Lu Han snarls, “Shut the fuck up.” Kyungsoo flinches; he should have already grown immune to vicious curses coming from Angelface, but it’s just hard.
“What happened?” Kris asks innocently.
That’s day one.
♫♫♫
A simple thing can easily go out of hand. On Thursday night, Shiwon is lazing on the couch,with her textbook, although she’s not even sparing a glance at it. Instead, her gaze is fixed on the television. Like all her friends, she follows Lee Jongsuk’s latest drama religiously, not missing a single episode since he has so ensnared her heart in School 2013. The commercial break comes, riding on a cliffhanger and she dumps her textbook on the floor in exasperation. Shiwon is just picking up her book when a jaunty jingle picks up. Looking up curiously, she sees a familiar face. “Oh,” she exclaims. It’s that super cute dude in that super short strange commercial that doesn’t seem to advertise anything. While cute dude is cute, Shiwon is always easily distracted by Lee Jongsuk every time the commercial break ends. But this time, he’s doing more than just smiling. Shiwon giggles as she watches him sneak out of class. She dreams of doing the same every day in class, creeping out and flying somewhere to daydream. Then Shiwon sees the other guy and she squeaks a little because this dude looks badass but gorgeous with his multiple earrings and blond hair. Who the hell is allowed blond hair in school? He is so cool. She can’t stop snickering at the part where the two of them flip around on the table, especially since blond dude does it so calmly with a small smile on his face, while cute dude looks like a frustrated fish lying on a well-oiled pan. “Omona…” she mutters, nearly ripping a page out of her textbook in her agitation and lets out a full fledged shriek when she gets to the part where the ‘supposed’ kiss happens, but that’s where the commercial ends.
With her heart pounding, Shiwon lunges for her phone and for the first time, visits the website that’s included at the end. Forgetting the drama, she proceeds to loop the entire commercial again and again, all the while tweeting her reactions in her unlocked Twitter account, watch this!! must watchㅠㅠso cute http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei. She tweets over and over again until someone following her is intrigued enough to click on the link. Simultaneously, another follower retweets her with the comment, guys in my school never look this good!!!! Four other people retweet this with similar reactions. In another household, another high school girl, Eunmi, is hyperventilating, just like Shiwon. She posts the same but on me2day, quickly gathering ‘me2’s and comments. She seems to be among the first few to microblog about the commercial. Eunmi is puzzled but elated as well; her posts have never been this popular before.
The breakthrough comes when a very popular ulzzang retweets and compares Kris and Lu Han to Heungsoon couple from School 2013, since the setting is both in high school. She has ten thousand followers, almost all of them teenagers and young adults. The Youtube link spreads like wildfire with Heungsoon supporters rebuffing her call, but soon Huifei supporters start rallying for their cause as well. A particular comment stirs up much anger among Heungsoon supporters: jongsuk oppa is now with inguk oppaㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋannyeong heungsoon couple~ huifei couple fighting!.
No fandom war is fiercer than ship wars. If you ever try to overturn a fangirl’s ship, you must know that it’s just due retribution should you drown while doing so. The Heungsoon fans pick up their arms and now even complete bystanders are intrigued. Exactly who are huifei couple and why have they been a trending topic for the entire night? Are they as good as Heungsoon couple? No amount of broadcast on television would be able to buy them this much attention. In an indirect and pretty absurd way, they have unintentionally ridden on the success of the high school melodrama.
Next day in class, all people could talk about is the commercial. Why won’t people shut up about it? The ones in the unknown wonder and decide to check it out themselves. The flame spreads even further.
The sudden popularity of the commercial soon reaches the wrong ear, and although the ad passed the screening for broadcast, a ban is swiftly issued. The media catches on immediately, always on the alert for juicy news. Nam-nam couples have been all the rage, the people involved are good looking, and a search on social media proves that they already have a following, albeit still small. But what they need is just a sensational headline and things will sell. Even better, a day later, some journalists catch wind of the news that one of the models is the Managing Director himself. The only thing better than a good-looking guy is a rich good looking guy. It’s as if the story has already been written. They just need to break the bottle on this ship now.
All repercussions have been catalysed and magnified beyond Kyungsoo’s imagination. It is the right mix of divine intervention, timing, humans’ superficiality, and grossly unfair good looks that catapults them to fame overnight. Add in a generous helping of luck (whether it’s good or bad luck will depend on the perspective taken) and you’d end up with something as small as a coincidence.
Or something as big as a phenomenon.
♫♫♫
They cancel a shooting scheduled the next day, so Kris could free himself up to come into the office and absorb the situation. When Kyungsoo arrives, he sees Lu Han lounging on the couch in the reception of the MD’s office.
“It’s only 7 a.m.,” Kyungsoo says, looking at his watch.
“I was trying to beat rush hour,” Lu Han replies tiredly, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “A girl tried to follow me home yesterday,” he complains.
Kyungsoo gasps sharply, immediately concerned. He closes the gap between them with wide strides but pauses abruptly when he stands before Lu Han, at a loss for what to do. He’s still not used to being friends with Lu Han. “Are you alright?” he asks, worry brimming in his large eyes. He recalls Lu Han’s protest against being cast for the campaign and guilt swamps him.
Taken aback by Kyungsoo’s reaction, Lu Han blinks dumbly before his expression melts into a smile. “I’m fine. I took a couple of turns, went the long way, and lost her,” he chimes, finally remembering to take off his scarf. It feels warm, all of a sudden. Concern from a new friend feels rather like spring. “Why are you early?” asks Lu Han in turn.
Kyungsoo has always reached the office early to check on Kris’ schedule for the day and make the necessary arrangements so he could properly brief his boss right when he comes in. He continues to do the same even after work commenced for the winter campaign. But for some reason, it’s embarrassing to show his effort to someone else. It’s as if he’s admitting just how much he cares. “I just came in to check on some stuff,” he lies smoothly.
At 8:30 a.m.sharp, Kris ambles in. “There are some girls at the entrance of the office building.” He said the same thing yesterday but the previous gleeful look on his face has been replaced with that of bewilderment. “They screamed when they saw me.” His confusion hangs on his face, as anyone would when random strangers started screaming at him. Kris checked his zip then, half-certain that his dick must have been hanging out of his pants.
The MD’s office is located on the same side of the building entrance, so Kyungsoo gets up and walks to the window, looking down to ground level. Then he turns around to share an ominous look with Lu Han.
“Superstar,” Kris adds, clearly not done with his fan-account yet, and clearly not reading the atmosphere. Lu Han and Kyungsoo ignore him, wishing that they hadn’t cancelled the shooting because the Managing Director doesn’t seem to know how to handle stardom either. Kyungsoo is once again forced to be reminded that, for all of Kris’ precious 187 centimeters and fearsome looks, he is just Kyungsoo’s fifth hand embarrassment that’s sadly too big to stuff and lock up in a drawer.
By the end of day two, the total view count for all three videos released by Huifei reaches a whopping one hundred thousand views. Curiously, the amount of hits from overseas has increased, too. Or maybe, it isn’t such a wonder since anything popular within South Korea quickly gains followers from overseas as well. The Hallyu wave seems much less like a wave these days, more like culture invasion.
Huifei Holdings tweets, saying they will release new commercials beginning next week. The tweet gets retweeted more than a thousand times and translations of the tweet pop up almost immediately. Their appeal is declined but that hardly matters now when their official Youtube account is gaining subscribers by the hundreds.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo gets waken up by a phone call again. Groggily, he reaches for his phone and mumbles, “Hel-“
“Help.”
♫♫♫
“Like Notting Hill.” Over phone, Kris explains to Kyungsoo the chaos he encountered this morning when he walked to the gate of his mansion. There was a crowd of fangirls and reporters clamoring outside the gate and he wasn’t sure who was which. That was also partly because he was blinded by the flashes of a thousand cameras in his face.
Kyungsoo flips over in his bed, removes the phone from the ear, and stares incredulously at the words ‘GQ Gangster’ – what he refers to Kris as in his contacts - on his screen. He’s unsure why Kris has called him for help and considers asking him to call Lu Han instead before he remembers that Lu Han is filming some footage this morning. Shaking his head, Kyungsoo places the phone back over his ear and asks impatiently, “Why did you call me?”
Stumped, Kris carefully moves the phone he has clamped between his jaw and shoulder to the other ear. It seems only right when he dialed Kyungsoo’s number and Kris thought he has already told Kyungsoo his reason for calling. When asked outright though, he realizes he doesn’t exactly know how to phrase it. He almost says, ‘Who else should I call?’ but fortunately, realizes in time how much of an ass that will make him sound. The word ‘instinct’ does come to mind, but Kris brushes it aside. It sounds too foolish. “I...” he drags the word out, praying inspiration would hit before it becomes apparent that he really doesn’t have an answer to such an obvious question. Why did he call Kyungsoo? Hasn’t he already promised himself that he’d leave Kyungsoo alone?
Kyungsoo is heartless. He’s not about to help with Kris’ helplessness. While waiting, he rolls over in bed and closes his eyes, letting the warmth from the blanket soak his skin again. But in the next second, he hears a sound over the phone and feels something strum his heartstrings. Slowly, he pulls his lids open. Kris’ sigh is so soft, like it doesn’t want to be heard. Kyungsoo bites his lips so the words can’t escape, but they do anyway. “I’m coming over.” Then he hangs up before Kris can reply, throwing his phone onto the bed. Kyungsoo covers his face with both hands, letting the coolness of his palms soothe his heated face. When he next lifts his head up though, he sees his face in the mirror, still looking so confused and hurt.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo arrives at Kris’ mansion to see a crowd gathered outside his gate. Feeling displeasure swirl in his gut, he clenches his jaw and strides forward. When the dude at the outer rim of the crowd ignores his ‘excuse me’, Kyungsoo stomps very hard on his foot. Yipping, the man jumps aside, clutching his foot, and Kyungsoo employs the same tactic on everyone standing in his way until a path clears for him. The crowd gape at the tiny man who stalks coolly up the gate, punching the bell repeatedly with his fist, clearly a visitor and not one of them. His cold demeanor forbids any questions and before the reporters can regain their composure, someone rushes out to open the gate. When the first person opens his mouth, the gate is already shut in their faces.
The ride to the office is quiet, although it hardly feels so to Kyungsoo. He could hear his feelings, they are loud in his ears, all the anger and anxiety. He has insisted that Kris sit at the back of the car against his boss’ protest. “You are not my chauffeur,” but Kris soon shuts up at the blank look on Kyungsoo’s face.
“Really,” Kyungsoo says lowly, as if without emotion, like his heart isn’t drumming a wild beat against his ribs. “I didn’t know that.”
Kris’ eyes go gentle and alarm bells start ringing in Kyungsoo’s head. He doesn’t know how to handle Kris every time he looks at him like that. In the past, Kyungsoo would do everything he could to trade Kris’ smile back. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way,” Kris apologises but Kyungsoo quickly scampers into the safety of the driver’s seat, horning for Kris to get in too when he just continues to look at Kyungsoo through the window.
Wordlessly, Kris stares at Kyungsoo through the rear view mirror but his PA ignores him, choosing to keep his eyes on the road and recollect himself instead, even if Kris hasn’t even registered his fluster. Kyungsoo doesn’t speak again until they arrive at the company’s carpark. “Why did you call me?”
Surprised, Kris’ gaze flickers from the rear view mirror to the back of Kyungsoo’s head. He thought they were already over this. But Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to want an answer; he continues speaking without pausing to wait for Kris’ reply.
“Am I your boyfriend?”
The question shocks Kris and his eyes flit over back to the rear view mirror only to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze head-on. His assistant looks as collected as ever. Kris wonders if those large eyes really once held tears. He’s so sure he’s seen them not too long ago.
Kyungsoo rounds a bend smoothly, still looking so calm, but his hands are white in their grip on the leather-clad steering wheel. “That’s right,” he coaxes gently, as if speaking to a child, “I’m not. I’m not your friend either. I’m no one to you. I’m your personal assistant and you are just my boss.”
The wheels of the car squeak loudly as they drive into the carpark, but Kyungsoo words ring loud and clear in the enclosed space, so Kris can’t even pretend to misunderstand him. “So stop calling me. Don’t call me just because you need someone. Don’t message me in the middle of the night just because you can’t sleep. Don’t-” Kyungsoo ceases when he realizes how harsh his breathing has become. He blinks away from Kris’ stare in the mirror. He needs to stop making a fool of himself. “Just don’t.” Grappling with the door handle, Kyungsoo lets himself out of the car, key still in place. He can’t stay in the car any longer, Kris is suffocating him.
Still sitting in the car, Kris watches Kyungsoo scurry off, all composure gone as he almost trips in his haste. His head turns and follows Kyungsoo’s form until he disappears into the lift lobby. Then he gets out from the car but instead of walking off like Kyungsoo, Kris lets himself into the driver seat. The leather seat still has Kyungsoo’s warmth. Leaning forward, Kris rests his forehead on the steering wheel, closing his eyes, reminiscing. Exactly what is it he has done that’s so unforgivable? They were once so good.
Kyungsoo was once so near.
♫♫♫
Kris and Lu Han posters have been up in the stores since before the launch of the ads but it’s only recent that Kyungsoo receives calls reporting thefts of them. Sighing, he decides to pay the stores a visit to check things out. He sees Lu Han even before he reaches the store. His gigantic poster is already up on the exterior of their flagship store and stretches from the third to second floor. Beside him is Sulli from f(x), the new spokesperson for Etude House. Two stores down, at the exit of the Myeongdong metro station, a poster of Big Bang hangs, advertising the many advantages of Gmarket. Myeongdong is awash with the faces of idols, and Lu Han doesn’t look out of place at all.
In the poster, Lu Han is wearing the baby blue turtleneck that’s already becoming his trademark, but only the large collar can be seen since it’s a close-up of Lu Han’s face. He’s smiling mischievously although Kyungsoo can’t see the curve of his lips since the collar has been flipped up and Lu Han is holding it up with his hands, hiding his smile from everyone else. But Lu Han’s smile can always be found in the twinkle of his eyes and the pliant folds near his temples. Kyungsoo knows the stars trapped in Lu Han’s eyes are not a result of editing, they are just as bright and clear in real life, and they make Kyungsoo think only of good things. Lu Han is good like that. Kyungsoo grins at a couple of schoolgirls who have stopped to squeal at Lu Han’s hidden smile, before turning to study the crowd that have gathered at the front of the store taking pictures with Lu Han’s life-sized standee. His friend’s popularity pleases Kyungsoo. Then he finally saunters in.
Kris and Lu Han posters are everywhere inside the store, but when pointed out by the store manager, Kyungsoo spots empty spaces where posters once hung. Even the fitting rooms suffer damage on the walls where posters have been ripped off. There are disturbances when a salesperson has to request from time to time that a customer refrain from taking pictures inside the store. The bustling shopping crowd is made up of young people, mainly girls and not strangely, they are mainly spotted loitering in the men’s section. It is crowded and noisy, despite the fact that it’s close to 3 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon and Kyungsoo finds it hard to walk through the shop although this is already their largest branch in South Korea. The women’s section, however, is relatively sparse.
Assuring the store manager that he’d think of something regarding the posters, Kyungsoo is about to walk out of the store when he notices something. “You need to replenish stocks. The shelves are empty,” he gestures to the section where the turtlenecks are placed.
Shaking his head, the manager says, “We’ve already gone out of stock for the blue turtlenecks. The white shirts are almost gone, too.”
Kyungsoo pauses on his way out and whips his head back to gape at the manager. Those items are featured in the ads but it’s too fast for them to go out of stock. They only launched the campaign about a week ago. “Get some from the Dongdaemun branch then,” he says while walking back into the store and remaking his rounds. This is when he notices that the preppy plaid vest and the cashmere red sweater Lu Han and Kris wear in the ad are almost sold out as well, leaving behind only size XL. In fact, the best-selling items are all those modeled by Kris and Lu Han.
Bemused, the store manager gives Kyungsoo a vexed smile. “They are sold out over there, too.”
Kyungsoo lifts his head up from the racks he’s rummaging through to look at the manager.
“We are sold out nationwide.”
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo hurries back to the office and schedules an urgent meeting with Kris and Lu Han who happen to be free from any shooting and filming for the day. “We are almost sold out of the items featured in the first wave of promotion!” he chatters excitedly, only to mellow when he makes eye contact with Kris. His boss musters a faint smile for him but Kyungsoo drops his gaze a little too fast and misses it.
Lu Han is over the moon, his eyes all bent into thin crescents. He whoops until Kyungsoo says, “The crowd is mainly female but while we’re having good business with the men’s line, it’s not the same for ladies’ section.” Kyungsoo explains to them and watches realization dawn on their faces. They have neglected the fact that while their following - which is largely made up of females – is likely to support their promoted items, they are hardly as inclined to purchase within the stores for themselves. Indisputably, sales have been up this week for both menswear and womenswear. But while the increase is exponential for men’s, the incremental sales for women’s is a slow climb. The fans are clearly here just for Kris and Lu Han.
“In addition, there are poster thefts,” Kyungsoo reports.
“We can frame the posters and nail them to the wall?” Kris suggests, but Lu Han is already shaking his head.
“Store decorations are changed every season and we can’t afford to have permanent fixtures that might not fit into the theme for the next campaign.”
Kyungsoo takes a seat at the only empty chair left in the room and tucks a fist under his chin as he observes Kris and Lu Han bounce bad ideas off each other. “What will the two of you do without me?” he muses loudly.
“We will die sad and lonely with a garden full of cats, of course,” Lu Han deadpans.
But Kyungsoo just smiles. “Glad you are aware.”
“What do you have in mind?” asks Kris, looking straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes.
Kyungsoo tucks his arrogance away when he speaks to his boss but finds it difficult to meet Kris’ eyes. “I have a plan that will resolve these two problems at the same time,” he says to Lu Han instead. “Trust me,” he adds out of habit, but stops abruptly when he realizes what he has just said. From the corner of his eye, he sees Kris stir at his words, but before his boss can reply, Kyungsoo quickly gets up. “I still have some work to do, have to excuse myself now.” He pushes his chair back and rushes out of the room, not even sparing the puzzled Lu Han a glance.
“The two of you haven’t made up?” Lu Han swivels around in his chair and leans forward towards Kris. There’s an intense look of interest on his face as he surveys the way Kris’ eyes follow Kyungsoo.
With a slight pucker of his brows, Kris fixes his line of vision on Kyungsoo’s retreating back until he rounds a corner and can no longer be seen. Then he clenches and unclenches his jaw, feeling something heavy settle in his heart, making it just a bit harder to breathe. He flicks Lu Han a long sideward glance. “Mind your own business, Xi Luhan.”
Lu Han deflates like a worn third wheel.
♫♫♫
A few days later, a new promotion is launched in-store. With purchases amounting to at least ₩80,000 on a single receipt, customers get a poster of Kris, Lu Han, or the two of them together. Lu Han has grown used to his face being everywhere and only comments that Kyungsoo is despicable, but Kyungsoo maintains that his standards are simply the same as SM Entertainment, i.e. if the fan cannot decide whose to get, they best get all. He is merely encouraging people to be decisive.
It isn’t official but customers with small purchases get equally small plastic bags to contain them, while those with large purchases get nice shopping bags with Lu Han’s face printed on one side and Kris’ on the other. With regards to this, Kyungsoo has no suitable retort; he just gently reminds Lu Han of their gap to achieving the annual targets.
With this, their large female clientele begin to buy for themselves as well, and reports of poster theft have also declined, since there’s now a legitimate way to obtain them. Sales really begin to shoot through the roof then. Because of the overwhelming crowd, they have started to limit the number of people allowed in the stores at one time and railings have to be set up outside the shops to contain the long meandering queue.
As the demand for the latest collection turns out to be much more massive than the original plans, Kris decides to liaise with the Shanghai branch to ship their wares to Seoul. To his surprise, their inventories are critical as well. Not only Shanghai, Beijing and Hong Kong are also undergoing short supply. The winter campaign is launched simultaneously at all branches but the focus is on Seoul, the headquarter. The influence of social media is far more widespread than they originally thought. Regional supply chain is abuzz as demand begins to flow in, forcing the factory in Tianjing to work aggressively around the clock in order to churn out as much as they can to meet rocketing demand. Outsourcing plans are quickly put in place to secure as much stock as they can to pull through this period.
Kyungsoo braces himself for more to come, as the second wave of promotion begins.
♫♫♫
They don’t get their TV ban removed but that’s hardly a concern since their Youtube subscribers have soared to well over a hundred thousand. A timer is now placed on their official website, counting the seconds down to the release of the next brand new promotional short movie. Thousands of comments have been made in anticipation of the short movie, and view count for the released ads is nearing two million. Kyungsoo still checks the views religiously although he no longer needs to.
“You know what? This thing would turn truly phenomenal only if you ended up dead,” Kyungsoo overheard Lu Han say to Kris one time during filming. He was wearing a scoop neck pastel yellow crochet sweater over a pale blue shirt and red tie, all paired with black cotton pants, looking as young as spring’s first blossom in stark contrast to the dark words he’d just uttered.
Kris was mussing his locks using Lu Han’s sunglasses as the mirror when he heard Lu Han’s words. Seeing the incredulous expression on Kris’ face, Lu Han hastily amended his statement, “In the storyline of course, not real life.”
“Why not you?” Kris refuted, tapping the metal tip of his leather shoes on the ground, making bright ‘clink’s against concrete until a stylist shrieked at him to stop ruining shoes that were not his.
“Dude, I’d be crying myself blind over your death,” Lu Han calmly elaborated. “Then I’d fall in love with the next person who donates me his cornea.”
“And I’d just be dead?” Kris lifted a brow up.
“No one ever forgets the dead, Kris. That’s when you become really famous, like Van Gogh.” But Kris held onto his ear and said he’d just deal with being anonymous but alive.
No one gets to die in the commercial. Sad endings are more memorable simply because people tend to hold on better to bitterness rather than happiness, but Kyungsoo prefers to make people happy, even if it’s fleeting. When the timer ticks down to 10:35 p.m., Kyungsoo is at Chanyeol’s tiny student hostel, biting into the tteokbokki brought by Sehun. Chanyeol is lying on his stomach in bed, clicking the Youtube link that his coursemate is quick to provide on his Twitter timeline, the bowl of tteokbokki balanced precariously on his lower back. Kyungsoo and Sehun sit at his sides, all eyes focused on Chanyeol’s notebook as the video begins to load slowly.
“This is taking forever,” complains Sehun as he feeds Chanyeol a piece of tteokbokki, causing orange sauce to dribble down his boyfriend’s chin. Chanyeol tries to clean his chin as far as his tongue can reach. This causes Sehun to laugh, and he slaps Chanyeol’s back repeatedly, almost overturning the bowl of rice cake. Chanyeol has to quickly reach behind him, steadying the bowl with both hands.
“This looks like some yoga pose,” Sehun chortles at Chanyeol who’s still lying on his stomach, hands on his lower back, trying to balance a bowl of tteokbokki.
“The Flying Fish!” adds Chanyeol, sticking his head up and the couple fall over themselves with laughter, really spilling orange sauce over pale blue bedsheets then, but this only makes the fools laugh harder.
Kyungsoo smiles at the side, wishing he could have something like this one day. But when he opens his mouth, he spits the usual dose of poison. “I’ll talk to you when you guys are ready to resume normal levels of human intelligi-”
“I’m always standing where he can never see.”
Lu Han’s soft voice suddenly fills the room, and all of them look over to Chanyeol’s notebook. A soothing melody on guitar accompanies his voice. The place in the video looks like a library with shelves of books, and Kris is sitting at a table, flipping through one. He’s wearing a black shirt, buttoned up all the way to the top, stiff collar sticking out of the royal blue cashmere hooded sweater. The sweater’s hem goes just past his hips, making Kris’ legs seem to go on forever in the tight black pants he dons. The eye-catching silver sword earring in his left earlobe dangles freely with every movement. The cuff of his black shirt barely hides the mix of black and white beaded onyx bracelets on his wrist. Before long, Lu Han enters the scene and pulls out the chair just behind Kris. He settles in it and appears to be perusing the contents of his book with a serious look on his face, but he couldn’t resist and soon, a secret smile curves his lips. Pleased to be near Kris, reading the same book as him. They are sitting back to back to each other, although Kris doesn’t even turn around once.
The scene cuts to the flea market and Lu Han is following Kris with a distance of about ten steps behind. He stops when Kris does, loitering around a stall until Kris picks up his pace again. One time he loses sight and runs through a street only to find that Kris has been standing beside him all this while, looking at the wares displayed at the nearest stall. Panicking, Lu Han twirls around immediately so his back is facing Kris. He turns around only when Kris is gone.
“What did that mister look at just now?” he asks the store owner who points to a pair of fleur studs. Lu Han smiles and buys them.
He catches up with Kris just as he is about to enter a restaurant. Lu Han sneaks into a seat two tables behind Kris and orders the same dish as him after checking with the waitress. Grinning, he tucks into the bowl of piping hot kalguksu. This is when the screen switches to Kris who’s holding up a metal spoon, smiling at Lu Han’s reflection. At the same time, Kris’ voice can be heard.
“Fool, that space is reserved for you by me.”
The screen flashes back to the library. Lu Han is asleep at the table behind Kris, head lying on his folded arms. A knitted striped cardigan is placed over his shoulders. The camera pans up and the viewer sees that it’s Kris who’s drawing the cardigan around Lu Han, so gently that he doesn’t wake up. Another flash and they are back at the flea market, Kris sighing when he turns around and sees Lu Han looking lost. He backtracks until he’s standing right next to Lu Han. “How could you lose me,” he mutters to himself while pretending to check out the wares at the stall.
The scene next cuts to back when they were in the restaurant. “You’re lucky, we have just one last serving of samgyetang left,” the waitress beams at Kris in the restaurant. Just one last serving? What about that fool? wonders Kris. “I’ll have kalguksu then,” he says instead. “You have more than a serving left, right?” The waitress nods her yes but there’s a puzzled look on her face. Why is this customer so concerned when he’s only ordering for himself?
The next scene shows Kris exiting the restaurant only to find rain and Lu Han at the doorstep. He stands with Lu Han under the roof and waits. The sounds of guitar fade until all that’s left is the patter of rain and faint clicks of Lu Han’s shoes as he slowly inches towards Kris.
“What a coincidence!” Lu Han cheers when he’s near enough, although his face is as red as the tie he wears.
“Fool.” The voice in Kris’ head repeats, but all he does is act surprised and says, “Hello.” He looks pretty dumb himself.
When the screen blurs out, what appears is not the usual Huifei Youtube address but a single line that goes, it is not true that only fools fall in love but those who do become fools indeed.
“That is…” Sehun begins, breaking the silence that follows, “actually really nice.”
“Inspired by you,” Kyungsoo whispers wickedly to him, admiring the flush on his cheeks after that.
“They look good together. Are they really dating?” Sehun asks quickly to divert attention. The question is so unexpected that Kyungsoo doesn’t have time to hide from it. The usual bittersweet taste stings his tongue. It’s the feeling when you know that someone else is better suited for the person you like. To his surprise though, it’s no longer paralyzing. He hasn’t realised because he’s been avoiding this for so long. Maybe it’s because Lu Han is now his friend, or that he has already accepted the fact. Regardless, Kyungsoo tells himself it’s a good thing.
Chanyeol sends Sehun a sharp glare at the question. “What?” But Sehun’s innocence earns him a knock on the head from Chanyeol.
“They aren’t dating, but who knows, they could be,” Kyungsoo offers an ambiguous answer and refreshes the page. The view count is already stuck at 301, minutes after the video is released. He skims through the concept and information of modeled wear detailed in the video description. Comments are already gushing in, and Kyungsoo reads a few of them.
i died over and over again… so beautiful♥
how are they humans!! kris oppa’s legs T-T
the next installment right now pls. when is it coming out??!!!??!? #huifei
luhan oppa is such a stalker ㅋ
#heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon
lol @ the one above
Chanyeol perks up at Kyungsoo’s words. He rolls two feet over on the bed and props his head up on Kyungsoo’s thigh. “So, are you dating?” He blinks up at Kyungsoo, hoping to get some updates on the ‘thing’ between Kris and him.
“I’m not dating either.” Kyungsoo heartlessly pushes Chanyeol’s head off. Thankfully, Sehun is there to catch Chanyeol’s big head. But Chanyeol just shrugs his boyfriend off. He scampers over to Kyungsoo. “Does he know already?” he asks, recalling how upset Kyungsoo was over Kris back then.
Kyungsoo pats Chanyeol’s head to assure him, but doesn’t feel like saying much. “I’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo mumbles, believing that he will indeed be so one day. He has to be.
♫♫♫
Over the next two days, it becomes harder and harder for Lu Han and Kris to commute to and fro the office as the hysteria that surrounds them continues to escalate with the release of the latest commercial. The crowd gathered at the front of the building grows larger as word spreads. It’s a usual sight now, a group of young girls hanging around the front of Huifei Holdings right smack in the middle of Seoul’s central business district, stomping their feet every now and then because it’s so cold. Although barricades have been set up and only people working in the building and visitors with official passes are allowed past them, this doesn’t hinder the fans at all, the mere possibility of seeing their idols up-close far surpasses all. It is a dream, and a relatively easy one to pursue. They only need to stay in the same spot for a very long time, neglecting sleep, study, work, and play.
When either Lu Han or Kris appears, only the newcomers scream, attracting the attention of any office worker who happens to walk past. The regular ones – those fansite masters whose faces Kyungsoo has already memorized - whip out their mega lenses with practiced ease and start clicking away, sometimes pleading with them to take their gifts and letters. For Kris’ Sake! is especially persistent and Kyungsoo has learned to always avoid her. Only Kris accepts the gifts, because he’s a weakling. On the other hand, Lu Han sometimes lectures them on filial piety and doing charity work with the money they’re spending on them. Either way, the fans have only good things to say about them.
kris oppa is so nice he took my giftㅠㅠ - How nice it is, Kyungsoo thinks, that people would think of you as a wonderful person because you accepted their gift.
it’s so rare for an idol to care so much about the society! lu han oppa deserves all the love!! - Lu Han is a Brand Director. Kyungsoo wants to weep on his behalf. Some fangirls also seem to have very low moral standards for idols.
Refusing his chauffeur, Kris now heads straight to the carpark after work, preferring to drive himself home so he could avoid the lobby. He only chose to do so after losing a set of cufflinks that he had customized using a pair of Nana piercings. Kyungsoo found the picture of the lost cufflinks online a couple of hours later when the fangirl posted to gloat about it, but he was decent enough to keep it from Kris, who seemed really upset about his loss.
Tiny Kyungsoo was acting as Kris’ bodyguard then, using his body to keep the girls out of Kris’ space, when a fangirl gripped Kris’ sleeve. The tip of the lightning bolt cufflink gave Kyungsoo a deep scratch on the back of his hand when he tried to pry the girl’s hand off Kris’ sleeve. Before Kyungsoo could take a good look at his own injury, Kris had paused to grab Kyungsoo’s hand, staring at the ugly red scratch for a long time, oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. Then he twirled on his heel in search of the girl, the determined set of his jaw alarming Kyungsoo.
“It’s just a scratch, forget it, sajang-nim,” he tried to persuade Kris but his boss pulled out of his grasp, seemingly hell-bent on pursuing the matter. “Hey!” Kyungsoo shouted as another girl accidentally slammed her gift bag into his side. At his cry, Kris finally came to his senses. He stretched out a long arm to hold Kyungsoo to his side, sheltering him until they were in the safety of the car. Normally, Kyungsoo would have resisted the lack of distance with Kris, but this was hardly the time to do so.
“Are you alright?” Kris asked with a frown, his gaze intent on Kyungsoo’s hand.
Kyungsoo shifted slightly away from Kris and nodded. “Don’t worry, sajang-nim, I will try to find you an identical set of cufflinks,” promised Kyungsoo. He found his hand bleeding slightly then and just rubbed the blood off with his other hand.
“It’s not about the cuff- nevermind,” Kris shook his head at the way Kyungsoo was treating his wound. “Can you at least put a plaster over it?”
“What?” asked Kyungsoo. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he said nonchalantly, tucking his hand away so Kris couldn’t see it.
This was maddening. Kris tightened his hands into fists so he could restrain himself from reaching over to grab Kyungsoo’s hand. “Send him home,” he curtly instructed the chauffeur.
“It’s ok, I can go home by myself,” countered Kyungsoo. “Just drop me off at the metro.”
But Kris laid his head back on the headrest and locked his jaw tight. With his eyes fixed straight ahead, he muttered lowly, “Don’t argue with me now, Kyungsoo.” The commanding tone was evident in Kris’ voice and Kyungsoo withheld his protests with a scowl. It was the second time Kris had used this tone on him. He didn’t know why Kris was so upset with him over just a pair of cufflinks. It wasn’t like he was the one at fault.
When Kris sighed, however, the sound was still as reluctant, as if it were a sign of submission instead of frustration, and Kyungsoo was left confused as ever. What was Kris so unhappy about, Kyungsoo was the only one doing the concession all this while, wasn’t he?
♫♫♫
It’s a sign of how busy he is that Kyungsoo only gets to watch the latest commercial the next morning at his office desk, instead of the night it was released at 10:35 p.m. There’s no background music for this one, so all the viewer hears is the neat clipped sounds that Kris’ and Lu Han’s boots make as they walk side by side along Seogyodong street. The camera is on Lu Han’s side so the view is focused wholly on his side profile and cuts off around chest level. Due to their height difference, Kris’ profile is only slightly blocked.
When Lu Han squints at Kris against the sun, the collar of his white cashmere turtleneck skims his jawline. “We are not going to have kalguksu again, are we?” he complains, white puffs of breath sails form his mouth with every word uttered.
But the pink of his cheeks diffuses the harshness of his disgruntled face and Kris just smiles, reaching over to smooth down the pointed leather lapels on Lu Han’s black wool coat with his free hand. “I thought you liked it.” His roguish grin is complimented by the twinkle of the fleur stud in his ear and the white of his teeth. Kris is wearing a fur-trimmed leather bomber over a crisp white shirt and skinny herringbone tie, looking so handsome that it makes Kyungsoo grit his teeth.
“I’m so over chasing you,” Lu Han mutters under his breath.
“What?” Kris asks, although his smile is all-knowing. Before he knows it, Kyungsoo has already hit pause to stare at his favorite gummy smile. He simply can’t help it. The undeniable truth is, Kris still makes his heart beat faster. Kyungsoo just tries to make things better for himself by avoiding him and hoping that someday, these feelings will die. He stares at that smile for a long time, hand unconsciously moving to his own lips.
“Is anything wrong?”
Kyungsoo’s head dart up in surprise. It’s the HR manager, probably up here at the MD’s office to submit some documents for approval.
“I’m, I’m alright,” lies Kyungsoo.
“You just look really-” she says but Kyungsoo cuts her off then, because he doesn’t want to know that look on his face.
“I’m fine,” he insists firmly.
After the HR manager leaves, Kyungsoo takes a moment to regain his composure before going back to the video. This time, he doesn’t hesitate to hit play and let go of Kris’ smile.
“I said you’re a narcissistic, egoistic, arrogant little-” Lu Han hasn’t finished his insult but he’s already interrupted by Kris’ laugh. An identical smile stretches out on his face at the pleasing sound. The camera finally pulls off their profiles, moving down to capture the hands swinging between them, clasped so tight around each other, fingers interlaced like an intricate lock. The viewer finally realises then, that Kris and Lu Han have been holding hands all this time while they’re strolling through the street, arguing on the most mundane topic of lunch. It is dull without the accompaniment of music and grandeur, just like everyone’s love story.
The camera zooms out, showing them walking off. The sounds of their footsteps gradually wane and the screen blurs out to reveal the words, you make the ordinary, extraordinary.
The view count is capped at 301 of course, but the comments are already in the thousands, with new ones flooding in every single second. Kyungsoo reads the top comment: every ordinary love story is extraordinary to the people who are steeped so deeply in it.
Although this is the video with the least frills released so far, it is well on its way to become the most popular.
Kyungsoo stares at his hand, so small compared to Kris’. How is he supposed to hold onto someone as extraordinary as Kris? Immediately, his brows snap into a frown at his lack of control. He’s not supposed to think about this anymore. But it’s been some time already; exactly how long does it take for feelings to die? It’s a vicious cycle; the more you want to forget, the more you sink into it when you realise it’s impossible to.
“Kyungsoo, I need the latest draft of the annual report.”
He’s jolted by Kris’ voice and scrambles to click out of the webpage. The phone rings just as Kris reaches Kyungsoo’s desk and he’s grateful for the intervention.
“I will go to you after the call, sajang-nim,” Kyungsoo quickly says and picks up the call, but to his frustration, Kris makes a gesture indicating that he’ll wait. “Hello,” Kyungsoo greets on the phone.
“Hi, can I please speak to Kris Wu sajang-nim?” A pleasant voice says from the other end. It sounds male and is quite too cheery for a conversation with a stranger.
“May I know whom I’m speaking to?” It’s normal procedure for Kyungsoo to filter calls to the MD, but the person rebuts with, “And whom am I speaking to?”
Kyungsoo removes the receiver from his ear to give it a weird look, but quickly resumes talking when Kris gives him an enquiring look at his strange response. “This is the MD’s office, I’m his personal assistant.”
“Oh, what’s your name, little assistant?” The person teases.
Kyungso narrows his eyes. “Just call me ‘Daddy’,” he retorts coolly. Kris observes with interest and folds his arms, leaning on the edge of Kyungsoo’s desk like he has no intention of going away soon. It grates on Kyungsoo’s nerves even more. “If you’re calling for nothing, I’m going to hang up now,” he warns.
The stranger laughs, the sound so happy that Kyungsoo pauses in his move to hang up the phone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I sincerely apologise if I made you uncomfortable in any way.”
Kyungsoo sneaks a peek at Kris who catches his eyes. Clearing his throat, Kyungsoo says, “It’s fine. Can you please identify yourself now?”
Kris watches the myriad of expressions play out on Kyungsoo’s face when he’s on the phone, from annoyance to surprise to shock. When Kyungsoo holds out the receiver to him with that dumbfounded expression, he has to ask before picking it up, “Why? Who called?”
“Chrome Hearts,” Kyungsoo says in a daze. That’s a first, if anything.
“They want to collab.”
♫♫♫
Kris and Kyungsoo meet Chrome Hearts Marketing Director for East Asia, when he comes to visit their office for a discussion on the upcoming collaboration with Huifei Holdings. The guy is swirling around in the chair he’s sitting on when the door to the meeting room opens behind him.
“Hi, I’m Kris Wu, Managing Director of Huifei Holdings. It’s great to hear from you,” Kris greets him with a handshake, his large gummy smile almost making Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
“I’m Zhang Yixing. Thanks for the free advertising, sajang-nim, it’s really helped boost our sales this season,” the Marketing Director says, half-serious. He pulls out a small jewellery box from his pocket that has the Chrome Hearts signature fleur cross mark. “We created this especially for you, a small token of our appreciation.”
Kyungsoo has got to give it to Kris for not opening the box on the spot. It’s cute as hell, this hulk of a man looking like a kid who has just had cookies rain on him. Kyungsoo doesn’t know if Kris is trying to act cool by not letting on the fact that he’s a huge fan, but it’s apparent from the dozen Chrome Hearts accessories that hang on him like he’s a Christmas tree anyway. He laughs out loud at the image of a blinking star on Kris’ head and immediately tries to disguise it as a cough.
Kris furrows his impressive brows at Kyungsoo but the Chrome Hearts representative just turns to look at him. The reserved smile on the young man’s face widens into a full smile when he regards Kyungsoo, deep dimples etching themselves on the sides of his mouth. It’s stereotyping but Kyungsoo expected someone with tattoos running up his arms and ears full of piercings. On the contrary, Zhang Yixing appears fresh and clean shaven in his beige cardigan and V-neck white tee. “You must be Do Kyungsoo-sshi. We spoke on the phone,” he says warmly and envelops both of Kyungsoo’s hands inside his own, looking him straight in the eyes. “Please call me Yixing. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” Yixing nods his head repeatedly as he says this, so he appears especially sincere.
Taken aback by Yixing’s enthusiasm, Kyungsoo replies dumbly, “Um, just call me Kyungsoo then, Yixing… hyung?” There’s uncertainty in his voice because Kyungsoo has never gone on first name basis so fast with anyone ever since he started working, and Yixing looks like he might just be older than him.
“Not ‘Daddy’?” jests Yixing and this time, Kyungsoo really chokes on his mortification.
Blinking his astonishment, Kris turns quickly to the pair. That’s a bit too fast to go informal on each other, isn’t it?
Kyungsoo doesn’t catch his eyes though; he’s too busy staring at Yixing’s hands still clasped over his, wondering if it’s rude to break out of his loose grip.
Kris makes a prissy little cough then, resolving his temporary crisis. “Shall we take a seat?” Beaming at Kyungsoo, Yixing removes his hands.
Kris and Yixing are deep in discussion when the Marketing Director suddenly taps the table. A faint frown makes its way onto Kris’ face at the disruption, especially when he finds out Yixing did that just to attract Kyungsoo’s attention.
Caught unaware, Kyungsoo jerks his head up and meets Yixing’s dimpled smile. When he sees that he has Kyungsoo’s attention, Yixing’s grin stretches to reveal his upper row of teeth. Kyungsoo, however, is not as quick to warm up to people and just smiles politely in response. “Why are you so quiet, Kyungsoo?” Yixing asks.
Chancing a glance at Kris who just nods at him, Kyungsoo replies, “I don’t know anything about design. I don’t even wear accessories.” As proof of that, he waves his clean wrists and fingers.
Yixing notices the discrete exchange between Kris and Kyungsoo and smiles. “I heard you’re the one in charge for this campaign.”
“He is,” Kris interjects. “Kyungsoo is fully in charge of the concept and marketing for this season’s campaign. He’s the main reason for our success.” Kyungsoo stares pointedly at Kris who ignores him for once. There have been many times when Kris had to step in to help Kyungsoo with the project but now he’s pushing all the credit to Kyungsoo.
“I really like your idea,” Yixing compliments. There’s an air around Yixing that makes him seem so humble and earnest even though he’s a highly successful professional. So his words make Kyungsoo flustered, blushing lightly before uttering a rushed ‘thank you’.
At the side, Kris widens his eyes slightly at Kyungsoo’s reaction. He didn’t expect him to lose his cool so easily. His gaze next latches onto Yixing, re-evaluating him, excitement at meeting the management of his favourite brand cooling rather fast.
“Please tell me more about the storyline, so I can bring it back to the design team. They’d then come up with a design that adheres to the concept.” Yixing speaks as if he’s talking solely to Kyungsoo. He seems to notice this himself because when he next opens his mouth, he shifts slightly to Kris’ direction and takes on an official tone. “I’ve watched all the videos released so far, and Chrome Hearts is excited to see our image take an unexpected turn. We can be more than just biker chic and street. Our accessories are just as suited for shirts, sweaters and even formal wear. But to stick to the theme, I need to know how the plot progresses,” he spies Kyungsoo’s confusion and ends with a question instead, “if there’s one?”
Unconsciously, Kyungsoo looks to Kris for help again. Smiling to himself, Yixing shifts his focus to Kris too. But instead of speaking up for Kyungsoo, Kris leans forward and assures him, “Don’t worry, just say whatever you want.” When Kyungsoo nods at him, Kris regards Yixing, “Kyungsoo is my personal assistant. He rarely takes part in business discussions so please give him some time.”
Ah, Yixing thinks, but bosses usually don’t call their personal assistants by first name. In fact, this boss acts as if he were the assistant to his PA.
Kyungsoo scowls in thought and Yixing is about to encourage him, but Kris silences him with a gesture. Wait. Exhaling easily, Yixing settles back in his chair.
But sure enough, Kyungsoo breaks the silence after a while. “I don’t know how to explain the plot to you because there’s none at all. It’s just something very simple that happens to my friends and…” he trails off before admitting begrudgingly, “me.” The pink on his cheek deepens. Feeling self-conscious, Kyungsoo deliberately avoids eye contact with Kris. “We have crushes, we date, we fall in love. I think a major part of the success is due to the fact that people can relate to the leads. There’s nothing special, really.” At the end of his explanation, Kyungsoo purses his lips because he doesn’t think Yixing would be able to gather any inspiration from it at all.
Yixing doesn’t appear confused though; he seems enlightened instead. “I know what to do now. Thank you, Kyungsoo.” He doesn’t miss the snap of Kris’ brows when he uses Kyungsoo’s first name. This is interesting.
“Oh,” Kyungsoo fumbles with his sentences, unsure he has done much at all. “If there’s anything you still need help with, please call me, Yixing hyung.”
‘Yixing hyung’ feels just a bit threatened by the intensified glower on sajang-nim’s face when Kyungsoo mutters the endearment, but he promises to call anyway.
♫♫♫
It’s been a long time since Kyungsoo was present at a shoot, since there have been many unexpected concerns popping up that need his attention due to the explosive reception. But he decides to supervise this one just to ensure things are running smoothly. The crew largely ignores him except when he’s issuing instructions, which sits just well with Kyungsoo. But Park Jungmin stares at him for so long that Kyungsoo feels obliged to wave at him. When he lifts his hand though, Jungmin turns his back and Kyungsoo awkwardly uses that hand to scratch an un-itchy spot at the back of his head instead. He grimaces. So much for trying to be friendly, he’d just stick to his cold-hearted ajusshi ambition from now on.
Waving his hands vigorously, Lu Han bounces up to him from half a street away and Kyungsoo is forcefully reminded of a miniature Park Chanyeol. He wishes fans were here to witness their namshin’s (some say yeoshin) flawless self. They are on a street unknown to Kyungsoo but he suspects this place will become popular soon enough. All the locations they have previously filmed at have suddenly become the hottest dating sites. It’s now popular for a couple to snap and post a picture of their intertwined hands online as testament that they have strolled through the quaint winding alleys of Seogyodong street. The crowd at Hope Market is now impossible to navigate on a Sunday. Much to the chagrin of the students at Seoul University, their library is suddenly invaded by girls who find it fun to sit back to back to each other, as opposed to sitting side by side. The eatery that never wanted to be found has also been found. Thankfully, Kyungsoo finds out that they have plans to open another branch in a more accessible location, and no one knows that they serve better jjigae than kalguksu. Of course, the latest collection at Chrome Hearts sells out faster than it has ever before, and the range of their clientele has expanded to the working male crowd. It is now trendy to pair an expensive tailor made suit with cross on hoop earrings. A local magazine gives a detailed guide on all the accessories worn by Kris in each commercial.
True to Kyungsoo’s words, nothing really stands out in the progression of the story. The working of Kris and Lu Han’s relationship is just like any other couple on the street; it’s simply presented in a way that appeals to the masses. An anti points out the essence in her comment: this is crap. i don’t see what’s so special about huifei. i do the same things with my boyfriend too.
But for precisely the same reason, the story seizes the attention of the entire nation. It is not just Kris’ and Lu Han’s story, it’s everyone’s story. A netizen dubs it the National Love Story and media picks it up to much celebration, leaving Kyungsoo completely exasperated. In the latest instalment, Kris makes up with Lu Han after a fight, and the gigantic poster that’s up on their store in Myeongdong has been replaced. It’s still a close-up of Lu Han’s face, but now he’s held by someone, though only the back of the blond’s head can be seen. Lu Han rests his chin on the blond’s shoulder, his eyes red around the rims and glassy with unshed tears. But the arch on his lips is as genuine as his tears, and it makes Lu Han appear as strong as he is weak. Under the poster is a line that goes, let tears water your smiles.
It’s a lie, Kyungsoo thinks, as he watches Lu Han grumble about his bad lunch with a variety of expressions he didn’t think was humanly possible. “Why are you wearing so little?” he asks when a breeze sweeps by and Lu Han breaks off mid-sentence because his teeth are chattering so badly. Lu Han is only wearing a long grey shawl cardigan over a blue shirt with big checks, which is what the ad calls for but usually he’d pull a padded jacket over his shoulders while he waits for filming to start.
“I left my jacket in the van,” replies Lu Han, pouting when Kyungsoo tuts. The van has gone back to the studio to pick up the rest of the shooting equipment required later and will not be back until at least a good hour later.
“Take this,” Kyungsoo shakes his head and shrugs off his trusty fur collar cotton-padded coat, pushing it into Lu Han’s arms.
The coat feels warm and cosy with Kyungsoo’s heat but Lu Han holds it out, “No, you’d catch a cold.”
“Then you’d better not forget your coat again,” Kyungsoo’s voice turns frigid, refusing to take the coat back “because I can afford to be sick but you can’t. Do you want the meet and greet to be cancelled tomorrow?”
“Yes, Kyungsoo-hyung.” Like a good boy, Lu Han sticks out his lower lip and obediently puts Kyungsoo’s coat on. More because he doesn’t want to cross Kyungsoo rather than fear that the fanmeeting will be cancelled; he’s too good looking to die this young.
Kyungsoo spends the next hour getting ready for the shoot - getting things set up, clearing the gathering crowd, discussing the concept with the photographer. He’s so busy he doesn’t realise his fingers have gotten so cold, he can’t even feel much of them anymore. The chill seeps into his bones only when he has finished his pre-shoot responsibilities and stands at the side, waiting for filming to commence.
♫♫♫
Lu Han is bowing to fans from behind the barricade when Kris appears next to him. “Are we starting already?” He has just arrived at the scene, straight from the office after a meeting. “It’s freezing,” Kris says and sees his words turn smoke-like.
Before Lu Han could reply, screams suddenly fill the quiet street and the clicks of DSLRs can be heard all around. From a nearby block of flats, Lu Han sees heads popping out to investigate. “Please, stay away from me. Are you trying to start a stampede?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kris retaliates and is about to say more when he takes in the familiar sight of the black cotton-padded coat on Lu Han. “Why are you wearing his coat?”
Lu Han doesn’t need to ask whom Kris is referring to. “I forgot mine in the van,” he replies, looking vexed at himself.
“What about Kyungsoo?”
“He’s- hey, where are you going, we’re starting any second!”
♫♫♫
“Is it my turn yet?”
It’s Kris. Kyungsoo stops blowing hot air into his cupped hands and swipes the back of his hand across his wet nose. “Just a while more, the photographer is looking for his lenses.” He wishes he could stop sniffing; the last thing he wants is Kris’ attention. But Kris lingers at his side, fixing him with a stare that Kyungsoo is unable to shake off. “You’re cold,” he says pointedly.
Kyungsoo claims he’s not but once he stops clenching his jaw, his teeth begin to chatter.
“Where’s your coat?” Kris asks casually.
“I’ve forgotten it,” Kyungsoo lies conveniently to get Kris off his back and instinctively senses the subtle shift in the atmosphere at once. The next second, he feels something warm wrap around his shoulders. It’s Kris’ double breasted trench coat. The air seems even cooler now as Kris’ mood abruptly changes but Kyungsoo is just as stubborn. He thins his lips and pushes the coat off. “You need this for the shoot.”
He should have heeded his instincts and not provoked his boss further, because Kris grips the lapels of his coat and pulls it back around Kyungsoo again, so tight that a gasp escapes from his lips. “Don’t let me find you lying to me again.” His words are as gentle as ever, sounding like the usual sajang-nim, despite the death grip he has on Kyungsoo’s biceps.
When Kyungsoo gets over the shock, he tries to struggle but he’s no match for Kris who just takes his arms and forcefully sticks it into the armholes of the coat, pulling it over Kyungsoo’s shoulders and holding the collar together, trapping Kyungsoo in it. Then he says slowly while peering into Kyungsoo’s eyes which are round with alarm, “Listen. I don’t want the same thing to happen again. If you can’t even take care of yourself, then I’d best take you off this project, too.”
Kyungsoo exhales harshly when Kris finally releases him and stalks off without a backward glance. The threat is still ringing loud in his ears. Kyungsoo swallows, heart beating so fast he can’t hear the crew’s loud whispering around him, unable to believe what has happened. He looks down at the coat that’s much too big for him. The sajang-nim who has always been an absolute gentleman just lost it.
What exactly is his problem?
♫♫♫
The official statement claims that Kris and Lu Han want to ‘repay the fans’. But they all know that the purpose of the meet & greet session is just to spur sales at the peak of their popularity so that they could close in on their targets with a leap. That’s why tickets are won through scratch and win method only, and the fans get a chance to scratch with any purchase they make. The greatest sales record is achieved the day before the meet and greet session, when the revenue at the end of the day is equivalent to what they usually make in a week.
Kyungsoo is ready to forgive Kris after a night of self-hypnosis (“Baby the boss, Kyungsoo, baby the boss.”), but to his chagrin, Kris doesn’t seem prepared to do the same. In fact, Kris ignores him throughout the entire journey to the fanmeeting although he’s all smiles to everyone else. Kyungsoo secretly prays for Kris to fall off the stage later.
It is a private event which is why tickets are so exclusive but that doesn’t stop the fans from camping out at all the exits of the venue hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kris and Lu Han, even if they aren’t able to enter. In consideration of safety, Kyungsoo has vetoed the idea of holding an autograph session in a mall. He doesn’t think barricades are able to contain the fangirls, and cancelling the event at the very last minute is not an option in Kyungsoo’s book since it’s highly unlikely to rearrange another session. Kris and Lu Han’s popularity might not last that long.
There’s not a single second when Myeongdong in the day isn’t fired up with activity, but still, Kyungsoo has never seen it so infested with people before. He can’t even make out the road they’re walking on. Every crook and cranny is filled with people who hardly seem to be able to walk at all; the crowd appears to be just jostling back and forth as a single entity. Heads are bobbing everywhere. Here and there, a confused face can be spotted, poor random shoppers who don’t know what they have gotten themselves into.
When their mini-van stops at the gate of the hall and Lu Han hops out, loud screaming pierces through the air and Kyungsoo jumps in his seat because they are so near. He looks out the window but just meets a series of light flashes that make him see stars. There’s disturbance near him and when he turns around, he sees that Kris has also gotten off and is surrounded by bodyguards who have formed a circle around him to keep the fangirls away. He seems to be saying something to him.
“What?” shouts Kyungsoo, “I can’t hear you!” The screaming and shoving get increasingly frantic as Kris loiters at the door of the van.
The disgruntlement is still evident on his stupid handsome face but, “Come on!” Kris urges. He grabs Kyungsoo’s arm and pulls him into the safety of the ring of guards. Kyungsoo has already decided he would rather get stomped to death than be protected by Kris, but then he sees the sea of fangirls and cowers in fear. Together with Kris, he gets escorted into the hall.
The smile that lingers on Kyungsoo’s face is wistful when Kris and Lu Han step onstage. No matter how reluctant he was back then, he has been right all this while. The two of them look good next to each other, and he has the whole nation behind his back on this. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t the one standing next to Kris anymore; he feels more comfortable watching them behind the curtains, where he belongs. It feels safer here, albeit lonelier.
It isn’t the first time that Kyungsoo is witnessing the mania he has single-handedly created; the screams are usual fanfare, so he’s not fazed by the shouts that echo off the roof of the vast hall, multiplying in volume at every bit of interaction between Kris and Lu Han. But when Kris holds a finger to his lips, requesting for silence so he can speak, when the hall that is swamped with people suddenly mutes itself out and turns so quiet Kyungsoo could hear his own breathing, he finally recognizes the monster he has created.
Even Kris, as rich and powerful as he has been his entire life, seems dumbfounded at the new weapon he wields. “Hello, I am Kris.” His uncertainty is amplified by the sound system and it sails around the hall. But Kyungsoo sees faces tilt up to beam at him, each of them a sign of delight and joy. Kris can be found in every single pair of eyes here and every one of them reminds Kyungsoo of himself. Kris is extraordinary, he is a superstar, he belongs to everyone. The truth makes Kyungsoo unbearably sad and helpless.
The sun shines on all sunflowers, but the sunflowers know only one sun.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo hates indoor photoshoots, because going to the Cheongdam-dong studio just reminds him of all the unhappiness that once happened. There’s also nowhere to hide from all the hostility in that enclosed space, but Kyungsoo consoles himself with the fact that all of this is coming to an end soon. The last two months have been both a nightmare and a dream. Regardless, he’d have to wake up one day.
At least it’s just Lu Han today. The social butterfly flutters from flower to flower before he lands on Kyungsoo. “Second last photoshoot!” he beams, the pink of his shirt accentuates the fairness of his complexion. The lighting kit stands behind him, so a warm yellow glow settles around Lu Han, making long eyelashes draw inky shadows on the lower lids. Even like this, just like this, Lu Han is beautiful. Sometimes Kyungsoo forgets, because Lu Han is as endearing and approachable as anyone else. But when he recalls, at moments like this, it sends him reeling. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’d ever get used to Lu Han.
Nodding at him, Kyungsoo says, “You’ll be free after the last shoot with the Chrome Hearts collab, then it’s back to being a boring Brand Director.”
Lu Han sobers up at this though. “You know, Kyungsoo, I’ve given some thought to this. Maybe you are right, I’m not suitable for the post of Brand Director.”
Stunned, Kyungsoo nearly drops the roll of papers in his hands. Although what Lu Han has said is true, he has never revealed his thoughts to him before.
Lu Han rolls his eyes at Kyungsoo’s reaction. “Contrary to what you think, I’m not stupid,” he drawls, but his words are not malicious, just blunt. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person in the world either, Do Kyungsoo-sshi.”
A pang of guilt stabs Kyungsoo’s heart. Catching the look on his face, Lu Han holds up his hand. “If you apologise right now, I think I’d lose my appetite forever, so please don’t.” He watches the contrite expression on Kyungsoo’s face fade into amusement and then, horror, as his gaze shifts to something behind Lu Han.
“What-” Lu Han cuts himself off when he turns around to see the lighting kit falling right in his direction.
♫♫♫
The call is transferred to Kris’ direct line when he’s stuck in his office cell, trying to figure out where the company is going to land for the year’s revenue. “There was an accident involving Lu eesa at the studio,” the person rushes to say before he registers his folly. “Sorry, sajang-nim, this is Park Jungmin from-”
But Kris doesn’t wait, he’s already grabbing his jacket and is on the way out of the door. “How is he?”
“Lu eesa is unhurt, please don’t worry.” Jungmin continues, sounding so agitated he can’t even speak right.
Kris pauses at the lift lobby. “Are you sure?” He doesn’t really have the time to get out of his office desk. There’s too much work to do now that it’s nearing the end of the year and the Board Meeting is barely two weeks away.
“Yes, not a scratch on Lu eesa,” Jungmin says firmly. “We are currently still in the middle of shooting. He is absolutely well.”
“Fine.” Kris hangs up then, not inclined to speak more to Park Jungmin. Since the previous incident, he has held little regards for this person. Returning to his office, Kris submerges himself back into work, not surfacing until it’s well after midnight. Too tired to drive, he has made arrangements with the chauffeur to pick him up. Slumped in the backseat, he pulls out his mobile and calls Lu Han, knowing he doesn’t sleep so early.
“You ok?” he says when the call is picked up, tiredly massaging the spot between his eyes at the same time.
“I’m fine, I guess you went to Kyungsoo already. Is he ok now?”
Kris sits up straight, all fatigue vanished in a split second at the mention of Kyungsoo’s name. A funny tingly feeling shoots up his spine and lingers at the back of his head. “Why wouldn’t he be?” But before Lu Han could answer, Kris calls out to the chauffeur, “Cheongdam-dong, now!”
♫♫♫
Using an empty crate as a seat, Kyungsoo is in the storeroom of the studio putting away the props used for this afternoon’s shooting when he accidentally knocks his left arm against the edge of a box. Hissing, he flips his arm over to survey the deep gash on the underside. The superficial wound is still raw and bloody. Truthfully, it seems a much worse cut than it feels. His skin was torn by glass from the broken bulb, revealing the flesh beneath, but what was really horrifying was how the blood couldn’t seem to stem back then. While he didn’t lose much blood, Kyungsoo had to press on his arm for some time before the flow finally stopped.
Thankfully, it wasn’t Lu Han who got hurt. Campaign aside, Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to live it down should Lu Han sustain anymore injuries because of him. If only Lu Han appreciated his good intentions more. “Why did you push me away!” he barked, making to reach for Kyungsoo’s arm only to pause because he was afraid he’d end up hurting him more. Someone passed a towel to him and he quickly placed it gingerly on Kyungsoo’s wound, though afraid to press down.
Kyungsoo took over from Lu Han and gradually exerted strength, until his hold over the wound became firm. He was careful to control his facial expression, masking the pain lest Lu Han fretted. “Look, I’m no hero. If I had known it was going to come my way instead…” Kyungsoo widened his eyes and trailed off suggestively. But he shut up when he spotted the harsh look on Lu Han’s face; it was so foreign to him.
“I don’t want you to joke about this anymore!” Lu Han yelled, an angry scowl twisting his delicate features, and the studio that was in chaos because of the accident fell quiet immediately. They’d never seen Lu Han so furious before.
Kyungsoo placed his good hand on Lu Han’s shoulder. “I am alright,” he pacified Lu Han until the knot between his brows smoothed itself out. Why were they so alike, Kyungsoo thought of Kris and Lu Han, both usually as soft as water only to end up being harder than ice. On the other hand, Kyungsoo seemed as tough as nails but when pressed the right way, he yielded like pure metal.
“Go to the hospital,” Lu Han gave in. “I’ll call Kris.”
“No,” Kyungsoo lifted the towel up to check his wound, gritting his teeth when the cloth got stuck a little on the blood drying around the wound. But once the pressure eased, blood began flowing again. Lu Han leaned over and frowned when he saw the same. “Fine, don’t tell Kris,” Lu Han compromised, unaware that Park Jungmin had already called Kris but withheld information about Kyungsoo’s injury, misunderstanding that the PA wasn’t important enough. “But you have to go to the hospital.”
Kyungsoo refused to let work be held up because of him though. He compromised by saying he’d go only if the bleeding didn’t stop after ten minutes. But the ten minutes lengthened to half an hour and then an hour. By that time, Kyungsoo insisted he was fine and refused to go at all, saying he would have to do overtime if he did and would rather finish up work before tending to his injury. Eventually, Lu Han let it go but when he left, he made Kyungsoo promise that he’d rest earlier tonight, but time always flew when Kyungsoo was immersed in work and somehow, it’s already midnight.
It turns out that the umbrella kit is the same one that caused Lu Han’s injury previously. The stand has been faulty all this while but is discernible only when the weight rests on a certain leg. The previous ‘accident’ involving Lu Han was truly just an accident. Kyungsoo grins when recalls how the crew members took turns to apologise to him during the day, and those who didn’t were especially good to him. It was awkward for him since he just wasn’t good at this kind of things. Furthermore, Kyungsoo didn’t need his name cleared. It’s coming to an end; they are going to move on anyway. Still, he guesses it’s kind of nice.
He is smiling to himself when he hears footsteps behind him. Startled, his head turns so fast it cricks. It’s Kris, his large form filling out the small storeroom when he steps in. Kyungsoo feels his breathing speed up instantly at the sight of Kris’ expressionless face. Kris is angry, Kyungsoo knows it the instant he appears. His wrath is quiet. He isn’t the only angry one, however. Kyungsoo remembers their last argument and averts his glance. He doesn’t need this now, but it’s getting harder and harder to breathe as Kris nears. No one says anything but from Kris’ formidable aura, the telling thing is that Kyungsoo is in trouble. The silence further thickens the tension in the air, and every footstep quickens the beat of Kyungsoo’s heart. That familiar feeling of being suffocated slinks back and he drops his things, ready to flee when Kris grips his hand.
Kyungsoo grunts in pain and Kris lets go immediately. But somehow, Kyungsoo’s pain just adds to his fury. Without a word, he reaches out for Kyungsoo’s hand again, his hold firm but gentle while he checks out the wound, squatting down beside where Kyungsoo sits so he could have a better look. Kyungsoo wants to struggle, he wants to pull out of Kris’ grip, but all his efforts subside when he feels Kris shaking. Kyungsoo is always helpless when Kris is like this.
“I’m ok,” he quietly assures Kris.
But Kris puts down Kyungsoo’s hand only when he’s satisfied that it’s really just a superficial wound. Then he exhales deeply, as if trying to calm himself down. He gets up but only to walk restlessly along the length of the storeroom with long strides, hands perched on his hips, muscles of his jaw protruding as he locks it tight. Wordlessly, Kyungsoo’s large eyes flick back and forth as he watches Kris pace the floor, uncertain as to what he should say in their current situation.
After what seems like a long time, Kris walks back and picks up the bottle of antiseptic that Lu Han has left for Kyungsoo. Despite his obvious need for control, Kris bends down and very carefully, as if he’s handling something precious, he tends to Kyungsoo’s wound with a Q-tip. Kyungsoo is unable to refuse such a gentle Kris, but even then, he could still feel him tremble.
“Why are you shaking?” he murmurs, thinking that if Kris couldn’t hear then he doesn’t need the answer as well.
But Kris replies real quick in an unsteady voice, “Because I’m angry. Because I’m really, really angry.”
Kyungsoo is of the opinion that Kris has no right to be angry with him; he is an adult and he can jolly well take care of himself. It is none of Kris’ business whether he’s unwell or not. “I’m fine, you don’t have to do this. The wound has already been treated,” he says dismissively and tries to withdraw his arm from Kris’ loose grasp.
But Kris tightens his hold on Kyungsoo. “Please,” he grits his teeth, “just shut up and let me do this.”
Kris’ brusqueness reminds Kyungsoo of his own anger. “I didn’t ask you to come back to look for me,” he retorts, heart beginning to race again because he’s so mad. But he pays for his curtness, gasping in shock when Kris snatches up the bottle of antiseptic and throws it against the wall. Glass shatters as the bottle smashes upon concrete; the orange liquid colours the wall and drips to form a puddle on the floor.
“I didn’t want to find you here. Do you know how late it is?” Kris breathes hard, chest heaving as he sucks in air. “Who asked you to take the blow for him?” His nails digs into the centers of his palms as hands tighten into fists.
“I’m the one in charge and I should make sure everyone is safe.” Dumbfounded by Kris’ action, Kyungsoo says the first thing on his mind.
The innocent look on Kyungsoo’s face fans Kris’ ire. “This is how you take responsibility? By getting yourself hurt?” he asks incredulously.
“Lu eesa is one of the main characters and we cannot afford having him hurt,” Kyungsoo bristles.
“WHAT ABOUT YOU! AND IT’S ALRIGHT FOR YOU TO GET HURT?!” Kris thunders, shouting at the top of his voice. He slams a fist down on the crate Kyungsoo is sitting on and stares him down.
Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat and shrinks back unconsciously. He was wrong, Kris hasn’t lost control previously, he’s only losing it now. “I’m not important. You are the one who said I should bear responsibi-”
“I did not ask you to get hurt! I did not permit this!” Kris yells; he’s being outright unreasonable now. “I warned you before. Don’t you ever, ever, let me hear you talk about yourself like this again.”
That does it. Kyungsoo puts a hand on Kris’ shoulder and pushes so hard Kris almost stumbles over. When Kris rights himself, Kyungsoo is already standing up and he could almost feel the thorns on his back sticking straight up. “I don’t know what you want anymore,” Kyungsoo says, so mad his voice is shaking. Kris is angry with him when Lu Han gets hurt. Kris is angry even when he protects Lu Han from getting hurt. “So tell me, what should I have done? Should I have just watched the lighting kit fall on him?” He’s just getting all riled up for a good fight but unexpectedly, at his words, Kyungsoo sees the fight seep out of Kris.
The harsh lines on Kris’ face mellow into an incredibly gentle look. His wrath, so fearsome just seconds ago, is nowhere to be found. “Then who takes care of you?” Kris asks softly. It comes out sounding more like a plea than a question. His thumb strokes Kyungsoo’s arm, so close to his wound. “Who takes care of you?”
It’s as if Kris knows Kyungsoo’s greatest weakness. But he doesn’t want to succumb. He’s not done yet. He’d rather bleed. Ignoring the stabbing pain, Kyungsoo snatches his wounded hand back and hides it behind his back, choosing to show all his thorns instead. “I’d take care of myself,” he says fiercely.
But Kyungsoo doesn’t know Kris’ greatest weakness. There’s a flurry of movement and in the next second, he’s already caught in a warm embrace, strong arms winding around him, holding him up against Kris’ chest.
“This is all your fault. Why do you make people worry for you so much?” The words are whispered against the top of Kyungsoo’s head. But Kyungsoo could hardly hear them; the furious drumming of his heart is too loud in his ears. Or maybe that’s Kris’ heartbeat, he can’t tell them apart. They are too close.
“I’m strong enough, I can look after myself,” Kyungsoo says stubbornly against Kris’ shirt. “I don’t need people to worry about me.” He should really push Kris away. But it’s too difficult, it feels so good to be cared for. He’d pay for it later, just give him one more second of this, one second. Let him sink. I really like you, he wants to say to Kris, Did you know? I really, really like you.
“But I do,” Kris mumbles, hand stroking Kyungsoo’s back, comforting him. “I still do.”
Kyungsoo feels himself comes apart in Kris’ arms. He has been strong for so long. “My hand hurts.” His complaint is hushed.
Kris immediately releases Kyungsoo, afraid that he’s causing the pain but Kyungsoo clings onto him, hands clutching the material of his shirt. Astonished, Kris looks down at Kyungsoo, face buried in the cotton of his shirt. Kyungsoo has never done aegyo before but now he’s as needy as a kitten. Kris realizes then, that all Kyungsoo wants to do is to rest for a while.
His arms wrap themselves around Kyungsoo again. “And?”
“I’m tired.” Kyungsoo’s voice is muffled. Kris strokes his hair and feels him shiver. “And?”
Kyungsoo shakes his head, afraid to speak because there are suddenly tears in his eyes. He’s exhausted, but he’s also happy. He’s so, so happy.
It’s alright then, even if Kris doesn’t like him back. No one can take this moment away from him.
♫♫♫
“Hello.”
Kyungsoo is in the cafeteria of the office building, shovelling rice from one side of his plate to the other while deep in thought, when he hears someone greets him. Thinking that the person just wants to share the table, he shifts his tray closer to him and continues playing with his food.
“Exactly what did that tofu do to you?”
Startled, Kyungsoo stops stabbing the piece of fried tofu with the fork and lifts his head to see Yixing beam at him, dimples out in full force. “What are you doing here?” he blurts out, then adds as if to make up for the abruptness of his question, “Yixing hyung.”
“May I?” Kyungsoo nods hurriedly and Yixing takes a seat opposite him. “Where’s sajang-nim? I’m supposed to be meeting him to discuss the collaboration, I have the finished product with me.” He pats his backpack which presumably holds his work and winks at Kyungsoo.
Forcing a smile in return, Kyungsoo admits, “I haven’t seen sajang-nim all morning.” He wishes he could be more enthusiastic about the last ad that would round up the entire campaign. He’d probably be able to muster some later but the mention of Kris dampens his mood. Just this early morning, back in the studio, he was so sure he was going to be ok. But a few hours later, every single bit of goodness he received from Kris came crashing down on him. It’s really hard for Kyungsoo to give Kris up when he’s so good to him. Even if Kris is just caring for him like any of his subordinates, every bit is precious to Kyungsoo and every bit breaks his heart. He has been able to keep his distance previously, but now, even if Kyungsoo can’t be with Kris, it would alright as long as he can stay beside him.
“I thought you were his assistant,” remarks Yixing, not knowing he’s being unkind right now.
Kyungsoo looks down; he can’t even smile to divert the attention. Kris didn’t come into the office this morning, skipping a meeting without notice. That’s a first for his boss. Kyungsoo fears the reason is him; he just keeps crossing that damn line he himself drew.
“For you.” A slim box is pushed across the table until it’s right in front of Kyungsoo. It’s black with the familiar fleur cross mark on it. Kyungsoo gazes at Yixing quizzically until he ducks his head and actually blushes a little, looking shy and cute. His reaction surprises Kyungsoo. Afraid that he would be seen as being unappreciative, he picks up the box and shakes it a little. “What is it?” he manages to summon some cheer in his voice, and upon seeing the anticipation in Yixing’s eyes, he opens the box. It’s a pen, sleek with a plain black body, gold end and tip. A double cross with a floral center is embossed on its golden end cap.
“You said you don't wear accessories,” Yixing says, his cheeks still pink, “so I thought you’d like this better.”
Kyungsoo removes the pen from the box and sticks it into the pocket of his shirt. “Thank you,” he grins, lips forming a heart shape, “I like it.” In truth, Kyungsoo doesn’t care much about pens, but the thought of being remembered is always more important than the gift itself.
Yixing takes in Kyungsoo’s grin like it’s the best return gift. “This isn’t sold anywhere,” he states explicitly with a gentle smile. “It’s made especially for you.”
Kyungsoo’s smile slides off slowly. He’s not stupid; the meaning behind Yixing’s words is plain, he’s just not sure how to react. “Oh, well, I-”
“Why, does Zhang Yixing-sshi think my staff is short on stationery supply? I’m pretty sure Kyungsoo will find more pens than he’d ever need in the cabinet.”
A shadow looms on the table they sit at. Kyungsoo swallows when his eyes flit up to meet Kris’ cold stare. He stands at their table, towering over them while they remain seated. But Yixing is seemingly oblivious; he gets up to greet Kris and Kyungsoo hurries to stand too. “I just thought it would suit Kyungsoo, since I didn’t get him a gift in our first meeting,” Yixing says good-naturedly. “I’ve been looking for you, sajang-nim.”
“Oh,” Kris replies, voice still calm and low despite the mock surprise in it. “I thought you were looking for Kyungsoo.” He might be talking to Yixing but his eyes are fixed on Kyungsoo.
Unable to meet Kris’ glare, Kyungsoo keeps his gaze downcast. He doesn’t know why he feels like he’s been caught doing something wrong, but Kris’ angry face from yesterday flashes in his mind and he wonders if Kris is still mad at him.
“You are right, I was also hoping to meet Kyungsoo.”
At this, Kris stills before he finally turns to Yixing, acknowledging his presence. Kyungsoo looks up quickly too, taken aback by Yixing’s reply. His dimpled smile is still easy, despite the taunt he’s just issued. The room temperature seems to plummet within a second when Kyungsoo catches the expression on Kris’ face. It is the same as the one he wore last night.
“Yixing hyung just wanted to pass me the gift,” Kyungsoo explains hastily, only to wish he had kept his trap shut when Kris nails him with that frigid stare.
“Yes, but I was going to ask if you would like to join me for dinner tonight as well.” Kyungsoo gapes at Yixing who sounds much too joyous for their current predicament. It’s alright if he wants to play with fire but Kyungsoo wishes that he wouldn’t drag him all the way to hell too.
“Kyungsoo is busy tonight,” Kris answers coolly for him.
Yixing lifts his brows. “Are you, Kyungsoo?” His smile is still pleasing but Kyungsoo wishes Yixing would stop grinning like that.
“I-,” Kyungsoo begins but his sentence gets interrupted by Kris.
“I need the final copy of the annual report on my desk tomorrow morning.”
Kyungsoo blinks. The annual report is far from being completed, Kris knows that. The deadline they have agreed on is still a week away. “I lack the sections on sales insight and sustainability,” he says, unsure why Kris is suddenly in a hurry to have the report.
But Kris looks disinterested. “I need them,” he repeats, not bothering to explain why and frankly, he doesn’t need to.
Yixing’s smile finally dims. “I take back my words and I’ll apologise if necessary, please leave Kyungsoo out of this.” The last thing he wants is to create trouble for Kyungsoo.
“This is between my assistant and I,” Kris flicks Yixing a sideway glance. “I would appreciate it if Zhang Yixing-sshi could kindly keep out of it.”
This is quite enough for Kyungsoo. The disappointment doesn’t even come. He has already known that nothing he ever does is going to please Kris. He can’t oversee the project right and he can no longer be the perfect assistant he once was. As if he has just finished lunch like every other day, Kyungsoo gathers up his tray and leaves, not pausing to spare a look at either Kris or Yixing.
Yixing turns around to watch Kyungsoo walk off. Then he turns back to Kris. “I thought you were a good boss,” he says quietly before pulling a small black velvet box out of his bag and placing it on the table. “Let’s cancel today’s meeting. I think you’ll agree to this anyway. It’s exactly the way you want it.”
He leaves after saying this, which is what Kris has been hoping for, since he doesn’t know how long he can keep up his act. Taking the seat that’s once occupied by Kyungsoo, Kris clutches the box in one hand, feeling incredibly angry at himself.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo checks the time on the bottom right of the screen, releasing a sigh when he finds that it’s already ten minutes past 11 p.m. Stretching his stiff limbs, Kyungsoo walks up to the window and peers down at the street below. He freezes, squinting into the dark for a while before he scoffs at himself. Because that cannot be the MD’s car parked at the entrance of the office building. He saw the MD leave the building at precisely 6 p.m. this evening, while he was stuck at his desk trying to finish the report that suddenly became so urgent. Must be someone else with the same car model and color. He’d be better off returning to work on his report than giving in to these fantasies. Kyungsoo knows Kris will not come. He had ample reasons to visit his wounded employee last night, but this time, he’s the ass who landed Kyungsoo in this plight.
The report is only half way done; he hopes he could finish it in time to go home for a shower before coming in to work again. At the very least, Kyungsoo doesn’t want Kris to think he’s so incompetent that he has to work overnight in the office to finish the report. The thought of Kris makes Kyungsoo’s stomach flip, which is just as well, since he’s feeling hungry and needs to lose the appetite he has worked up. His last meal was lunch, but lunch reminds him of today’s unpleasant episode and he’s suddenly not hungry anymore.
“That’s what you’re good for, sajang-nim,” he mutters wryly to himself as he returns to his seat and starts typing ferociously on the keyboard, “making me lose my appetite when there’s nothing to eat anyway. You’re brilliant at making me feel like a good for nothing, exceptional at taking me for granted, thinking I’m your nanny, forever at your beck and call.” Furious typing sounds echo around the office. “Why did I ever think you were a good boss and a wimp? Oh, I forgot! You’re nice to everyone except me! You’re the meanest, most horrible person,” Kyungsoo’s fierce voice gradually goes small, “but I’m still never going to be good enough to stand beside you, am I? So why do you,” he cracks, so that his words become a whisper instead of a grumble. “Why do you make me sink deeper and deeper.” Kris just needs to break Kyungsoo’s heart a bit more, leaving him to be sad for a while, and he’ll come back only to like Kris even more.
It doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would to admit out loud. He sits motionlessly at his desk, staring intently at the blinking cursor on the screen until spots pepper his vision, and he tells himself it’s the only reason why his eyes are suddenly wet. The cotton of his shirt feels rough against his eyes when he rubs the material on them. And he keeps rubbing and rubbing because they don’t seem to dry. In the end, he just presses his hands against his eyes trying to make the tears and everything stop.
Kyungsoo is exhausted. Thankfully, he’ll have his wish soon.
It’s all ending soon.
♫♫♫
Kris slumps over the steering wheel, long legs already going numb because he has been sitting for too long in the car. He peers up at the office building, lifting his head so he could see all the way up to the sole light at the top. Then he wills for the light to go off, like what he has been doing for the past few hours. “Come on,” he urges impatiently, tapping slender fingers against the leather of the wheel, only to seize up in the next moment, flinging himself down across the car seat, letting out an ‘oomph’ when his belly hits the gear.
He waits with impending doom, certain that Kyungsoo has seen him and is going to come confronting him, demanding a good explanation for his recent terrible behaviour. But when the seconds lengthen to minutes, he cautiously picks himself up, and finds the light still on. Feeling extremely dumb, he looks over to the shotgun seat. The takeout tuna kimchi jjigae has long turned cold and the bottle of ointment he skipped work to find this morning lies quietly by its side. Someone told him it’s good for scars but he somehow lacks the courage to give it to Kyungsoo.
Kris no longer knows who’s the one getting punished as he sprawls over the steering wheel again and waits an entire night for a light to go out.
♫♫♫
“Woah, did you sleep at all last night?” Lu Han exclaims and hovers around Kris while the make-up artist tries her best to hide his eyebags.
“Do you want a pay cut, Xi Luhan?” asks Kris calmly, patting down the front of his tweed jacket.
“Guess who I saw when I got out of the office yesterday?” Lu Han sings, not at all offended by Kris.
“Lots of teenage girls who are obsessed over you.”
Technically, that’s correct too, but Lu Han smiles like a wise old man and patronizes Kris. “If you keep staying up like a modern day Romeo, camping out in your car waiting for Juliet, you’re going to look so ugly standing next to me,” he advises sincerely. “I heard you got someone fired,” Lu Han continues, not caring about the warning in Kris’ eyes. “Does Juliet know?” For reasons known to only a few, Park Jungmin has been fired from the studio, but Lu Han doubts Kris is ever going to let Kyungsoo know anyway.
“How do you feel about being jobless?” Kris looks at him coldly, folding his arms as he sits in the chair and gets his face fussed over by several people.
Lu Han is not going to let pride stand in the path of survival. “Oh, Your Majesty, surely you jest,” he simpers but gets ignored. A stylist walks by and tuts when she sees that Lu Han has messed up the scarf she meticulously tied around his neck. “What outerwear am I wearing for the shoot?” He asks the stylist while she rearranges the scarf, pointing to Kris’ jacket for emphasis. The thick cream-coloured sweater he has on is cute but it’s hardly any defense against the snow of Nami island.
“Stay still,” she chides the child, pulling on the pink scarf. “This is all you’re wearing.”
Lu Han gasps with the unfairness of it all. “Why does he get a jacket and I don’t!”
Smiling smugly, Kris mocks, “Beauty over practicality.”
“I’m not as vain as you,” spits Lu Han.
They go all the way to Nami island for the shoot, but in the end, neither Lu Han nor Kris appears in the final ad. In mid-December, the gigantic poster that hangs on the exterior of their flagship store has been changed to that of a pair of idiot mittens. The plain white knitted gloves lie overlapping on each other on snowy ground, linked together by crimson yarn. On top of the gloves lies a pair of rings. The smaller gold ring fits snugly within the diameter of the platinum one, and when joined together, the elaborate carved pattern of fleur crosses on their rims is then completed. When worn, the rings would be seen as plain metal bands, the intricate pattern visible only to the wearers as a secret. Only the people involved know how special their story is.
No words are written beneath the poster because the significance of the red thread and rings are clear as day. Marriage is generally misunderstood to be the best ending to any romantic relationship and a cliché. But clichés are good, people like clichés. They are different representations of what’s fundamentally important to a lot of people. Yixing has adhered to Kyungsoo’s concept. Marriage is indeed, nothing out of the ordinary, but that’s only because it’s the shared desire. Marriage is the expected happy ending. Even the most glorious romantic films would end with something as mundane as a wedding.
Within the store, the posters hung swinging from the ceiling have also been changed. On one side of the poster is a pair of hands, although it’s obvious that the hands belong to two different people due to their size difference. They share that same pair of white idiot mittens, with their hands splayed, red string hanging in mid-air between them. The smaller hand has the golden ring worn on the ring finger over the glove, and the larger hand wears the platinum ring. The other side of the poster has Lu Han’s and Kris’ faces, hinting at the owners of those rings. They side-eye each other mischievously, secretive smiles on their lips, as if sharing a conspiracy.
It is subtle; they have to be. Getting banned once is enough. The complete commercial sits in Kyungsoo’s HDD and will never be seen, so no one knows it’s Lu Han who proposes to Kris (much to Lu Han’s relief). But this doesn’t hinder their success. The gloves sell out on the day they are launched, and idiot mittens are now not just for idiots but also the trendiest accessory of the season. The promotion package held together with Chrome Hearts gets fully claimed within minutes, and the brand that was founded by a motorcycle enthusiast is suddenly a popular choice for wedding rings. Unexpectedly, Kris and Lu Han’s popularity sustain long enough for them to hold another fanmeeting. This time it’s held in public in Daejeon. Expectedly, it gets cancelled on the day because of safety reasons due to the overwhelming response, successfully getting Huifei Holdings on national news again.
Huifei Holdings not only hit the year’s targets, they well exceed them by a whopping 23%, hitting a historical high in revenue. The Annual Board Meeting goes off without a hitch, the annual report is impeccable, and all the Directors have nothing to complain about Huifei Holdings and the MD’s performance for the year. Kris would have personally thanked Kyungsoo for his efforts but the truth is, he hasn’t seen Kyungsoo for a long time.
Once the campaign wraps up, Kyungsoo submits the application form for a month’s leave via email, which Kris promptly rejects, so the little PA has no choice but to drag his feet to the office.
“Why did you reject my leave application?” He stalks straight into the MD’s office to confront Kris, hating him for making him do this.
“If I didn’t reject it, would I ever get to see you?” counters Kris, leaning back in his seat, pretending to be comfortable in his superior position. Although he doesn’t think he could be as relaxed as Kyungsoo who doesn’t seem to give a damn about being rude to his boss anymore. Kyungsoo is curt, but he has always stayed within the confines of common courtesy.
“No.” There’s no blunt edge to Kyungsoo’s bluntness. It cuts through Kris’ pretences.
“Kyungsoo…” he relents, weakening his stance. But that’s because Kris knows that although he always has to be the first to back down, Kyungsoo will definitely follow right behind. Because for all that Kyungsoo thinks, he has always been the pushover when it comes to Kris and him, not the other way round.
This time, however, Kyungsoo chooses to take a step forward. “I deserve the break,” he states plainly, leaving no room for negotiation.
“Or what?” refutes Kris, clearly caught up in the misunderstanding that Kyungsoo is still on his side.
There is a long length of silence during which the expression on Kyungsoo’s face grows cold. Kris is suddenly afraid, and he hurries to continue before Kyungsoo replies to his provocation. “I need your help for the gala dinner,” he concedes. The soft approach might not work as well now but surely it’s a better bet than going harsh on Kyungsoo.
But to his surprise, Kyungsoo smiles and speaks in this real quiet voice. “You don’t need me, Kris.” And Kris slowly lifts his eyes up to look at Kyungsoo then, because this is the first time he has ever addressed him by his name. It makes Kris’ heart clench because he sounds so sincere, like he honestly believes Kris would be able to go on without him.
“You don’t need me,” Kyungsoo repeats with another broken smile, believing it to be true. Kris has never needed Kyungsoo like how Kyungsoo needs him. The MD could always hire another PA, but Kyungsoo will only ever feel this way for Kris.
“Will you approve my leave?” He asks again. His smile slides off so entirely that Kyungsoo doesn’t have enough time to pull on another mask to hide his exhaustion.
It shocks Kris to see Kyungsoo like this. He used to be so full of sarcasm and his eyes so bright. It’s as if the one thing that was in his core and giving him life has been ripped out from within, leaving behind a shell. Kris doesn’t want to know who is responsible for doing that to Kyungsoo.
At Kris’ slow nod, Kyungsoo mumbles, “Thank you.” He has gotten what he wants, but when he turns to leave, Kyungsoo feels like he has lost whatever little he once held.
♫♫♫
Despite being the main driver for their wildly successful winter campaign, Kyungsoo has declined the invitation for a get-together tonight. Lu Han assured him again and again that Kris would not be present, but he’s simply not in the mood, choosing to stay in to do some spring cleaning instead. What he can’t escape from, however, is the company’s annual dinner tomorrow night. Personal feelings aside, it is still his job to assist Kris for the company’s gala dinner. They liaise through emails since he’s on official leave and Kyungsoo has specifically stated that he will not receive calls from Kris on his private phone. But his refusal only highlights the personal feelings still involved. Kyungsoo doesn’t let Kris know though. He does not answer any of the non-work-related questions that Kris poses in the emails.
He doesn’t really need to do the spring cleaning, honestly. It’s just one of those times when one has the most pressing things to do but hey, why focus on My Sad Life when you can always change the bed sheets.
Kyungsoo clears out his wardrobe to find his suit, tailor made a year ago for a close relative’s wedding. After he passes it to his mom for ironing, he makes to open the drawer of the bedside cabinet only to freeze when he recalls what lies in it. But a second later, he opens it anyway. Plastic Kris lies beside plastic Kyungsoo, still as colorful as they were when he first saw them on the cake. If only the real them stay the same, too. Back then, he was just the little PA protecting his oversized boss. There was no success, no fame, only a promise of help, but he was also so happy.
So silly.
Kyungsoo grabs the two plastic figurines but ignores the black garbage bag. He can’t wait to do this. Walking straight out of his apartment, he takes the lift down to the bins, and throws the figurines into one of them. Kyungsoo does this all without hesitation.
“It’s all over now,” he promises the trash bin in a loud voice.
“It’s over.”
♫♫♫
When Kris arrives at the hotel lobby, he doesn’t see Kyungsoo immediately because the place is swamped with people and his PA is pea-sized. He panics, certain that Kyungsoo is not going to attend the dinner. But then he spots him by the fountain, brows locked together in a frown, looking so worried and small that it makes Kris feel bone-soaked with helplessness. There’s an incredibly warm feeling in his chest, threatening to melt his heart and hollow it out. It has been so long since they last saw each other and even if Kyungsoo being away has been terrible for Kris, he would be alright if it has been good for Kyungsoo. But it hasn’t been good for Kyungsoo, not at all. Fatigue etches itself onto Kyungsoo’s face and the feeling of powerlessness that overcomes Kris is intolerable. He wishes Kyungsoo would just be happier but he no longer knows what to do.
“Hey,” Kris says softly as he approaches, disregarding the screams that accompany his presence, watching the scowl on Kyungsoo’s face give way to exasperation. He drinks in the sight of his PA clad in a sleek one-button black suit and appreciates the way his hair has been slicked back to show his forehead. “You look good,” Kris lies.
You look so sad.
“You’re almost late,” Kyungsoo chides quietly.
Why are you sad?
“Here’s the agenda.” But Kris just stands there staring at Kyungsoo, who gets tired of holding out the piece of paper. So he purses his lips and folds it up into a clumsy rectangle. Then he tiptoes a little and sticks it into the pocket of Kris’ tuxedo. “Go through it, we can still make some adjustments if required.” Kyungsoo lowers his head, as if he’s reluctant to be so near Kris, refusing to meet his eyes even though Kris is gazing at him so intently. It’s making him nervous. Then he pauses, looking fixatedly at Kris’ bow tie. Acting on instinct, Kyungsoo lifts his hands up and Kris’ breathing stills. Kyungsoo is going to help him fix his crooked bow tie, just like old times. But there’s a commotion and Kyungsoo gets distracted by something behind Kris.
Kris doesn’t have to turn. He sees it in Kyungsoo’s eyes, the sudden flicker of realization, and in a split instance, Kyungsoo drops his hands, looking horrified at himself. Slowly, Kris turns his head a little to the right and the same image reflects in his eyes.
Lu Han has just arrived.
“Kyungsoo.”
Startled, the both of them look to the right and it’s Zhang Yixing, standing at the entrance of the ballroom, looking smart in a satin lapel jacket. His dimples are deep on the corners of his mouth as he smiles at Kyungsoo, hand held up in a greeting.
The scenes are changing too fast, cutting into play before Kris can react. He doesn’t have enough time to stop Kyungsoo from taking a step forward.
“I,” Kyungsoo says in a fluster but doesn’t bother completing his sentence. He quickly shows Kris his back because he just can’t hide it anymore. It’s all going out of control. Kyungsoo runs towards Yixing without hesitation, ignoring the alarm on Yixing’s face when he catches a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s. In his eagerness to leave all his awkwardness and pain behind, Kyungsoo almost trips.
But Kyungsoo also leaves Kris standing behind alone in the lobby, doesn’t even give him time to utter these words.
Don’t go.
♫♫♫
When Yixing catches his hand, all Kyungsoo can say is a breathless, “Please.”
Yixing takes in Kyungsoo’s eyes, too bright and shiny for it to be just the lights, then he takes a little while before saying, “Chin up, Kyungsoo.” When he next grins, those charming dimples seem to scar his smile instead. But he still saves Kyungsoo by escorting him into the ballroom.
“Are you alright?” Yixing looks ahead as he talks, but tilts his head down to Kyungsoo to show that all his attention belongs to him.
Kyungsoo nods in a way that Yixing doesn’t think he has taken in his words at all.
“Will you be alright?” This time, Kyungsoo looks at him. But Yixing would rather he didn’t. Kyungsoo’s smile is so small and sad. He saves Kyungsoo again by pulling him close, letting him tuck his face into his chest, so no one could witness his heartbreak.
“Don’t answer,” Yixing whispers, stroking Kyungsoo’s hair, feeling him tremble. “Don’t answer.”
♫♫♫
Lu Han finds him before Kris does, lounging just outside the ballroom, but his intent is no different. “Kris is looking for you.” The concern in his voice is genuine and it makes Kyungsoo hate himself for being so jealous of someone who has become such a dear friend to him.
“I will make sure the show runs smoothly,” Kyungsoo assures Lu Han. “Tell sajang-nim not to worry.”
“You know that’s not the issue.” Lu Han insists and Kyungsoo wishes for the umpteenth time that Lu Han could be as soft as his appearance. Instead he’s one of the most stubborn people he has ever known.
Kyungsoo averts his eyes. “There’s no issue.”
“You like him, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han pleas.
“So?”
If not for the current situation, Kyungsoo would be amused by how large Lu Han’s eyes have gone. “So what if I like him, Lu Han?” It’s no secret anyway. Kyungsoo doesn’t even know how to hide it.
“Then why are you doing this?” asks Lu Han, grabbing Kyungsoo’s arm agitatedly. “Go to him,” he urges.
“It’s no use.” Kyungsoo pulls his hand loose only to have it snatched back again.
“Let’s go find him.”
“It’s no use, Lu Han!” Kyungsoo pushes Lu Han away with such force that his back hits the column behind. Lu Han has never seen Kyungsoo so worked up before, but what really shakes him is that Kyungsoo doesn’t dash forward to offer any comfort and apology like how he usually would. He doesn’t even realised he has hurt Lu Han. Instead Kyungsoo stands his ground, and says with such hopelessness that Lu Han’s resolve wavers, “He doesn’t like me.” Why did Lu Han have to force him to admit this?
Silently, Lu Han regards Kyungsoo. “I have said this before, you don’t know how he feels.” Picking up the papers Kyungsoo have dropped in their scuffle, he presses them into Kyungsoo’s hands, although what Lu Han really wants to give him are these words. “You have to be fair to him. Do you ever listen to what he says?”
“Who has what to say?”
Yixing stands behind them, genuine curiosity in his question. He went off to the toilet for a while but came back to find Kyungsoo with a young guy. One who looks cute when he’s trying to intimidate Yixing with a glower.
“It’s none of your business,” Lu Han says coldly.
Hastily, Kyungsoo stands between them. “Zhang Yixing-sshi is the Marketing Director of Chrome Hearts in East Asia.”
“Who cares? He just sells rings,” Lu Han snaps, pulling Kyungsoo to stand behind him as if sheltering him. His protective stance makes Yixing burst out laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Lu Han straightens his back and asks defensively. To his chagrin, Yixing crinkles his eyes and answers honestly, “You.”
In no mood to dissuade anyone from a fight, Kyungsoo is listening on to their (just Lu Han’s, actually) squabble when someone grips his shoulder with such force, he gasps, but stops abruptly upon seeing who it is.
“I wouldn’t run if I were you,” Kris warns in a low voice.
♫♫♫
Lu Han and Yixing watch as Kyungsoo gets dragged off. “Should I save him?” Lu Han twists his lips and wonders aloud.
“If I haven’t misread anything, I thought you were trying to be matchmaker?” Yixing smiles. He has never met the other lead of the campaign before. Lu Han’s personality is cuter than his looks.
“Yes, but Kris doesn’t look like he’s in love. He looks like he wants to murder Kyungsoo,” Lu Han says seriously to Yixing, then he draws in his breath sharply when he realises what he’s doing. “What would you know, you ring seller,” he dismisses Yixing.
“I apologise for my presumptuousness, Love Sage.” Yixing gives a small bow.
Lu Han waves his hand lazily as if to say, ‘will do’.
“Ten minutes is ample time to talk,” Yixing checks his watch. “I guess it’s time to rescue Kyungsoo.”
His dimpled grin is so devastatingly charming, it makes Lu Han forget that he needs to stop Yixing.
♫♫♫
Kris pulls Kyungsoo right into the ballroom, smack in the middle of the gala dinner so Kyungsoo can’t even struggle if he wants to. The lights are dim and someone is speaking in a loud voice into the mic onstage. But at the tables near them, people are starting to murmur among themselves, staring at the MD and his PA.
“Let go of me,” Kyungsoo hisses, straining himself to keep up with Kris’ long angry strides, hand still caught in his grip. “People are looking.”
“Let them look,” Kris says without expression. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Yixing approaching and quickly backs Kyungsoo into the wall until he’s completely blocked off.
“What are you doing!” Kyungsoo snaps, pushing at Kris’ chest, trying to get him off. His entire view is obscured, trapped between the wall and Kris’ body. His pulse begins to race at their closeness; Kris’ heart lies just beneath his palm. A nostalgic citrus scent invades Kyungsoo’s senses, prickling his lids. He used to think this was what happiness smelled like. Kyungoso has fantasized being held by Kris many times but he now protests vehemently. Not like this, not at all.
“Shut up.” Kris ignores Kyungsoo’s struggles, pulling off when he sees Yixing change direction and walk out of the ballroom. Renewing his grasp on Kyungsoo’s arm, he makes for the balcony right at the other end of the room, just beside the stage.
Narrowing his eyes, Kyungsoo digs in his heels and yanks his hand back. If Kris doesn’t mind losing face, why should Kyungsoo? But Kris has such a strong hold on Kyungsoo that he merely stumbles before hurling himself into Kris’ arms. Kris steadies by wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist, holding him up against his chest. “Why so eager now, I thought you wanted Zhang Yixing instead?” He whispers hotly into Kyungsoo’s ear.
Kyungsoo fights him so hard, Kris has no choice but to release him. Before he could even right himself, he feels something hit him near the ear and the world begins to spin. The gasps near him are drowned out by loud music accompanied by the host shouting into the microphone, “Let’s now welcome Kris Wu, Managing Director of Huifei Holdings to give us a speech!” No one notices the commotion, covered up by the activities of the dinner.
Blinking to clear his colorful vision, Kris sees Kyungsoo nursing his sore right wrist, looking visibly shaken. He stumbles a step forward, hand over his ringing ear. “Kyungsoo, I’m sorry…”
“Fuck you.” Kyungoo seethes, voice shaking.
“Sajang-nim?” Someone says, the HR director has come calling. “Stage, now.” As if on cue, the spot light that was previously shining on Kris’ vacant seat at the VIP table has chased him to where he stands at the corner of the room.
Kyungsoo steps out of the limelight, his eyes flitting over Kris’ form enveloped by harsh white light. Except for his bruising jaw, Kris still looks perfect, gorgeous in his silver grey tuxedo. And even that bruise will heal eventually. Only Kyungsoo ends up hurt.
“Your speech.” The papers Kyungsoo has kept clutched in his hands the entire night are thrust at Kris. All emotion is gone from Kyungsoo’s voice. It scares Kris.
“Kyungsoo,” he reaches out.
“Sajang-nim!” The HR director presses, shrinking back when Kris pierces her with warning in his eyes.
“Wait for me,” Kris tries to persuade, sweating in the light that’s pressing on him, “please.”
“Good luck, Kris.” He thinks he hears Kyungsoo say when he heads for the stage. Then he finally sees it when he unfolds the paper and out drops an envelope.
It’s a resignation letter.
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo turns right when he stalks out of the hotel, unsure if it’s the right way home but he walks down the street anyway. It’s not important where he ends up as long as he doesn’t have to stay here.
The night is freezing and by the fourth step, it begins to rain heavily. Kyungsoo doesn’t even curse; things can’t possibly get any worse than his current state. It’s just a little rain. He ducks into the bus stop a few meters away, sitting on the plastic chair and staring at the ground, watching it darken as big raindrops crash into it. The water that has fallen on his coat now seeps into the wool, making him shiver.
Sounds of running footsteps suddenly near and he jumps up. But the man in the black coat stares at him, choosing to settle at a spot furthest away from Kyungsoo. With his heart thundering, Kyungsoo sits back down. Unsure if he’s relieved or disappointed. One by one, people begin to gather at the bus stop to seek shelter from the rain. Someone stands a bit too close to him and he shifts, thinking the bus stop has gotten crowded when he catches a whiff of citrus, so distinctive even when mixed with the scent of rain.
“Who allowed you to go?”
His head darts up. Kris looms over him, causing raindrops to fall from his hair onto Kyungsoo. He doesn’t even have the time to run for it. Kris grabs his shoulders and pulls him to his feet. Kyungsoo prepares himself for an argument, not unlike any of those they had in the previous week. They can’t seem to converse in a civil manner anymore.
But Kris doesn’t give him a chance to speak. He picks him up, slams him against the bus shelter ad, and begins to kiss him fiercely.
On instinct, Kyungsoo’s eyes squeeze shut against the impact, there’s a dull throbbing at the back of his head where it hits the sign, but that is forgotten when his eyes flit open and he is stunned motionless by the sight of Kris’ face, so close to his own. He doesn’t do anything except to let Kris slant his lips across his mouth and deepens the kiss even more. Kyungsoo gasps when Kris’ tongue slips into his mouth and rubs against his, feeling thrills jolt his body, numbing his nape. It’s electrifying. Kris is kissing him. Kyungsoo can’t believe this. He wants this just as much as he spurs it. The conflicting emotions claw at Kyungsoo, ripping him up from within; it's sheer agony, he's going to combust from both the pain and excitement. He lets out a ragged cry in protest.
The sound only serves to incite Kris and his breathing becomes harsh, cold hands slide around Kyungsoo’s neck, urgently lifting his face up so Kris can have better access to his lips.
But the cold wakes Kyungsoo up. He finally remembers to protest, shoving Kris’ shoulders as hard as he can. Tilting his head to bend in to kiss Kyungsoo at another angle, Kris grips his hand and stills Kyungsoo’s fighting by pinning it beside his head. In the next instance, there’s a sharp pain shooting up his leg and he grunts, releasing Kyungsoo.
Panting, Kyungsoo pushes Kris away, running the back of his hand across his swollen lips. His foot is supposed to hurt where he kicked Kris’ shin, but the pain doesn’t register. It hurts too much elsewhere. He can’t take this anymore; what does Kris take him for? He just keeps doing this, always giving Kyungsoo hope, pulling him in a bit deeper before leaving. Doesn't Kris already know? Kyungsoo can hurt, too. And it hurts. It really, really hurts.
Equally out of breath, Kris glares at Kyungsoo, ignoring the gawking crowd at the bus stop. He expects a confrontation, instead, Kyungsoo just turns and walks into the rain.
Kris follows right behind. “Are you going to run away and hide every time there’s a problem! Are you going to stop speaking to me for an entire year this time!” He shouts at Kyungsoo’s back, yelling to be heard over the rain, not expecting a response but Kyungsoo brakes and turns around so fast, Kris thought he was going to slip.
“I’m not going to talk to you for the rest of my life!” The rain flattens Kyungsoo’s hair, making his bangs stick onto his forehead. He bellows, throwing away all his usual composure, exerting himself so that the veins on his neck protrude. “Remember, I’ve quit!”
“Fine! I accept your resignation!” Kris hollers back.
Not to be outdone, Kyungsoo roars, “Fine!” But his voice breaks at the end of his shout, giving him away. He quakes in the rain. Why is he always on the losing end when it comes to Kris? He just can’t win. He can never win. Closing his eyes, Kyungsoo turns on his heel and walks off again.
But he hasn’t even taken the second step when his hand is caught and Kris forces him to face him, lifting his chin to meet his lips in a kiss. It’s not like their first kiss. This time, it’s soft, Kris’ lips brushing gently against his mouth again and again. It feels amazing, the cold of the rain mixed with the warmth from Kris’ lips. Kyungsoo hears a cry but it doesn’t sound like him at all. He shakes so hard because the pain just won't stop, and Kris has to hold him tight to keep him from falling apart. Kris' arms snake around Kyungsoo’s waist and pull him up against his chest, forcing Kyungsoo to stand on his toes. Raindrops crash onto the ground, little collisions that collect into a roar, the sound so loud that Kyungsoo thought he would miss Kris’ words. But they turn out so clear.
“I lied,” Kris mumbles, “I miss you. Everyday. Don’t go, don’t leave me again.” His voice sounds strange, not like his usual at all; it sounds too small and quiet, like a plea. For the first time, Kyungsoo realises that he could have this effect on Kris as well; Kris isn't as unaffected as he thought. Far from it.
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Kris says, sounding so hurt that Kyungsoo almost doubled over with his eagerness to pacify him. Despite his anger, Kyungsoo still wants to reach out and console Kris instead, spoiling him rotten in his usual way. But Kris holds him down so he could continue, “But you can tell me. Tell me and I’d do anything I can to make it right again. I will do anything you want. Anything. If so,” Kris halts, before he resumes speaking in this awfully soft voice that Kyungsoo has never heard him used before, “If so, can you not go?”
Kris’ vulnerability gets to Kyungsoo, it always gets him, demanding that he resets all his new resolutions. Kyungsoo inhales sharply at the pain in his chest, feeling as if someone has reached inside of him to tighten a fist around his heart. He never wants Kris to be sad, he could never bear to. Even if it’s because of him.
“You know I like you,” Kyungsoo whispers, the ache in his heart so intense his words tremble with the force of it, “You know I’ve liked you for so long…”
Kris tightens his embrace and rests his chin on the top of Kyungsoo’s head, listening to him ramble.
“I have already made the decision to forget you, it took me a really long time to decide… I can’t take it if you’re going to blow hot and cold on me again. I can’t take it, I can't.” Kyungsoo grips the lapels of Kris’ jacket and shudders. “If you don’t like me, you’d better make it clear now.”
Kris tries to make Kyungsoo look at him but he hides deeper in Kris’ arms.
“No.”
Kyungsoo ceases his resistances.
“I like you.” A rain drop falls onto Kyungsoo’s lips, creeping along the seam of his mouth when he lifts his head up to gaze into Kris’ eyes.
“I like you so much.”
How could it be? That Kris likes him back? Kyungsoo blinks back the raindrops in his eyes, but he couldn't stop the emotions surging through him, tearing him up from within; pain and happiness struggle to co-exist. How could something this good still break him like this? But it's Kris. He is special. Everything about Kris breaks Kyungsoo.
It tastes like rain when their lips meet again. It tastes like all the good things in the world.
“You are shaking,” Kyungsoo says breathily against Kris’ lips, when they part.
“Because I’m nervous. I’m afraid you will reject me again.” His answer sounds funny, but there’s nothing funny in Kris’ expression when Kyungsoo peers up at him. “I’m very happy you didn’t.” But Kris’ smile looks so sad.
Kyungsoo’s eyelashes flicker when he tries to recall when he ever rejected Kris. But strangely, what he recollects are Lu Han’s words. You don’t know how he feels. Do you ever listen to what he says?
Did he? Didn’t he?
When Kyungsoo quiets down to listen to Kris, he finally, finally, hears it. The sound of Kris’ heartbeat is even louder than his own, and Kris is quavering just as badly as him.
So when Kris next bends over, for the first time, Kyungsoo meets him half-way by tiptoeing.
♫♫♫
The popularity of ‘Huifei oppas’ lasts far beyond Kyungsoo’s imagination. In fact, it peaks after their campaign ended, their reach spreading out to the rest of the world who’s always interested in whatever South Korea likes. Huifei Holdings reverts to their standard marketing style when spring returns, but their good sales – both online and in-store - persist due to their much favourable image, since the company is still linked with the names of Kris and Lu Han. Interestingly though, fans of Lu Han discover that they can no longer find his picture on the Management page in the company’s website. His picture has been replaced with that of another young man. One with exceedingly large eyes and a cute smile.
“What about Lu Han?” Kyungsoo asks Kris a month later.
“What about him?” Kris bounces the question back to him.
“I thought…” The sentence is trailed off suggestively in the hope that it’d get picked up, but Kris just returns to their discussion on the summer collection.
“Have you ever liked him?” Kyungsoo finally asks point-blank while they are on the topic of gradient tie dye. Much to Kris’ displeasure, Kyungsoo reverently refuses to bring in those tacky fuckers.
“Must you mix work with pleasure?” asks Kris, propping his chin up with a fist, enjoying the fact that Kyungsoo is jealous of Lu Han because of him.
“No, I can assure you this is very unpleasant for me.”
“Why don’t you explain your relationship with Zhang Yixing first?” retaliates Kris.
“He is my friend.” Kyungsoo throws his arms open as if to show he has nothing to hide. “It would help if you stop sending him unspoken threats via eye signals whenever he comes around though.”
Tapping his fingers impatiently on the table, Kris retorts, “He keeps sending you gifts.”
But Kyungsoo cocks his head to the side with sudden interest. “Speaking of which, you’ve never worn the earrings he gave you. Why?”
Narrowing his eyes, Kris says coolly, “I will never wear them.”
Who’s jealous now? Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and raps his knuckles to get Kris to refocus. “We were talking about Lu Han.”
“When are you going to get over this, Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo nears until his face is right in Kris’. His boss leans back in his chair, tethering on the edge of his seat. “Never,” Kyungsoo draws out the word in Kris’ ear, but inches back when he makes to kiss Kyungsoo. “I told you never to do this in the office,” he lectures sternly, inserting space between them.
“Then stop seducing me.” Heaving a sigh at Kyungsoo’s flustered look, Kris just says, “Lu Han has nothing on you,” then he grabs Kyungsoo’s hand, playing with his fingers. “Trust me,” he employs Kyungsoo’s catchphrase.
Kyungsoo frowns, squeezing Kris’ thumb absent-mindedly. “I trust you, of course.” He just doesn’t think the same of himself. Is he really good enough for Kris, good enough for this? “Don’t you think he’s good?”
Instead of answering his question, Kris sits up straight instead, looking very concerned. "Why? Did anyone say you aren't good? Don't listen to them, you are good, better than me, the best," he says seriously.
Kyungsoo holds Kris' hand right, feeling the warmth from Kris seep onto his skin. He feels bad. Kris is not to be blamed for all of Kyungsoo's insecurities, it's Kyungsoo who has personally placed Kris on that pedestal.
Letting Kyungsoo knead his hand, Kris continues, “I don’t know if Lu Han’s good but I know you’re good.” At Kyungsoo’s disbelieving look, he says, “You don’t say good things but you do good things. Where people cannot see, you quietly do those things so they don’t know you are that good.” Kris flips Kyungsoo’s hand over and traces the lines on his palm, making him squirm because it’s so ticklish. “It’s your secret, really, you aren’t obvious with smiles and nice words. It’s true, you know, good things don’t come easy. So if people miss you, it’s just that you aren’t easy to find. We need to be just as good in order for you to show yourself.”
This is embarrassing. Kyungsoo has never known how to accept sincere good words about himself. “Why does this sound like you’re praising yourself?” he says wryly, trying to diffuse the awkwardness with his usual sarcasm.
But Kris doesn’t give him a chance, he intertwines their fingers together and tightens his hold on Kyungsoo. “No, I’m just saying I’m lucky.” He lifts up their clasped hands, admiring them before he smiles at Kyungsoo.
“Thank you for finding me first.”
Kyungsoo blinks at Kris, looking so stupid when he smiles that gummy smile Kyungsoo loves so much. Ignoring his own office rules, Kyungsoo throws his arms around Kris. “Thank you,” he mumbles against Kris’ neck, taking in his scent. Kris’ arms wrap around Kyungsoo too, one hand reaching up to stroke his hair. When Kris holds him like this – hands pressed onto the small of Kyungsoo’s back, locking him against his chest in a full body hug – it always makes Kyungsoo feels small, and it’s not just their size difference, nor is it because of his soon-to-be defunct inferiority complex. But because it’s always a gentle reminder to Kyungsoo.
It’s OK, I got your back now, you can stop being so strong for a while.
“For what?” asks Kris, stroking Kyungsoo’s back.
But the gesture that’s meant to comfort incites such strong emotions in Kyungsoo that something comes bubbling up in his chest, threatening to gush out and he struggles to push it down. Kris smells like the sun; it smells like happiness around here. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to spoil it. He lets his eyelids fall shut so he could better appreciate the moment. It takes Kyungsoo a while but he replies eventually. “For making me happy.”
“Well, thank you for that, too.” Kyungsoo has never heard Kris’ voice like this, flimsy around its edges, sounding so fragile. He wants to turn to look at Kris’ face but Kris refuses, pinning Kyungsoo down against him. “Don’t move,” Kris whispers in his ears, making him shiver. “Just like this, a little more.”
Nodding, Kyungsoo stays obediently in Kris’ arms, hugging him so tight he feels like suffocating again, although he’d never want to escape this. Is it alright to be this happy? Kyungsoo thinks.
Silence descends in the small meeting room, but when they next speak, it’s Kris who tries to divert Kyungsoo’s attention. “Say, it never occurred to you that I always called him Xi Luhan?”
Kyungsoo tries to recall, large eyes flickering from left to right. “Now that you mention it… but I thought you it was just because you always remembered his name wrong?”
“No, it was because he was so inept at his job as a Brand Director that I invented a new name in order to get back at him.”
Kyungsoo pulls out from their embrace. He looks at Kris, opening and closing his mouth. Why did he think Kris was ever nice again? For the longest time, he thought it was a sincere mistake and even went along with the flow to piss Lu Han off. “That was extremely petty.”
“You were the one who wanted him sacked.”
“Nah, I merely coveted his job.”
“Congratulations, then.” Kris kisses the tip of Kyungsoo’s nose in celebration.
Kyungsoo is about to smack him off but a bright flash distracts him when Kris shifts in his seat. It’s the fleur cross hanging on his ear, capturing the sunlight. Kyungsoo once thought of Kris as the sun; the strong curve of his shoulder feels unreal beneath Kyungsoo’s hand now. It’s still hard to believe he is permitted to be this close to Kris. A familiar fear makes its way back and Kyungsoo burrows back into Kris’ embrace, snuggling until there’s no distance between them. He knows what it’s like to be standing next to Kris, only to turn and realise once again they can never be. The sunflower dies when it gets too close to the sun.
But Kyungsoo is no sunflower, he will cherish this, he closes his eyes and swears to himself. The strumming of Kris’ heartbeat is so loud and clear, Kyungsoo finally knows.
“What?” Kris mumbles against Kyungsoo’s cheek. Where did all these aegyo come from? He presses a kiss onto Kyungsoo’s temple, thinking that he has better make full use of it while it lasts. Kyungsoo will gladly fling himself off a cliff if that means he doesn’t need to do aegyo.
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo murmurs, except he knows there’s something. He lied when he said he likes Kris. But it’s alright, he thinks, giving all his weight to Kris. I lov-
“Did you gain weight?” Kris interrupts Kyungsoo and willingly receives a punch on his bicep, right over his insect. The tremble of his laughter shakes Kyungsoo up too.
I love you, and one day, you will love me too.
Kyungsoo is no sunflower, but Kris will always be his sun.
♫♫♫
“I’m looking for Kyungsoo.”
“Tenth floor for the Brand Director. This is the MD’s office.” Lu Han chews and speaks around his pen without looking up from the magazine he’s flipping through.
“Are you loafing on the job, Love Sage?”
In a flash, Lu Han looks up and hits Yixing on the chin with the pen in his mouth. He screams a little and scampers back. “Ring Seller! Why are you standing so close to me!” He clutches his heart and puts on an expression of agony.
Yixing pouts so his dimples are only vaguely visible. Lu Han wishes he would smile instead. “I distinctly remember this to be Kyungsoo’s office as well.”
“Job rotation. We swapped roles,” Lu Han twists his lips when Yixing mentions Kyungsoo.
“Where is he? I have something to pass to him.”
Smirking, Lu Han taps the table top with that chewed pen. “He’s already taken, keep your paws away.”
“I know,” Yixing grins and Lu Han keeps staring at his dimples, “but what about you?”
“What about me what?” asks Lu Han dumbly, sticking the tip of his pen into his mouth again.
“Are you taken?”
The pen drops out of Lu Han’s mouth but Yixing doesn’t mind, he just continues smiling in his special way that suggests a million possibilities between him and Lu Han.
♫♫♫
Chanyeol makes progress in his career. When Chanyeol messages him that, Kyungsoo thinks he has finally managed to sell his character designs, but when he clicks into parkdonut.tistory.com, he sees a banner on the webpage announcing the book release. “That sneaky little,” Kyungsoo laughs but stops when he clicks into the site.
The very first comic strip shows a small figure with large eyes squatting in a corner of the frame, crying. In the next frame, a character with extremely big ears comes flying to the scene wearing a cape, as if he’s a superhero. He stands over the sobbing smaller character, assuming the thinker position. A lightbulb appears when he seems to have thought of something. In the last frame, the taller character ties the cape around his short friend’s neck, waving to him when he takes flight. The small friend finally stops crying and smiles when he flies away with his friend’s cape.
At the end of the strip is a line that goes: I am your superhero!
He clicks again and it’s just one picture this time, with the small friend and big friend from the first comic strip, distinct with their large eyes and ears. They are now hunched together in what seems to be a small enclosed area. This time, it’s the big friend who’s sobbing and the small friend is squatting in front of him, cupping his small hands over the big friend’s ears. But his hands are too tiny and the ears still stick out anyway.
Dobi! Dobi! I like your ears even if no one likes them!
Kyungsoo feels something glaze his eyes over when he clicks into the next page. In the first frame, it’s just Big Friend and Small Friend. But as the number of frames increases, so does the number of friends that gather around them. One of them even looks remarkably like Sehun. Mid-way though, the friends start leaving one by one until it’s just Big Friend and Small Friend again in the last frame. And with their arms around each other, they walk towards the sunset.
I have a lot of friends, but I like you best!
Pulling out his phone, Kyungsoo messages Chanyeol.
are you sure Sehun won’t mind?
All Kyungsoo receives in reply is: ^^
♫♫♫
Kyungsoo straddles Kris and pushes on his shoulders so he’d be leaning back against the couch, then he lowers his lashes, staring at Kris’ lips before his eyes flicker up to meet Kris’.
“Don’t play,” Kris warns lowly, his eyes already going dark and he latches onto Kyungsoo’s gaze, just as smothering as his own.
In reply, Kyungsoo pulls in his lower lip and nibbles on it, inching closer and closer so that Kris’ breath skims his cheeks. His smooth skin feels hot against Kyungsoo’s fingers and goosebumps rise in their trail. Kyungsoo slides a hand over Kris’ heart, lips curling into a self-satisfied smile when he detects the furious rhythm.
“What happened to all your rules?” Kris whispers against Kyungsoo’s right temple, rolling his hips and making Kyungsoo fall onto him. When their chests meet, Kris pins Kyungsoo down by wrapping an arm around him and lifting his knees up so that Kyungsoo is pressed fully against him.
The heat from Kris envelopes Kyungsoo and sears him. Kyungsoo arches up in protest but the movement only serves to provide more friction to their cocks that are pressed so tightly together, and Kyungsoo is shocked that Kris is already so hard, harder than him. “W-we are at home now,” he breathes heavily into Kris’ ear, not knowing that it’s sheer provocation.
Kris’ hands move down to Kyungsoo’s ass and pull him in tight, forcing their erections together even more, until there’s no distance between them. Then those large hands grab Kyungsoo’s buttcheeks, lifting Kyungsoo up a little his length and then down again, rubbing their cocks against each other and the rhythm grows increasingly frantic until Kyungsoo is just as hard as Kris and he can’t take the simulation anymore. Kris is wearing stiff leather pants and the soft material of Kyungsoo’s cotton trousers is little defense against the friction and it’s driving Kyungsoo crazy. Kris’ erection feels incredibly hot pressed against his own and fuck, Kyungsoo thinks he’s going to come by just dry humping.
He grabs Kris’ shoulders and pushes urgently, attempting to escape but Kris jerks him right back. He quickly unbuckles Kyungsoo’s pants, pulling both that and his boxers off so that Kyungsoo’s erection is now resting against Kris’ bulge, the zipper of his leather pants slipping right into the slit of Kyungsoo’s fully erected cock. The cold of the metal sends electric shocks ripping through Kyungsoo but Kris gives him no time to react, he grabs Kyungsoo’s ass and forces him to ride him again, rubbing their cocks together at a frenzied speed. Pre-cum leaks out from Kyungsoo's cock and drips over the front of Kris' pants, creating a mess.
The sheer simulation of his sensitive cock against the stiff leather is so intense, it makes Kyungsoo’s toes curl and he cries out, but Kris kisses him then. The living room is filled with Kyungsoo’s pants and moans, they leak out even from their joined mouths. He can’t take this anymore, he fucking can’t.
“S-stop,” Kyungsoo pants, mouth hanging open, body swaying passively in response to Kris’ motions. He’s already helpless to do anything more than cling onto Kris’ shoulders for support. “I can’t, I-, please.” But even then, Kris is sucking on his tongue, hard cock exerting a relentless pressure against Kyungsoo’s and he moans helplessly into the kiss, shaking his head against the onslaught of his orgasm.
Kris own breathing is unsteady, the sounds Kyungsoo make is breaking all his restraints. “Shush, your parents might come home anytime.” Despite his words, Kris pushes a hand between their bodies and wraps it around Kyungsoo’s cock, thumb running circles around the hyper sensitive corona, his touch light and teasing. And Kyungsoo is spasming while he’s locked down in Kris’ arms, their mouths still sealed in a kiss, muffling all his cries. He makes to break off the kiss to inhale but Kris holds him there, his tongue stroking the roof of Kyungsoo’s mouth and at the same time, he presses his thumb against the slit of Kyungsoo’s cock and begins to rub insistently. The intense pressure is both pain and pleasure, especially when Kris adds another hand to lightly scratch the base of Kyungsoo’s cock with his nails.
Kyungsoo begins to thrash, he needs to breathe, and he needs to come. But Kris restrains him for another few seconds, ignoring all his frantic choked sobs, kissing him languidly, before finally releasing Kyungsoo’s mouth. But just as Kyungsoo surfaces to breath, Kris laces both hands around his cock and starts giving him a proper handjob. His large hands are so hot for some reason and they are wrapped so tightly around Kyungsoo’s cock that at the first pull, the sudden burst of pleasure makes Kyungsoo sees white. So instead of sucking in air, he wheezes. Kyungsoo arches his back, hands grappling Kris’ arms, the head of his cock peeking out from under the hem of the shirt he still has on and he climaxes, while Kris is still pulling on his cock with both hands. It's too much, Kyungsoo tries to push Kris' hands away but he runs rough calluses along Kyungsoo’s entire shaft, further intensifying his orgasm instead, making him keen.
Kyungsoo jerks his hips weakly in response to Kris’ stroking hands after his orgasm. “Stop…” he whines, falling back into Kris’ embrace, feeling the bones in him melt, “too sensitive.” Kyungsoo gives a little groan when Kris only stops after giving his softening cock another light squeeze. He blinks and surprised, he lifts a hand up to his face. It’s wet. He’s been crying without even realising it.
Kris lays Kyungsoo down on the couch, smirking lazily when he sees that Kyungsoo still has his shirt on. The hem lies over Kyungsoo’s crotch, crumpled and sticky with semen. It barely covers his balls. Breathing heavily, Kris bends over and covers Kyungsoo’s body with his, not bothering to take some of his weight off him. He can’t wait anymore.
Kyungsoo consoles Kris by kissing his earlobe, right over the dangling fleur cross. “I finally get to see your other tattoos,” he mumbles hoarsely into Kris’ ear.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself now?” Kris takes his hand, kisses his wrist before resting it on the very first button of his shirt. It’s buttoned all the way up; Kris’ usual style. It should make him appear prim and proper, instead he looks sexy as hell. Kris smiles invitingly, eyes at half-mast. “Come on,” he breathes right into Kyungsoo’s ear, lips trailing the contour of it.
With trembling fingers, Kyungsoo opens the first button. He reminds himself to message Chanyeol with the answer.
end
many, many thanks to you for helping to beta. honestly, i rely so much on you & i'm so grateful that you've been so generous with your time. you've spent so much effort on this, and most importantly, you've been patient with me. i only have a small thank you to offer and i hope it's enough♥
and thanks for sticking through 50k, if you've made it all the way here :>
>> kyungsoo is kris' fairy godmother. although it says 'personal assistant' on his namecard.
on the other hand, lu han is xi luhan, no matter what it says on his namecard.
Kris recruits Kyungsoo because he seems to be a cold-hearted bastard, the kind who would have no qualms sending out emails that Kris has no guts to even draft. Because in stark contrast to the mafia-like tattoos - barely concealed under his shamelessly tight white shirts - and badass earrings he sports, Kris has just about as much spine as an octopus. Offending people makes him squirm like boyband members who are forced to dance freestyle on live radio shows. It should never be allowed to happen. With regards to the freestyle bit, of course, since it’s hard to censor bad porn dancing when it’s streamed live to impressionable (ha) young people all over the world.
But Kris has to let Kyungsoo know the gist of what to write. So he attempts drafting the email anyway. Something along the line of:
Dear Brand Director Xi Luhan,
We would appreciate it greatly if you could kindly explain why we are failing the sales target for Q2. If you recall the last conversation we had (please refer to the attached document), compared to the revised target, the shortfall is a significant amount of ₩100,000,000.
In order to make up for the loss, I would like to propose that you kindly come up with an even more aggressive promotion for autumn/winter (which should also be the strongest promotion for the year!). I regret to remind you that not hitting the yearly target would have an adverse impact on the performance bonus for everyone.
At this point, Kris pauses and wonders if he should add an emoticon to undo the harsh. He ends up removing the exclamation mark instead so that the email appears to be more balanced on an emotional level. He continues tying the email:
Please kindly submit your proposal by the end of May in the monthly board meeting. I look forward to your creative ideas! Cheers! :)
Yours Sincerely,
Kris Wu
Regional Managing Director
Huifei Holdings Ltd
Wearing our clothes is like putting on a pair of wings. I can fly, you can fly, we can fly.
The information in this email is confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful.
Kris re-reads his email and removes the smiley then, but only because he doesn’t want to offend Kyungsoo. He keeps the exclamation marks this time, because he thinks they sound encouraging, thoughtful and enthusiastic. Finally satisfied, Kris sneaks a look at the time in the lower right corner of the taskbar and is pleased to see that he only spent an hour drafting the email. He clicks send, with ‘Do, Kyungsoo’ being the only recipient and leans back to rest his overworked brain.
He doesn’t end up getting much rest because within the next minute, Kris finds Kyungsoo at the door of his office.
"May I come in?” Kyungsoo asks, although he has crossed the room with four relaxed strides and is now standing in front of his boss with the desk between them.
“Sure,” Kris smiles and gestures for Kyungsoo to take a seat. He didn't. Instead, Kyungsoo places his laptop on the MD’s desk and swivels it around so Kris can take a look at his screen. It’s the email he just sent.
“Why are there three ‘kindly’s in this email?” Kyungsoo asks point-blank. The email reads like a plea from a girl scout to buy her cookies.
“I wanted to sound kind?” Kris attempts; Kyungsoo just nods at him with a blank expression. But it’s at times like this that Kyungsoo always has a blank expression on his face. It’s as if he couldn’t decide to look scornful, disdainful, or contemptuous (whatever the minute difference is), so he settles for a blank face. And it’s as if he couldn’t decide to mock, judge, or laugh at Kris, so he settles for agreeing with him instead, like, ‘yes, yes, it’s fine, of course, you dumb ass.’
Kris is not afraid of a lot of things but he’s never embarrassed to admit Kyungsoo intimidates him sometimes. Lots of people are afraid of things smaller than they are, anyway, look at Zitao and... but well, everything intimidates that child. It’s true, Kris’ standards are falling at an exponential rate. Still, sometimes it’s alright to be scared of small things, say, Chucky. Kyungsoo is mostly harmless, of course, it’s just that normal people sprout words from their mouths but he spits poison, like a king cobra except cuter. Just in case though, Kris checks his desk for dangerous objects which Kyungsoo might potentially use to hurt him. But the most dangerous thing in near vicinity is the dagger earring he’s sporting.
Kyungsoo is shaking his head, “You don’t need to ask your subordinates if they can ‘kindly’ do something for you.”
Kris laces his long fingers together and smiles faintly. This typical boss-pose calms him down for the simple reason that it makes him feel like a boss. He’s in control, his grey suit is expensive, his leather shoes shiny and Kyungsoo is just the cute little PA who needs to be put in his place. “It’s important to be a kind and considerate boss, Kyungsoo. People work hard for bosses they like.”
Kyungsoo lifts his brows for a second in reaction to his boss’ words and Kris feels like he has just been put in his place. He wants to crawl under his table and hide there while he contemplates if Kyungsoo likes his boss. Probably not, he thinks, when he sees Kyungsoo makes this neck-slicing gesture at him. “…What?” Kris slowly says when Kyungsoo doesn’t stop after a while, “you want my neck?”
Kyungsoo huffs and Kris actually flinches but he isn’t able to ward off Kyungsoo who has reached across the table to grab his tie. “No, but it looks like we’re heading in that direction, doesn’t it?” he mutters through clenched teeth while fixing Kris lopsided tie for him. “Please pay more attention to your attire, don’t embarrass me.”
Kris demurely meows his yes.
Xi Luhan
Explain why you would not be achieving the sales target for Q2. If you recall the last conversation we had (find the report for the last financial quarter and send it to me), compared to the revised target, the shortfall is worth your job.
Send me your new & better autumn promotion plans by the end of this week.
TGIF, isn’t it.
Kris Wu
Regional Managing Director
Huifei Holdings Ltd
If you're going through hell, keep going
For a second, Kyungsoo considers correcting the name to ‘Lu Han’. Then he shrugs and clicks send.
Kris is well-known for the vicious emails he sends and everyone is afraid of him. Lu Han doesn't even dare remind him of his name, there’s nothing wrong with Xi Luhan anyway. It sounds like a perfectly sweet name. He’s still the deer of the dawn, just in the west this time.
Kris smiles a lot and likes to show his irritating concern for staff who are supposed to be off for a break in the pantry by asking them questions about their work. It’s sad his employees think that’s only because his DID is acting up. Either that or he’s secretly plotting to destroy everything happy they have been looking forward to. In fact, it’s Kyungsoo who declined SBS’s invitation to film Running Man in the company’s building. There’s just too much hassle involved and since Kris will have to be one of the judges for the last segment, a T-shirt design competition, it means overtime for Kyungsoo too, and that’s not very fun, is it? Personally, it’s also because he doesn’t like Kwangsoo. His dumb insults all the ‘soo’s of the world. “Don’t hate Kwangsoo,” Kris frowns when Kyungsoo voices his opinion, “his life is sad enough.” Kyungsoo cannot believe Kris is defending Kwangsoo but it’s fine, Kris’ opinion hardly matters, he’s just a naive man-boy while Kyungsoo is a mature adult. He will single-handedly save his boss from the humiliation Kim Jongkook will inevitably cause him. On lonely afternoons, Kyungsoo sometimes feels the weight of the world on his narrow shoulders. PA doesn’t even begin to describe the scope of his job, he’s the fairy godmother of every Disney princess’ dream.
He didn't plan on protecting the boss when he first applied for the job. Kyungsoo just wants a relaxing job and it’s not going to be such a difficult job managing another’s life, is it? All he needs to do is to schedule meetings, book plane tickets and, oh, his new boss looks like he just flew out from the pages of the latest GQ. Who doesn’t like nice faces? Not Kyungsoo.
But there’s only so much nice faces can do, i.e. look nice. That’s it. The really sad thing is, Kris wants to be as nice as he looks. Nice managing directors don’t exist in this world simply because they will not do. It was hard on Kris at first because he’s the son who just took over his rich mommy’s - “Don’t call my mum that,” Kris chides Kyungsoo on a regular basis - fashion empire and is too decent to play any games that the working adults play. You can’t manage scheming directors (Byun Baekhyun) being nice, you absolutely cannot afford to save your harsh words on flippant directors (Kim Kai) and you do not smile at clueless directors when they pout and say they can’t hit the sales target for the year (west deer of the dawn).
On account of those ear piercings and tattoos, Kyungsoo used to think that Kris had a shady past, like one of those gangster students from School 2013 sans the melodramatic love-hate BL plus better skin, and only got off the hook because he had a rich mommy. But Kris turns out to be genuinely nice. He lets Kyungsoo have the occasional time off whenever he needs it, never doubts him when he takes sick leave, and he doesn’t seem to think being the managing director is anything special. Kyungsoo guesses that sometimes squishies just like tattoos and flashy earrings, too.
Kris thinks everyone is his friend and lets people take advantage of him. It drives Kyungsoo crazy, making him want to vent his frustration by throwing chairs out of the window. Preferably at Kris actually, but sadly, that’s kind of illegal, isn’t it?
In summary, Kris is not a businessman. Then he hired Kyungsoo six months ago.
Kris stubbornly wants to play nice so Kyungsoo has taken it upon himself to be his knight with thick insoles. He might have been hired because he looked in-control but Kris didn’t exactly ask him to draft his emails, Kyungsoo just requested for it one day. “Trust me,” he said, and somehow, Kris bought it. He has always been decent enough not to ask as a show of trust. How stupid is he? Kyungsoo has wondered.
Kyungsoo rebuilds Kris’ image, sends out emails in his name, keeps the directors in line, reads through all the documents Kris is to sign and lets him know which are ok and which aren’t. He’s the formidable sidekick to the superhero, except no one should really count on Kris to save the world. People don’t work hard for bosses they like, they work hard for mean bosses, Kyungsoo lectures Kris, who just smiles fondly at his nanny, or personal assistant. What’s the difference?
But Kris is right. People do work hard for bosses they like. What in the world does Kyungsoo think he has been doing otherwise?
It also really helps that Kris is a beautiful motherfucker/gorgeous asshole/insert adjective of the good looking kind + expletive. Seriously, it’s hard to stop cussing when he has to see that face everyday. Jesus fucking Christ and holy fuc-
“Can you stop that?” Chanyeol frowns worriedly.
“I’m fucking sorry,” Kyungsoo offers his sincere apologies.
“You’re in worse condition than I thought.”
Kyungsoo shows Chanyeol exactly how much he cares about his opinion by studying his nails.
“You have something to add?” asks Chanyeol cautiously.
Kyungsoo nods his head gravely but just then, someone bites loudly into his cheese cracker at a table nearby and the pair of friends turns their heads around slowly to shoot the stranger ominous looks.
Sehun freezes and a crumb falls silently from his mouth onto the table top. They’re at the park and it’s definitely anyone’s prerogative to sit at any table there and munches his crackers as loudly as he wants, but that doesn’t stop Chanyeol and Kyungsoo from persecuting Sehun. To discourage further judging, Sehun turns around and feigns interest in a nearby bush. It’s green. Fascinating. Sehun fingers a leaf and hopes he doesn’t look psychotic.
“I think I’ve seen him before,” whispers Kyungsoo. Chanyeol just shrugs and pulls out a piece of paper from his wallet. It’s tattered and a bit torn around the edges. He flattens it out, at the very top reads ‘Reasons for Do Kyungsoo to Quit His Job’.
“Do you want a review first?” Chanyeol taps his pen on the paper and Kyungsoo thinks it over for a while before he sighs, “Yeah, please remind me.”
Chanyeol clears his throat. “Reasons for Do Kyungsoo to quit his job. Number one, you don’t get anywhere with the job experience.”
Kyungsoo tuts, “it’s true. Anyone with no inclination towards murder, has a loose grasp on anger management, and the capacity to stay sane when mingling with idiots is capable of it.”
“Number two, too much overtime.” Scratching his nose, Chanyeol recites the second point off the list of reasons.
Something moves in the peripheral of his vision and Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder but it’s just that psychotic stranger molesting a leaf. “I slept at 1 a.m. last night because I was looking through the budget for the second half of the year,” he groans, “this job is eating into my life. I feel like I’m underpaid-”
Chanyeol agrees. “It’s the next point, actually.”
“-but i just got my pay increment last week.” Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol, who momentarily forgets to breathe. Money sometimes has that effect on people.
“How much?” Chanyeol says breathily. He designs characters for a living but hasn’t managed to sell any of his art off yet, so it really isn’t very good living.
“Twenty percent.” Gaping, Chanyeol scratches out point number three so viciously, the thin paper threatens to tear in the middle.
“Money isn’t everything, Chanyeol,” mutters Kyungsoo but Chanyeol defiantly lifts up his shirt to flash him his protruding ribs then. “Say that again.”
“Alright starving artist, it’s something. Pull down your shirt, people are staring.” But only Sehun is staring.
“Number four, which is now the new number three, Xi Luhan.”
“That little piece of,” Kyungsoo censors himself.
“The reasons not to,” declares Chanyeol, looking down at the list and grimacing. “Read it yourself.”
Kyungsoo sighs so loudly a baby starts crying in a pram somewhere three meters away. He takes the paper and recites what Chanyeol scribbled down a month ago when they begun this routine. It’s not his words, it’s Chanyeol’s artistic take on what’s happening in Kyungsoo’s worklife. “My boss is 187cm tall and looks like a GQ gangster. There’s a tattoo on his bicep and i suspect another on his back and ribcage (to update Chanyeol when this fact is confirmed) and he wears nasty earrings. I insist I am 173cm and refuse to wear anything that would make people even more confused about the fact that I’ve already graduated from high school a few years ago. But I baby my darling boss and it would make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to vet through all his emails and documents. It would make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to terrorise all his directors and make sure they do what he wants. It would also make me terribly sad if I weren’t there to see him smile and greet me morning every day when he passes by me on his way to his office,” there’s an unconscious tug at the corner of Kyungsoo’s lips when he recalls Kris’ smile.
“It would make me really, really sad to miss the next secretary day because darling boss got me a cake this year and made me so happy, I didn’t even care that I didn’t care about cakes and I wasn’t a secretary,” the tug transforms into a smile at the memory. Kris forgot and asked Kyungsoo to order the cake before he recalled who it was for, so he bought another cake to make up for the lack of surprise. It was all personalised with a tiny Kyungsoo plastic figurine perched at the top and plastic Kris at his side, bowing lowly to him as if he was his butler. There were also glittery fondant stars, flowers with smiley yellow centers, cute red ladybugs, and no, like, how could a single cake hold all the nice things in the world? “I would be devastated if I weren’t there to pat him on the shoulder and say, ‘it’s ok, you’ll do better next time,’ and fix all the things that are wrong for him, because the last thing I want is for darling boss to be sad. And now, the saddest thing is that, I don’t think I want to lose all of this, even if a PA isn’t what I really want to be.”
Kyungsoo glances over at Chanyeol who now sports a wistful smile on his lips. “That was beautiful, every time, like the first time,” sniffs Chanyeol as he praises himself, then he sobers up, “That last sentence wasn’t in there last week.”
“That was what I wanted to add.” Kyungsoo lies his head down on the table and looks at Chanyeol. He might be starving and all, but it must be nice to have a small brain, saves one from the many worries of life.
Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo fondly, too. Enormous saucer eyes are so cute. He suddenly feels really inspired. “I like this park, it fills me up so much ideas! Good choice, Kyungsoo,” he compliments, although Kyungsoo only picked the park to meet Chanyeol since it’s a short ten minute walk from his place. “This place is filled with so much laughter,” Chanyeol’s eyes meet that of the sobbing baby and he frowns, “tears, I mean,” he turns to Kyungsoo again and decides at least his expression is apt, “and…” why is that dude still touching the leaves like they are the most amazing things on earth? “…really strange people.”
As if on cue, Sehun turns around and gives them a shy smile.
In reply, the pair of friends switches to the table furthest away from him. There’s a noticeable slump to the stranger’s shoulders now but screw empathy, Kyungsoo is feeling pretty down too and the only bright spark in his life right now is anyone else’s unhappiness.
“Now that we are in sane accompany,” Chanyeol resumes their conversation on the current sadness in Kyungsoo’s life and Kyungsoo nods to the frenzied army of ajummas dancing in the open space right beside them. They even have an ajumma leader who has a mic taped onto her face and she’s screaming instructions amidst the music. “SHAKE YOUR HANDS!” she shouts and it’s a strange thing, the human brain. You don’t want to do it but when someone shouts out the instructions, it’s just pure instinct to follow. So all of a sudden, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are flicking their wrists like jolly ajummas. “You’ve finally decided not to quit?”
“No,” sighs Kyungsoo, limp wrists flopping about as he – “SWING YOUR LEGS! HWAITING!” – swings his legs, “I’m still thinking about it but it’s hard when I’m already in the comfort zone.”
But Chanyeol is staring at him with those soul sucking eyes and Kyungsoo can feel his spirit gets taken over, like how that girl in The Exorcist must have felt. He sways his legs even more vigorously as if to get rid of the evil feeling. “It’s not what you think,” he assures Chanyeol calmly, even though no questions are asked.
Chanyeol nods but that might be only because he’s shaking his legs really hard. “I mean, I prefer real members of the mafia, ok,” Kyungsoo nods like he’s agreeing with himself.
“Sure thing, Kyungsoo.” There’s an air of nonchalance in Chanyeol’s deep voice, and Kyungsoo scowls. “I admit, I like his face a lot but (“MOVE THOSE HIPS!”) that’s only because I’m superficial.” The frown on his face intensifies when he realises he just insulted himself.
“You don’t have to explain,” Chanyeol wiggles his hips.
“I’m not explaining, I’m just telling you that I’m not staying in this job because of Kris,” explains Kyungsoo. He’s getting increasingly agitated. “Stop moving your hips, it’s distracting,” he snaps.
“Distracting you from what?” Chanyeol asks innocently as he does a neat little move with his hips.
“From my explanation.” Kyungsoo kind of growls then and it’s really cute when tiny Kyungsoo gets all riled up, so Chanyeol smiles, flashing only one row of shiny white teeth. Who’s the dumb one here again?
“I thought you weren’t explaining.”
“I wasn’t!”
Chanyeol reveals his bottom row of teeth and Kyungsoo explodes. He stops shaking his hands, choosing to reach across the table to grab Chanyeol’s collar instead. “I told you. I. Don’t. Like. Kris.”
Chanyeol hasn’t seen Kyungsoo with so much emotions since their last noraebang session. It’s true that almost all of Kyungsoo’s feelings go into singing. But exceptional situations exist and this is clearly one. In a strange kind of way, it’s profoundly touching to see his frigid friend suddenly start having excessive feelings because of another person. In a Chanyeol kind of way, however, it’s just too good an opportunity to pass up on. It’s like Lee Kwangsoo finally getting back at Kim Jongkook.
Patting Kyungsoo’s head, Chanyeol says kindly, “I never said that.”
Kyungsoo stops breathing for a second. Chanyeol is right. He slowly climbs back to his seat and those large eyes flicker from left to right for a while before they roll back to stare at Chanyeol’s serene smile. Mother Teresa probably looked like that too when she was distributing love. A profound moment of epiphany hangs over their heads.
“CLAP YOUR HANDS!”
Kyungsoo claps his hands slowly, as if he were applauding his friend.
Chanyeol takes a bow.
Kyungsoo really doesn’t like Kris. He's too much of a wimp for Kyungsoo. If fairies could die and get reincarnated, then Kris must be one in his previous life. He always tries to please everyone. “If I treat others well, then they will in turn treat me well.” The last time Kyungsoo encountered this much bullshit was during the last instalment of Transformers.
Kyungsoo is hardly a cold hearted bastard but candidness is not something that is tolerated at the workplace, and he was determined to turn over a new leaf when he got his first job. The resolve lasted for a grand hour on his first day because right after the HR colleague showed him to his boss, Kris very kindly said, “It might be good to pay some attention to fashion and dress up for work since we work in a fashion retailing company. Building up the image is part of the work.” He smiled then, as if to cushion the harshness.
But Kyungsoo just flicked his comment off as if he were flicking off snot he picked from his nose. He looked down at his plain black shirt and pants. “It doesn’t matter what a person wears as long as his face is handsome,” he said coolly before he realised this wasn’t Chanyeol.
He wondered if he should apologise for his rude reply but the grin on Kris’ face just froze for a moment before he moved on to show Kyungsoo his schedule for the current week. My boss is a pushover, Kyungsoo deduced. And he was right.
The person who takes advantage of Kris’ weakness the most is Xi Luhan, or Dong Luhan, or Nan Luhan, whichever way Kyungsoo’s compass is pointing towards that day. It’s not deliberate, sure, but Lu Han is so terrible at sales and marketing that it’s making losses for the company. He’s as interesting as the dried vegetable flakes one finds in a packet of ramyun and it shows in his campaigns. Lu Han seems genuinely sad at failing his targets though, and Kris has to console him instead. It irritates Kyungsoo to see two emotionally-fragile people huddled together, the weak protecting the weak. These annoying little creatures at the bottom of the psychological food-chain.
“Maybe we should get a new Brand Director,” Kyungsoo suggests to Kris, “maybe he’s more suitable for another position.”
His scorpion tattoo is faintly visible over the white shirt but there’s such an incredible look of magnanimity on Kris’ face that Kyungsoo wishes the scorpion were alive just so it could sting his boss to death and return him to Heaven where he fell to Earth from. “Xi eesa has promised he’d do better for the next promotion,” Kris says simply, “I’m sure he will improve.” This level of naivety is unforgivable, and what? Exactly what kind of fairydust did they put in Canadian water and how overdosed is Kris? Kyungsoo is allergic to all-loving people like Kris. For God’s sake, you look like a gangster, why can’t you act like one! he wants to scream at his boss. Instead, Kyungsoo just turns around and saves himself from all the aggravation by walking out of Kris’ office.
From then on, he turns a blind eye to the employees exploiting their MD and he would have continued to ignore the ruckus, honestly. But one day, when he’s down with fever, Kris notices his sniffling and walks out of his office to push the lid of his laptop down. “You’re going home,” he says with a gentle smile. For a fake gangster, Kris has a really soft smile and there seems to be a layer of mist everywhere. He must be stuck in a fairy tale. Kyungsoo shakes his head hard to clear the hazy thoughts, only to end up making himself giddy. He must be sicker than he thought. “I’m fine,” he insists, lifting the lid up again. He just started work a month ago and is too embarrassed to already begin taking medical leave when he hasn’t even contributed anything.
Instead of stopping Kyungsoo from working again, Kris pulls the corners of his tweety lips down and says, “Please.” It is disgusting but Kyungsoo must be really too sick, because then he suddenly sees a lot of flowers framing Kris’ face, as if he’s a walking manga character. Although no one would ever want it, Chanyeol would have gladly given one of his protruding ribs to be able to design a character like Kris. Kyungsoo’s hand reaches out to brush away an imaginary flower on Kris’ amazing face but gets grabbed by the shoulders instead. “There’s a sakura on your cheek,” he mumbles and Kris caters to the sick by grunting, “Yes, yes, I hope you like it,” while he heaves Kyungsoo up from his seat. Kyungsoo nods groggily. Kris is so lovely.
The next thing he knows, Kyungsoo is already in Kris’ car and his boss is bending over him, pushing both his buttons and that of the power seat so Kyungsoo could lie down. He feels like dying; Kyungsoo just isn’t sure if it’s from the fever or heart palpitations. He sniffs and catches a note of citrus and happiness. Kris smells like the goddamn sun. Although, who smells like the sun? More importantly, how does the sun smell like? No, really, there’s something wrong with him, what is it? It is only out of self-preservation that Kyungsoo punches his own face with whatever little strength he has left and tries to knock himself out.
In that moment, he truly believes that God doesn’t exist because not only does he fail to knockout himself, he also attracts the attention of Kris who grabs his floppy wrist and stops him from committing self-harm.
“Are you alright?” he asks and even pulls down Kyungsoo’s right lower eyelid in imitation of a doctor. All he sees is a mess of red blood cells and when Kyungsoo rolls his eye back, Kris hastily releases his hold.
‘Yes, of course not, why do you fucking look like Domyoji right now! Who are you, why are there flowers on your face,’ says the voice of Kyungsoo’s internal anguish, but he just bobs his head. “You… shojo-man…” he whispers before falling into a slumber.
He fully credits it as a symptom of his fever and when he gets well, the shojo feelings he has for Kris in that few hours will surely evaporate as well. But unfortunately, it’s just the beginning of his long journey into self-hatred. Every time his heart leaps when Kris smiles at him, Kyungsoo just hates himself a little more. He positively detests himself when he wakes up and the thought of going to work makes him grin a sleepy grin because it means he’d be able to see Kris.
He misses his old cold-blooded self. Kris makes him realise when people have someone in their hearts, it’s only normal to suddenly burst into song because they are too full of emotions like how people in movies do… not that he has ever done that, excuse you, it’s just attainment of high-level empathy, something like Nirvana.
And honestly, it’s hard not to care for someone who cares for you too, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do, except to repay him in kind. Sometimes, he wants to say truthful words to Kris, like, How can someone be so big and useless at the same time? At least elephants can lift logs. But when his boss looks at him with those stupid lips, Kyungsoo will end up saying in a kind voice, “Sometimes things don’t work out but it’s not your fault.” Although he honestly thinks it’s always Kris’ fault.
It’s just too bad that feelings don’t mix well with work. He wants to throw Kris to the hyenas in the office but goes clucking to work everyday instead, like a mother hen rushing to sit on her eggs. It agonizes Kyungsoo to belittle himself like this, he has never been so soft on anyone else before. But in a sadistic way, it also makes him feel good to do something for the one he lik-
Kyungsoo really doesn’t like Kris. Please believe him. It makes him feel better.
“Hello.”
Kyungsoo looks up from his monitor to see Lu Han tip-toe into the office. “Is he around?” he asks softly, as if scared to wake a dozing dragon.
He considers lying, but then Kyungsoo sighs and nods. It must be rather urgent if Lu Han has personally come to talk to Kris. He usually avoids coming to Kris’ office even though he frequented it back when Kris first joined the company. After a few nasty emails written by Kyungsoo though, the visits stopped. Kris has never asked, but sometimes Kyungsoo still feels that twinge in his heart. It isn’t deliberate, honestly, Kyungsoo is fair; nastier emails have been sent to Kim Kai, not that Kyungsoo cares about him. It’s just different when it comes to Lu Han.
“How is he feeling today?” Lu Han asks gingerly, as if he’s at the hospital visiting the sick but Kyungsoo knows what he’s on. Tapping a pen against the back of his hand, he contemplates the answer. Kris beamed like the goddamn sun he smelled like when he came in this morning, but Kyungsoo just murmurs, “He’s fine, there’s a meeting at 3p.m. so you’d best catch him now, if you want.”
Lu Han exhales unsteadily and his mouth forms a cute ‘o’. He looks adorable and it makes Kyungsoo frown. “Hurry up and go in,” he urges in a rather harsh tone and immediately regrets it when Lu Han blinks at him. Looking down so he doesn’t need to meet those bright inquisitive eyes, Kyungsoo finds the first excuse that pops up in his mind, “Don’t want to be late for the meeting.”
“Ah,” Lu Han nods and smiles, wrinkles creeping up from the ends of his eyes into his temples but he still looks cute. Sighing gently, Kyungsoo observes him walking up to the door of Kris’ office. “It’s me, Lu Han,” he calls out, and hesitates for a second before adding, “Xi Luhan.” He doesn’t knock on the door, just calling out like how he used to, six months ago before Kyungsoo entered the company. Then Lu Han opens the door, not waiting for Kris to acknowledge him. Some habits die hard. Lu Han freezes when he realises a second too late what he has done but then Kris speaks up.
“Oh,” Kyungsoo hears the surprise in Kris’ voice and he can’t see it, but it’s not hard to imagine the grin hanging off his face because he sees it in Lu Han’s smile, too, a mix of delight and nostalgia. It is also difficult not to notice that they don’t address each other by title, even after this period of time. The titles only come into play when they’re addressing each other to other people like, say, Kyungsoo.
The door closes behind Lu Han’s back and he shouldn’t, but Kyungsoo suddenly feels excluded from their world.
Lately, Lu Han has been stepping in and out of Kris’ office a lot and his gait gradually becomes relaxed. In fact, today, he skips in. He has been engaged in a lot of discussions with Kris over the Christmas promotions, not that Kyungsoo cares, of course.
Why, of course.
If he’s counting the minutes whenever Lu Han is in Kris’ office, it’s only because he’s afraid Kris will be late for whatever appointment he’s scheduled for next. If he feels anxious whenever Lu Han comes around, it’s only because he’s afraid the promotions will be ruined and Kris might get into trouble with the Board of Directors again. And if he suddenly thinks that the MD’s office should have glass walls instead, it’s only because he cares about Kris’ state of well being. What if Kris keels over one day and no one finds out until it’s too late? Sure, he has never done that before but life is like a box of chocolates, you always end up getting the flavor you hate.
When Kyungsoo was just about to find out more information on the internet about glass walls, Lu Han strides out of the office. “Thanks for your help, Kyungsoo-sshi.” He always says his thanks to Kyungsoo before he takes his leave, all fluttering long lashes and smiling eyes, and it makes Kyungsoo feel really silly for whatever he has been feeling, although it also makes him want to stick his pen up Lu Han’s adorable nostril. He heaves a heavy sigh at Lu Han’s back. Where did the stoic Kyungsoo go? Now he loses his cool so easily. Perhaps there’s really nothing wrong with Lu Han but everything wrong with Kyungsoo. Lu Han doesn’t deserve all this animosity. The little PA stares at his pen he totally deserves to have it up his nose too.
Kris steps out of his office then and stirs Kyungsoo out of his thoughts. “Why are you still around? It’s already 8 p.m.,” Kris says as he removes the jacket of his suit, one hand clutching his briefcase. The bright orange spotlights embedded in the ceiling glints off the metal of his earrings, but his smile is gentle. That dashing rogue.
Kyungsoo pretends he doesn’t notice the way the material stretches across Kris’ chest. “I was trying to preserve your chastity,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, even though he’s the one having bad thoughts about Kris’ chest.
“Huh?”
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo quips, and at Kris’ unconvinced look, he adds, “Trust me.”
Kris breaks into a smile at Kyungsoo’s catchphrase. “Sure.”
“Enjoy your night, sajang-nim,” Kyungsoo says as he makes to walk off. He feels rather stupid to be sulking, since it’s not like Kris can throw Lu Han out of his office when he seeks him out for a discussion and it’s not even that Kyungsoo expects him to. He’s just confused and having a hard time because he’s trying to organise his feelings in a logical manner but what logic is there in emotions? He wants Lu Han to stay away from Kris, it’s as simple as that, and just as difficult. Kyungsoo frowns. He really doesn’t have any right to feel this way.
There’s a faint whiny sound and startled, Kyungsoo turns around quizzically to see Kris patting his tummy. He appears amused by his tummy and is patting it when he looks up into Kyungsoo’s bewildered eyes. “Want to go for dinner?” asks Kris, in a moment of impulse it seems, because right after the words left his lips, he blinks dumbly for a while. Then in the next moment, the nonplussed look morphs into a warm smile, making the invitation a sincere one. Kris looks so dumb-cute with his gums showing and eyes crinkling up into small crescents that Kyungsoo just can’t help it.
He didn’t want to, he swears. They have never eaten together and he’s sure it’d be awkward. But the orange light settles onto Kris like gold dust and he’s blinding. When Kyungsoo takes a step forward, however, he’s bathed in Kris’ shadow and it’s difficult to make sense in the dark. Kyungsoo thinks he has Kris figured out but the way he makes him feel, Kris might as well be both light and darkness, and Kyungsoo is stuck at the juncture when dusk meets dawn; he stands nowhere.
But, “Yes,” he says with a scowl, because he infuriates himself. There’s the look of surprise on Kris’ face again, although this time, it’s easily displaced by a smile. Kyungsoo turns around quickly so that he could hide the pink that’s high on his cheeks.
It is not true that only fools fall in love but those who do become fools indeed.
Kris watches Kyungsoo pick pieces of tuna out from the soup, brows furrowed in concentration as he sifts through the bubbling jjigae that’s served on a pan set on top of a portable stove. Faint lines of worry etch themselves onto Kyungsoo’s forehead as he fishes out pieces of tuna. It’s not such a big deal, Kris is just being picky about food, but it’s always nice to be taken care of.
Kyungsoo squints but it’s no use, everything appears orange in a bowl of kimchi jjigae. “Sorry,” Kyungsoo says sheepishly, “I forgot you didn’t eat fish.”
But Kyungsoo is also the one who smacks his forehead when he recalls this without Kris having to point it out himself. To be honest, from what Kris knows of Kyungsoo, he thought his PA would just flippantly tell him to deal with it. Instead, Kyungsoo rolls up his sleeves and proceeds to carefully try and pick all the fish out. But if Kris were to recall carefully, despite Kyungsoo's cool demeanor, everything he has done for Kris is always in his favor.
“It’s alright,” Kris says, sampling the soup. He didn’t say anything but the look of amazement on his face makes Kyungsoo burst out laughing and Kris can’t resist laughing along. “It’s my favourite thing on the menu,” Kyungsoo beams with pleasure.
Tilting his head to one side and watching Kyungsoo scrunch up his face in an adorable smile, Kris muses, mostly to himself, “You’re harmless.” This is a side of Kyungsoo he has never seen; he didn’t think Kyungsoo would laugh so much. He thought Kyungsoo was the toughest nut ever, it’s difficult to imagine that hard shell cracking up with laughter. Then he reaches over to pat Kyungsoo’s head.
The smile on Kyungsoo’s face immediately vanishes and Kris snatches back his hand. Kyungsoo throws his head back and lets out a peal of laughter. “You’re so easy,” he jests, before resuming a serious expression, “Mostly harmless. I don’t just have one side, sajang-nim.” he corrects Kris solemnly, clucking his tongue. “You were afraid of me,” Kyungsoo remarks wistfully. He’s a little hurt. It’s true he doesn’t smile as much as people like Lu Han, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t as good.
In retaliation, Kris forces the corners of his lips down and pulls his brows together. The lady at the table beside them stops gawking at Kris and hastily turns away from the terrifying look on his face but Kyungsoo smiles so hard, his eyes narrowing into slits, mouth forming a cute heart shape. “That doesn’t work on me, you’re putty!” he exclaims before realising what he said, pretty sure he just crossed The Line when it comes to boss-subordinate relationships.
But Kris grins. “No, I’m just reminding you that whatever I’ve allowed you to do, it’s with permission,” he says, tapping the bowl with his chopsticks, the light tinkling sound echoing like a bell in Kyungsoo’s heart together with the lazy curl of Kris’ lips. Suddenly flustered, Kyungsoo looks down into his bowl and begins to mindlessly shovel rice into his mouth.
They are in a small eatery that’s bustling with the office crowd for a bowl of soup and bottles of soju after a day of work. It’s cramped with grey walls smelling like oil and a dozen different sauces. Some customers are even helping to wash the dishes so they can get served faster. The place that serves the best soup in Seoul is tucked right at the end of a lonely alley like it never wants to be found. It’s the first time Kyungsoo has ever been here with someone else besides Chanyeol and the eatery looks even tinier with Kris in it, but it’s the best place Kyungsoo knows and the look on Kris’ face is worth a little secret, he reckons.
“What else do you know about me?” Kris picks out a piece of tuna from the soup and gives it to Kyungsoo. “Tell me all my secrets,” he winks, gums flashing, eyes crinkling.
Kyungsoo stares at the piece of fish, and wonders what to say. Your doodles at the end of those sticky note messages are as shitty as your aegyo. Your favorite brand of accessories is Chrome Hearts. You look as tough as a rock but your heart is as soft as water. It’s absurd, I honestly cannot even list one outstanding attribute of yours but this still doesn’t change the way I think about you, and I think you are just absolutely amazing. Help me, I’m beyond hope. But all these are probably just Kyungsoo’s secrets.
“You have a tattoo of a scorpion on your left bicep,” Kyungsoo says instead. This is much safer. Or is it?
Kris’ draws the corners of his mouth up into a grin. He doesn’t deny nor admit it, but Kyugnsoo doesn’t need his concession. He can see the scorpion even now as it presses itself against the snug fit of Kris’ white shirt. “Do you know the process? The tattoo machine is like the dental drill.” His voice is low but sounds strangely clear despite the noise that surrounds them. “Imagine getting pierced by a needle and having a drop of insoluble ink deposited on your skin, your second layer of skin. So technically, even if you touch my arm, you aren’t exactly touching the tattoo.” Well, screw technicality, Kyungsoo’s mouth is going dry at the thought of touching Kris’ tattoo.
“Do you have any other tattoos?” He tries to sound nonchalant as he drinks some soup, like he hasn’t been discussing the whereabouts of Kris’ tattoos with his best friend for the longest time, this sly little fox.
“You’d have to find out for youself.” There’s a smirk lurking on Kris’ lips, and he looks… sexy. This is bad. Kyungsoo has always thought sexy is a word that’s used on someone scantily clad but Kris somehow manages it all the same, in his white shirt that’s buttoned all the way up, grey tailored pants, and smirk. It stirs up all the violent tendencies in Kyungsoo. He wants to first stick a chopstick into Kris’ eye (exorcism) and then his own (self-purification). But how is Kyungsoo going to find Kris’ tattoos? For a moment, he thinks of bare-chested Kris, then proceeds to down his cup of soju like it’s water. His mom is right, he realises, all men think with their dicks.
“What’s wrong with you,” Kris laughs when Kyungsoo chokes on soju and dick thoughts.
Instead of saying, ‘who sent you here to ruin my life’, Kyungsoo sneaks Kris some tuna under the cover of a slice of innocent looking ham and relishes in sweet revenge when he chokes on it.
But then, when Kris lifts his eyes up after a fit of coughing and warns, “You’re going to pay for this one day,” Kyungsoo almost suffers a heart attack. In more ways that Kris would ever know, Kyungsoo is already paying him back.
They are accompanied by a stray cat in the lonely alley as they make their way back to the car. As if to chase away the silence, Kris asks conversationally, “Did you always want to be a personal assistant?” Kyungsoo looks up curiously at Kris but there’s nothing telling on his face.
“Well, no, no one really says PA when asked about his ambition,” he replies truthfully, but now Kyungsoo stays on willingly in this job. It’s not a good time to reflect on this again. “What about you? Did you-“ Kyungsoo bites his tongue when he realises he’s about to repeat Kris’ question as a way of diverting the attention away from him. But he already knows the answer to that.
Kris pauses mid-step to stare at Kyungsoo in surprise for a while, then he smiles fondly. “You are a good person, not just a good assistant.” He resumes walking and Kyungsoo silently follows, eyes lingering on Kris’ back. The quiet drifts back, but peace is nowhere to be found. Kyungsoo tries to put the matter to rest but when he opens his mouth, Kris begins to speak. “Sometimes we do things we don’t want to, Kyungsoo, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing.”
Kyungsoo stops in his tracks. “Is it?” He isn’t sure if this conversation is dicier for him or Kris.
“Sometimes you do things you don’t want to because of another person.” Kyungsoo’s heart stops before it begins to beat furiously; he’s suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he’s alive. Kris turns around then, when he discovers Kyungsoo has been lagging behind. The bewildered expression on Kyungsoo’s face sends a grin blossoming on Kris’ face, as if this isn’t a painful thing to discuss at all. “I have my own dream of course, it’s just that…” Kris trails off, like how dialogue suddenly dies when words become too difficult. But Kris is more than that, his chiselled features appear even sharper now when soaked in neon pink light from an overhead sign.
“…Sometimes another person’s happiness is more important than a dream.”
It is obvious that Kris is talking about his mom but Kyungsoo cannot help but apply it on himself. He places his singer dream and Kris’ happiness on a scale. It tips unfairly to a side. Kyungsoo heaves an exasperated sigh. “Why are there so many ‘sometimes’?” he whines. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he can deal with this kind of agony a second time.
Kris is amused at Kyungsoo’s despondency over a matter that quite frankly, has nothing to do with him. Oh, if only Kris knew. “This time, then.”
Kyungsoo takes an uncertain step forward. “Just this time?”
Kris nods, not knowing he’s agreeing to a promise, so Kyungsoo nods too, with reluctant indulgence. “Alright.” He scowls and begins to walk, the sound of his determined footsteps echo loudly in the alley. Whipping around when he realises Kris isn’t tagging along, Kyungsoo complains, “Aren’t you going to follow me?” But even his complaint packs no punch. Kyungsoo is as flimsy as a paper tiger when it comes to Kris.
Chuckling, Kris jogs to catch up with his fierce tiny PA.
The next day, Kyungsoo find his new promise put to the test immediately when the official earnings for quarter two is out, It is no surprise that they have failed to hit the targets again when the summer advertising campaign is as clichéd as car accidents in a Korean drama. No one cares about boys and girls frolicking on the beach anymore. People - or at least, their target audience – like it better when boys and boys frolic together now. They have a lot to do for Q4 as it’s obvious now that they’re going to fail Q3 too, since everyone fancies being cold rather than getting bundled up for the chilly weather after Lee Jongsuk starts wearing close to nothing in the wildly popular fall drama - I can Hear Your Voice in the School’s Secret Garden 2013 - that has him taking on the role of an aspiring gay songwriter who used to be a rebellious student and can also listen to the inner voices of people. Or was that three dramas? No matter, not complaining.
As expected, Lu Han makes a trip up to the top floor of the office building to find Kris in order to explain the missed target. But when he asks for the MD, Kyungsoo merely lifts his head up and stares at the ceiling. Perplexed, Lu Han looks up too, but if he were expecting Kris to be sprawled on the ceiling like a Japanese female ghost, he is to be sorely disappointed.
“Where’s sajang-nim?” Lu Han asks again. His use of Kris’ title still irks Kyungsoo especially since Lu Han has so freely called Kris by his name the last time Kyungsoo heard/eavesdropped on them talking to each other. He also blames Lu Han for being terrible at marketing.
“Probably moping somewhere wondering about the deeper meaning of life,” mutters Kyungsoo truthfully.
“Huh?”
“Not around, will tell him Xi eesa is looking for him.” Kyungsoo lowers his head to the stack of documents in his hands and tries to sound less brusque. Lu Han probably doesn’t feel too well now either, but a human heart is only that small, Kyungsoo can’t care about so many people at one time.
“Oh, right, thanks.” The wrinkles on Lu Han’s face seem even wrinklier today. “By the way, my name is Lu Han.”
“Sure,” Kyungsoo murmurs noncommittally.
When Lu Han leaves, Kyungsoo files the documents away neatly and replies to a couple of emails. He checks the time - it’s 4p.m. and there’s a teleconference scheduled at 5p.m., clearly time to be a good PA and kidnap the boss back to the office. Because he’s no Lee Jongsuk, Kyungsoo grabs his jacket and pulls it on when he makes his way to the rooftop.
Kyungsoo knows where Kris slinks off to whenever he’s unhappy or when he feels like he needs a break. Considerate as he is, Kyungsoo has never bothered him. Some hearts like to be left alone when broken. That was yesterday though, before Kyungsoo made a promise he intended to keep.
When he pushes open the door, he sees Kris attempt a lay up in full business attire. The basketball hits the hoop instead of going through it and flies over to Kyungsoo. If this were a hot blooded idol drama, Kyungsoo would have caught the ball, dribbled it over and suavely dunked the ball in (despite his height) right in front of Kris before giving him some good life advice. Unfortunately, this is merely fanfiction with a tortured protagonist and the ball just flies right into Kyungsoo’s face. He drops to the floor immediately. Chanyeol would have stuck his tongue out too, but there’s only so much clowning Kyungsoo is capable of.
There are sounds of running footsteps but Kyungsoo rolls his eyes back and wrinkles his nose to feel its presence. He only ceases his eye antics when it starts to hurt. Kris is bending over him, but his initial look of anxiety has changed into one of amusement, “I thought you died.”
“Just trying to entertain you with slapstick.” Kyungsoo tries to grin but he winces instead. Kris presses a thumb to his right cheek and begins to rub gently in circles. This is rather unexpected and Kyungsoo’s first instinct is to take flight, but Kris pushes him back down to where he’s sitting on the ground and continues to massage the area where a faint red mark has formed. Kris’ eyes thin with mirth in response to the startled expression on Kyungsoo’s face and he has to diffuse his surprise by blinking rapidly and lowering his eyes to scowl at the ground. The howling of the wind cannot mask Kris’ chuckle but Kyungsoo is glad that it’s at least loud enough to smother the loud beat of his heart.
“I’m sorry,” Kris apologises, mistaking Kyungsoo’s embarrassment for annoyance, like how he has done every single time. “What are you doing here? Did anything urgent happen in the office, or did you suddenly want to throw yourself off the building?”
“I suddenly wanted to fling myself off the building, of course,” mumbles Kyungsoo glumly. I just don’t want you to be sad alone, is what he really means but the truer some words are, the harder they are to utter.
He looks adorable and Kris takes advantages of the situation by squishing his face. He’s squashing the sides of Kyungsoo’s face and making his lips pucker. When starting to feel something amiss, Kyungsoo deadpans, “Having fun?”
Ever the smooth dude, Kris stands up and holds out a hand. “How did you know I was up here?”
Kyungsoo lifts large eyes up to look at Kris from where he sits. He looks so tall and formidable; Kyungsoo never wants to see Kris fall. He doesn’t say that of course. He only says, “I’m your PA, I know your deepest darkest secrets.” He pulls on Kris’ hand to haul himself up. Kris doesn’t even budge, but Kyungsoo knows that’s only on the façade. Kris isn’t as strong on the inside and Kyungsoo feels another twist in his heart. It hurts more than the bruise on his cheek.
Snickering, Kris turns around and picks up the ball lying on the floor. “This is my dream,” he says simply, as if introducing a stranger to Kyungsoo. “I’ve always wanted to become a basketball player.” That’s all Kris says because they both know why he didn’t become one.
“You can’t install a hoop on the rooftop just because you want to.” Kyungsoo ignores the elephant on the rooftop.
“Why not? I own the place,” Kris says smugly, and Kyungsoo wants to ride that elephant into Kris’ rich ass.
He dribbles the ball to the hoop and shoots. The ball slides in with a whoosh. “I love that sound.” Kris looks like a kid as he twirls around in his expensive leather shoes and beams at Kyungsoo, but his grin fades into a small consoling smile when he catches that expression on Kyungsoo’s face. Concern turns the edges of his lips down, worry pushing his brows together in a frown, a slight tinge of moisture in his large eyes. Kyungsoo lets Kris read him like a book.
Kris broaches the subject first. “I’m alright.” His voice is strong and it makes Kyungsoo want to believe in the lie. “It’s just more difficult than I thought. I said a lot of big words last night, didn’t I?” Kris squints into the sun and tiredly rubs his eyes.
Kyungsoo isn’t good at consoling people and he doesn’t want to lie and tell Kris that things will be alright when he has no inkling what the future will bring. But he doesn’t want Kris to be sad either; he never ever wants to see this look on Kris’ face again. There are other things that are still in his control. He walks over, pulls Kris’ hand down and holds it. Kyungsoo’s hand is much smaller but it weighs Kris down like an anchor and draws him into the safety of his harbour. There’s no anxiety when he touches Kris this time as resolve calms his nerves down. “I will help you,” Kyungsoo says, loud and clear, while he tiptoes to meet Kris’ eyes. The promise sounds deceptively simple. What’s usually thought to be the simplest thing oftentimes turns out to be the hardest.
Kyungsoo looks so earnest, so sincere, and he’s holding Kris’ hand so carefully, as if he might lose him with a looser grip, and he might crush him with a stronger grasp, like Kris isn’t towering over him, cascading his shadow over Kyungsoo’s entire being.
Kyungsoo holds Kris like water within his hands, precious and fragile.
Kris feels it because genuinely good intentions are as conspicuous as the smell of oranges when a fingernail presses in to break its skin, and Kyungsoo is breaking Kris just as easily now. His protective stance makes Kris feel even more vulnerable and he’s not certain who’s the giant now. Especially when at first glance, it’s obvious that Kris has so much more power than Kyungsoo. What can he possibly offer to Kris that he doesn’t have? Kyungsoo’s hand feels so small within his own. But when a person is down in the dumps, it’s not cold words that will pull him down even further, but a warm touch, a few words of assurance, someone putting a hand in his, gently reminding him that he’d never be alone. It is kindness that will send him crumbling.
He cannot help but be affected. Perhaps Kris just isn’t as tall as the giant residing in Kyungsoo’s heart. There’s a lump in his throat that’s tough to swallow and unexpected wetness in his eyes that’s hard to blink back, but he manages somewhat. What he cannot ignore, however, is that spot of incredible soreness in his heart, and Kyungsoo who causes it. He half crouches to make it easier for Kyungsoo, smiling to make him feel better, just like what Kyungsoo did for him. “Because you are my super duper, invincible, world-dominating PA?”
The grin is back on Kris’ face and Kyungsoo feels relief reasonate throughout his body. The tension in his shoulders seeps out. “Exactly,” Kyungsoo bobs his head, “so you can count on me. Trust me.” Kris might be half-kidding but Kyungsoo doesn’t think he has ever been so serious his entire life.
“You know I always trust you.” Kris grips his hand back and smiles until his gums are showing again. It’s Kyungsoo’s favorite Kris-smile, it makes him look just like a child.
Kyungsoo decides he really is a masochist then, for thinking that all his efforts are worth it, just because of this one sentence from Kris.
And this is the best thing he can ever offer to anyone.
When Lu Han and Kris next gather for their discussion on the launch of the next season’s campaign, Kyungsoo invites himself to the meeting too.
“Yes?” Kris lifts his brows. Coffee has already been served, so there’s really no reason for Kyungsoo to be present.
“Can I join?” Kyungsoo pretends to ask, but he’s already settling down in the vacant chair.
“Your face…” Lu Han gestures at his own face.
A nice purple bruise resides on Kyungsoo’s cheek. “Got bumped by a bastard and knocked into a pole on my way home yesterday,” he lies without even blinking and Kris spits out some coffee.
“And what’s wrong with you, Kris?” Lu Han asks and when he discovers his faux pas of using Kris' name, swiveling around to look at Kyungsoo and check his reaction. But Kyungsoo has already extracted his revenge; the serving of karma soothes him for this and the terrible thing he’s about to propose.
Kris is just expressing his surprise at getting insulted, of course. But he says, “Showing enthusiasm for the winter campaign, that’s all.”
Kyungsoo elevates an eyebrow at Kris. Smooth player.
Kris reciprocates by lifting both brows. Play nice.
Lu Han knits his brows together. What’s in my coffee?
When Lu Han is about to present his revised proposal, Kyungsoo interrupts him. “I have an idea, if Xi (Lu Han sighs loudly) eesa doesn’t mind?” Kris and Lu Han both look taken back by Kyungsoo’s words but the Brand Director soon smiles, sitting back and gesturing for Kyungsoo to continue.
“No one sells clothes these days. What people sell are lifestyles, and when consumers link products to a certain lifestyle they aspire to have, they would be inclined to purchase them. So what’s really important is not the product but the way they are marketed. How do we generate brand loyalty so that consumers will consistently buy things from us, even if we churn out progressively uglier clothes each season?” Kyungsoo says all this in a single breath and he notices that Lu Han is now sitting up and leaning forward to hear him speak. Even Kris is nodding at him to continue.
“Some companies get celebrities to endorse their products because fans crave to look and behave like them,” Kyungsoo is beginning to sound more confident. “The decision to purchase is not based on needs, it’s psychological. They want to look like Big Bang and wear the same pastel jeans that Girls Generation do. We certainly can’t afford to get celebrities as our spokesperson now, so we’ll have to create our own stars.”
Kris and Lu Han look stupefied by Kyungsoo’s proposal. “Create our own stars? Who?“ asks Lu Han.
This is the horrible part. “Xi eesa and sajang-nim, you two are going to be the stars for our winter advertising campaign.”
“What!” Lu Han gasps. Kris is decidedly calmer after the initial shock has passed. “Why us?”
This is so obvious, Kyungsoo has to bite the inside of his cheek when he grits out, “Because of your faces. The two of you look good, and you look good together.” The disheartening truth is Lu Han looks better standing next to Kris. Kyungsoo is cuter than the average dude but it’s Lu Han, Lu Han with his pretty soft brown eyes and adorable smile. A completely objective person would have picked Lu Han over Kyungsoo too, so why not Kris? He’s getting distracted by his petty thoughts, Kyungsoo shakes his head and steers his attention back to the discussion at hand.
“You must be kidding,” Lu Han exclaims with wide eyes.
“We are approximately 500 million won away from the year’s overall target; I hardly think it’s a good time for jokes,” Kyungsoo says quietly and Lu Han flinches. Kris, however, appears to be in serious thought. Kyungsoo tries to persuade him.
“There is a group of audience out there, females in their teens and twenties, they have, um, fantasies of male-male couples in boybands, co-stars of dramas, et cetera and- I’m not asking you two to start dating,” Kyungsoo mutters darkly when he spots the worried look on Lu Han’s face. “This group has buying power and they are prepared to spend,” he continues, “It’s a tried and tested gimmick, we can generate interest for the two of you via social media, before revealing the whole campaign. We are not just talking about local brick and mortar sales, but also sales through the online shop. There will be the usual photoshoots and videos, the budget remains the same, only the marketing will be done a little differently this time,” he pushes for it but when Kris strokes his chin and appears to be still stuck in deep deliberation, Kyungsoo snaps, “You are a good looking sonovabitch and you know it!”
Kris barks out a laugh at Kyungsoo’s outcry while his PA remains red-faced. “How do you know it’d work?”
“You can’t be serious.” But Kris holds out his hand to stifle Lu Han’s protest.
Kyungsoo can’t possibly let out the fact that he was one of those disappointed fans who queued up for Lee Jongsuk and Kim Woobin’s cancelled fansign. “It’d work, trust me,” Kyungsoo peers into Kris’ eyes. He means to look serious and all business-like, but ends up looking like an imploring puppy instead. It works all the same. Kyungsoo doesn’t need to ask; Kris isn’t lying when he says that he will always trust him.
“Don’t make me ugly,” Kris replies with a smile and Kyungsoo finally relaxes.
“Will put a ribbon on your insect,” Kyungsoo says and taps his left bicep smugly. Puzzled, Lu Han looks over to Kris’ arm but there’s nothing there, certainly no insects.
Kris remains calm. “You cute or what,” he grins and says this lowly so that only Kyungsoo can hear. His PA wanted to tease the boss but ends up getting teased instead. Blushing madly, Kyungsoo takes a sip of his coffee to divert attention away, only to spit it out when he accidentally drinks from Lu Han’s cup.
“It’s salted caramel flavored,” Kyungsoo explains calmly to Lu Han, while he presses a napkin against his chin, “with an emphasis on the salt.”
“Sure…” Lu Han nods unsurely.
“So in short, you locked yourself into a cell and threw the key out of the window?” Chanyeol sprawls across Kyungsoo’s couch and shouts out his summary after hearing the latest on his friend’s worklife, so that Kyungsoo can feel offended even as he stands in the kitchen, stirring the contents of a pan. It’s a lazy Sunday morning but Chanyeol is already at Kyungsoo’s apartment to cheat a free meal out of his friend. Kyungsoo would have appreciated dumb Chanyeol but unfortunately, the smart one decides to visit again. Isn’t it convenient, Kyungsoo loses half his mind over another person and Chanyeol just decides to gain a brain. It’s as if Chanyeol has been pretending to be dumb in all the years Kyungsoo has known him just so he could get back at him now.
Bristling, Kyungsoo stabs a piece of kimchi in the pan with a spatula and starts on the long speech he has rehearsed. “Sometimes we do things we don’t want to, Chanyeol, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to because of another person. Sometimes another person’s happiness is more important than a dream.”
“Why are there so many ‘sometimes’?” yells Chanyeol as he flips over on the couch.
“This time, then.” Kyungsoo lifts his spatula up as if it’s the Olympic torch and imitates Kris’ when he said these words not too long ago, although the narrowed eyes and determined tone are just figments of his imagination. A few grains of rice fall from the spatula and onto to his hand. Yelping, Kyungsoo switches off the stove and asks Chanyeol to serve up the kimchi fried rice.
“So what’s going to happen?” Chanyeol munches and asks, his soul sucking eyes fixed onto Kyungsoo.
But Kyungsoo will not allow his soul to be siphoned away so easily like the first time. “Nothing, I’m just on loan to Marketing for the winter advertising campaign, but I’m still reporting to the MD and assuming my PA duties. Meanwhile, they’re going to be the leads in the winter advertising campaign, sajang-nim is going to hit the sales targets for the year and I’d reap the fruits of my success by asking for a promotion,” he says plainly.
“Sure, Personal Assistant Manager sounds real nice, just what you need on your resume.” Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo, eyes unmoving in stark contrast to the rapid chewing motions of his mouth.
His uncharacteristic sarcasm is more than what Kyungsoo can take. “What happened to you, Chanyeol?” asks Kyungsoo, large eyes full of concern, “Why are you suddenly smart, witty and sarcastic? Why are you turning into… me?” There’s no time to be modest when his friend’s sanity is at stake, although clearly, the one going insane is Kyungsoo.
“Don’t be silly,” chastises Chanyeol, “nothing is wrong with me. Eat, your rice is getting cold.” He coolly removes the hand Kyungsoo has laid on his cheek.
Kyungsoo evaluates the possibility of them soul swapping without actually knowing it happened.
“You should suggest that you be the lead instead of Lu Han,” Chanyeol speaks up after a moment’s pause.
Kyungsoo scowls and pushes his fried rice around on his plate. It’s difficult to own up but this is just Chanyeol so Kyungsoo admits that he has fantasized about it but, “I… I don’t look good enough to stand next to Kris. The campaign won’t be as successful.” And that’s not all. He’s also not as friendly as Lu Han, nor does he possess that kind of affinity. They’ve had the first meeting to kick off work for the campaign. Everyone, from the stylists to the photographer, likes Lu Han. Kyungsoo is so busy with coordination that he doesn’t even have time to talk to anyone but he memorises the names and faces and keeps them in his heart. But who would know? Who can look through a person and tell how good his heart is? Everyone knows how to appreciate a smile though. And when Kyungsoo smiles, he doesn’t light up the room like Lu Han does. Kyungsoo wishes he wouldn’t do this to himself, comparing himself to Lu Han. This is so unfair to the both of them but he can’t help thinking that if others like Lu Han better than him, then maybe, so will Kris.
“I can’t defeat a fairy. Maybe one fairy just deserves another fairy, them fairies need to stick together. I’d just be the evil witch and wish them cold death in every fairy tale,” says Kyungsoo flatly, making to spoon some rice up but unexpectedly, Chanyeol leans across the table to rap him hard on the knuckle.
“Since when did you get so emotional?” asks Chanyeol wryly, only to find that he has struck a raw nerve when he sees that stunned look on Kyungsoo’s face.
It is the same question Kyungsoo asks himself so often these days. He didn’t realise it got so obvious.
“You’re talking trash,” Chanyeol reprimands to quickly steer the topic back on track, “You are better than you think you are.” Kyungsoo opens his mouth to protest but gets interrupted. “Trust me, I know.” The rap stings but that’s not why Kyungsoo’s eyes are suddenly just a little misty and he has to pull his brows together again to cover it up.
Chanyeol knows. Chanyeol can look through Kyungsoo’s frown and harsh words to see his heart and appreciate the good in him. People find Kyungsoo distant but that’s only because their hearts aren’t close enough. Luckily, Chanyeol always knows, because Kyungsoo knows too, every single time Chanyeol cries, Kyungsoo has been there to wipe the tears away. People think Chanyeol is a bright sunny person but Kyungsoo is the roof over his head during all his rainy days. It was so when he was six years old and Kyungsoo found chubby Chanyeol crying in the dark area under the staircase after their classmates teased him for his ears. It was so when Chanyeol was twenty one years old and thought of himself as a failure for being unable to sell any of his art, and it will always be so. It will always, always, be so.
And then, Chanyeol will do the same for Kyungsoo.
“You don’t need to defeat anyone, just be yourself.”
“What, be cold and sarcastic all the time? I’m unsure if you two share the same kink.” Following Chanyeol’s lead, Kyungsoo lets himself get distracted. He returns to the same question every other day, anyway.
Chanyeol reaches over again but this time, Kyungsoo deflects his spoon with quick reflexes. “Be good to him,” advises Chanyeol.
“I am good to him.” Kyungsoo flushes hotly when Chanyeol smiles widely at him. It makes him want to slowly pull out every single one of Chanyeol’s teeth sans anaesthetic as punishment. He needs time getting used to receiving advice from Chanyeol. “How?”
“You cook real well, Kyungsoo,” grins Chanyeol. His best friend takes the hint and squirms like there’s lemon on his tongue.
“Like hell I’m packing lunch for him like a besotted underage schoolgirl.”
“You’re not?!” Chanyeol widens his eyes and claps both hands over the mouth in an act of exaggerated shock.
“Don’t do that,” Kyungsoo says in great concern, “your eyes might really pop out this time, Pug.”
“Boo.” Chanyeol pouts and holds up two long pieces of kimchi to his eyes in imitation of tears but gasps and drops them when the spices get to his eyes and he begins to tear for real.
It’s Dumb Chanyeol. “Welcome back,” Kyungsoo pats his forearm fondly.
“I’ve never left!” Chanyeol wails and dabs his eyes with a napkin. While he’s still drying his tears, he says, “I have someone I want you to meet.”
“Who’s the unfortunate person,” Kyungsoo drawls, but corrects himself when Chanyeol’s jaw drops in outrage. “I’m sorry, you’re right, he might have judgement issues but that doesn’t really make him unfortuna-” This is when Chanyeol tackles him to the floor and after straddling Kyungsoo, he makes to tickle him. But truly evil people are immune to tickling. If Kyungsoo laughs, it’s only because Chanyeol looks hilarious with crazed eyes when he’s trying his best to inflict death by sticking his fingers into Kyungsoo’s sides.
“I’m happy for you,” Kyungsoo says gently, in the midst of Chanyeol’s mischief, reaching up to pat his friend’s head, as if they were still six years old and Kyungsoo was saying, “I like your ears, even if no one likes them. I’d be your friend, even if no one wants to be yours.”
Chanyeol will never be six years old again, he doesn’t cry for a lot of things now. In fact, there really isn’t a Smart or Dumb Chanyeol at all. He might appear dumb to Kyungsoo but that’s because they’ve known each other their entire lives. Even if Chanyeol isn’t like that anymore, Kyungsoo will always remember his best friend as a chubby, snivelling eleven year old who fervently insisted on taking his ferret to the playground and if Kyungsoo didn’t like that, it just meant their friendship was over. To others, Chanyeol is probably just a bossy dude who’s too tall for his own good. He doesn’t cry anymore, so he just makes this funny face like he has no idea which expression to put on. Chanyeol mutters as he rubs his eyes with the back of a hand, “My eyes are dry. It’s just my dry eyes, you know that.”
“I know, I know,” whispers Kyungsoo indulgingly.
He might know Chanyeol, but there are still things Kyungsoo isn't aware of. It is not that he isn't as strong anymore, but when a heart opens up to another, how is it possible not to get hurt?
It appears that the new person in Chanyeol’s life isn’t the only one with judgement issues, Kyungsoo acknowledges this as he stares at the lunchbox placed on the table in front of him. It’s the first day of the photoshoot and filming for the winter advertising campaign and instead of being in the office, Kyungsoo is now in a studio located in Cheongdam-dong.
Somehow, he ends up packing lunch for Kris. Even cold-hearted namja Do Kyungsoo has resorted to packing lunchboxes; perhaps there’s hope for Mankind after all. He cooks for his friends whole-heartedly, of course, but this is different. Kris is hardly a friend. “Besotted schoolgirl,” he moodily quotes himself, resting his chin on a hand and poking the white plastic container. It’s grilled eel over rice. The only kind of fish Kris likes to eat. Kyungsoo has always been careful about Kris’ likes and dislikes. He has gotten up at the crack of dawn to cook, afraid that if left overnight, the fish wouldn’t taste as good.
Only Lu Han is involved in the photoshoot and filming today but Kris is also here to oversee things and to find out how things are going to be done too, since his part will be shot the next day. It’s nearing break time and Kyungsoo finds Kris standing outside the circle of frenzy that’s surrounding Lu Han, who’s clad in an oversized baby blue turtleneck and plain white cotton pants. He only has BB cream on and seems to glow in the soft lighting that envelopes him. The set is excruciatingly simple, just a white wooden chair against a white backdrop. Nothing is supposed to rob the attention away from Lu Han.
But the photographer is having a difficult time coaxing a smile out of Lu Han. His smiles all seem too forced when there’s a camera set in front of him and so many eyes around. He sits at the edge of the chair as if perched for flight, tension evident in the narrow hunch of his shoulders. When the frustrated photograph is about to call an early lunch break, Kris calls out, “Hey.”
Lu Han turns around, and when he spots the familiar face in the crowd, his face blossoms into a smile. His eyes curve like slivers of the moon, the ends curling softly like rose petals. There’s no holding back and all the pleasure can be found in the corner of his lips, all the lights of the stars shining in his eyes.
“I got that! Did you catch that as well?” The photographer excitedly asks the cameraman who nods. “Alright, let’s break for lunch!”
Kyungsoo almost loses his nerves then but he forces himself to walk up to Kris who smiles when he sees his PA approaches. Kyungsoo tells himself that when Kris smiles for him, it’s just as lovely a smile as when Lu Han smiles for Kris. “Here,” he says grudgingly, shoving the lunchbox into Kris’ hands.
“What?” Kris asks, opening the lid, “You made this?” The grin on his face stretches even wider and Kyungsoo feels hoodwinked. He sniffs and catches a whiff of the sun. “I… well,” Kyungsoo stammers, unsure why he’s nervous. He’s about to say more, he’s unsure what, maybe useless stuff like ‘enjoy your lunch’, but Kris gets called over to join Lu Han and the stylists at their lunch table. They clearly are unaware of his reputation in the office. “Do you want to-“ Kris starts but Kyungsoo is already shaking his head. They seem to be a merry crowd at the table and he hates to ruin it. “Come on,” Kris cajoles and Kyungsoo furrows his brows slightly. “Alright,” Kris relents, “come find me after lunch to discuss next week’s sales meeting.” Then in the next instance, Kyungsoo is left alone.
But it’s ok, Kyungsoo shrugs and thinks, he hasn’t planned on getting a lunch invitation anyway. He eats his lunch by himself in the storeroom, while he sorts out the props for the afternoon shoot. The eel in his lunchbox tastes just a tad salty and he hopes the one in Kris’ isn’t. Then he spends the larger part of his lunchtime fretting over a slice of eel and worrying that it’s too salty for Kris’ taste. No, Kris had better not eat that, Kyungsoo decides. The sudden-worrywart emerges from the storeroom and quickly approaches Kris’ table, trying to give him a ridiculous warning about salty eel when he sees Lu Han eating from his lunchbox instead.
He stops abruptly in his tracks, the squeak of his sneakers breaking the happy chatter and suddenly everyone is looking at him. A hairstylist at the table giggles at the stupefied expression on Kyungsoo’s face and soon, the table of stylish people begins to laugh and stare curiously at Kyungsoo who’s standing just two feet away, Kyungsoo in his plain long sleeved black v-neck tee and jeans, who’s clearly not good enough to sit at this table.
Surprise has stolen all of Kyungsoo’s words away from him and he stands there, feeling and looking stupid, like someone who cares too much but ends up being a fool. A furious blush burns its way up Kyungsoo’s neck and onto his face. He wishes he had fixed his hair and worn the best shirt in his closet instead. But he didn’t and now, he has become an embarrassment and there’s nowhere to hide his shame.
Kris catches Kyungsoo staring at the lunchbox. He glances over at Lu Han and feeling the need to explain, he says, “Xi eesa says he likes eel, so I- “
“Ok,” Kyungsoo interrupts, so brusquely he sounds like he’s not okay at all. “It’s alright,” he panics when he realises his blunder. “I just,” eyes flickering around the place in search of a reason for his uninvited presence, “I just wanted to collect the lunchbox…” Kyungsoo swallows the bitterness in his mouth and lets the lie out instead. He didn’t mean for his voice to come out so small and sorry but he does feel like an intruder at this table.
“Kyungsoo,” says Kris but he’s not sure what else to say. His heart swells at the sight of Kyungsoo looking so flustered and embarrassed. Kris doesn’t think he has ever seen his efficient PA seem so lost before. Kyungsoo doesn’t even know where to put his hands so he begins to wring them unconsciously instead. It didn’t seem like a big deal just minutes ago, Lu Han only wanted a taste but Kris feels really bad now. He has been careless with Kyungsoo’s good intentions.
“It was really good. You cook very well, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han compliments, giving him one of his special smiles.
“Yeah? I thought it was a little salty,” Kyungsoo says numbly and lets his eyes drop to the ground.
“No, it was excellent.” Lu Han beams at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo nods his head slowly. He hates that he still wishes that Kris could have tasted it instead, if it were good. “Thank you,” he mumbles, still unable to lift his eyes up and show his hurt to everyone who bothers to watch. He also hates his eyes; he can’t hide anything with them.
“Here.” The lunchbox is thrust in his line of vision and Kyungsoo is even more afraid to lift his head up now. Kris has walked over to Kyungsoo to return the lunchbox. Hastily, he grabs it but ends up dropping it instead. His face reddens even more when he hears someone laughs. It suddenly becomes too much all at once and Kyungsoo feels mortification claw at his face because Kris is standing right there, witnessing his embarrassment. He snatches the lunchbox from Kris who has helped pick it up and his thanks are muffled as he makes his exit, hoping it’s as dignified as it could be under that kind of circumstances.
“Kyungsoo,” Kris calls out but once Kyungsoo turns his head, he has already lost control of his facial expression and there’s no way he’d let Kris see just how badly he has hurt him.
“He looks like he’s going to cry,” the assistant stylist remarks with a laugh, stopping only when Kris silences him with a stare.
“Kyungsoo is tougher than that,” he declares, brows furrowed together as he opposes that comment. No one at the table dares doubt Kris, except himself.
“Where are you going?” asks Lu Han when his boss excuses himself.
“Another table,” he says coldly and the crowd falls silent as if someone has tapped the mute button. The studio staff had mistakenly thought Kris to be the best and friendliest client they ever had.
Lu Han thinks of Kyungsoo’s sad eyes. “Me too, then.” This is when the crew first knows of Lu Han’s unsmiling face. It is as harsh as the delicateness of his smile.
Once he’s back in the safety of the storeroom, Kyungsoo sets Kris’ lunchbox down next to his and tries to steady his harsh breathing. The lunchbox feels heavy. Kyungsoo pulls the lid off and finds that it’s only half-eaten. He tastes the eel; it turns out to be just as salty as the one in his lunchbox.
Lu Han is a good person, Kyungsoo thinks but that only makes him feel worse. He cradles the lunchboxes in his arms and feels very, very small.
That night, after Kyungsoo has thrown away the leftover eel and rinsed all of his shame down the sink, he slips into bed and hides under the safety of his blanket. “He gave your eel away, Kyungsoo, what's the big deal? It’s not really such a terrible thing,” he says quietly to himself in the dark, “so why are you feeling so sad?” There’s no good reason to be this upset, so he should really go to sleep and let tomorrow come already.
A minute later, however, he gets up and switches on the light, pulls open the first drawer of the bedside cabinet, and takes out a tiny figurine. It’s plastic Kris. Then he takes out the figurine of himself and places it beside Kris’ on the bed. He was so happy when Kris presented him with the cake back then. He made him so happy, then he made him so sad. Kris is Kyungsoo’s sunshower, a bizarre mix of sunshine and rain, the most curious existence in Kyungsoo’s life.
Narrowing his eyes, Kyungsoo flicks plastic Kris with a finger and he falls over, but that’s not enough, so Kyungsoo pokes him over and over again. Then he rights the figurine and places it back next to his own. His big eyes become wet when the scenes from today replay themselves in his mind.
“Why are you so nice to everyone, but so mean to me?” Kyungsoo says ruefully, tapping plastic Kris’ head with his index finger. His voice is barely a whisper. “I just wanted to show you my good side. I’m not half-bad too, you know?”
“I’m sorry,” plastic Kris says mournfully, but it’s just Kyungsoo and his bad voice imitation. He feels awfully silly and even scans his bedroom after doing that in case anyone witnesses his foolishness. “Oh God, I’m really losing my mind.” Frustrated, he carefully places the figurines back into the drawer and tries to sleep. But the more determined one is to sleep, the more it eludes him, like a butterfly that refuses to be caught.
The next day, Kris walks into the studio in casual wear and Kyungsoo is amazed he didn’t get stuck onto the fridge door considering the sheer amount of metal on him. It’s also unfair how incredibly good Kris looks in just a white tee and black jeans. Kyungsoo pulls on the hem of his shirt, feeling extremely foolish for donning his Sunday best. Kris always makes him feel so inadequate, although he doesn’t mean to. Despite Chanyeol’s reassurances, nowadays Kyungsoo has to rummage around within himself to look for his old confidence.
“Keep them on,” the stylist instructs when Kris is about to remove his earrings and necklace. He’s wearing three times the amount of accessories than he does when he’s at work. Discretion is clearly a subjective matter.
“Are you sure? Chrome Hearts doesn’t pay me to advertise for them, you know,” Kris jests as he makes to sit and have his hair styled. Kyungsoo catches his eye then and when he sees that Kris is about to call out for him, he quickly turns and scurries into the area where they’ve hung up next season’s collection, pretending to busy himself with cleaning invisible lint. He doesn’t quite know how to face Kris yet.
“Hey,” A voice suddenly rings out from behind Kyungsoo and he freezes, although Kris also sounds fairly uncertain himself. “About yesterday, I’m sorry,” he says simply.
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo replies, his back still facing Kris, hands never stopping their work.
“Really?” Kris furrows his brows and squints at Kyungsoo’s back, trying to see through him.
Kyungsoo nods firmly because he really wants Kris off his back right now.
If Kris were able to see the downwards pull on the corners of Kyungsoo’s lips, he would know it’s a lie, but there’s really nothing left to say. So when Kris tries to engage Kyungsoo into further conversation, he has to quickly excuse himself, saying he still needs to check on the props.
But once he escapes into the set, Kyungsoo groans and smacks himself on the cheeks repeatedly with both hands as punishment for being so obvious. Now Kris will surely misunderstand that he’s angry, when he’s just hurt. It’s embarrassing to be regarded as being petty over grilled eel, but what can Kyungsoo do? Because he’s so serious, it’s difficult to put on a mask and pretends it’s alright. It’s even harder to explain to Kris, I’m unhappy but it wasn’t the eel, it was never the eel. What I offered wasn’t just that, what you gave away was something else. But people like him don’t know how to express that, they’d just fold themselves up in a corner and nurse their own wounds.
Someone disrupts his internal monologue. “You can’t hang around here, Kyungsoo-sshi, we’re almost ready for the photoshoot.” It’s Jungmin, a member of the crew. They’ve spoken a couple of times before, mostly when Kyungsoo is doing coordination for shooting. Jungmin isn’t particularly friendly but Kyungsoo figures that’s probably his own fault, he’s too busy to hang around building ties with the crew.
“I just, I just need to clear these.” On a whim, Kyungsoo shifts some of the props around and Jungmin quickly stops him, “You need to move out now.” Glad for a reason to leave, Kyungsoo flees.
When the flush on his face finally recedes, Kyungsoo creeps out of the storeroom to stand in a corner and watch Kris’ photoshoot, which is already in progress. His hair has been dyed blond a week before shooting commences and now that the hairstylist has given him bangs, even the sharpness of his features seems to lose their edges. He looks younger, especially when he jokes with the photographer and the expression on his face mellows out into a gummy smile; Kyungsoo’s favorite smile. For a while, Kyungsoo smiles along with Kris in secret, before he starts to mope again. How can he allow someone else to manipulate his feelings like this? It’s the worst thing in the worl- Kris laughs out loud then and the sound is so charming that Kyungsoo wishes he were a carpet so that Kris could step all over him, as if he weren’t already allowing that. This is terrible. He smacks himself on the cheek again.
“What are you doing?”
It’s the fairy. What, he can’t even commit self-abuse in peace now? “There’s an itch on my cheek,” says Kyungsoo respectfully, instead of, ‘please drop into the deepest hole on Earth and melt in lava’. But it’s not Lu Han’s fault, just like it isn’t Kris’ fault. There’s nothing to forgive.
“He looks good,” comments Lu Han, turning to observe the shoot and realising he has just uttered an understatement. The cameraman is asking Kris to turn away so he can shoot his profile. “Stop smiling,” he scolds when Kris can’t stop himself from breaking out into bouts of laughter because it’s pretty awkward being the focus of everyone’s attention. He laughs again and Kyungsoo sees yet another head turn to look at him. He wonders how it feels so be so admired. Kris is just wearing a simple white shirt that’s buttoned up all the way. It’s not anything different from the usual shirts he wears, but Kyungsoo has heard from Lu Han that they plan to launch shirts in the flagship store starting next spring and who better to model them other than sajang-nim himself?
“GQ gangster,” Kyungsoo mutters to himself. As if on cue, the flash of the camera goes off then, catching the shine of Kris’ dual cross earring and blinding Kyungsoo, just like how he always does.
The shoot ends and Lu Han leaves Kyungsoo to speak to Kris, which works just fine for the little PA so that he could scamper off before he gets noticed again. But a deafening crash and a piercing scream make him gasp, pulls him back running, almost slipping in his haste. Kyungsoo’s heartbeat ceases for a moment before it begins to hammer furiously in his chest when he pushes into the small crowd that have gathered around the set and discovers Lu Han sitting on the ground with Kris beside him, holding him up. The lighting umbrella kit is lying broken on the ground. It seems to have taken a crash, broken pieces of the glass bulb strewn not too far away. But what’s most alarming is neither that nor the ugly bruise that’s already beginning to form on Lu Han’s forearm; it’s the fearsome way Kris pulls his brows together, the menacing way he narrows his eyes and the commanding tone in his voice when he questions the staff in charge of lighting. Kyungsoo has never seen this side of Kris before. Gone is the sajang-nim who wants to be nice and everyone’s friend; his authority is unquestionable.
“Explain,” Kris demands of the flustered man, making to stand and using his height to its full advantage. Jungmin takes an unconscious step back from Kris who’s towering over him, “I have no idea, I checked. The safety check was done properly and according to procedure, no one was allowed onto the set after the last check.”
“I witnessed the checking,” someone in the crew speaks up in aid of Jungmin.
“You are absolutely sure it was done right?” Kris presses on. The sharpness of his glare is terrifying, even if he holds no power in his hands, and he does.
Jungmin swallows but he says, “Yes.”
“How did you ensure no one was let into the set?“ Kris is unrelenting, but that’s understandable. Safety in the workplace is something that cannot be compromised.
Jungmin looks like he’s about to say more but he closes his mouth after a moment’s hesitation and lets his eyes drift slowly over to Kyungsoo. When their eyes meet, Kyungsoo feels cold dread trickle down his system.
In the next instance, Kris swivels around to face Kyungsoo, jaw slackening in his realisation and Kyungsoo finds himself held at gunpoint. He is pinned to the spot when Kris fixes his eyes on him. His stomach does a flip, sickened by the turn of events. There’s bile, bitter and caustic, on his tongue. “No,” he denies automatically, although his mind frantically tries to recall what he touched earlier this afternoon when he fled from Kris. What if he were the one who caused Lu Han’s injury? But it couldn’t be him, he doesn’t recall messing with anything but the props and those were set aside for shooting in the afternoon session. “It, it wasn’t me, I didn’t touch any equipment.” His stuttering makes him even more suspicious, however.
“Did you enter the set after the safety check was done?” Kris questions with a frown.
“I, I,” Kyungsoo stammers because he doesn’t know the answer, in a flurry of panic, he turns to Jungmin who answers for him, “He did.”
His reply and the soft exclamations from the crowd send Kyungsoo’s heart sinking; it’s as if he has already been charged guilty. “I’ve always known he’s jealous of Xi eesa, have you seen the way he sometimes looks at him?” He hears someone whisper. Horrified, he hurries to drop his eyes to the floor, so no one could see exactly how much damage those words cause. He doesn’t want what he has kept so long in his heart to be spoken out loud because his secret sounds so hideous. The ugly truth is, Kyungsoo has always measured himself against Lu Han. The uglier truth is that he probably wouldn’t even think this way of Lu Han and himself, if not for Kris. But no one can really be confident of something that matters so much. Everyone who is loved stands tall like Kris, and Kyungsoo has always been so small, so small.
The accusation is true but the thought that someone would think him capable of such malice cuts like a knife. “I’m not that bad,” he says in a tiny voice, but he’s sure no one can hear. Kyungsoo knows he looks pitiful now - to Kris, Lu Han, everyone - with his eyes trained on the ground to avoid the accusatory stares, teeth worrying his bottom lip, hands wrangled together. It gnaws at his pride.
But Kris is different. It’s alright as long as Kris is on his side. “I didn’t mess with the equipment,” Kyungsoo finally lifts his eyes up to look beseechingly at his boss. “Trust me.” It’s his catchphrase and not without a reason. Kris has never failed to do exactly just that.
“I trust you,” Kris says, not missing a beat and Kyungsoo’s heart sings. It isn’t relief though - trust is an absolute thing when it comes to Kris and Kyungsoo – it’s simply reaffirmation. Kyungsoo’s feelings play out on his face and someone in the crowd tries to protest. “Sajang-nim, I think-“
But Kris puts up a hand to stop him, because he isn’t done speaking. “Who did I put in charge of this campaign?” Kris directs the question to Kyungsoo, sounding cold and business-like, someone Kyungsoo doesn’t know at all. The tension creeps back onto his shoulders.
“Me,” Kyungsoo answers softly. He’s suddenly afraid.
“Yes.” The gentleness is back in Kris’ voice but at his next words, Kyungsoo’s highly strung nerves finally snap. “It’s precisely because I trust you.”
All at once, the shame engulfs Kyungsoo, overwhelming him without courtesy of a warning. It has never been Kris; his boss has never doubted him. It’s Kyungsoo who has compromised that trust. As the one in charge, he should have taken care of all aspects during shooting, and safety should always be right at the top of the list. What he should have done is to conduct safety checks a second time to make sure all things are in place. Instead, Kyungsoo has spent his energy focusing on the relationship between Kris and Lu Han, like he’s hell bent on hurting himself. There’s nothing to defend, so Kyungsoo simmers quietly in the shame that’s burning his face. But Kris knows what he should say.
“Apologise,” Kris instructs.
Kyungsoo would gladly apologise for his overlook, even if Kris hasn’t ordered him to. But the authority in Kris’ stance builds a wall between them and when he stands aside, Kyungsoo finally, finally, sees who he has been shielding. His breath comes out in a shudder, along with all the hopes he secretly harbours.
It's hopeless. No matter what I do, I'm just never going to be as good as him, am I?
He should have known and maybe he did, he nurtures his fears just as much as his hopes, but Kyungsoo wants it so much he simply refuses to surrender. He really doesn't want to give Kris up. Kyungsoo has been playing the tug of war game for too long, desperately clinging onto the rope with bleeding hands. But in that moment, he gives up, just like that. This is a game he can never win.
“Apologise,” Kris repeats, his voice as gentle as when he pledged his trust to Kyungsoo, but now it’s a warning and Kyungsoo is not allowed to disobey. It is embarrassing to watch Kris put Kyungsoo down; some of the crew members shift their feet uneasily and have to avert their glances.
“Sanjang-nim, I am alright, it was just an accident,” Lu Han says, a surprising sharpness in his voice. He walks out from behind Kris and puts himself in front of Kyungsoo, protecting him, because Kyungsoo has no wall around him, no shield, no armour. When it comes to Kris, he always has little defences. If Kris would just try to recall, he would find no episode where Kyungsoo hasn’t bent himself over and backwards, making sure every little request of his is fulfilled. And Kyungsoo would concede this time too, he would lay his pride down at his feet.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says quietly, sounding as small as he looks. In contrast, the pain inside of him is so strong, it rips up Kyungsoo, transforming into physical pain, causing his head to throb with the intensity of it. Sourness surges onto his tongue and he feels it redden his eyes. Kyungsoo almost gasps with the pain but he clenches his teeth and locks himself together. He will not let the tears slip out. He will not allow himself this. It is too pitiful to watch and the staff move away to clear out the set.
Kris widens his eyes at the sight of Kyungsoo’s tears, signs of weakness that are so uncharacteristic of him. They propel him forward but Kyungsoo takes a large step backwards, nearly tripping himself in his haste to put distance between them. Alarmed, Kris grabs Kyungsoo’s hand and steadies him but Kyungsoo pushes him away with such force that he falls to the ground instead. Kris rushes forward to help him up but when he touches Kyungsoo, his hand has become limp.
“No,” Kyungsoo clenches his teeth, fighting to keep the remnants of his dignity. Don’t look at me. Let me hurt alone. He refuses to break in front of Kris, he will not falter.
Kris has to tighten his fists to restrain himself while he watches Kyungsoo pick himself off the ground. A crew member is still watching and Kris quickly steps up to block off Kyungsoo, but it’s too late. It’s all too late.
“Take the day off, I’d send you back,” Kris says soothingly when Kyungsoo has finally struggled onto his feet. Kyungsoo still offers no resistance at Kris’ touch but when he lifts his head, his big eyes so shiny with unshed tears, Kris drops his hand instead, as if burned. He has never seen Kyungsoo like this before. Kyungsoo is calm and strong, he should be able to take this, Kyungsoo doesn't...cry.
“Don’t be surprised,” whispers Kyungsoo, “I can cry too, you know?” Although Kyungsoo still isn’t crying.
There is genuine concern on Kris’ face when he reaches out for Kyungsoo again but there’s just no way Kyungsoo is able to accept that right now. “Don’t touch me,” he rasps out.
“Kyungsoo,” Kris says, those words drenched in helplessness.
But for the first time, Kyungsoo turns his back on his boss. He can’t handle this, not now. Immediately, he escapes to the toilet and scrubs his face roughly, bending over the sink and forcing the tears back, moaning while he does so because it hurts so much. He glances at himself in the mirror but looks away quickly because his eyes are so red, he doesn't want to see himself like this.
“Don’t,” he chants, squeezing his eyes shut, allowing the words to do their magic, “don’t.”
Kyungsoo desperately wishes he could walk out of the door and leave all his humiliation behind, but he just can’t. His duty bounds him. “Don’t do this,” he says hoarsely to his reflection, praying for the redness of his eyes to quickly recede, so he can at least look his normal self, even if he doesn’t feel that way. “There’s still work to do.”
When he has calmed down sufficiently and feels like he’s ready, Kyungsoo makes up for his inadequate apology earlier. He swallows his pride, does the full 90 degree bow to every individual in the crew and apologises for his overlook. He saves Lu Han for the last, bending his back for such a long time that Lu Han has to right him up.
“It is nothing,” Lu Han insists fiercely.
“I’m sorry,” says Kyungsoo, sincerely this time. He deserves the punishment, it is his fault.
Then he works, sinks himself into it just like any other day, looking so normal that everyone else pretends the same. But when the clock strikes 6 p.m., Kyungsoo is the first out of the door. Lu Han looks at Kris reproachfully, because they know that Kyungsoo has never left work on time before.
Once Kyungsoo left the building, he walks briskly and aimlessly until he’s sure that he’s lost. The restraint he has bound himself up tightly with unravels so fast, he has to halt and turn blindly into an alley to stop himself from falling apart right there in the middle of the street. Don’t recall, he pleads with himself, but the image of Kris’ impassive face has singed itself into his mind. Kris used to only smile at Kyungsoo. He recollects his favorite gummy smile when Kris told him, You know I always trust you.
Kris has always honoured his words, hasn’t he?
Don’t cry, Do Kyungsoo, don’t cry, he commands himself again. But the magic of these words has worn out and first sob breaks through Kyungsoo’s defences.
When his crying subsides, Kyungsoo takes out his cell phone and makes a call with trembling fingers. A moment later, a deep voice booms, “Miss me?” It’s Chanyeol, sounding so familiar and reassuring, the forever effective medicine for Kyungsoo’s heartache, even if he makes him cry again. The sudden relief of listening to the voice of his oldest friend engulfs Kyungsoo. He was crying to himself previously to vent his emotions, and now he’s crying to Chanyeol because he wants to pour out his grievances to the one person who would understand and coddle him. There’s no need to pretend to be so strong in front of Chanyeol.
“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says tentatively on the other end when he guesses. Kyungsoo cries, of course, who doesn’t? Sometimes people forget that about Kyungsoo because he’s so strong. But everyone has their own breaking point. He usually doesn’t let Chanyeol know though, Kyungsoo would never call for comfort. This has to be bad.
“I’m, I’m alright,” Kyungsoo tries to calm himself down but he’s still gasping for air, voice shattered by hiccups, “I- I…just want to hear your voice...”
Immediately, he hears Chanyeol drop the sketching pencil he must have been holding. “Are you alone? Where are you now?” When Kyungsoo finishes reciting his whereabouts off the nearest street sign, Chanyeol is already out of his house and flying down the street. “I’m coming for you, Kyungsoo.” His deep voice soothes Kyungsoo and he nods at the other end, although Chanyeol can’t see. The tears have dwindled down to sniffles but when Chanyeol begins talking again, they slip out, feeling so hot when his cold hands catch them.
“Don’t cry, I’m right here.”
They don’t talk even if they don’t hang up the phone either. Chanyeol listens to Kyungsoo until his crying weakens once again to the occasional sniffles. He hears Kyungsoo’s soft intake when he rounds the corner and finally finds him crouched against the wall, looking so tiny and woebegone, big sad eyes that were once so judging are now swollen and as he watches, a raindrop gathers and falls as the new storm brews.
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo whispers pitifully at the familiar sight of his giraffe.
“Hey.” Chanyeol smiles while he pants, wide and bright, and that’s all it takes for Kyungsoo to start all over again. It’s Chanyeol who causes the tears this time, because he knows that no matter what, his friend will stand by him.
Park Chanyeol will always be on Do Kyungsoo’s side.
“Ok, I gotta go now because we’re not ten anymore and your small bed can no longer contain my supermodel legs,” Chanyeol says solemnly at Kyungsoo’s door. Then he scowls at Kyungsoo’s feeble smile. “Don’t smile if you don’t want to.”
Chanyeol still doesn’t know what happened except that he’s sure it definitely has something to do with Kris. Everything Kyungsoo seems to do these days revolves around his boss. Sometimes Kyungsoo looks happier than Chanyeol has ever known him to be and on other days, he seems so confused and sad. The weather has become more predictable than Kyungsoo.
When Kyungsoo quieted down, Chanyeol took him home and before long, Kyungsoo was back to his usual self, criticizing Chanyeol for leaving his house in a ratty tee but not saying much beyond that because he knew why his friend had been in a hurry. Only his swollen eyes serve as evidence that something bad has happened.
Kyungsoo’s smile becomes real when unexpectedly, he throws his arms around his gigantic friend who feels so secure and solid in his hold. Kyungsoo clings onto him like a life buoy and what is Chanyeol, if not that? It’s a wordless ‘thank you’ but it warms up Chanyeol so well in this chilly autumn night, much better than the hot pack in his pocket. Then Kyungsoo resumes his old self. “Ok, you can go now,” he declares, pushing Chanyeol out of the house.
“You used me,” Chanyeol plays along, pouting and stumbling back with his hands clasped over his chest, as if shot through the heart. “Are you sure,” he asks again after putting on his shoes, because it isn’t that they are now too big to share the same bed. Chanyeol would have gladly suffered that backache and slept on the floor if his mere presence could somewhat comfort Kyungsoo. But Kyungsoo insisted that Chanyeol not stay the night, and Chanyeol would not ask his friend to do what he didn’t want to.
“I’d be fine,” Kyungsoo assures Chanyeol who appears distressed. He is glad, because there’s nothing better than having someone fret over him, worrying about his worries.
Chanyeol is unconvinced but he lets Kyungsoo have his way, patting his head patronizingly until Kyungsoo has to kick him out. He almost calls out to him when Chanyeol takes the first step forward, but chooses to watch his best friend walk off instead. Some battles must be fought alone.
Kyungsoo goes right to bed, hoping the day would end as soon as possible. He didn’t even consider mutilating plastic Kris because he’s sick of his own meanness.
“I don’t like myself anymore,” he confides to the ceiling. Liking Kris has transformed him into someone so hideous. The feelings of jealousy and inferiority invade him, crawling under his skin and accumulating until it becomes a second layer of skin and every single doubt he has about himself marks him easily like a tattoo. They spread, like a disease, and Kyungsoo can no longer recognise himself. He used to stay up happy all night, just because a smile from Kris made him feel special. How did something that was once so wonderful turn ugly so fast? Once, Kyungsoo was so good, good enough for Kris. But he is now so ugly. And Kyungsoo has always thought that only the best is fitting for Kris. He has always wanted to save only the best for him.
Kyungsoo has prioritised Kris above himself, trying so hard to hold water in his hands. But when tightened into fists, those hands hold nothing.
Today was an episode of gross overreaction. He did something wrong and as the boss, Kris rightfully demanded that he apologise. Instead, he threw a fucking tantrum. Kyungsoo expected preferential treatment, he wanted reciprocation. Kris warned him before that he was no pushover, but Kyungsoo thought he’d always have Kris’ permission. Kyungsoo had always believed they would be on the same side, no matter what, even when he was wrong. In this instance, he feels mean and ugly, even on the inside. They are right about him. Exasperated with himself, he throws the blanket over his head, but that doesn’t put out the thoughts.
And Kyungsoo is well aware that the problem is, he does try to put Kris away, carefully folding away the thoughts of him like the way fireflies extinguish their lights at the end of summer, but summer always comes back and Kris always returns. He can be found in the flip of a page, a sip of coffee on a Saturday morning, the first drop of spring rain; the most mundane moments of Kyungsoo’s life. That’s how it works, that’s how it cages Kyungsoo in.
Someone has to give in before anyone gets hurt again, and of course, it will be Kyungsoo. He would ask nothing of Kris. There has to be a way to keep summer away so Kyungsoo won’t ever need to burn his lights out anymore. He’d nestle in spring that knows no more wanderlust.
He wants to like himself again.
Despite Chanyeol’s repeated threats to disown him if he goes to work the next day, Kyungsoo does it anyway. Personal issues aside, the most pressing thing now is to ensure that the campaign comes to a successful completion. Kris has trusted him enough to give him full autonomy for this project and the least he could do is to give it his all for the project. They are right smack in the midst of aggressive filming and shooting, and anyone’s absence is intolerable. The first ad will be unveiled next week, just in time for them to be amongst the last to launch their winter campaign. He knows the staff is whispering about him behind his back, isolating him every chance they get, but he grits his teeth, strides into the studio, and resumes his work anyway. When he’s hell-bent on accomplishing something, it’s easy to ignore everything else, including himself.
Kyungsoo doesn’t avoid Kris. He already has reasoned that it’s not Kris’ fault, it’s Kyungsoo who’s unable to get over himself. If Kris had defended him even when he’d been in the wrong, Kyungsoo would have thought less of his boss. And if there were still any remnants of disappointment or hurt, they are purely Kyungsoo’s own personal matters. He has promised to keep this strictly business; there will be no more overreactions like yesterday. Although when laid bare, the exhibition of honest emotions always seems like an overreaction, humiliating in their realism. The one who gets hurt more loses.
When their morning meeting ends, Kris approaches him to ask about his schedule for the next two weeks. The black mid-length gabardine trench coat and skinny wool twill trousers make him look like he belongs to the catwalk and not here in this room, standing beside Kyungsoo who feels rather ordinary in his old sneakers. Kris’ blond hair is slicked back and those earrings are all out on display. Everyone in the meeting room is taking turns to stare at Kris when they think he’s not looking. Kris is everyone’s superstar; he belongs to no one.
Kyungsoo watches the chain on one black wing earring dangle and feels his irritation grow with each swing. Kris looks as good as Kyungsoo knew he would in the outfit he hand-picked for today’s shooting. He seems just as unaffected as before.
“Can we go through my upcoming schedule?” Kris asks with a cautious smile, already half sure that Kyungsoo would reject him again. To his surprise, Kyungsoo nods and takes out his thick notebook, going right to the page he marked and beginning to tick off the points. His nonchalance is exactly the same as it was before Kris got to know Kyungsoo’s other side. He has his efficient PA back, but someone else has gone missing.
“Phase two of shooting begins next week. There is a Director’s meeting scheduled next Tuesday morning in the office, I have arranged your part to be shot in the afternoon so we won’t have any problem with that. Estimates for the year’s revenue will be announced in the meeting,” Kyungsoo frowns at this, “but don’t worry, I have let Kim eesa know that he is to project higher earnings for Q4 so that we will hit the year’s target. If they question that, just appear confident in the winter campaign. Do you need me to be present? I can help with the presentation.” Kyungsoo pins Kris with a questioning gaze.
But Kris just nods distractedly at his words, skipping over his concern about projected earnings. Maybe he’s more worried about other things besides earnings. “Kyungsoo, I-“
“I have finished the presentation,” Kyungsoo fishes out a thumb drive from his pocket and hands it to Kris, shoving it in his hand when he doesn’t take it. “Please go through it and let me know if you wish to add anything else.”
“It’s fine,” Kris says hastily even though he hasn’t even perused the documents Kyungsoo has prepared and his assistant furrows his brows at his boss’ quick dismissal. “No, listen,” Kris curls a hand around Kyungsoo’s forearm.
Kyungsoo realises then that Kris doesn’t want to talk about work. Without a word, he steps back and frees himself from Kris’ grasp, clearing himself out of his personal space. Kyungsoo is ruthless, to both himself and Kris. But at the same time, he’s finally being kind to himself.
Kyungsoo stands a step away but Kris feels as if he has just stepped out of his world. Slowly, he lowers his hand. Kris inhales deeply and appears as if he were trying to say the right words to make up for something he might have done wrong. “I thought it was the correct thing to do,” he carefully says, in reference to his order for Kyungsoo to apologise, “and I still think it is. But I never meant to-“
“It was the right thing to do,” Kyungsoo interrupts but his words are kind, “You are a good boss, sajang-nim, not just to me, but everyone else, too.” He lowers his head and a small wistful smile appears on his face. “It is a good thing,” he softly murmurs, before sinking into a deep bow. Kyungsoo has apologised to everyone but Kris, when in fact, he should be the one to apologise to first.
“My deepest apologies with regards to yesterday. It will not happen again,” he promises. He will not allow it to happen again. Kyungsoo holds his bow for a few seconds, then he sidesteps Kris and walks out of the room.
That afternoon, the photographer has a hard time cajoling a smile out of Kris. “Smile for the camera, Kris-sshi!” There’s a dash of exasperation in his usually cheery voice, unsure why the friendly model is so moody today.
But when Kris’ eyes flicker up, the remorse in them is greyer than autumn skies. “I can’t.” His reply is just as muted.
With a snap, the photographer captures the instance and Kris’ melancholy becomes forever.
Today is the day the first ad is going to be shown on television at 10:35 p.m., one of those annoying commercials tucked between the broadcast of Lee Jongsuk’s drama, which is exceedingly popular among their target audience. Kyungsoo wants to be home early to catch it and tries to round up things at the studio so he can get off on time. He has been working himself to the ground supervising the editing and shooting, not to mention preparation work for the annual general meeting at the end of the year, plus reviewing next year’s budget. He’s back to being the super duper, invincible, world-dominating PA he used to be. It’s just like old times. His interactions with Kris are kept impersonal, just the way he likes it, and he always makes an excuse to leave whenever Kris tries to-, well, whatever it is that he’s trying to do, Kyungsoo has never stayed long enough to find out. So he always misses that look on Kris’ face.
But Kyungsoo rather enjoys the hellish workload, it takes his mind off a lot of things. A memory of him crying over Kris chooses to surface in this moment, however, and in mortification, he resorts to smacking his cheeks again. Kyungsoo has cried over Kris. This is so humiliating that he wants to suffer from memory loss. It seems to happen to every Korean in dramas, so why not him.
It goes without saying that Lu Han has to walk past him right that moment, of course.
“Very itchy,” Kyungsoo deadpans when Lu Han side eyes him. The Brand Director nods, although that’s probably only because he’s afraid Kyungsoo might smack him too if he disagrees. But that’s alright, Kyungsoo doesn’t need Lu Han’s understanding. His lifelong ambition is to become South Korea’s representative cold-hearted ajusshi. Cold-hearted ajusshis don’t falter just because they don’t have others’ understanding. Cold-hearted ajusshis live forever.
“Sajang-nim is sorry,” Lu Han says out of the blue and Kyungsoo ceases handling the clothes, if only for a moment. He grunts before resuming work.
“So, will you forgive him?”
“I’m not angry with him,” mumbles the disgruntled Kyungsoo, “and stop using ‘sajang-nim’, I know Lu Han eesa calls him by his name in private.”
Lu Han swivels around to gape at Kyungsoo, eyes round with astonishment. It’s not the mention of Kris but that it’s the first time Kyungsoo has called him by the right name. He barks out a laugh as realisation strikes him. However, he appreciates the joke. There’s a mischievous glimmer in Lu Han’s brilliant eyes when he retorts, “What about you and Kris?” He gloats at the expression on Kyungsoo’s face at his use of the name. “What about the things the two of you do in private?” Lu Han whispers slyly, as if unleashing a secret. Then he lets his gaze flit playfully up to the ceiling and Kyungsoo’s eyes follow suit. But if he were expecting answers to be sprawled onto the ceiling like a Japanese ghost, he is to be sorely disappointed.
“What?” he snarls.
Lu Han smiles serenely at Kyungsoo, like an angel on earth.
In reply, Kyungsoo raises a fist at him. Laughing, Lu Han pretends to shield himself from Kyungsoo by crossing his arms over his chest, but he stops when Kyungsoo suddenly looks down. “Huh?” And he notices then his sleeve has drooped and the bruise on his forearm is showing.
“It’s not your fault,” Lu Han shakes his sleeve down to cover the offending blue-black and says indifferently.
“I know that,” Kyungsoo counters snidely. He huffs and wishes Lu Han was mean so he could hate on him properly. Silence surfaces while Kyungsoo takes a moment to struggle with himself. “Thank you.” He grimaces and misplaces a piece of clothing on the rack when he utters his thanks.
Lu Han’s eyes soften. “For someone who works so closely with Kris, you sure have a lot to learn about him.”
Kyungsoo bristles. This feels like an invitation to compete. “I know the password to his bank account. I know his daily routine, hell, I plan it. I know he likes to sleep in. I know-” he breaks his speech abruptly, because he doesn’t want to share it with Lu Han. I know his dream.
“Ah. But you don’t know how he feels.”
Kyungsoo makes to retort, he realises, however, that he doesn’t know how to refute a fact.
“He cares about you,” Lu Han says gently and Kyungsoo averts his gaze, because he knows Kris is concerned about him. The problem is, Kris is concerned about everyone else, too. The sun shines on all sunflowers. Kyungsoo is not special.
“Much more than you know,” Lu Han adds. (He recalls that incident when Kris called him ‘Kyungsoo’ by accident. “My name is Xi Luhan,” he gritted his teeth at Kris. But the MD just looked at him innocently like he had no idea of his slip-up. “I know,” he said with an expression of why-are-you-telling-me-this. “Urgh.” Lu Han wanted to slap his own mouth.)
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes rebelliously. His heart also stutters a little at Lu Han’s words but this will become just another one of Kyungsoo’s secrets.
“I’m telling you this only because you’re my… my… friend?” Lu Han decides and feels his face redden when Kyungsoo twirls around to look at him with surprise. “Kris is looking for you. He wants to gather the crew for a drinking session so we could catch the broadcast together, so you’d better flee while you still can,” he sings in revenge and saunters out all carefree. Kyungsoo plots to sprinkle itching powder in Lu Han’s clothes at the next photoshoot session.
He hurries to pack up but Kris still manages to catch him on his way out. Tutting, he turns around to acknowledge Kris who’s beckoning him over with this three-finger gesture that he’s so fond of. Kyungsoo wants to snap his fingers off.
“Why, what’s wrong with your other two fingers? Is it arthritis? Why did you give up treatment?” he drawls.
Those offending fingers stop their waving motion and Kris stares at his hand, before drawing his fingers into a fist and letting his hand swing down. “Do you want to join us, Kyungsoo? We are going to-“
“Nope,” Kyungsoo quips and makes to go off again, “Enjoy, sajang-nim.”
But Kris just says, “You’ve lost weight, stop working so hard.” It doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with their current thread of conversation at all.
Kyungsoo halts but only for a while. “I’m fine,” he says curtly before striding off again.
Kris runs to catch up with him. He makes to grab Kyungsoo’s wrist but remembers and snatches his hand back at the last second. At a loss for what to do, he gives up, throwing his hands up and just says, “Kyungsoo, please,” not just in reference to the present but everything since the incident, and Kyungsoo knows it.
Kyungsoo doesn’t want Kris to make up to him, he doesn’t like this at all. Can’t Kris just leave him be. He makes everything so much harder for Kyungsoo. “I’m alright, sajang-nim, you don’t have to do this for me anymore,” he pauses in his tracks and sighs deeply.
Kris runs a hand through his styled hair, messing it up, fatigue apparent on his face. Messing up his hair is simply not enough, he seems to want to pull all his tresses out. Kyungsoo has not seen Kris so aggravated since the last Board Meeting when Kyungsoo had to pass him notes of ‘this is all my fault for not wearing my lucky underwear, i hereby apologise’, ‘his face is his worst retribution already’, ‘stop asking me the color of my lucky underwear!’ just so he wouldn’t go up and punch the pompous shareholder. Or just shred his namecard in revenge, more likely. But no matter how bad they once were, these were the good times.
“Sajang-nim?” Kyungsoo says warily when Kris begins to pace, venting all his pent up frustration.
“I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for myself!” Kris brakes to a stop before Kyungsoo and finally snaps with unnecessary accusation.
“What?” Kyungsoo exclaims. Why is this suddenly his fault?
“I want things to be back the way they were,” Kris demands like a spoiled chaebol, planting his hands on his hips and heaving.
“Like how?” Kyungsoo scoffs.
Kris tries but he simply isn’t eloquent enough to explain the nuances of their relationship, how the minute changes have pulled them together, so much closer than before. They had dinner together and suddenly, Kyungsoo was more than just his personal assistant.
So Kris gives up on words and crouches down so he could look into Kyungsoo’s eyes. Startled, Kyungsoo jerks his head back but Kris just pokes the edges of his lips with his index fingers and pulls them up, drawing Kyungsoo’s face into a smile. Perplexed, Kyungsoo blinks rapidly at Kris. Then deciding this isn’t enough, Kris removes a finger, causing half of Kyungsoo’s smile to collapse. He sticks the finger into the right corner of his mouth and tugs it up, so there’s half a smile on his face too.
“Like this,” he says, half pleading, half smiles on both his and Kyungsoo’s faces. They were both so complete back then.
Kyungsoo stares deep into Kris’ eyes, allowing his touch for a while, before he moves back. Kris is wrong, Kyungsoo hasn’t been smiling for a long time. He has given all his smiles to Kris. “Have you forgotten, sajang-nim? This is how things were,” he mutters quietly, but firmly. This is how things should be. Kyungsoo knows his place now. He crossed The Line once, wandered too close to the sun and got burned. Once is enough.
Kris straightens and gives Kyungsoo a confused hurt expression, unsure why he’s so determined not to forgive him. But it isn’t forgiveness that Kyungsoo wants to give him. He finally got to know that look on Kris’ face but Kyungsoo still shows him his back, because he doesn’t want Kris to see the look on his own face. He is cruel, but it will be alright, no pain lasts.
Kyungsoo turns first and walks out of his cage.
Kyungsoo calls Chanyeol at 10:30 p.m., insisting that he switches channel to watch the broadcast of the ad with him.
“Why don’t you watch with your colleagues instead?” Chanyeol complains but obediently flicks the channel to Lee Jongsuk’s drama.
“I prefer your companionship, you should be flattered, you sorry-“
“Who wears this little in autumn?!” Chanyeol interrupts Kyungsoo’s insult and he bursts out laughing, the sound echoing in his small living room. He likes the sound of his laughter so much.
“Kyungsoo, look,” Chanyeol hushes him.
“What?” Kyungsoo asks while he signals to his mom that he’d be quiet when she comes out of the bedroom to hush him.
“The TV.”
Kyungsoo hears the ad before he sees it. Faint soothing notes of Canon in D drifts into his ears and when his eyes flit up, he sees the backview of someone sitting on a wooden chair in the center of a room, empty with white walls and a lonely window in front of him that he’s gazing out of. The rich blue of the turtleneck he dons swallows the emptiness like an ocean. Everything is so serene. The entire world is isolated by a window. The camera moves slowly along the length of the room to zoom into the lone figure as the music climbs to its climax. It moves up to revolve 180° around the person’s head, brown hair catching every light in the room, looking soft as honey, and Canon in D bursts into a joyous climax when Kyungsoo chances upon the curl of an ear and then Lu Han’s face in its entirety. His sideswept bangs are unable to hide the worry in his gentle eyes, and when he blinks, the motion is slowed down so Kyungsoo could see the flutter of his long eyelashes before they lift up again, gentle like the beat of a butterfly’s wings. Then the music mellows out into a hum and without warning, Lu Han’s lips curl into a smile, the worry in his eyes dissipating easily like a spring breeze, radiance now brimming in the twinkle of those crescents and the highs of his soft cheeks, every line on his face delicate like folds of a lotus. No music accompanies this smile, it stands alone like a gem, but Kyungsoo could hear the loud drumming of his heart. Like a cunning thief, Lu Han steals Kyungsoo’s breath. When the bright tinkling of Lu Han’s laughter echoes, his face blurs out until there’s only a white screen left with a website address in the center, in skinny grey font: http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei
Kyungsoo didn’t expect to tear up but he did. All his labour has manifested into so much enchantment. All the tears, jealousy, disappointment have burned themselves out to reveal such a lovely form. They were once so ugly.
“He is beautiful.” Chanyeol says, the awe is his voice is quiet, and Kyungsoo recalls that they are still on the line with each other.
“He is,” Kyungsoo whispers, holding the phone tighter to his ear, “he is.”
“You did well.”
There’s so much emotion fighting to gush out of him that he doesn’t know how to react. In the end, Kyungsoo could only nod to the phone.
Kyungsoo is stuck on the phone all night, refreshing the company’s official youtube channel so he could check the number of views Lu Han’s ad is getting. He is excited at first when the number rises quickly to more than a hundred by 11 p.m., but then it gets stuck there for a long time before finally reaching two hundred at the crack of dawn. By the time he gets to work, the figure is still only at the whereabouts of two hundred and fifty, and anxiety plants itself in Kyungsoo’s heart.
His anxiety is evident on his face when he engages Kris in discussion the next day for the Board meeting, especially when they are talking about the projected earnings for Q4. “It’s too early to fret, we’ve only just started,” Kris says, but when Kyungsoo looks at him, he is already studying the documents Kyungsoo has just handed over. “I need corrections to be made, here and here,” he circles some figures onto the estimates. “Talk to Kim eesa and ask him to send me the corrected report by this afternoon. I will return to the office after my shooting is done to check on them,” he finishes instructing Kyungsoo but his PA fixes him with a nonplussed look. “Questions?”
“No,” Kyungsoo corrects his facial expression and abruptly begins to shuffle through the stack of notes in his hands. “Not at all.” In the past, Kris would have placed Kyungsoo above work, ensuring he is well before moving onto official matters. But this is exactly what Kyungsoo wants, he must be fair and not question Kris about it. With new resolve, he inhales deeply and makes to leave when Kris calls out to him.
“I already told the rest of the crew this last night but you’ve had to wait until today,” Kris says, as Kyungsoo watches the morning light play with the rhinestones on his slim fingers, the brilliance adding onto his shine. Kris stays perfect, as always. Kyungsoo will never break him. He is glad.
“Good job.”
The compliment is sincere and so is Kyungsoo’s smile, it blossoms on his face like a sunflower after receiving the sun’s favor. It has been so long since he last smiled like this.
“Thank you.”
Kris blinks in amazement at Kyungsoo’s smile. Unconsciously he lifts his hand, but before he could reach out to capture that brilliance, Kyungsoo has already left.
The view count for Lu Han’s ad is stuck at three hundred and one for half a day already, so Kyungsoo consults the internet for an answer. It appears that Youtube is verifying the views. Kyungsoo will whip his monitor with a belt from their latest collection if they even take away his paltry view count.
To distract himself from continuing to refresh the Youtube page, he agrees to meet Chanyeol and his boyfriend that day after work. The second ad is ready for broadcast tomorrow and Kyungsoo finds himself alone with some free time after a long while. The third ad will be shown the day after. It is the longest, almost a minute long and the prime time slot costs them a bomb but they need it. With that, they would be done with the first wave of promotion.
His friend makes a striking couple with his partner but when they stride into the café, even for someone as collected as Kyungsoo, it takes all of his willpower not to point and shriek, “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re dating your stalker!” It seems like the more graceful alternative, so he chooses to choke on his milk tea and greet them with spit over his chin instead.
“Why do you shame me so!” Chanyeol berates the coughing Kyungsoo before turning to Sehun, “He’s usually more presentable, please forgive him,” he explains in order to save Kyungsoo’s reputation. Sehun possesses enough decency in him to at least look bashful at Kyungsoo’s reaction. They take their seats at the table and Kyungsoo slowly inches away from Sehun until he’s almost sticking to Chanyeol’s side.
“What are you doing?” Chanyeol mumbles while he smiles at Sehun, practising his ventriloquy act because he doesn’t want to alienate his new boyfriend with his suddenly-strange best friend.
“I am afraid,” Kyungsoo says truthfully. Then he decides to be brave for the sake of his friend. Reaching for his cup of milk tea, he empties it right into Chanyeol’s lap and says valiantly, “You have to go to the restroom now, Chanyeol.” He will help Chanyeol fend off his stalker. Alone.
Yelping, Chanyeol shoots up and the flustered Sehun grabs a stack of napkins and begins to help Chanyeol clean the front of his pants. Extremely horrified by the turn of events, Kyungsoo snatches the napkins from Sehun and stops him from groping Chanyeol. “It’s ok, I’ll help him!” Then he starts patting Chanyeol’s crotch down but Chanyeol quickly moves to seize his wrist.
“What the hell are you doing?!” he hisses into Kyungsoo’s ear.
“I’m trying to help you,” Kyungsoo pleads and hopes Chanyeol could see the love and despondence swimming in his eyes. For all the intelligence of Smart Chanyeol, it has to be the dumb one who takes control of his love life. Oh, what does he know, this stupid giraffe.
“No! You’re touching my dick through my pants in front of my boyfriend!” Chanyeol grits his teeth. Then he shakes his head at Sehun, “I’m going to clean up.”
“Stay sane,” he twirls around and instructs Kyungsoo fiercely, wagging a finger in his face before moving off and leaving his friend to sulk at his back. Chanyeol is already playing favorites.
“Who are you?” Kyungsoo turns back and narrows his eyes at Sehun.
“Please don’t tell him,” Sehun says worriedly. When Kyungsoo realises Sehun is more afraid of Kyungsoo than he is of him, he relaxes and leans back. What he didn’t expect though, was a sob story of a crush that lasted for more than two years. Sehun studied in the same college as Chanyeol but the latter had never noticed him, despite the fact that Sehun was quite well known in school because of his pretty face. They met in the most clichéd of ways. Not possessing much in the way of discretion, Chanyeol dropped by every lecture hall in college waving Sehun’s wallet, trying to seek its owner. “We found him,” he smiled to the wallet when Sehun stood up in the middle of class after seeing his wallet in Chanyeol’s hands. The hall erupted when he flew down the steps to Chanyeol. “Hello,” Chanyeol chimed, waving enthusiastically when Sehun approached, “I think you lost this.” But no, what Sehun lost was his heart.
“That’s dumb. He couldn’t just make an announcement over the system or something?” Kyungsoo drawls.
“Yes, I thought so too,” Sehun grins, lowering his eyes to the menu, browsing through it. “But that’s why he’s different, isn’t it?” he says casually, as if it were nothing but a passing remark. Seconds later, however, Sehun has to cup a hand over his mouth in order to hide his self-conscious smile. He looks silly.
But the smile fades from Kyungsoo’s face. He stares down at his empty cup of milk tea because looking at Sehun now is like looking at his past self, head over heels with another person, wholly smitten. “Yes,” he mumbles, because he understands, he really does. “So, you decided to stalk him?”
“Is there no better word for it?” Sehun muses, “if not, then yes,” he shrugs. “I just… I just wanted to be close but I didn’t know how to do it.”
“You’re lucky he’s dumb enough not to notice any stalker,” Kyungsoo says, and quenches Sehun’s protest about Chanyeol’s intelligence with another question, “What happened then?”
“I ‘lost’ my wallet again,” Sehun makes air quotes with a wicked smile and Kyungsoo thinks he would be an absolute brat once they got to know each other better. Sehun never disappoints, of course, but that lies in the future.
“What are you guys talking about?” They hear Chanyeol even before they see him.
“We talked shit about you,” Kyungsoo beams.
“Yehet,” Sehun grins.
“Ok, if someone has to be sacrificed for sake of harmony, why not me?” Chanyeol joins in the table of smiles. And again, Kyungsoo is reminded that despite all his frequent insults directed to Chanyeol, some of the best things he knows were taught by his friend.
After dinner, they shoo Sehun off and take the familiar route home, one they trotted on every day after school when they were kids.
“He’s so good to me, I feel so grateful every single day,” Chanyeol says to Kyungsoo, who might not be able to see Chanyeol’s smile in the dark but can definitely hear it.
Kyungsoo is glad but he doesn’t know how to say it properly, so he just curls an arm around Chanyeol’s. “It’s cold,” he sniffs to emphasize his point, when Chanyeol looks over.
Chanyeol just chuckles and pats Kyungsoo’s head.
Because best friends don’t need to say ‘thank you’s to each other.
By the time the second ad is about to be shown, the view count for Lu Han’s ad is revealed to be just ten views shy of five hundred. It’s a much more lukewarm response than Kyungsoo expected and he frets because there’s so much hinging on the success of this campaign. If they fail to achieve the year’s targets, it will be Kyungsoo’s fault. Although he’s not so worried about this, he’s worried about Kris, that he will suffer because his trust has been placed on the wrong person. But he remembers what Kris has said and tries not to worry too much as he settles down to watch the broadcast of the second ad.
Loud static sounds from the television and Kyungsoo sees the close-up of an ear, blond hair curling gently behind it. The black onyx stud captures the light, and Kyungsoo has to close his eyes against the sudden glare. When he opens his eyes again, he sees a fleur cross dangling freely from the ear as the camera zooms out slowly, and with a sudden blare of the electric guitar, the static bursts into heavy metal music. It roars louder and louder as each feature of the person is revealed - the harsh angle of the jawline, full lips, intimidating sharp brows. When the music crashes into its climax, Kyungsoo’s entire screen is filled with Kris’ side profile. His eyes are closed and only the collar of his fully buttoned up crisp white shirt can be seen. They aren’t really selling clothes anyway, they are selling his cinematic presence, and even when locked up in a box, Kris is larger than life, reaching out to seize every bit of Kyungsoo’s attention. The jarring music stops without warning and the dead silence that follows screams louder than heavy metal when Kris’ eyes fly open. His side profile is strong, impressive, but this lasts only a second. In the next instance, when the edge of his lips quirks into a lazy smirk, he transforms into a bad boy, complete with earrings and a faux tattoo creeping up his nape. Music blasts from the television again as Kris’ handsome profile blurs into a black screen with a website address in the center in skinny white font: http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei
Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide and he’s breathing hard, feeling abuzz with excitement, even as the next detergent commercial airs. He’s just introduced his GQ gangster to the world. Before he could absorb this fact properly, Chanyeol calls him on his phone. “Your boss is a motherfucking gorgeous asshole!” he hollers.
“I told you so,” Kyungsoo laughs proudly. He wants to show the world just how perfect Kris is.
The view count for Kris’ ad goes over five hundred in the first twenty four hours, which is more encouraging than Lu Han’s. The Brand Director cannot help but keep insisting that it’s only because nappeun namja is all the rage now.
“Did you just call yourself a flower boy?” Kyungsoo says in disgust.
As a reply, Lu Han cups his face with both hands and smiles sweetly at Kyungsoo, who is so unimpressed he threatens Lu Han by raising a fist in his face.
Kyungsoo himself is unsure why he agreed to watch the broadcast of the third ad with Lu Han. It’s night but he still has to work, so Lu Han stays back in the studio to help him with stuff while they wait for 10:35 p.m. to arrive. They chat easily about all sorts of things and Kyungsoo is almost certain now they really are friends, but then comes 10:35 p.m.
The scene is set in a high school. A cute cheery jingle plays as Lu Han sits prim and proper in his seat at the last row, looking every bit the good student. He wears a grey plaid vest with an intricate emblazoned red and gold school crest, a large ‘H’ stitched in the middle of the crest with golden thread. Under the vest, he has on a white shirt with a black/white/red triple striped tie and pairs it off with grey slim fit trousers. He’s nodding to everything his teacher is saying, but once she turns her back, Lu Han quietly slips off his chair and creeps along the floor until he’s out of the classroom. He straightens up and grins gleefully directly at the camera, breaking the fourth wall, looking so haughty now that he has successfully played truant. That mischievous look on his face is so adorable and charming, Kyungsoo side eyes the Lu Han in real life.
“Nothing is real on screen, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han says with an aura of great old wisdom, crushing all of Kyungsoo’s hopes. When he turns back to the screen, Lu Han is looking at his watch and the viewer sees that it’s 11 a.m.
“Lu Han!” A female voice shouts, likely the teacher. Alarmed, on-screen Lu Han scampers off to the nearest staircase and sprints up to the rooftop. He doesn’t try opening the door that leads to the roof. Instead, with practised ease he walks over to the pile of unused school desks in the space right beside the door and reaches into the drawer of the nearest desk. The cheeky grin is back again when he retrieves the key so the viewer knows it’s not Lu Han’s first time sneaking up here.
He enters the rooftop and shivers when a breeze picks up. Hugging himself, he strolls to his usual spot, a low-rise table that he always lies on to enjoy the morning sun. Today, however, he pauses on his way there, before slowly inching forward. The bright jingle is replaced by a curious tinkling melody, which is accompanied by the sounds of Lu Han’s footsteps as he walks over.
A stranger is lying on his old spot, basking in the sun with his eyes closed, hands cushioning his head. The camera zooms in to give the viewer a close up of the stranger’s face. Blond hair, full lips, tiny star stud piercings in his ears. He wears the same grey trousers as Lu Han but instead of a vest, a crimson sweater is layered over his shirt. The sweater has the same school crest on it, but the letter stitched on it is a golden ‘K’. Lu Han blinks in bewilderment at the stranger, then at the key in his hand, intrigued as to how this man got to the roof and stole his place. The wind ruffles the stranger’s hair just then, blond bangs sweeping carelessly across sharp brows. Enthralled, Lu Han reaches out with a hand but retracts it and scratches his head awkwardly instead when his fingers are about to touch the stranger’s cheek.
After Lu Han turns, the stranger’s eyes crack open to watch his retreating back, a sliver of a smile on his face.
In the next scene, Lu Han is standing outside the door, glancing at his watch. It’s 11 a.m. He opens the door with the key, only to find it unlocked. Nonplussed, he pokes his head through, surveying the scene. He has half expected the blond stranger to be there and he is, but he isn’t lying on Lu Han’s spot. He’s engaged in a group fight. It’s the classic three against one scene with Kris being outnumbered. The music switches to the loud chorus of Song 2 when the camera zooms in on the fighting. “Ya!” Lu Han shouts, pushing the door open and the music fades out so the viewer registers the loud slam, “Ssam!” he yells down the flight of stairs behind him and the three delinquents flee from the rooftop, leaving Kris alone.
Lu Han walks tentatively over to Kris, uncertain about what to say. But Kris saves him the trouble. With aggressive big strides, he makes his way over to Lu Han. “Mind your own business,” he whispers into Lu Han’s ear, lips almost touching sensitive skin, before he stalks off. On-screen Lu Han is infuriated that Kris has repaid him with such arrogance. In anger, he wrenches the sneaker off his right foot and throws it at Kris’ back, falling short by a whole lot. “Ya!” he shouts again but Kris doesn’t turn around. Huffing and puffing, he has to hop to his sneaker, hurt evident on his face as he puts it on.
Real life Lu Han groans, “Who wrote this script?” It’s so terrifyingly clichéd he wants to melt into the floor and becomes one with the cement.
Kyungsoo laughs because he’s the scriptwriter, but it’s Kris who added in the clichéd bits.
When they turn back to the screen, it’s another day and Lu Han in the little box is standing with his arms akimbo, lording over Kris who’s lying on his spot. “This is mine,” he glowers before forcefully rolling Kris onto the other side of the low-rise table. With a hmmp!, Lu Han leaps onto his spot and sprawls all over it, doing his best to take up as much space as he can. Scowling, Kris sits up but his frown dissolves into a low chuckle when he catches a glimpse of Lu Han’s determined face as he tries to spread himself out all over the table. Lu Han ceases his wiggling when he hears the pleasant sound, shock written all over his face when he peeps at Kris and realises it’s the sound of his laughter. He quickly flips over to face the other side when Kris catches him staring but a secret smile slowly spreads when he thinks no one can see.
“Disgusting,” In real life Lu Han quips and Kyungsoo has to agree.
“First love is gross.”
The annoyingly cheery jingle is back again. Kris and Lu Han are lying side by side on the table, in the exact same position, heads cushioned by hands as they gaze up at the skies. Lu Han’s hair soaks up the bright morning sunshine, until it appears blond too. When Kris turns to lie on his side, Lu Han follows in sync, eyes glued to the back of Kris’ blond head. When Lu Han flips onto the other side, Kris rolls over too. In the next turn, they are facing skywards again. Suddenly, with a small roar of exasperation, Lu Han jerks up into a sitting position and begins pulling on his hair as if vexed. But Kris just smiles at his frustration. He sits up too, and squints into the far distance, the camera zooming in on his profile and then out again when he turns around to face Lu Han.
The jingle dies and is replaced by just the wind’s murmur as the view now cuts to the side, showing their side profiles. Lu Han has stopped tugging on his hair, he is leaning forward towards Kris but when he turns his head to face him, Lu Han pauses. His impulse evaporates and hesitation can be found in the slight pursing of the lips. His gentle brown eyes are downcast, intent on the fullness of Kris’ lower lip. When that pair of lips thins to stretch into a grin, Lu Han’s eyelids flicker only to drop to half mast and he slowly inclines forward to meet Kris’ smile.
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat dulls to a slow burn and he has to quickly avert his eyes from the television, although he knows what happens next. The kiss never happens, the image blurs out as Lu Han continues to bend forward before their lips can touch and the official Youtube address appears on a plain white screen. But the promise of what could be lingers and it allows the viewer more imagination than a kiss would. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to see their possibilities play out in front of him. It’s not that easy for him yet.
“Nothing is real on screen, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han quietly reminds him.
It’s too late for Kyungsoo to hide his expression from Lu Han, he has been so immersed he forgot his presence. “The two of you look good,” he says without much thought, hoping to distract Lu Han. The jingle from the next commercial is loud in his ears. But Lu Han allows neither to distract him.
“That’s because you are so good at what you do, and you make us good, too.” A pair of hands envelope his, encompassing him in their warmth and generosity. “You need to have more confidence in yourself. You are much, much better than you think you are.” When Lu Han smiles, lines show up around his eyes. But each fold only adds to the radiance of his smile, telling of the genuineness of his feelings. Against himself, Kyungsoo is moved when Lu Han says these words, so much like what Chanyeol has told him before. He removes a hand but only so he can place it over Lu Han’s, reciprocating in a way that mere words cannot achieve.
They say it’s amazing how strangers can become friends in the next second, and that affinity lies somewhere sight cannot reach. But Kyungsoo thinks it’s even more extraordinary, how he’s determined to keep someone out of his life, yet they stole their way in, demanding to stay in his world as someone he cannot help but love.
Kyungsoo checks the view count obsessively. Lu Han’s ad is at six hundred plus, Kris’ is nearing eight hundred, and the last ad is stuck at the magical figure of three hundred and one. Since no amount of refreshing would make that number budge, Kyungsoo washes up and wills himself a night with no dreams.
He’s rudely wakened up by a phone call. Rolling over, he picks it up but says nothing even as he holds it to his ear. “Where the hell are you!” It’s Lu Han, sounding extremely rude and unlike his usual self.
“In bed,” Kyungsoo mumbles, too sleepy to muster a lie.
“It’s 9 a.m.!” Kyungsoo’s eyes snap open and he removes his mobile from the ear to glance at the time, groaning when he realises it’s 9:09 a.m and finally registers the light streaming into his room through the curtains. He has overslept for once. “I’m sorry, I-“
“You’d better get your ass to the company quick.”
“Can’t, I need to go supervise the shooting,” Kyungsoo’s eyes squint against sunlight.
“We got banned!”
Kyungsoo shoots up from bed, hair spiking up as if he’s wearing a crown. “What.” He tries to lift one sticky eyelid.
“We got banned from national TV, we are not allowed airtime anymore.”
Lu Han shows him the email he received from Corp Comm, who in turn was sent the email from Korea Communications Commission. “Says we are promoting immoral practices,” he says dryly.
“Oh.” The pucker between his brows intensifies. “Strict or what?” he says lamely.
Lu Han sits up straighter in his chair. “Please tell me you have thought of this possibility, and there’s a contingency plan.” The bleakness in Kyungsoo’s eyes answers his question and Lu Han lowers his head.
This is honestly out of Kyungsoo’s expectations. He knows the last ad might be a little controversial but in all honesty, everything is hinted at rather than an outright display.
Sighing, Lu Han turns to his desktop and starts clicking around mindlessly. “Kyungsoo?” There’s an odd emptiness to Lu Han’s voice.
“What?” Kyungsoo hurries over to Lu Han’s side. “Oh,” he says uselessly again.
“You haven’t checked the view count, have you?” Lu Han’s voice sounds dead.
“Last I checked, it was three hundred and one,” Kyungsoo rasps out.
“Well, it’s over eight thousand views now.”
Kyungsoo gapes. The previous two ads only had at the very most five hundred views in the first twenty four hours, but this time, the third ad is already hitting close to twenty times that figure. Lu Han and he stare at each other.
“Slap me,” Lu Han says, like how they always do in movies. “I was kidding!,” he adds agitatedly when Kyungsoo really raises an open palm.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
He should be ecstatic but Kyungsoo shrugs, unsure if getting banned on TV and achieving mediocre success on the internet is considered good or bad news. His phone buzzes then. It’s a message from Chanyeol. check naver!!, the message reads.
“Hell, that’s my face on the front page of Naver.” It’s the first time Kyungsoo hears Lu Han mutter a curse. Along with Lu Han’s face is a headline saying, Banned! Controversial Marketing Campaign by Huifei Holdings. They click into it and the article basically reads like the email they received from Corp Comm. They do a search on the internet but there’s not much to be found. Not yet, anyway.
“Where’s Kris?” Lu Han has long given up calling Kris by his title.
“Sanjang-nim is at an outdoor shoot,” Kyungsoo replies with a frown. They will have to resolve this by themselves.
Confusion continues to reign when by noon, the view count for their third ad surges to over ten thousand, with comments flowing in by tens and dozens. Lu Han’s and Kris’ ads that had relatively low view counts previously are also pushing the five thousand mark. Meanwhile, the pair is still unsure what the hell has happened. To add on to his bewilderment, Lu Han’s phone has been buzzing non-stop with messages from his friends, some mocking, some congratulatory. “It’s not like I’m getting married,” he bites out. Lu Han is in the middle of violently removing the battery from his phone when the Consumer Services Manager makes a special visit down to Lu Han’s office.
“My department’s phones have been ringing off the hook with requests to know who the two models in our winter advertising campaign are. I realise there are privacy issues involved but would like to request that an official statement be made so we could properly handle the additional workload,” she says politely to Lu Han and Kyungsoo. They gape at her but nod anyway, even if they have no idea what to do.
“Try me2day,” the Corporate Communications executive drops by and says sympathetically to the Brand Director and the boss’ PA, “or twitter.”
Gratefully, the two latch onto the tip and do a search on the two microblogging and social network services. The search for the keyword ‘huifei’ returns a staggering number of results that goes on for pages and pages. Links to their official Youtube account have gone viral. One particular me2day post has more than five hundred ‘me2’s and three hundred comments. “What the fuck…” Lu Han curses again and revamps his image in Kyungsoo’s mind, “it’s not even twenty four hours.” He clearly has no idea about the potentials of a couple of fangirls converging on the same topic of interest.
“The two ads have been out since Monday though,” Kyungsoo points out.
“I don’t think I can stomach so much of my own face,” Lu Han says, mildly revolted at the number of pictures and gifs of his own self the results spawn, especially when the majority of those are that of him closing in on Kris like a lovesick puppy.
“I don’t think I can stomach the fangirling,” Kyungoo deadpans, clicking closed a window with a twitter message that goes, huifei oppa is so beautiful i can't breathe ㅠㅠ, together with a gif upload from Kris’ ad. But there are so many messages, pictures, gifs, and posts of the same sort.
who are the huifei oppa deul? nam-nam couple daebak~♥ ><
huifei…SM new duo ?
my school uniform is so ugly compared to huifei oppa’s~!!
huifei sells clothes, nice models ㅋㅋㅋ
The above are some examples of the messages floating around. There are even a couple of English tweets that Kyungsoo cannot read.
They go back to Youtube. The view count is accumulating at a much faster speed, almost pushing twenty thousand by late noon and Kyungsoo calls an emergency meeting that Kris is still unable to attend. All he knows is that they aren’t allowed any more airtime on television despite the ‘mild’ success of the third ad. “I will leave you to handle it,” Kris says to Kyungsoo via the phone and his little PA cannot help the burst of pride in his heart that his boss thinks him capable of such. “Yes, boss,” he speaks solemnly into the phone, while gesturing for Lu Han to get into the meeting room.
Together with Corporate Communication, in a joint decision, they crafted an appeal to remove the ban and set up a Twitter account to handle all the enquiries. The twitter address is edited into the description of the Youtube videos, and they received more than one hundred mentions within minutes, all asking about the two leads.
The Corp Comm Director releases a statement via Twitter to address privacy issues, stating that the two leads are not celebrities and are just employees of Huifei Holdings Ltd, and that their rights to privacy are to be respected and not infringed upon. Honestly, that is when it all explodes. Someone visits the company’s website to dig for information, striking gold when they click into the Management link only to see Kris’ and Lu Han’s faces. Now they are good looking and rich. A post is made on me2day and an hour later, Kris, Lu Han, and Huifei Holdings make it to the top ten of Naver search engine ranking. By mysterious forces, the third ad makes it to Youtube with much higher quality than the one they uploaded. The same version is also uploaded on several other accounts with different titles and include download links.
“Ok, I got it,” Kyungsoo puts the phone down, exhaustion apparent on his face. He turns to Lu Han. “I.T. called, the company website just crashed due to sheer traffic.”
“And Kris made it to number one on Naver,” Lu Han says numbly.
“…All I wanted was to achieve the company targets.” Not sudden insanity, not at all.
Nam-nam Couple Takes the Nation by Storm Overnight.
Kyungsoo and Lu Han are staring at the front page of Naver with expressionless faces when Kris finally saunters into the office still wearing the clothes from the photoshoot and looking as carefree as a lark. The black wool jacket with press stud leather collar fits him like a second layer of skin. Kyungsoo feels like punching Kris’ amazing face.
“Guess what? I was stopped at the entrance of the building by a couple of schoolgirls and they asked for my autograph. Cute right?” He grins, showing them his gums.
“Oh my God,” Lu Han says in English. He begins to fear for his safety.
“Almost paradise~” Kyungsoo sings to Kris, whom the younger generation of South Korea probably already now see as Goo Jun Pyo personified.
Because paradise is clearly now very far, Lu Han snarls, “Shut the fuck up.” Kyungsoo flinches; he should have already grown immune to vicious curses coming from Angelface, but it’s just hard.
“What happened?” Kris asks innocently.
That’s day one.
A simple thing can easily go out of hand. On Thursday night, Shiwon is lazing on the couch,with her textbook, although she’s not even sparing a glance at it. Instead, her gaze is fixed on the television. Like all her friends, she follows Lee Jongsuk’s latest drama religiously, not missing a single episode since he has so ensnared her heart in School 2013. The commercial break comes, riding on a cliffhanger and she dumps her textbook on the floor in exasperation. Shiwon is just picking up her book when a jaunty jingle picks up. Looking up curiously, she sees a familiar face. “Oh,” she exclaims. It’s that super cute dude in that super short strange commercial that doesn’t seem to advertise anything. While cute dude is cute, Shiwon is always easily distracted by Lee Jongsuk every time the commercial break ends. But this time, he’s doing more than just smiling. Shiwon giggles as she watches him sneak out of class. She dreams of doing the same every day in class, creeping out and flying somewhere to daydream. Then Shiwon sees the other guy and she squeaks a little because this dude looks badass but gorgeous with his multiple earrings and blond hair. Who the hell is allowed blond hair in school? He is so cool. She can’t stop snickering at the part where the two of them flip around on the table, especially since blond dude does it so calmly with a small smile on his face, while cute dude looks like a frustrated fish lying on a well-oiled pan. “Omona…” she mutters, nearly ripping a page out of her textbook in her agitation and lets out a full fledged shriek when she gets to the part where the ‘supposed’ kiss happens, but that’s where the commercial ends.
With her heart pounding, Shiwon lunges for her phone and for the first time, visits the website that’s included at the end. Forgetting the drama, she proceeds to loop the entire commercial again and again, all the while tweeting her reactions in her unlocked Twitter account, watch this!! must watchㅠㅠso cute http://www.youtube.com/user/huifei. She tweets over and over again until someone following her is intrigued enough to click on the link. Simultaneously, another follower retweets her with the comment, guys in my school never look this good!!!! Four other people retweet this with similar reactions. In another household, another high school girl, Eunmi, is hyperventilating, just like Shiwon. She posts the same but on me2day, quickly gathering ‘me2’s and comments. She seems to be among the first few to microblog about the commercial. Eunmi is puzzled but elated as well; her posts have never been this popular before.
The breakthrough comes when a very popular ulzzang retweets and compares Kris and Lu Han to Heungsoon couple from School 2013, since the setting is both in high school. She has ten thousand followers, almost all of them teenagers and young adults. The Youtube link spreads like wildfire with Heungsoon supporters rebuffing her call, but soon Huifei supporters start rallying for their cause as well. A particular comment stirs up much anger among Heungsoon supporters: jongsuk oppa is now with inguk oppaㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋannyeong heungsoon couple~ huifei couple fighting!.
No fandom war is fiercer than ship wars. If you ever try to overturn a fangirl’s ship, you must know that it’s just due retribution should you drown while doing so. The Heungsoon fans pick up their arms and now even complete bystanders are intrigued. Exactly who are huifei couple and why have they been a trending topic for the entire night? Are they as good as Heungsoon couple? No amount of broadcast on television would be able to buy them this much attention. In an indirect and pretty absurd way, they have unintentionally ridden on the success of the high school melodrama.
Next day in class, all people could talk about is the commercial. Why won’t people shut up about it? The ones in the unknown wonder and decide to check it out themselves. The flame spreads even further.
The sudden popularity of the commercial soon reaches the wrong ear, and although the ad passed the screening for broadcast, a ban is swiftly issued. The media catches on immediately, always on the alert for juicy news. Nam-nam couples have been all the rage, the people involved are good looking, and a search on social media proves that they already have a following, albeit still small. But what they need is just a sensational headline and things will sell. Even better, a day later, some journalists catch wind of the news that one of the models is the Managing Director himself. The only thing better than a good-looking guy is a rich good looking guy. It’s as if the story has already been written. They just need to break the bottle on this ship now.
All repercussions have been catalysed and magnified beyond Kyungsoo’s imagination. It is the right mix of divine intervention, timing, humans’ superficiality, and grossly unfair good looks that catapults them to fame overnight. Add in a generous helping of luck (whether it’s good or bad luck will depend on the perspective taken) and you’d end up with something as small as a coincidence.
Or something as big as a phenomenon.
They cancel a shooting scheduled the next day, so Kris could free himself up to come into the office and absorb the situation. When Kyungsoo arrives, he sees Lu Han lounging on the couch in the reception of the MD’s office.
“It’s only 7 a.m.,” Kyungsoo says, looking at his watch.
“I was trying to beat rush hour,” Lu Han replies tiredly, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “A girl tried to follow me home yesterday,” he complains.
Kyungsoo gasps sharply, immediately concerned. He closes the gap between them with wide strides but pauses abruptly when he stands before Lu Han, at a loss for what to do. He’s still not used to being friends with Lu Han. “Are you alright?” he asks, worry brimming in his large eyes. He recalls Lu Han’s protest against being cast for the campaign and guilt swamps him.
Taken aback by Kyungsoo’s reaction, Lu Han blinks dumbly before his expression melts into a smile. “I’m fine. I took a couple of turns, went the long way, and lost her,” he chimes, finally remembering to take off his scarf. It feels warm, all of a sudden. Concern from a new friend feels rather like spring. “Why are you early?” asks Lu Han in turn.
Kyungsoo has always reached the office early to check on Kris’ schedule for the day and make the necessary arrangements so he could properly brief his boss right when he comes in. He continues to do the same even after work commenced for the winter campaign. But for some reason, it’s embarrassing to show his effort to someone else. It’s as if he’s admitting just how much he cares. “I just came in to check on some stuff,” he lies smoothly.
At 8:30 a.m.sharp, Kris ambles in. “There are some girls at the entrance of the office building.” He said the same thing yesterday but the previous gleeful look on his face has been replaced with that of bewilderment. “They screamed when they saw me.” His confusion hangs on his face, as anyone would when random strangers started screaming at him. Kris checked his zip then, half-certain that his dick must have been hanging out of his pants.
The MD’s office is located on the same side of the building entrance, so Kyungsoo gets up and walks to the window, looking down to ground level. Then he turns around to share an ominous look with Lu Han.
“Superstar,” Kris adds, clearly not done with his fan-account yet, and clearly not reading the atmosphere. Lu Han and Kyungsoo ignore him, wishing that they hadn’t cancelled the shooting because the Managing Director doesn’t seem to know how to handle stardom either. Kyungsoo is once again forced to be reminded that, for all of Kris’ precious 187 centimeters and fearsome looks, he is just Kyungsoo’s fifth hand embarrassment that’s sadly too big to stuff and lock up in a drawer.
By the end of day two, the total view count for all three videos released by Huifei reaches a whopping one hundred thousand views. Curiously, the amount of hits from overseas has increased, too. Or maybe, it isn’t such a wonder since anything popular within South Korea quickly gains followers from overseas as well. The Hallyu wave seems much less like a wave these days, more like culture invasion.
Huifei Holdings tweets, saying they will release new commercials beginning next week. The tweet gets retweeted more than a thousand times and translations of the tweet pop up almost immediately. Their appeal is declined but that hardly matters now when their official Youtube account is gaining subscribers by the hundreds.
Kyungsoo gets waken up by a phone call again. Groggily, he reaches for his phone and mumbles, “Hel-“
“Help.”
“Like Notting Hill.” Over phone, Kris explains to Kyungsoo the chaos he encountered this morning when he walked to the gate of his mansion. There was a crowd of fangirls and reporters clamoring outside the gate and he wasn’t sure who was which. That was also partly because he was blinded by the flashes of a thousand cameras in his face.
Kyungsoo flips over in his bed, removes the phone from the ear, and stares incredulously at the words ‘GQ Gangster’ – what he refers to Kris as in his contacts - on his screen. He’s unsure why Kris has called him for help and considers asking him to call Lu Han instead before he remembers that Lu Han is filming some footage this morning. Shaking his head, Kyungsoo places the phone back over his ear and asks impatiently, “Why did you call me?”
Stumped, Kris carefully moves the phone he has clamped between his jaw and shoulder to the other ear. It seems only right when he dialed Kyungsoo’s number and Kris thought he has already told Kyungsoo his reason for calling. When asked outright though, he realizes he doesn’t exactly know how to phrase it. He almost says, ‘Who else should I call?’ but fortunately, realizes in time how much of an ass that will make him sound. The word ‘instinct’ does come to mind, but Kris brushes it aside. It sounds too foolish. “I...” he drags the word out, praying inspiration would hit before it becomes apparent that he really doesn’t have an answer to such an obvious question. Why did he call Kyungsoo? Hasn’t he already promised himself that he’d leave Kyungsoo alone?
Kyungsoo is heartless. He’s not about to help with Kris’ helplessness. While waiting, he rolls over in bed and closes his eyes, letting the warmth from the blanket soak his skin again. But in the next second, he hears a sound over the phone and feels something strum his heartstrings. Slowly, he pulls his lids open. Kris’ sigh is so soft, like it doesn’t want to be heard. Kyungsoo bites his lips so the words can’t escape, but they do anyway. “I’m coming over.” Then he hangs up before Kris can reply, throwing his phone onto the bed. Kyungsoo covers his face with both hands, letting the coolness of his palms soothe his heated face. When he next lifts his head up though, he sees his face in the mirror, still looking so confused and hurt.
Kyungsoo arrives at Kris’ mansion to see a crowd gathered outside his gate. Feeling displeasure swirl in his gut, he clenches his jaw and strides forward. When the dude at the outer rim of the crowd ignores his ‘excuse me’, Kyungsoo stomps very hard on his foot. Yipping, the man jumps aside, clutching his foot, and Kyungsoo employs the same tactic on everyone standing in his way until a path clears for him. The crowd gape at the tiny man who stalks coolly up the gate, punching the bell repeatedly with his fist, clearly a visitor and not one of them. His cold demeanor forbids any questions and before the reporters can regain their composure, someone rushes out to open the gate. When the first person opens his mouth, the gate is already shut in their faces.
The ride to the office is quiet, although it hardly feels so to Kyungsoo. He could hear his feelings, they are loud in his ears, all the anger and anxiety. He has insisted that Kris sit at the back of the car against his boss’ protest. “You are not my chauffeur,” but Kris soon shuts up at the blank look on Kyungsoo’s face.
“Really,” Kyungsoo says lowly, as if without emotion, like his heart isn’t drumming a wild beat against his ribs. “I didn’t know that.”
Kris’ eyes go gentle and alarm bells start ringing in Kyungsoo’s head. He doesn’t know how to handle Kris every time he looks at him like that. In the past, Kyungsoo would do everything he could to trade Kris’ smile back. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way,” Kris apologises but Kyungsoo quickly scampers into the safety of the driver’s seat, horning for Kris to get in too when he just continues to look at Kyungsoo through the window.
Wordlessly, Kris stares at Kyungsoo through the rear view mirror but his PA ignores him, choosing to keep his eyes on the road and recollect himself instead, even if Kris hasn’t even registered his fluster. Kyungsoo doesn’t speak again until they arrive at the company’s carpark. “Why did you call me?”
Surprised, Kris’ gaze flickers from the rear view mirror to the back of Kyungsoo’s head. He thought they were already over this. But Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to want an answer; he continues speaking without pausing to wait for Kris’ reply.
“Am I your boyfriend?”
The question shocks Kris and his eyes flit over back to the rear view mirror only to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze head-on. His assistant looks as collected as ever. Kris wonders if those large eyes really once held tears. He’s so sure he’s seen them not too long ago.
Kyungsoo rounds a bend smoothly, still looking so calm, but his hands are white in their grip on the leather-clad steering wheel. “That’s right,” he coaxes gently, as if speaking to a child, “I’m not. I’m not your friend either. I’m no one to you. I’m your personal assistant and you are just my boss.”
The wheels of the car squeak loudly as they drive into the carpark, but Kyungsoo words ring loud and clear in the enclosed space, so Kris can’t even pretend to misunderstand him. “So stop calling me. Don’t call me just because you need someone. Don’t message me in the middle of the night just because you can’t sleep. Don’t-” Kyungsoo ceases when he realizes how harsh his breathing has become. He blinks away from Kris’ stare in the mirror. He needs to stop making a fool of himself. “Just don’t.” Grappling with the door handle, Kyungsoo lets himself out of the car, key still in place. He can’t stay in the car any longer, Kris is suffocating him.
Still sitting in the car, Kris watches Kyungsoo scurry off, all composure gone as he almost trips in his haste. His head turns and follows Kyungsoo’s form until he disappears into the lift lobby. Then he gets out from the car but instead of walking off like Kyungsoo, Kris lets himself into the driver seat. The leather seat still has Kyungsoo’s warmth. Leaning forward, Kris rests his forehead on the steering wheel, closing his eyes, reminiscing. Exactly what is it he has done that’s so unforgivable? They were once so good.
Kyungsoo was once so near.
Kris and Lu Han posters have been up in the stores since before the launch of the ads but it’s only recent that Kyungsoo receives calls reporting thefts of them. Sighing, he decides to pay the stores a visit to check things out. He sees Lu Han even before he reaches the store. His gigantic poster is already up on the exterior of their flagship store and stretches from the third to second floor. Beside him is Sulli from f(x), the new spokesperson for Etude House. Two stores down, at the exit of the Myeongdong metro station, a poster of Big Bang hangs, advertising the many advantages of Gmarket. Myeongdong is awash with the faces of idols, and Lu Han doesn’t look out of place at all.
In the poster, Lu Han is wearing the baby blue turtleneck that’s already becoming his trademark, but only the large collar can be seen since it’s a close-up of Lu Han’s face. He’s smiling mischievously although Kyungsoo can’t see the curve of his lips since the collar has been flipped up and Lu Han is holding it up with his hands, hiding his smile from everyone else. But Lu Han’s smile can always be found in the twinkle of his eyes and the pliant folds near his temples. Kyungsoo knows the stars trapped in Lu Han’s eyes are not a result of editing, they are just as bright and clear in real life, and they make Kyungsoo think only of good things. Lu Han is good like that. Kyungsoo grins at a couple of schoolgirls who have stopped to squeal at Lu Han’s hidden smile, before turning to study the crowd that have gathered at the front of the store taking pictures with Lu Han’s life-sized standee. His friend’s popularity pleases Kyungsoo. Then he finally saunters in.
Kris and Lu Han posters are everywhere inside the store, but when pointed out by the store manager, Kyungsoo spots empty spaces where posters once hung. Even the fitting rooms suffer damage on the walls where posters have been ripped off. There are disturbances when a salesperson has to request from time to time that a customer refrain from taking pictures inside the store. The bustling shopping crowd is made up of young people, mainly girls and not strangely, they are mainly spotted loitering in the men’s section. It is crowded and noisy, despite the fact that it’s close to 3 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon and Kyungsoo finds it hard to walk through the shop although this is already their largest branch in South Korea. The women’s section, however, is relatively sparse.
Assuring the store manager that he’d think of something regarding the posters, Kyungsoo is about to walk out of the store when he notices something. “You need to replenish stocks. The shelves are empty,” he gestures to the section where the turtlenecks are placed.
Shaking his head, the manager says, “We’ve already gone out of stock for the blue turtlenecks. The white shirts are almost gone, too.”
Kyungsoo pauses on his way out and whips his head back to gape at the manager. Those items are featured in the ads but it’s too fast for them to go out of stock. They only launched the campaign about a week ago. “Get some from the Dongdaemun branch then,” he says while walking back into the store and remaking his rounds. This is when he notices that the preppy plaid vest and the cashmere red sweater Lu Han and Kris wear in the ad are almost sold out as well, leaving behind only size XL. In fact, the best-selling items are all those modeled by Kris and Lu Han.
Bemused, the store manager gives Kyungsoo a vexed smile. “They are sold out over there, too.”
Kyungsoo lifts his head up from the racks he’s rummaging through to look at the manager.
“We are sold out nationwide.”
Kyungsoo hurries back to the office and schedules an urgent meeting with Kris and Lu Han who happen to be free from any shooting and filming for the day. “We are almost sold out of the items featured in the first wave of promotion!” he chatters excitedly, only to mellow when he makes eye contact with Kris. His boss musters a faint smile for him but Kyungsoo drops his gaze a little too fast and misses it.
Lu Han is over the moon, his eyes all bent into thin crescents. He whoops until Kyungsoo says, “The crowd is mainly female but while we’re having good business with the men’s line, it’s not the same for ladies’ section.” Kyungsoo explains to them and watches realization dawn on their faces. They have neglected the fact that while their following - which is largely made up of females – is likely to support their promoted items, they are hardly as inclined to purchase within the stores for themselves. Indisputably, sales have been up this week for both menswear and womenswear. But while the increase is exponential for men’s, the incremental sales for women’s is a slow climb. The fans are clearly here just for Kris and Lu Han.
“In addition, there are poster thefts,” Kyungsoo reports.
“We can frame the posters and nail them to the wall?” Kris suggests, but Lu Han is already shaking his head.
“Store decorations are changed every season and we can’t afford to have permanent fixtures that might not fit into the theme for the next campaign.”
Kyungsoo takes a seat at the only empty chair left in the room and tucks a fist under his chin as he observes Kris and Lu Han bounce bad ideas off each other. “What will the two of you do without me?” he muses loudly.
“We will die sad and lonely with a garden full of cats, of course,” Lu Han deadpans.
But Kyungsoo just smiles. “Glad you are aware.”
“What do you have in mind?” asks Kris, looking straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes.
Kyungsoo tucks his arrogance away when he speaks to his boss but finds it difficult to meet Kris’ eyes. “I have a plan that will resolve these two problems at the same time,” he says to Lu Han instead. “Trust me,” he adds out of habit, but stops abruptly when he realizes what he has just said. From the corner of his eye, he sees Kris stir at his words, but before his boss can reply, Kyungsoo quickly gets up. “I still have some work to do, have to excuse myself now.” He pushes his chair back and rushes out of the room, not even sparing the puzzled Lu Han a glance.
“The two of you haven’t made up?” Lu Han swivels around in his chair and leans forward towards Kris. There’s an intense look of interest on his face as he surveys the way Kris’ eyes follow Kyungsoo.
With a slight pucker of his brows, Kris fixes his line of vision on Kyungsoo’s retreating back until he rounds a corner and can no longer be seen. Then he clenches and unclenches his jaw, feeling something heavy settle in his heart, making it just a bit harder to breathe. He flicks Lu Han a long sideward glance. “Mind your own business, Xi Luhan.”
Lu Han deflates like a worn third wheel.
A few days later, a new promotion is launched in-store. With purchases amounting to at least ₩80,000 on a single receipt, customers get a poster of Kris, Lu Han, or the two of them together. Lu Han has grown used to his face being everywhere and only comments that Kyungsoo is despicable, but Kyungsoo maintains that his standards are simply the same as SM Entertainment, i.e. if the fan cannot decide whose to get, they best get all. He is merely encouraging people to be decisive.
It isn’t official but customers with small purchases get equally small plastic bags to contain them, while those with large purchases get nice shopping bags with Lu Han’s face printed on one side and Kris’ on the other. With regards to this, Kyungsoo has no suitable retort; he just gently reminds Lu Han of their gap to achieving the annual targets.
With this, their large female clientele begin to buy for themselves as well, and reports of poster theft have also declined, since there’s now a legitimate way to obtain them. Sales really begin to shoot through the roof then. Because of the overwhelming crowd, they have started to limit the number of people allowed in the stores at one time and railings have to be set up outside the shops to contain the long meandering queue.
As the demand for the latest collection turns out to be much more massive than the original plans, Kris decides to liaise with the Shanghai branch to ship their wares to Seoul. To his surprise, their inventories are critical as well. Not only Shanghai, Beijing and Hong Kong are also undergoing short supply. The winter campaign is launched simultaneously at all branches but the focus is on Seoul, the headquarter. The influence of social media is far more widespread than they originally thought. Regional supply chain is abuzz as demand begins to flow in, forcing the factory in Tianjing to work aggressively around the clock in order to churn out as much as they can to meet rocketing demand. Outsourcing plans are quickly put in place to secure as much stock as they can to pull through this period.
Kyungsoo braces himself for more to come, as the second wave of promotion begins.
They don’t get their TV ban removed but that’s hardly a concern since their Youtube subscribers have soared to well over a hundred thousand. A timer is now placed on their official website, counting the seconds down to the release of the next brand new promotional short movie. Thousands of comments have been made in anticipation of the short movie, and view count for the released ads is nearing two million. Kyungsoo still checks the views religiously although he no longer needs to.
“You know what? This thing would turn truly phenomenal only if you ended up dead,” Kyungsoo overheard Lu Han say to Kris one time during filming. He was wearing a scoop neck pastel yellow crochet sweater over a pale blue shirt and red tie, all paired with black cotton pants, looking as young as spring’s first blossom in stark contrast to the dark words he’d just uttered.
Kris was mussing his locks using Lu Han’s sunglasses as the mirror when he heard Lu Han’s words. Seeing the incredulous expression on Kris’ face, Lu Han hastily amended his statement, “In the storyline of course, not real life.”
“Why not you?” Kris refuted, tapping the metal tip of his leather shoes on the ground, making bright ‘clink’s against concrete until a stylist shrieked at him to stop ruining shoes that were not his.
“Dude, I’d be crying myself blind over your death,” Lu Han calmly elaborated. “Then I’d fall in love with the next person who donates me his cornea.”
“And I’d just be dead?” Kris lifted a brow up.
“No one ever forgets the dead, Kris. That’s when you become really famous, like Van Gogh.” But Kris held onto his ear and said he’d just deal with being anonymous but alive.
No one gets to die in the commercial. Sad endings are more memorable simply because people tend to hold on better to bitterness rather than happiness, but Kyungsoo prefers to make people happy, even if it’s fleeting. When the timer ticks down to 10:35 p.m., Kyungsoo is at Chanyeol’s tiny student hostel, biting into the tteokbokki brought by Sehun. Chanyeol is lying on his stomach in bed, clicking the Youtube link that his coursemate is quick to provide on his Twitter timeline, the bowl of tteokbokki balanced precariously on his lower back. Kyungsoo and Sehun sit at his sides, all eyes focused on Chanyeol’s notebook as the video begins to load slowly.
“This is taking forever,” complains Sehun as he feeds Chanyeol a piece of tteokbokki, causing orange sauce to dribble down his boyfriend’s chin. Chanyeol tries to clean his chin as far as his tongue can reach. This causes Sehun to laugh, and he slaps Chanyeol’s back repeatedly, almost overturning the bowl of rice cake. Chanyeol has to quickly reach behind him, steadying the bowl with both hands.
“This looks like some yoga pose,” Sehun chortles at Chanyeol who’s still lying on his stomach, hands on his lower back, trying to balance a bowl of tteokbokki.
“The Flying Fish!” adds Chanyeol, sticking his head up and the couple fall over themselves with laughter, really spilling orange sauce over pale blue bedsheets then, but this only makes the fools laugh harder.
Kyungsoo smiles at the side, wishing he could have something like this one day. But when he opens his mouth, he spits the usual dose of poison. “I’ll talk to you when you guys are ready to resume normal levels of human intelligi-”
“I’m always standing where he can never see.”
Lu Han’s soft voice suddenly fills the room, and all of them look over to Chanyeol’s notebook. A soothing melody on guitar accompanies his voice. The place in the video looks like a library with shelves of books, and Kris is sitting at a table, flipping through one. He’s wearing a black shirt, buttoned up all the way to the top, stiff collar sticking out of the royal blue cashmere hooded sweater. The sweater’s hem goes just past his hips, making Kris’ legs seem to go on forever in the tight black pants he dons. The eye-catching silver sword earring in his left earlobe dangles freely with every movement. The cuff of his black shirt barely hides the mix of black and white beaded onyx bracelets on his wrist. Before long, Lu Han enters the scene and pulls out the chair just behind Kris. He settles in it and appears to be perusing the contents of his book with a serious look on his face, but he couldn’t resist and soon, a secret smile curves his lips. Pleased to be near Kris, reading the same book as him. They are sitting back to back to each other, although Kris doesn’t even turn around once.
The scene cuts to the flea market and Lu Han is following Kris with a distance of about ten steps behind. He stops when Kris does, loitering around a stall until Kris picks up his pace again. One time he loses sight and runs through a street only to find that Kris has been standing beside him all this while, looking at the wares displayed at the nearest stall. Panicking, Lu Han twirls around immediately so his back is facing Kris. He turns around only when Kris is gone.
“What did that mister look at just now?” he asks the store owner who points to a pair of fleur studs. Lu Han smiles and buys them.
He catches up with Kris just as he is about to enter a restaurant. Lu Han sneaks into a seat two tables behind Kris and orders the same dish as him after checking with the waitress. Grinning, he tucks into the bowl of piping hot kalguksu. This is when the screen switches to Kris who’s holding up a metal spoon, smiling at Lu Han’s reflection. At the same time, Kris’ voice can be heard.
“Fool, that space is reserved for you by me.”
The screen flashes back to the library. Lu Han is asleep at the table behind Kris, head lying on his folded arms. A knitted striped cardigan is placed over his shoulders. The camera pans up and the viewer sees that it’s Kris who’s drawing the cardigan around Lu Han, so gently that he doesn’t wake up. Another flash and they are back at the flea market, Kris sighing when he turns around and sees Lu Han looking lost. He backtracks until he’s standing right next to Lu Han. “How could you lose me,” he mutters to himself while pretending to check out the wares at the stall.
The scene next cuts to back when they were in the restaurant. “You’re lucky, we have just one last serving of samgyetang left,” the waitress beams at Kris in the restaurant. Just one last serving? What about that fool? wonders Kris. “I’ll have kalguksu then,” he says instead. “You have more than a serving left, right?” The waitress nods her yes but there’s a puzzled look on her face. Why is this customer so concerned when he’s only ordering for himself?
The next scene shows Kris exiting the restaurant only to find rain and Lu Han at the doorstep. He stands with Lu Han under the roof and waits. The sounds of guitar fade until all that’s left is the patter of rain and faint clicks of Lu Han’s shoes as he slowly inches towards Kris.
“What a coincidence!” Lu Han cheers when he’s near enough, although his face is as red as the tie he wears.
“Fool.” The voice in Kris’ head repeats, but all he does is act surprised and says, “Hello.” He looks pretty dumb himself.
When the screen blurs out, what appears is not the usual Huifei Youtube address but a single line that goes, it is not true that only fools fall in love but those who do become fools indeed.
“That is…” Sehun begins, breaking the silence that follows, “actually really nice.”
“Inspired by you,” Kyungsoo whispers wickedly to him, admiring the flush on his cheeks after that.
“They look good together. Are they really dating?” Sehun asks quickly to divert attention. The question is so unexpected that Kyungsoo doesn’t have time to hide from it. The usual bittersweet taste stings his tongue. It’s the feeling when you know that someone else is better suited for the person you like. To his surprise though, it’s no longer paralyzing. He hasn’t realised because he’s been avoiding this for so long. Maybe it’s because Lu Han is now his friend, or that he has already accepted the fact. Regardless, Kyungsoo tells himself it’s a good thing.
Chanyeol sends Sehun a sharp glare at the question. “What?” But Sehun’s innocence earns him a knock on the head from Chanyeol.
“They aren’t dating, but who knows, they could be,” Kyungsoo offers an ambiguous answer and refreshes the page. The view count is already stuck at 301, minutes after the video is released. He skims through the concept and information of modeled wear detailed in the video description. Comments are already gushing in, and Kyungsoo reads a few of them.
i died over and over again… so beautiful♥
how are they humans!! kris oppa’s legs T-T
the next installment right now pls. when is it coming out??!!!??!? #huifei
luhan oppa is such a stalker ㅋ
#heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon #heungsoon
lol @ the one above
Chanyeol perks up at Kyungsoo’s words. He rolls two feet over on the bed and props his head up on Kyungsoo’s thigh. “So, are you dating?” He blinks up at Kyungsoo, hoping to get some updates on the ‘thing’ between Kris and him.
“I’m not dating either.” Kyungsoo heartlessly pushes Chanyeol’s head off. Thankfully, Sehun is there to catch Chanyeol’s big head. But Chanyeol just shrugs his boyfriend off. He scampers over to Kyungsoo. “Does he know already?” he asks, recalling how upset Kyungsoo was over Kris back then.
Kyungsoo pats Chanyeol’s head to assure him, but doesn’t feel like saying much. “I’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo mumbles, believing that he will indeed be so one day. He has to be.
Over the next two days, it becomes harder and harder for Lu Han and Kris to commute to and fro the office as the hysteria that surrounds them continues to escalate with the release of the latest commercial. The crowd gathered at the front of the building grows larger as word spreads. It’s a usual sight now, a group of young girls hanging around the front of Huifei Holdings right smack in the middle of Seoul’s central business district, stomping their feet every now and then because it’s so cold. Although barricades have been set up and only people working in the building and visitors with official passes are allowed past them, this doesn’t hinder the fans at all, the mere possibility of seeing their idols up-close far surpasses all. It is a dream, and a relatively easy one to pursue. They only need to stay in the same spot for a very long time, neglecting sleep, study, work, and play.
When either Lu Han or Kris appears, only the newcomers scream, attracting the attention of any office worker who happens to walk past. The regular ones – those fansite masters whose faces Kyungsoo has already memorized - whip out their mega lenses with practiced ease and start clicking away, sometimes pleading with them to take their gifts and letters. For Kris’ Sake! is especially persistent and Kyungsoo has learned to always avoid her. Only Kris accepts the gifts, because he’s a weakling. On the other hand, Lu Han sometimes lectures them on filial piety and doing charity work with the money they’re spending on them. Either way, the fans have only good things to say about them.
kris oppa is so nice he took my giftㅠㅠ - How nice it is, Kyungsoo thinks, that people would think of you as a wonderful person because you accepted their gift.
it’s so rare for an idol to care so much about the society! lu han oppa deserves all the love!! - Lu Han is a Brand Director. Kyungsoo wants to weep on his behalf. Some fangirls also seem to have very low moral standards for idols.
Refusing his chauffeur, Kris now heads straight to the carpark after work, preferring to drive himself home so he could avoid the lobby. He only chose to do so after losing a set of cufflinks that he had customized using a pair of Nana piercings. Kyungsoo found the picture of the lost cufflinks online a couple of hours later when the fangirl posted to gloat about it, but he was decent enough to keep it from Kris, who seemed really upset about his loss.
Tiny Kyungsoo was acting as Kris’ bodyguard then, using his body to keep the girls out of Kris’ space, when a fangirl gripped Kris’ sleeve. The tip of the lightning bolt cufflink gave Kyungsoo a deep scratch on the back of his hand when he tried to pry the girl’s hand off Kris’ sleeve. Before Kyungsoo could take a good look at his own injury, Kris had paused to grab Kyungsoo’s hand, staring at the ugly red scratch for a long time, oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. Then he twirled on his heel in search of the girl, the determined set of his jaw alarming Kyungsoo.
“It’s just a scratch, forget it, sajang-nim,” he tried to persuade Kris but his boss pulled out of his grasp, seemingly hell-bent on pursuing the matter. “Hey!” Kyungsoo shouted as another girl accidentally slammed her gift bag into his side. At his cry, Kris finally came to his senses. He stretched out a long arm to hold Kyungsoo to his side, sheltering him until they were in the safety of the car. Normally, Kyungsoo would have resisted the lack of distance with Kris, but this was hardly the time to do so.
“Are you alright?” Kris asked with a frown, his gaze intent on Kyungsoo’s hand.
Kyungsoo shifted slightly away from Kris and nodded. “Don’t worry, sajang-nim, I will try to find you an identical set of cufflinks,” promised Kyungsoo. He found his hand bleeding slightly then and just rubbed the blood off with his other hand.
“It’s not about the cuff- nevermind,” Kris shook his head at the way Kyungsoo was treating his wound. “Can you at least put a plaster over it?”
“What?” asked Kyungsoo. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he said nonchalantly, tucking his hand away so Kris couldn’t see it.
This was maddening. Kris tightened his hands into fists so he could restrain himself from reaching over to grab Kyungsoo’s hand. “Send him home,” he curtly instructed the chauffeur.
“It’s ok, I can go home by myself,” countered Kyungsoo. “Just drop me off at the metro.”
But Kris laid his head back on the headrest and locked his jaw tight. With his eyes fixed straight ahead, he muttered lowly, “Don’t argue with me now, Kyungsoo.” The commanding tone was evident in Kris’ voice and Kyungsoo withheld his protests with a scowl. It was the second time Kris had used this tone on him. He didn’t know why Kris was so upset with him over just a pair of cufflinks. It wasn’t like he was the one at fault.
When Kris sighed, however, the sound was still as reluctant, as if it were a sign of submission instead of frustration, and Kyungsoo was left confused as ever. What was Kris so unhappy about, Kyungsoo was the only one doing the concession all this while, wasn’t he?
It’s a sign of how busy he is that Kyungsoo only gets to watch the latest commercial the next morning at his office desk, instead of the night it was released at 10:35 p.m. There’s no background music for this one, so all the viewer hears is the neat clipped sounds that Kris’ and Lu Han’s boots make as they walk side by side along Seogyodong street. The camera is on Lu Han’s side so the view is focused wholly on his side profile and cuts off around chest level. Due to their height difference, Kris’ profile is only slightly blocked.
When Lu Han squints at Kris against the sun, the collar of his white cashmere turtleneck skims his jawline. “We are not going to have kalguksu again, are we?” he complains, white puffs of breath sails form his mouth with every word uttered.
But the pink of his cheeks diffuses the harshness of his disgruntled face and Kris just smiles, reaching over to smooth down the pointed leather lapels on Lu Han’s black wool coat with his free hand. “I thought you liked it.” His roguish grin is complimented by the twinkle of the fleur stud in his ear and the white of his teeth. Kris is wearing a fur-trimmed leather bomber over a crisp white shirt and skinny herringbone tie, looking so handsome that it makes Kyungsoo grit his teeth.
“I’m so over chasing you,” Lu Han mutters under his breath.
“What?” Kris asks, although his smile is all-knowing. Before he knows it, Kyungsoo has already hit pause to stare at his favorite gummy smile. He simply can’t help it. The undeniable truth is, Kris still makes his heart beat faster. Kyungsoo just tries to make things better for himself by avoiding him and hoping that someday, these feelings will die. He stares at that smile for a long time, hand unconsciously moving to his own lips.
“Is anything wrong?”
Kyungsoo’s head dart up in surprise. It’s the HR manager, probably up here at the MD’s office to submit some documents for approval.
“I’m, I’m alright,” lies Kyungsoo.
“You just look really-” she says but Kyungsoo cuts her off then, because he doesn’t want to know that look on his face.
“I’m fine,” he insists firmly.
After the HR manager leaves, Kyungsoo takes a moment to regain his composure before going back to the video. This time, he doesn’t hesitate to hit play and let go of Kris’ smile.
“I said you’re a narcissistic, egoistic, arrogant little-” Lu Han hasn’t finished his insult but he’s already interrupted by Kris’ laugh. An identical smile stretches out on his face at the pleasing sound. The camera finally pulls off their profiles, moving down to capture the hands swinging between them, clasped so tight around each other, fingers interlaced like an intricate lock. The viewer finally realises then, that Kris and Lu Han have been holding hands all this time while they’re strolling through the street, arguing on the most mundane topic of lunch. It is dull without the accompaniment of music and grandeur, just like everyone’s love story.
The camera zooms out, showing them walking off. The sounds of their footsteps gradually wane and the screen blurs out to reveal the words, you make the ordinary, extraordinary.
The view count is capped at 301 of course, but the comments are already in the thousands, with new ones flooding in every single second. Kyungsoo reads the top comment: every ordinary love story is extraordinary to the people who are steeped so deeply in it.
Although this is the video with the least frills released so far, it is well on its way to become the most popular.
Kyungsoo stares at his hand, so small compared to Kris’. How is he supposed to hold onto someone as extraordinary as Kris? Immediately, his brows snap into a frown at his lack of control. He’s not supposed to think about this anymore. But it’s been some time already; exactly how long does it take for feelings to die? It’s a vicious cycle; the more you want to forget, the more you sink into it when you realise it’s impossible to.
“Kyungsoo, I need the latest draft of the annual report.”
He’s jolted by Kris’ voice and scrambles to click out of the webpage. The phone rings just as Kris reaches Kyungsoo’s desk and he’s grateful for the intervention.
“I will go to you after the call, sajang-nim,” Kyungsoo quickly says and picks up the call, but to his frustration, Kris makes a gesture indicating that he’ll wait. “Hello,” Kyungsoo greets on the phone.
“Hi, can I please speak to Kris Wu sajang-nim?” A pleasant voice says from the other end. It sounds male and is quite too cheery for a conversation with a stranger.
“May I know whom I’m speaking to?” It’s normal procedure for Kyungsoo to filter calls to the MD, but the person rebuts with, “And whom am I speaking to?”
Kyungsoo removes the receiver from his ear to give it a weird look, but quickly resumes talking when Kris gives him an enquiring look at his strange response. “This is the MD’s office, I’m his personal assistant.”
“Oh, what’s your name, little assistant?” The person teases.
Kyungso narrows his eyes. “Just call me ‘Daddy’,” he retorts coolly. Kris observes with interest and folds his arms, leaning on the edge of Kyungsoo’s desk like he has no intention of going away soon. It grates on Kyungsoo’s nerves even more. “If you’re calling for nothing, I’m going to hang up now,” he warns.
The stranger laughs, the sound so happy that Kyungsoo pauses in his move to hang up the phone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I sincerely apologise if I made you uncomfortable in any way.”
Kyungsoo sneaks a peek at Kris who catches his eyes. Clearing his throat, Kyungsoo says, “It’s fine. Can you please identify yourself now?”
Kris watches the myriad of expressions play out on Kyungsoo’s face when he’s on the phone, from annoyance to surprise to shock. When Kyungsoo holds out the receiver to him with that dumbfounded expression, he has to ask before picking it up, “Why? Who called?”
“Chrome Hearts,” Kyungsoo says in a daze. That’s a first, if anything.
“They want to collab.”
Kris and Kyungsoo meet Chrome Hearts Marketing Director for East Asia, when he comes to visit their office for a discussion on the upcoming collaboration with Huifei Holdings. The guy is swirling around in the chair he’s sitting on when the door to the meeting room opens behind him.
“Hi, I’m Kris Wu, Managing Director of Huifei Holdings. It’s great to hear from you,” Kris greets him with a handshake, his large gummy smile almost making Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
“I’m Zhang Yixing. Thanks for the free advertising, sajang-nim, it’s really helped boost our sales this season,” the Marketing Director says, half-serious. He pulls out a small jewellery box from his pocket that has the Chrome Hearts signature fleur cross mark. “We created this especially for you, a small token of our appreciation.”
Kyungsoo has got to give it to Kris for not opening the box on the spot. It’s cute as hell, this hulk of a man looking like a kid who has just had cookies rain on him. Kyungsoo doesn’t know if Kris is trying to act cool by not letting on the fact that he’s a huge fan, but it’s apparent from the dozen Chrome Hearts accessories that hang on him like he’s a Christmas tree anyway. He laughs out loud at the image of a blinking star on Kris’ head and immediately tries to disguise it as a cough.
Kris furrows his impressive brows at Kyungsoo but the Chrome Hearts representative just turns to look at him. The reserved smile on the young man’s face widens into a full smile when he regards Kyungsoo, deep dimples etching themselves on the sides of his mouth. It’s stereotyping but Kyungsoo expected someone with tattoos running up his arms and ears full of piercings. On the contrary, Zhang Yixing appears fresh and clean shaven in his beige cardigan and V-neck white tee. “You must be Do Kyungsoo-sshi. We spoke on the phone,” he says warmly and envelops both of Kyungsoo’s hands inside his own, looking him straight in the eyes. “Please call me Yixing. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” Yixing nods his head repeatedly as he says this, so he appears especially sincere.
Taken aback by Yixing’s enthusiasm, Kyungsoo replies dumbly, “Um, just call me Kyungsoo then, Yixing… hyung?” There’s uncertainty in his voice because Kyungsoo has never gone on first name basis so fast with anyone ever since he started working, and Yixing looks like he might just be older than him.
“Not ‘Daddy’?” jests Yixing and this time, Kyungsoo really chokes on his mortification.
Blinking his astonishment, Kris turns quickly to the pair. That’s a bit too fast to go informal on each other, isn’t it?
Kyungsoo doesn’t catch his eyes though; he’s too busy staring at Yixing’s hands still clasped over his, wondering if it’s rude to break out of his loose grip.
Kris makes a prissy little cough then, resolving his temporary crisis. “Shall we take a seat?” Beaming at Kyungsoo, Yixing removes his hands.
Kris and Yixing are deep in discussion when the Marketing Director suddenly taps the table. A faint frown makes its way onto Kris’ face at the disruption, especially when he finds out Yixing did that just to attract Kyungsoo’s attention.
Caught unaware, Kyungsoo jerks his head up and meets Yixing’s dimpled smile. When he sees that he has Kyungsoo’s attention, Yixing’s grin stretches to reveal his upper row of teeth. Kyungsoo, however, is not as quick to warm up to people and just smiles politely in response. “Why are you so quiet, Kyungsoo?” Yixing asks.
Chancing a glance at Kris who just nods at him, Kyungsoo replies, “I don’t know anything about design. I don’t even wear accessories.” As proof of that, he waves his clean wrists and fingers.
Yixing notices the discrete exchange between Kris and Kyungsoo and smiles. “I heard you’re the one in charge for this campaign.”
“He is,” Kris interjects. “Kyungsoo is fully in charge of the concept and marketing for this season’s campaign. He’s the main reason for our success.” Kyungsoo stares pointedly at Kris who ignores him for once. There have been many times when Kris had to step in to help Kyungsoo with the project but now he’s pushing all the credit to Kyungsoo.
“I really like your idea,” Yixing compliments. There’s an air around Yixing that makes him seem so humble and earnest even though he’s a highly successful professional. So his words make Kyungsoo flustered, blushing lightly before uttering a rushed ‘thank you’.
At the side, Kris widens his eyes slightly at Kyungsoo’s reaction. He didn’t expect him to lose his cool so easily. His gaze next latches onto Yixing, re-evaluating him, excitement at meeting the management of his favourite brand cooling rather fast.
“Please tell me more about the storyline, so I can bring it back to the design team. They’d then come up with a design that adheres to the concept.” Yixing speaks as if he’s talking solely to Kyungsoo. He seems to notice this himself because when he next opens his mouth, he shifts slightly to Kris’ direction and takes on an official tone. “I’ve watched all the videos released so far, and Chrome Hearts is excited to see our image take an unexpected turn. We can be more than just biker chic and street. Our accessories are just as suited for shirts, sweaters and even formal wear. But to stick to the theme, I need to know how the plot progresses,” he spies Kyungsoo’s confusion and ends with a question instead, “if there’s one?”
Unconsciously, Kyungsoo looks to Kris for help again. Smiling to himself, Yixing shifts his focus to Kris too. But instead of speaking up for Kyungsoo, Kris leans forward and assures him, “Don’t worry, just say whatever you want.” When Kyungsoo nods at him, Kris regards Yixing, “Kyungsoo is my personal assistant. He rarely takes part in business discussions so please give him some time.”
Ah, Yixing thinks, but bosses usually don’t call their personal assistants by first name. In fact, this boss acts as if he were the assistant to his PA.
Kyungsoo scowls in thought and Yixing is about to encourage him, but Kris silences him with a gesture. Wait. Exhaling easily, Yixing settles back in his chair.
But sure enough, Kyungsoo breaks the silence after a while. “I don’t know how to explain the plot to you because there’s none at all. It’s just something very simple that happens to my friends and…” he trails off before admitting begrudgingly, “me.” The pink on his cheek deepens. Feeling self-conscious, Kyungsoo deliberately avoids eye contact with Kris. “We have crushes, we date, we fall in love. I think a major part of the success is due to the fact that people can relate to the leads. There’s nothing special, really.” At the end of his explanation, Kyungsoo purses his lips because he doesn’t think Yixing would be able to gather any inspiration from it at all.
Yixing doesn’t appear confused though; he seems enlightened instead. “I know what to do now. Thank you, Kyungsoo.” He doesn’t miss the snap of Kris’ brows when he uses Kyungsoo’s first name. This is interesting.
“Oh,” Kyungsoo fumbles with his sentences, unsure he has done much at all. “If there’s anything you still need help with, please call me, Yixing hyung.”
‘Yixing hyung’ feels just a bit threatened by the intensified glower on sajang-nim’s face when Kyungsoo mutters the endearment, but he promises to call anyway.
It’s been a long time since Kyungsoo was present at a shoot, since there have been many unexpected concerns popping up that need his attention due to the explosive reception. But he decides to supervise this one just to ensure things are running smoothly. The crew largely ignores him except when he’s issuing instructions, which sits just well with Kyungsoo. But Park Jungmin stares at him for so long that Kyungsoo feels obliged to wave at him. When he lifts his hand though, Jungmin turns his back and Kyungsoo awkwardly uses that hand to scratch an un-itchy spot at the back of his head instead. He grimaces. So much for trying to be friendly, he’d just stick to his cold-hearted ajusshi ambition from now on.
Waving his hands vigorously, Lu Han bounces up to him from half a street away and Kyungsoo is forcefully reminded of a miniature Park Chanyeol. He wishes fans were here to witness their namshin’s (some say yeoshin) flawless self. They are on a street unknown to Kyungsoo but he suspects this place will become popular soon enough. All the locations they have previously filmed at have suddenly become the hottest dating sites. It’s now popular for a couple to snap and post a picture of their intertwined hands online as testament that they have strolled through the quaint winding alleys of Seogyodong street. The crowd at Hope Market is now impossible to navigate on a Sunday. Much to the chagrin of the students at Seoul University, their library is suddenly invaded by girls who find it fun to sit back to back to each other, as opposed to sitting side by side. The eatery that never wanted to be found has also been found. Thankfully, Kyungsoo finds out that they have plans to open another branch in a more accessible location, and no one knows that they serve better jjigae than kalguksu. Of course, the latest collection at Chrome Hearts sells out faster than it has ever before, and the range of their clientele has expanded to the working male crowd. It is now trendy to pair an expensive tailor made suit with cross on hoop earrings. A local magazine gives a detailed guide on all the accessories worn by Kris in each commercial.
True to Kyungsoo’s words, nothing really stands out in the progression of the story. The working of Kris and Lu Han’s relationship is just like any other couple on the street; it’s simply presented in a way that appeals to the masses. An anti points out the essence in her comment: this is crap. i don’t see what’s so special about huifei. i do the same things with my boyfriend too.
But for precisely the same reason, the story seizes the attention of the entire nation. It is not just Kris’ and Lu Han’s story, it’s everyone’s story. A netizen dubs it the National Love Story and media picks it up to much celebration, leaving Kyungsoo completely exasperated. In the latest instalment, Kris makes up with Lu Han after a fight, and the gigantic poster that’s up on their store in Myeongdong has been replaced. It’s still a close-up of Lu Han’s face, but now he’s held by someone, though only the back of the blond’s head can be seen. Lu Han rests his chin on the blond’s shoulder, his eyes red around the rims and glassy with unshed tears. But the arch on his lips is as genuine as his tears, and it makes Lu Han appear as strong as he is weak. Under the poster is a line that goes, let tears water your smiles.
It’s a lie, Kyungsoo thinks, as he watches Lu Han grumble about his bad lunch with a variety of expressions he didn’t think was humanly possible. “Why are you wearing so little?” he asks when a breeze sweeps by and Lu Han breaks off mid-sentence because his teeth are chattering so badly. Lu Han is only wearing a long grey shawl cardigan over a blue shirt with big checks, which is what the ad calls for but usually he’d pull a padded jacket over his shoulders while he waits for filming to start.
“I left my jacket in the van,” replies Lu Han, pouting when Kyungsoo tuts. The van has gone back to the studio to pick up the rest of the shooting equipment required later and will not be back until at least a good hour later.
“Take this,” Kyungsoo shakes his head and shrugs off his trusty fur collar cotton-padded coat, pushing it into Lu Han’s arms.
The coat feels warm and cosy with Kyungsoo’s heat but Lu Han holds it out, “No, you’d catch a cold.”
“Then you’d better not forget your coat again,” Kyungsoo’s voice turns frigid, refusing to take the coat back “because I can afford to be sick but you can’t. Do you want the meet and greet to be cancelled tomorrow?”
“Yes, Kyungsoo-hyung.” Like a good boy, Lu Han sticks out his lower lip and obediently puts Kyungsoo’s coat on. More because he doesn’t want to cross Kyungsoo rather than fear that the fanmeeting will be cancelled; he’s too good looking to die this young.
Kyungsoo spends the next hour getting ready for the shoot - getting things set up, clearing the gathering crowd, discussing the concept with the photographer. He’s so busy he doesn’t realise his fingers have gotten so cold, he can’t even feel much of them anymore. The chill seeps into his bones only when he has finished his pre-shoot responsibilities and stands at the side, waiting for filming to commence.
Lu Han is bowing to fans from behind the barricade when Kris appears next to him. “Are we starting already?” He has just arrived at the scene, straight from the office after a meeting. “It’s freezing,” Kris says and sees his words turn smoke-like.
Before Lu Han could reply, screams suddenly fill the quiet street and the clicks of DSLRs can be heard all around. From a nearby block of flats, Lu Han sees heads popping out to investigate. “Please, stay away from me. Are you trying to start a stampede?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kris retaliates and is about to say more when he takes in the familiar sight of the black cotton-padded coat on Lu Han. “Why are you wearing his coat?”
Lu Han doesn’t need to ask whom Kris is referring to. “I forgot mine in the van,” he replies, looking vexed at himself.
“What about Kyungsoo?”
“He’s- hey, where are you going, we’re starting any second!”
“Is it my turn yet?”
It’s Kris. Kyungsoo stops blowing hot air into his cupped hands and swipes the back of his hand across his wet nose. “Just a while more, the photographer is looking for his lenses.” He wishes he could stop sniffing; the last thing he wants is Kris’ attention. But Kris lingers at his side, fixing him with a stare that Kyungsoo is unable to shake off. “You’re cold,” he says pointedly.
Kyungsoo claims he’s not but once he stops clenching his jaw, his teeth begin to chatter.
“Where’s your coat?” Kris asks casually.
“I’ve forgotten it,” Kyungsoo lies conveniently to get Kris off his back and instinctively senses the subtle shift in the atmosphere at once. The next second, he feels something warm wrap around his shoulders. It’s Kris’ double breasted trench coat. The air seems even cooler now as Kris’ mood abruptly changes but Kyungsoo is just as stubborn. He thins his lips and pushes the coat off. “You need this for the shoot.”
He should have heeded his instincts and not provoked his boss further, because Kris grips the lapels of his coat and pulls it back around Kyungsoo again, so tight that a gasp escapes from his lips. “Don’t let me find you lying to me again.” His words are as gentle as ever, sounding like the usual sajang-nim, despite the death grip he has on Kyungsoo’s biceps.
When Kyungsoo gets over the shock, he tries to struggle but he’s no match for Kris who just takes his arms and forcefully sticks it into the armholes of the coat, pulling it over Kyungsoo’s shoulders and holding the collar together, trapping Kyungsoo in it. Then he says slowly while peering into Kyungsoo’s eyes which are round with alarm, “Listen. I don’t want the same thing to happen again. If you can’t even take care of yourself, then I’d best take you off this project, too.”
Kyungsoo exhales harshly when Kris finally releases him and stalks off without a backward glance. The threat is still ringing loud in his ears. Kyungsoo swallows, heart beating so fast he can’t hear the crew’s loud whispering around him, unable to believe what has happened. He looks down at the coat that’s much too big for him. The sajang-nim who has always been an absolute gentleman just lost it.
What exactly is his problem?
The official statement claims that Kris and Lu Han want to ‘repay the fans’. But they all know that the purpose of the meet & greet session is just to spur sales at the peak of their popularity so that they could close in on their targets with a leap. That’s why tickets are won through scratch and win method only, and the fans get a chance to scratch with any purchase they make. The greatest sales record is achieved the day before the meet and greet session, when the revenue at the end of the day is equivalent to what they usually make in a week.
Kyungsoo is ready to forgive Kris after a night of self-hypnosis (“Baby the boss, Kyungsoo, baby the boss.”), but to his chagrin, Kris doesn’t seem prepared to do the same. In fact, Kris ignores him throughout the entire journey to the fanmeeting although he’s all smiles to everyone else. Kyungsoo secretly prays for Kris to fall off the stage later.
It is a private event which is why tickets are so exclusive but that doesn’t stop the fans from camping out at all the exits of the venue hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kris and Lu Han, even if they aren’t able to enter. In consideration of safety, Kyungsoo has vetoed the idea of holding an autograph session in a mall. He doesn’t think barricades are able to contain the fangirls, and cancelling the event at the very last minute is not an option in Kyungsoo’s book since it’s highly unlikely to rearrange another session. Kris and Lu Han’s popularity might not last that long.
There’s not a single second when Myeongdong in the day isn’t fired up with activity, but still, Kyungsoo has never seen it so infested with people before. He can’t even make out the road they’re walking on. Every crook and cranny is filled with people who hardly seem to be able to walk at all; the crowd appears to be just jostling back and forth as a single entity. Heads are bobbing everywhere. Here and there, a confused face can be spotted, poor random shoppers who don’t know what they have gotten themselves into.
When their mini-van stops at the gate of the hall and Lu Han hops out, loud screaming pierces through the air and Kyungsoo jumps in his seat because they are so near. He looks out the window but just meets a series of light flashes that make him see stars. There’s disturbance near him and when he turns around, he sees that Kris has also gotten off and is surrounded by bodyguards who have formed a circle around him to keep the fangirls away. He seems to be saying something to him.
“What?” shouts Kyungsoo, “I can’t hear you!” The screaming and shoving get increasingly frantic as Kris loiters at the door of the van.
The disgruntlement is still evident on his stupid handsome face but, “Come on!” Kris urges. He grabs Kyungsoo’s arm and pulls him into the safety of the ring of guards. Kyungsoo has already decided he would rather get stomped to death than be protected by Kris, but then he sees the sea of fangirls and cowers in fear. Together with Kris, he gets escorted into the hall.
The smile that lingers on Kyungsoo’s face is wistful when Kris and Lu Han step onstage. No matter how reluctant he was back then, he has been right all this while. The two of them look good next to each other, and he has the whole nation behind his back on this. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t the one standing next to Kris anymore; he feels more comfortable watching them behind the curtains, where he belongs. It feels safer here, albeit lonelier.
It isn’t the first time that Kyungsoo is witnessing the mania he has single-handedly created; the screams are usual fanfare, so he’s not fazed by the shouts that echo off the roof of the vast hall, multiplying in volume at every bit of interaction between Kris and Lu Han. But when Kris holds a finger to his lips, requesting for silence so he can speak, when the hall that is swamped with people suddenly mutes itself out and turns so quiet Kyungsoo could hear his own breathing, he finally recognizes the monster he has created.
Even Kris, as rich and powerful as he has been his entire life, seems dumbfounded at the new weapon he wields. “Hello, I am Kris.” His uncertainty is amplified by the sound system and it sails around the hall. But Kyungsoo sees faces tilt up to beam at him, each of them a sign of delight and joy. Kris can be found in every single pair of eyes here and every one of them reminds Kyungsoo of himself. Kris is extraordinary, he is a superstar, he belongs to everyone. The truth makes Kyungsoo unbearably sad and helpless.
The sun shines on all sunflowers, but the sunflowers know only one sun.
Kyungsoo hates indoor photoshoots, because going to the Cheongdam-dong studio just reminds him of all the unhappiness that once happened. There’s also nowhere to hide from all the hostility in that enclosed space, but Kyungsoo consoles himself with the fact that all of this is coming to an end soon. The last two months have been both a nightmare and a dream. Regardless, he’d have to wake up one day.
At least it’s just Lu Han today. The social butterfly flutters from flower to flower before he lands on Kyungsoo. “Second last photoshoot!” he beams, the pink of his shirt accentuates the fairness of his complexion. The lighting kit stands behind him, so a warm yellow glow settles around Lu Han, making long eyelashes draw inky shadows on the lower lids. Even like this, just like this, Lu Han is beautiful. Sometimes Kyungsoo forgets, because Lu Han is as endearing and approachable as anyone else. But when he recalls, at moments like this, it sends him reeling. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’d ever get used to Lu Han.
Nodding at him, Kyungsoo says, “You’ll be free after the last shoot with the Chrome Hearts collab, then it’s back to being a boring Brand Director.”
Lu Han sobers up at this though. “You know, Kyungsoo, I’ve given some thought to this. Maybe you are right, I’m not suitable for the post of Brand Director.”
Stunned, Kyungsoo nearly drops the roll of papers in his hands. Although what Lu Han has said is true, he has never revealed his thoughts to him before.
Lu Han rolls his eyes at Kyungsoo’s reaction. “Contrary to what you think, I’m not stupid,” he drawls, but his words are not malicious, just blunt. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person in the world either, Do Kyungsoo-sshi.”
A pang of guilt stabs Kyungsoo’s heart. Catching the look on his face, Lu Han holds up his hand. “If you apologise right now, I think I’d lose my appetite forever, so please don’t.” He watches the contrite expression on Kyungsoo’s face fade into amusement and then, horror, as his gaze shifts to something behind Lu Han.
“What-” Lu Han cuts himself off when he turns around to see the lighting kit falling right in his direction.
The call is transferred to Kris’ direct line when he’s stuck in his office cell, trying to figure out where the company is going to land for the year’s revenue. “There was an accident involving Lu eesa at the studio,” the person rushes to say before he registers his folly. “Sorry, sajang-nim, this is Park Jungmin from-”
But Kris doesn’t wait, he’s already grabbing his jacket and is on the way out of the door. “How is he?”
“Lu eesa is unhurt, please don’t worry.” Jungmin continues, sounding so agitated he can’t even speak right.
Kris pauses at the lift lobby. “Are you sure?” He doesn’t really have the time to get out of his office desk. There’s too much work to do now that it’s nearing the end of the year and the Board Meeting is barely two weeks away.
“Yes, not a scratch on Lu eesa,” Jungmin says firmly. “We are currently still in the middle of shooting. He is absolutely well.”
“Fine.” Kris hangs up then, not inclined to speak more to Park Jungmin. Since the previous incident, he has held little regards for this person. Returning to his office, Kris submerges himself back into work, not surfacing until it’s well after midnight. Too tired to drive, he has made arrangements with the chauffeur to pick him up. Slumped in the backseat, he pulls out his mobile and calls Lu Han, knowing he doesn’t sleep so early.
“You ok?” he says when the call is picked up, tiredly massaging the spot between his eyes at the same time.
“I’m fine, I guess you went to Kyungsoo already. Is he ok now?”
Kris sits up straight, all fatigue vanished in a split second at the mention of Kyungsoo’s name. A funny tingly feeling shoots up his spine and lingers at the back of his head. “Why wouldn’t he be?” But before Lu Han could answer, Kris calls out to the chauffeur, “Cheongdam-dong, now!”
Using an empty crate as a seat, Kyungsoo is in the storeroom of the studio putting away the props used for this afternoon’s shooting when he accidentally knocks his left arm against the edge of a box. Hissing, he flips his arm over to survey the deep gash on the underside. The superficial wound is still raw and bloody. Truthfully, it seems a much worse cut than it feels. His skin was torn by glass from the broken bulb, revealing the flesh beneath, but what was really horrifying was how the blood couldn’t seem to stem back then. While he didn’t lose much blood, Kyungsoo had to press on his arm for some time before the flow finally stopped.
Thankfully, it wasn’t Lu Han who got hurt. Campaign aside, Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to live it down should Lu Han sustain anymore injuries because of him. If only Lu Han appreciated his good intentions more. “Why did you push me away!” he barked, making to reach for Kyungsoo’s arm only to pause because he was afraid he’d end up hurting him more. Someone passed a towel to him and he quickly placed it gingerly on Kyungsoo’s wound, though afraid to press down.
Kyungsoo took over from Lu Han and gradually exerted strength, until his hold over the wound became firm. He was careful to control his facial expression, masking the pain lest Lu Han fretted. “Look, I’m no hero. If I had known it was going to come my way instead…” Kyungsoo widened his eyes and trailed off suggestively. But he shut up when he spotted the harsh look on Lu Han’s face; it was so foreign to him.
“I don’t want you to joke about this anymore!” Lu Han yelled, an angry scowl twisting his delicate features, and the studio that was in chaos because of the accident fell quiet immediately. They’d never seen Lu Han so furious before.
Kyungsoo placed his good hand on Lu Han’s shoulder. “I am alright,” he pacified Lu Han until the knot between his brows smoothed itself out. Why were they so alike, Kyungsoo thought of Kris and Lu Han, both usually as soft as water only to end up being harder than ice. On the other hand, Kyungsoo seemed as tough as nails but when pressed the right way, he yielded like pure metal.
“Go to the hospital,” Lu Han gave in. “I’ll call Kris.”
“No,” Kyungsoo lifted the towel up to check his wound, gritting his teeth when the cloth got stuck a little on the blood drying around the wound. But once the pressure eased, blood began flowing again. Lu Han leaned over and frowned when he saw the same. “Fine, don’t tell Kris,” Lu Han compromised, unaware that Park Jungmin had already called Kris but withheld information about Kyungsoo’s injury, misunderstanding that the PA wasn’t important enough. “But you have to go to the hospital.”
Kyungsoo refused to let work be held up because of him though. He compromised by saying he’d go only if the bleeding didn’t stop after ten minutes. But the ten minutes lengthened to half an hour and then an hour. By that time, Kyungsoo insisted he was fine and refused to go at all, saying he would have to do overtime if he did and would rather finish up work before tending to his injury. Eventually, Lu Han let it go but when he left, he made Kyungsoo promise that he’d rest earlier tonight, but time always flew when Kyungsoo was immersed in work and somehow, it’s already midnight.
It turns out that the umbrella kit is the same one that caused Lu Han’s injury previously. The stand has been faulty all this while but is discernible only when the weight rests on a certain leg. The previous ‘accident’ involving Lu Han was truly just an accident. Kyungsoo grins when recalls how the crew members took turns to apologise to him during the day, and those who didn’t were especially good to him. It was awkward for him since he just wasn’t good at this kind of things. Furthermore, Kyungsoo didn’t need his name cleared. It’s coming to an end; they are going to move on anyway. Still, he guesses it’s kind of nice.
He is smiling to himself when he hears footsteps behind him. Startled, his head turns so fast it cricks. It’s Kris, his large form filling out the small storeroom when he steps in. Kyungsoo feels his breathing speed up instantly at the sight of Kris’ expressionless face. Kris is angry, Kyungsoo knows it the instant he appears. His wrath is quiet. He isn’t the only angry one, however. Kyungsoo remembers their last argument and averts his glance. He doesn’t need this now, but it’s getting harder and harder to breathe as Kris nears. No one says anything but from Kris’ formidable aura, the telling thing is that Kyungsoo is in trouble. The silence further thickens the tension in the air, and every footstep quickens the beat of Kyungsoo’s heart. That familiar feeling of being suffocated slinks back and he drops his things, ready to flee when Kris grips his hand.
Kyungsoo grunts in pain and Kris lets go immediately. But somehow, Kyungsoo’s pain just adds to his fury. Without a word, he reaches out for Kyungsoo’s hand again, his hold firm but gentle while he checks out the wound, squatting down beside where Kyungsoo sits so he could have a better look. Kyungsoo wants to struggle, he wants to pull out of Kris’ grip, but all his efforts subside when he feels Kris shaking. Kyungsoo is always helpless when Kris is like this.
“I’m ok,” he quietly assures Kris.
But Kris puts down Kyungsoo’s hand only when he’s satisfied that it’s really just a superficial wound. Then he exhales deeply, as if trying to calm himself down. He gets up but only to walk restlessly along the length of the storeroom with long strides, hands perched on his hips, muscles of his jaw protruding as he locks it tight. Wordlessly, Kyungsoo’s large eyes flick back and forth as he watches Kris pace the floor, uncertain as to what he should say in their current situation.
After what seems like a long time, Kris walks back and picks up the bottle of antiseptic that Lu Han has left for Kyungsoo. Despite his obvious need for control, Kris bends down and very carefully, as if he’s handling something precious, he tends to Kyungsoo’s wound with a Q-tip. Kyungsoo is unable to refuse such a gentle Kris, but even then, he could still feel him tremble.
“Why are you shaking?” he murmurs, thinking that if Kris couldn’t hear then he doesn’t need the answer as well.
But Kris replies real quick in an unsteady voice, “Because I’m angry. Because I’m really, really angry.”
Kyungsoo is of the opinion that Kris has no right to be angry with him; he is an adult and he can jolly well take care of himself. It is none of Kris’ business whether he’s unwell or not. “I’m fine, you don’t have to do this. The wound has already been treated,” he says dismissively and tries to withdraw his arm from Kris’ loose grasp.
But Kris tightens his hold on Kyungsoo. “Please,” he grits his teeth, “just shut up and let me do this.”
Kris’ brusqueness reminds Kyungsoo of his own anger. “I didn’t ask you to come back to look for me,” he retorts, heart beginning to race again because he’s so mad. But he pays for his curtness, gasping in shock when Kris snatches up the bottle of antiseptic and throws it against the wall. Glass shatters as the bottle smashes upon concrete; the orange liquid colours the wall and drips to form a puddle on the floor.
“I didn’t want to find you here. Do you know how late it is?” Kris breathes hard, chest heaving as he sucks in air. “Who asked you to take the blow for him?” His nails digs into the centers of his palms as hands tighten into fists.
“I’m the one in charge and I should make sure everyone is safe.” Dumbfounded by Kris’ action, Kyungsoo says the first thing on his mind.
The innocent look on Kyungsoo’s face fans Kris’ ire. “This is how you take responsibility? By getting yourself hurt?” he asks incredulously.
“Lu eesa is one of the main characters and we cannot afford having him hurt,” Kyungsoo bristles.
“WHAT ABOUT YOU! AND IT’S ALRIGHT FOR YOU TO GET HURT?!” Kris thunders, shouting at the top of his voice. He slams a fist down on the crate Kyungsoo is sitting on and stares him down.
Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat and shrinks back unconsciously. He was wrong, Kris hasn’t lost control previously, he’s only losing it now. “I’m not important. You are the one who said I should bear responsibi-”
“I did not ask you to get hurt! I did not permit this!” Kris yells; he’s being outright unreasonable now. “I warned you before. Don’t you ever, ever, let me hear you talk about yourself like this again.”
That does it. Kyungsoo puts a hand on Kris’ shoulder and pushes so hard Kris almost stumbles over. When Kris rights himself, Kyungsoo is already standing up and he could almost feel the thorns on his back sticking straight up. “I don’t know what you want anymore,” Kyungsoo says, so mad his voice is shaking. Kris is angry with him when Lu Han gets hurt. Kris is angry even when he protects Lu Han from getting hurt. “So tell me, what should I have done? Should I have just watched the lighting kit fall on him?” He’s just getting all riled up for a good fight but unexpectedly, at his words, Kyungsoo sees the fight seep out of Kris.
The harsh lines on Kris’ face mellow into an incredibly gentle look. His wrath, so fearsome just seconds ago, is nowhere to be found. “Then who takes care of you?” Kris asks softly. It comes out sounding more like a plea than a question. His thumb strokes Kyungsoo’s arm, so close to his wound. “Who takes care of you?”
It’s as if Kris knows Kyungsoo’s greatest weakness. But he doesn’t want to succumb. He’s not done yet. He’d rather bleed. Ignoring the stabbing pain, Kyungsoo snatches his wounded hand back and hides it behind his back, choosing to show all his thorns instead. “I’d take care of myself,” he says fiercely.
But Kyungsoo doesn’t know Kris’ greatest weakness. There’s a flurry of movement and in the next second, he’s already caught in a warm embrace, strong arms winding around him, holding him up against Kris’ chest.
“This is all your fault. Why do you make people worry for you so much?” The words are whispered against the top of Kyungsoo’s head. But Kyungsoo could hardly hear them; the furious drumming of his heart is too loud in his ears. Or maybe that’s Kris’ heartbeat, he can’t tell them apart. They are too close.
“I’m strong enough, I can look after myself,” Kyungsoo says stubbornly against Kris’ shirt. “I don’t need people to worry about me.” He should really push Kris away. But it’s too difficult, it feels so good to be cared for. He’d pay for it later, just give him one more second of this, one second. Let him sink. I really like you, he wants to say to Kris, Did you know? I really, really like you.
“But I do,” Kris mumbles, hand stroking Kyungsoo’s back, comforting him. “I still do.”
Kyungsoo feels himself comes apart in Kris’ arms. He has been strong for so long. “My hand hurts.” His complaint is hushed.
Kris immediately releases Kyungsoo, afraid that he’s causing the pain but Kyungsoo clings onto him, hands clutching the material of his shirt. Astonished, Kris looks down at Kyungsoo, face buried in the cotton of his shirt. Kyungsoo has never done aegyo before but now he’s as needy as a kitten. Kris realizes then, that all Kyungsoo wants to do is to rest for a while.
His arms wrap themselves around Kyungsoo again. “And?”
“I’m tired.” Kyungsoo’s voice is muffled. Kris strokes his hair and feels him shiver. “And?”
Kyungsoo shakes his head, afraid to speak because there are suddenly tears in his eyes. He’s exhausted, but he’s also happy. He’s so, so happy.
It’s alright then, even if Kris doesn’t like him back. No one can take this moment away from him.
“Hello.”
Kyungsoo is in the cafeteria of the office building, shovelling rice from one side of his plate to the other while deep in thought, when he hears someone greets him. Thinking that the person just wants to share the table, he shifts his tray closer to him and continues playing with his food.
“Exactly what did that tofu do to you?”
Startled, Kyungsoo stops stabbing the piece of fried tofu with the fork and lifts his head to see Yixing beam at him, dimples out in full force. “What are you doing here?” he blurts out, then adds as if to make up for the abruptness of his question, “Yixing hyung.”
“May I?” Kyungsoo nods hurriedly and Yixing takes a seat opposite him. “Where’s sajang-nim? I’m supposed to be meeting him to discuss the collaboration, I have the finished product with me.” He pats his backpack which presumably holds his work and winks at Kyungsoo.
Forcing a smile in return, Kyungsoo admits, “I haven’t seen sajang-nim all morning.” He wishes he could be more enthusiastic about the last ad that would round up the entire campaign. He’d probably be able to muster some later but the mention of Kris dampens his mood. Just this early morning, back in the studio, he was so sure he was going to be ok. But a few hours later, every single bit of goodness he received from Kris came crashing down on him. It’s really hard for Kyungsoo to give Kris up when he’s so good to him. Even if Kris is just caring for him like any of his subordinates, every bit is precious to Kyungsoo and every bit breaks his heart. He has been able to keep his distance previously, but now, even if Kyungsoo can’t be with Kris, it would alright as long as he can stay beside him.
“I thought you were his assistant,” remarks Yixing, not knowing he’s being unkind right now.
Kyungsoo looks down; he can’t even smile to divert the attention. Kris didn’t come into the office this morning, skipping a meeting without notice. That’s a first for his boss. Kyungsoo fears the reason is him; he just keeps crossing that damn line he himself drew.
“For you.” A slim box is pushed across the table until it’s right in front of Kyungsoo. It’s black with the familiar fleur cross mark on it. Kyungsoo gazes at Yixing quizzically until he ducks his head and actually blushes a little, looking shy and cute. His reaction surprises Kyungsoo. Afraid that he would be seen as being unappreciative, he picks up the box and shakes it a little. “What is it?” he manages to summon some cheer in his voice, and upon seeing the anticipation in Yixing’s eyes, he opens the box. It’s a pen, sleek with a plain black body, gold end and tip. A double cross with a floral center is embossed on its golden end cap.
“You said you don't wear accessories,” Yixing says, his cheeks still pink, “so I thought you’d like this better.”
Kyungsoo removes the pen from the box and sticks it into the pocket of his shirt. “Thank you,” he grins, lips forming a heart shape, “I like it.” In truth, Kyungsoo doesn’t care much about pens, but the thought of being remembered is always more important than the gift itself.
Yixing takes in Kyungsoo’s grin like it’s the best return gift. “This isn’t sold anywhere,” he states explicitly with a gentle smile. “It’s made especially for you.”
Kyungsoo’s smile slides off slowly. He’s not stupid; the meaning behind Yixing’s words is plain, he’s just not sure how to react. “Oh, well, I-”
“Why, does Zhang Yixing-sshi think my staff is short on stationery supply? I’m pretty sure Kyungsoo will find more pens than he’d ever need in the cabinet.”
A shadow looms on the table they sit at. Kyungsoo swallows when his eyes flit up to meet Kris’ cold stare. He stands at their table, towering over them while they remain seated. But Yixing is seemingly oblivious; he gets up to greet Kris and Kyungsoo hurries to stand too. “I just thought it would suit Kyungsoo, since I didn’t get him a gift in our first meeting,” Yixing says good-naturedly. “I’ve been looking for you, sajang-nim.”
“Oh,” Kris replies, voice still calm and low despite the mock surprise in it. “I thought you were looking for Kyungsoo.” He might be talking to Yixing but his eyes are fixed on Kyungsoo.
Unable to meet Kris’ glare, Kyungsoo keeps his gaze downcast. He doesn’t know why he feels like he’s been caught doing something wrong, but Kris’ angry face from yesterday flashes in his mind and he wonders if Kris is still mad at him.
“You are right, I was also hoping to meet Kyungsoo.”
At this, Kris stills before he finally turns to Yixing, acknowledging his presence. Kyungsoo looks up quickly too, taken aback by Yixing’s reply. His dimpled smile is still easy, despite the taunt he’s just issued. The room temperature seems to plummet within a second when Kyungsoo catches the expression on Kris’ face. It is the same as the one he wore last night.
“Yixing hyung just wanted to pass me the gift,” Kyungsoo explains hastily, only to wish he had kept his trap shut when Kris nails him with that frigid stare.
“Yes, but I was going to ask if you would like to join me for dinner tonight as well.” Kyungsoo gapes at Yixing who sounds much too joyous for their current predicament. It’s alright if he wants to play with fire but Kyungsoo wishes that he wouldn’t drag him all the way to hell too.
“Kyungsoo is busy tonight,” Kris answers coolly for him.
Yixing lifts his brows. “Are you, Kyungsoo?” His smile is still pleasing but Kyungsoo wishes Yixing would stop grinning like that.
“I-,” Kyungsoo begins but his sentence gets interrupted by Kris.
“I need the final copy of the annual report on my desk tomorrow morning.”
Kyungsoo blinks. The annual report is far from being completed, Kris knows that. The deadline they have agreed on is still a week away. “I lack the sections on sales insight and sustainability,” he says, unsure why Kris is suddenly in a hurry to have the report.
But Kris looks disinterested. “I need them,” he repeats, not bothering to explain why and frankly, he doesn’t need to.
Yixing’s smile finally dims. “I take back my words and I’ll apologise if necessary, please leave Kyungsoo out of this.” The last thing he wants is to create trouble for Kyungsoo.
“This is between my assistant and I,” Kris flicks Yixing a sideway glance. “I would appreciate it if Zhang Yixing-sshi could kindly keep out of it.”
This is quite enough for Kyungsoo. The disappointment doesn’t even come. He has already known that nothing he ever does is going to please Kris. He can’t oversee the project right and he can no longer be the perfect assistant he once was. As if he has just finished lunch like every other day, Kyungsoo gathers up his tray and leaves, not pausing to spare a look at either Kris or Yixing.
Yixing turns around to watch Kyungsoo walk off. Then he turns back to Kris. “I thought you were a good boss,” he says quietly before pulling a small black velvet box out of his bag and placing it on the table. “Let’s cancel today’s meeting. I think you’ll agree to this anyway. It’s exactly the way you want it.”
He leaves after saying this, which is what Kris has been hoping for, since he doesn’t know how long he can keep up his act. Taking the seat that’s once occupied by Kyungsoo, Kris clutches the box in one hand, feeling incredibly angry at himself.
Kyungsoo checks the time on the bottom right of the screen, releasing a sigh when he finds that it’s already ten minutes past 11 p.m. Stretching his stiff limbs, Kyungsoo walks up to the window and peers down at the street below. He freezes, squinting into the dark for a while before he scoffs at himself. Because that cannot be the MD’s car parked at the entrance of the office building. He saw the MD leave the building at precisely 6 p.m. this evening, while he was stuck at his desk trying to finish the report that suddenly became so urgent. Must be someone else with the same car model and color. He’d be better off returning to work on his report than giving in to these fantasies. Kyungsoo knows Kris will not come. He had ample reasons to visit his wounded employee last night, but this time, he’s the ass who landed Kyungsoo in this plight.
The report is only half way done; he hopes he could finish it in time to go home for a shower before coming in to work again. At the very least, Kyungsoo doesn’t want Kris to think he’s so incompetent that he has to work overnight in the office to finish the report. The thought of Kris makes Kyungsoo’s stomach flip, which is just as well, since he’s feeling hungry and needs to lose the appetite he has worked up. His last meal was lunch, but lunch reminds him of today’s unpleasant episode and he’s suddenly not hungry anymore.
“That’s what you’re good for, sajang-nim,” he mutters wryly to himself as he returns to his seat and starts typing ferociously on the keyboard, “making me lose my appetite when there’s nothing to eat anyway. You’re brilliant at making me feel like a good for nothing, exceptional at taking me for granted, thinking I’m your nanny, forever at your beck and call.” Furious typing sounds echo around the office. “Why did I ever think you were a good boss and a wimp? Oh, I forgot! You’re nice to everyone except me! You’re the meanest, most horrible person,” Kyungsoo’s fierce voice gradually goes small, “but I’m still never going to be good enough to stand beside you, am I? So why do you,” he cracks, so that his words become a whisper instead of a grumble. “Why do you make me sink deeper and deeper.” Kris just needs to break Kyungsoo’s heart a bit more, leaving him to be sad for a while, and he’ll come back only to like Kris even more.
It doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would to admit out loud. He sits motionlessly at his desk, staring intently at the blinking cursor on the screen until spots pepper his vision, and he tells himself it’s the only reason why his eyes are suddenly wet. The cotton of his shirt feels rough against his eyes when he rubs the material on them. And he keeps rubbing and rubbing because they don’t seem to dry. In the end, he just presses his hands against his eyes trying to make the tears and everything stop.
Kyungsoo is exhausted. Thankfully, he’ll have his wish soon.
It’s all ending soon.
Kris slumps over the steering wheel, long legs already going numb because he has been sitting for too long in the car. He peers up at the office building, lifting his head so he could see all the way up to the sole light at the top. Then he wills for the light to go off, like what he has been doing for the past few hours. “Come on,” he urges impatiently, tapping slender fingers against the leather of the wheel, only to seize up in the next moment, flinging himself down across the car seat, letting out an ‘oomph’ when his belly hits the gear.
He waits with impending doom, certain that Kyungsoo has seen him and is going to come confronting him, demanding a good explanation for his recent terrible behaviour. But when the seconds lengthen to minutes, he cautiously picks himself up, and finds the light still on. Feeling extremely dumb, he looks over to the shotgun seat. The takeout tuna kimchi jjigae has long turned cold and the bottle of ointment he skipped work to find this morning lies quietly by its side. Someone told him it’s good for scars but he somehow lacks the courage to give it to Kyungsoo.
Kris no longer knows who’s the one getting punished as he sprawls over the steering wheel again and waits an entire night for a light to go out.
“Woah, did you sleep at all last night?” Lu Han exclaims and hovers around Kris while the make-up artist tries her best to hide his eyebags.
“Do you want a pay cut, Xi Luhan?” asks Kris calmly, patting down the front of his tweed jacket.
“Guess who I saw when I got out of the office yesterday?” Lu Han sings, not at all offended by Kris.
“Lots of teenage girls who are obsessed over you.”
Technically, that’s correct too, but Lu Han smiles like a wise old man and patronizes Kris. “If you keep staying up like a modern day Romeo, camping out in your car waiting for Juliet, you’re going to look so ugly standing next to me,” he advises sincerely. “I heard you got someone fired,” Lu Han continues, not caring about the warning in Kris’ eyes. “Does Juliet know?” For reasons known to only a few, Park Jungmin has been fired from the studio, but Lu Han doubts Kris is ever going to let Kyungsoo know anyway.
“How do you feel about being jobless?” Kris looks at him coldly, folding his arms as he sits in the chair and gets his face fussed over by several people.
Lu Han is not going to let pride stand in the path of survival. “Oh, Your Majesty, surely you jest,” he simpers but gets ignored. A stylist walks by and tuts when she sees that Lu Han has messed up the scarf she meticulously tied around his neck. “What outerwear am I wearing for the shoot?” He asks the stylist while she rearranges the scarf, pointing to Kris’ jacket for emphasis. The thick cream-coloured sweater he has on is cute but it’s hardly any defense against the snow of Nami island.
“Stay still,” she chides the child, pulling on the pink scarf. “This is all you’re wearing.”
Lu Han gasps with the unfairness of it all. “Why does he get a jacket and I don’t!”
Smiling smugly, Kris mocks, “Beauty over practicality.”
“I’m not as vain as you,” spits Lu Han.
They go all the way to Nami island for the shoot, but in the end, neither Lu Han nor Kris appears in the final ad. In mid-December, the gigantic poster that hangs on the exterior of their flagship store has been changed to that of a pair of idiot mittens. The plain white knitted gloves lie overlapping on each other on snowy ground, linked together by crimson yarn. On top of the gloves lies a pair of rings. The smaller gold ring fits snugly within the diameter of the platinum one, and when joined together, the elaborate carved pattern of fleur crosses on their rims is then completed. When worn, the rings would be seen as plain metal bands, the intricate pattern visible only to the wearers as a secret. Only the people involved know how special their story is.
No words are written beneath the poster because the significance of the red thread and rings are clear as day. Marriage is generally misunderstood to be the best ending to any romantic relationship and a cliché. But clichés are good, people like clichés. They are different representations of what’s fundamentally important to a lot of people. Yixing has adhered to Kyungsoo’s concept. Marriage is indeed, nothing out of the ordinary, but that’s only because it’s the shared desire. Marriage is the expected happy ending. Even the most glorious romantic films would end with something as mundane as a wedding.
Within the store, the posters hung swinging from the ceiling have also been changed. On one side of the poster is a pair of hands, although it’s obvious that the hands belong to two different people due to their size difference. They share that same pair of white idiot mittens, with their hands splayed, red string hanging in mid-air between them. The smaller hand has the golden ring worn on the ring finger over the glove, and the larger hand wears the platinum ring. The other side of the poster has Lu Han’s and Kris’ faces, hinting at the owners of those rings. They side-eye each other mischievously, secretive smiles on their lips, as if sharing a conspiracy.
It is subtle; they have to be. Getting banned once is enough. The complete commercial sits in Kyungsoo’s HDD and will never be seen, so no one knows it’s Lu Han who proposes to Kris (much to Lu Han’s relief). But this doesn’t hinder their success. The gloves sell out on the day they are launched, and idiot mittens are now not just for idiots but also the trendiest accessory of the season. The promotion package held together with Chrome Hearts gets fully claimed within minutes, and the brand that was founded by a motorcycle enthusiast is suddenly a popular choice for wedding rings. Unexpectedly, Kris and Lu Han’s popularity sustain long enough for them to hold another fanmeeting. This time it’s held in public in Daejeon. Expectedly, it gets cancelled on the day because of safety reasons due to the overwhelming response, successfully getting Huifei Holdings on national news again.
Huifei Holdings not only hit the year’s targets, they well exceed them by a whopping 23%, hitting a historical high in revenue. The Annual Board Meeting goes off without a hitch, the annual report is impeccable, and all the Directors have nothing to complain about Huifei Holdings and the MD’s performance for the year. Kris would have personally thanked Kyungsoo for his efforts but the truth is, he hasn’t seen Kyungsoo for a long time.
Once the campaign wraps up, Kyungsoo submits the application form for a month’s leave via email, which Kris promptly rejects, so the little PA has no choice but to drag his feet to the office.
“Why did you reject my leave application?” He stalks straight into the MD’s office to confront Kris, hating him for making him do this.
“If I didn’t reject it, would I ever get to see you?” counters Kris, leaning back in his seat, pretending to be comfortable in his superior position. Although he doesn’t think he could be as relaxed as Kyungsoo who doesn’t seem to give a damn about being rude to his boss anymore. Kyungsoo is curt, but he has always stayed within the confines of common courtesy.
“No.” There’s no blunt edge to Kyungsoo’s bluntness. It cuts through Kris’ pretences.
“Kyungsoo…” he relents, weakening his stance. But that’s because Kris knows that although he always has to be the first to back down, Kyungsoo will definitely follow right behind. Because for all that Kyungsoo thinks, he has always been the pushover when it comes to Kris and him, not the other way round.
This time, however, Kyungsoo chooses to take a step forward. “I deserve the break,” he states plainly, leaving no room for negotiation.
“Or what?” refutes Kris, clearly caught up in the misunderstanding that Kyungsoo is still on his side.
There is a long length of silence during which the expression on Kyungsoo’s face grows cold. Kris is suddenly afraid, and he hurries to continue before Kyungsoo replies to his provocation. “I need your help for the gala dinner,” he concedes. The soft approach might not work as well now but surely it’s a better bet than going harsh on Kyungsoo.
But to his surprise, Kyungsoo smiles and speaks in this real quiet voice. “You don’t need me, Kris.” And Kris slowly lifts his eyes up to look at Kyungsoo then, because this is the first time he has ever addressed him by his name. It makes Kris’ heart clench because he sounds so sincere, like he honestly believes Kris would be able to go on without him.
“You don’t need me,” Kyungsoo repeats with another broken smile, believing it to be true. Kris has never needed Kyungsoo like how Kyungsoo needs him. The MD could always hire another PA, but Kyungsoo will only ever feel this way for Kris.
“Will you approve my leave?” He asks again. His smile slides off so entirely that Kyungsoo doesn’t have enough time to pull on another mask to hide his exhaustion.
It shocks Kris to see Kyungsoo like this. He used to be so full of sarcasm and his eyes so bright. It’s as if the one thing that was in his core and giving him life has been ripped out from within, leaving behind a shell. Kris doesn’t want to know who is responsible for doing that to Kyungsoo.
At Kris’ slow nod, Kyungsoo mumbles, “Thank you.” He has gotten what he wants, but when he turns to leave, Kyungsoo feels like he has lost whatever little he once held.
Despite being the main driver for their wildly successful winter campaign, Kyungsoo has declined the invitation for a get-together tonight. Lu Han assured him again and again that Kris would not be present, but he’s simply not in the mood, choosing to stay in to do some spring cleaning instead. What he can’t escape from, however, is the company’s annual dinner tomorrow night. Personal feelings aside, it is still his job to assist Kris for the company’s gala dinner. They liaise through emails since he’s on official leave and Kyungsoo has specifically stated that he will not receive calls from Kris on his private phone. But his refusal only highlights the personal feelings still involved. Kyungsoo doesn’t let Kris know though. He does not answer any of the non-work-related questions that Kris poses in the emails.
He doesn’t really need to do the spring cleaning, honestly. It’s just one of those times when one has the most pressing things to do but hey, why focus on My Sad Life when you can always change the bed sheets.
Kyungsoo clears out his wardrobe to find his suit, tailor made a year ago for a close relative’s wedding. After he passes it to his mom for ironing, he makes to open the drawer of the bedside cabinet only to freeze when he recalls what lies in it. But a second later, he opens it anyway. Plastic Kris lies beside plastic Kyungsoo, still as colorful as they were when he first saw them on the cake. If only the real them stay the same, too. Back then, he was just the little PA protecting his oversized boss. There was no success, no fame, only a promise of help, but he was also so happy.
So silly.
Kyungsoo grabs the two plastic figurines but ignores the black garbage bag. He can’t wait to do this. Walking straight out of his apartment, he takes the lift down to the bins, and throws the figurines into one of them. Kyungsoo does this all without hesitation.
“It’s all over now,” he promises the trash bin in a loud voice.
“It’s over.”
When Kris arrives at the hotel lobby, he doesn’t see Kyungsoo immediately because the place is swamped with people and his PA is pea-sized. He panics, certain that Kyungsoo is not going to attend the dinner. But then he spots him by the fountain, brows locked together in a frown, looking so worried and small that it makes Kris feel bone-soaked with helplessness. There’s an incredibly warm feeling in his chest, threatening to melt his heart and hollow it out. It has been so long since they last saw each other and even if Kyungsoo being away has been terrible for Kris, he would be alright if it has been good for Kyungsoo. But it hasn’t been good for Kyungsoo, not at all. Fatigue etches itself onto Kyungsoo’s face and the feeling of powerlessness that overcomes Kris is intolerable. He wishes Kyungsoo would just be happier but he no longer knows what to do.
“Hey,” Kris says softly as he approaches, disregarding the screams that accompany his presence, watching the scowl on Kyungsoo’s face give way to exasperation. He drinks in the sight of his PA clad in a sleek one-button black suit and appreciates the way his hair has been slicked back to show his forehead. “You look good,” Kris lies.
You look so sad.
“You’re almost late,” Kyungsoo chides quietly.
Why are you sad?
“Here’s the agenda.” But Kris just stands there staring at Kyungsoo, who gets tired of holding out the piece of paper. So he purses his lips and folds it up into a clumsy rectangle. Then he tiptoes a little and sticks it into the pocket of Kris’ tuxedo. “Go through it, we can still make some adjustments if required.” Kyungsoo lowers his head, as if he’s reluctant to be so near Kris, refusing to meet his eyes even though Kris is gazing at him so intently. It’s making him nervous. Then he pauses, looking fixatedly at Kris’ bow tie. Acting on instinct, Kyungsoo lifts his hands up and Kris’ breathing stills. Kyungsoo is going to help him fix his crooked bow tie, just like old times. But there’s a commotion and Kyungsoo gets distracted by something behind Kris.
Kris doesn’t have to turn. He sees it in Kyungsoo’s eyes, the sudden flicker of realization, and in a split instance, Kyungsoo drops his hands, looking horrified at himself. Slowly, Kris turns his head a little to the right and the same image reflects in his eyes.
Lu Han has just arrived.
“Kyungsoo.”
Startled, the both of them look to the right and it’s Zhang Yixing, standing at the entrance of the ballroom, looking smart in a satin lapel jacket. His dimples are deep on the corners of his mouth as he smiles at Kyungsoo, hand held up in a greeting.
The scenes are changing too fast, cutting into play before Kris can react. He doesn’t have enough time to stop Kyungsoo from taking a step forward.
“I,” Kyungsoo says in a fluster but doesn’t bother completing his sentence. He quickly shows Kris his back because he just can’t hide it anymore. It’s all going out of control. Kyungsoo runs towards Yixing without hesitation, ignoring the alarm on Yixing’s face when he catches a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s. In his eagerness to leave all his awkwardness and pain behind, Kyungsoo almost trips.
But Kyungsoo also leaves Kris standing behind alone in the lobby, doesn’t even give him time to utter these words.
Don’t go.
When Yixing catches his hand, all Kyungsoo can say is a breathless, “Please.”
Yixing takes in Kyungsoo’s eyes, too bright and shiny for it to be just the lights, then he takes a little while before saying, “Chin up, Kyungsoo.” When he next grins, those charming dimples seem to scar his smile instead. But he still saves Kyungsoo by escorting him into the ballroom.
“Are you alright?” Yixing looks ahead as he talks, but tilts his head down to Kyungsoo to show that all his attention belongs to him.
Kyungsoo nods in a way that Yixing doesn’t think he has taken in his words at all.
“Will you be alright?” This time, Kyungsoo looks at him. But Yixing would rather he didn’t. Kyungsoo’s smile is so small and sad. He saves Kyungsoo again by pulling him close, letting him tuck his face into his chest, so no one could witness his heartbreak.
“Don’t answer,” Yixing whispers, stroking Kyungsoo’s hair, feeling him tremble. “Don’t answer.”
Lu Han finds him before Kris does, lounging just outside the ballroom, but his intent is no different. “Kris is looking for you.” The concern in his voice is genuine and it makes Kyungsoo hate himself for being so jealous of someone who has become such a dear friend to him.
“I will make sure the show runs smoothly,” Kyungsoo assures Lu Han. “Tell sajang-nim not to worry.”
“You know that’s not the issue.” Lu Han insists and Kyungsoo wishes for the umpteenth time that Lu Han could be as soft as his appearance. Instead he’s one of the most stubborn people he has ever known.
Kyungsoo averts his eyes. “There’s no issue.”
“You like him, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han pleas.
“So?”
If not for the current situation, Kyungsoo would be amused by how large Lu Han’s eyes have gone. “So what if I like him, Lu Han?” It’s no secret anyway. Kyungsoo doesn’t even know how to hide it.
“Then why are you doing this?” asks Lu Han, grabbing Kyungsoo’s arm agitatedly. “Go to him,” he urges.
“It’s no use.” Kyungsoo pulls his hand loose only to have it snatched back again.
“Let’s go find him.”
“It’s no use, Lu Han!” Kyungsoo pushes Lu Han away with such force that his back hits the column behind. Lu Han has never seen Kyungsoo so worked up before, but what really shakes him is that Kyungsoo doesn’t dash forward to offer any comfort and apology like how he usually would. He doesn’t even realised he has hurt Lu Han. Instead Kyungsoo stands his ground, and says with such hopelessness that Lu Han’s resolve wavers, “He doesn’t like me.” Why did Lu Han have to force him to admit this?
Silently, Lu Han regards Kyungsoo. “I have said this before, you don’t know how he feels.” Picking up the papers Kyungsoo have dropped in their scuffle, he presses them into Kyungsoo’s hands, although what Lu Han really wants to give him are these words. “You have to be fair to him. Do you ever listen to what he says?”
“Who has what to say?”
Yixing stands behind them, genuine curiosity in his question. He went off to the toilet for a while but came back to find Kyungsoo with a young guy. One who looks cute when he’s trying to intimidate Yixing with a glower.
“It’s none of your business,” Lu Han says coldly.
Hastily, Kyungsoo stands between them. “Zhang Yixing-sshi is the Marketing Director of Chrome Hearts in East Asia.”
“Who cares? He just sells rings,” Lu Han snaps, pulling Kyungsoo to stand behind him as if sheltering him. His protective stance makes Yixing burst out laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Lu Han straightens his back and asks defensively. To his chagrin, Yixing crinkles his eyes and answers honestly, “You.”
In no mood to dissuade anyone from a fight, Kyungsoo is listening on to their (just Lu Han’s, actually) squabble when someone grips his shoulder with such force, he gasps, but stops abruptly upon seeing who it is.
“I wouldn’t run if I were you,” Kris warns in a low voice.
Lu Han and Yixing watch as Kyungsoo gets dragged off. “Should I save him?” Lu Han twists his lips and wonders aloud.
“If I haven’t misread anything, I thought you were trying to be matchmaker?” Yixing smiles. He has never met the other lead of the campaign before. Lu Han’s personality is cuter than his looks.
“Yes, but Kris doesn’t look like he’s in love. He looks like he wants to murder Kyungsoo,” Lu Han says seriously to Yixing, then he draws in his breath sharply when he realises what he’s doing. “What would you know, you ring seller,” he dismisses Yixing.
“I apologise for my presumptuousness, Love Sage.” Yixing gives a small bow.
Lu Han waves his hand lazily as if to say, ‘will do’.
“Ten minutes is ample time to talk,” Yixing checks his watch. “I guess it’s time to rescue Kyungsoo.”
His dimpled grin is so devastatingly charming, it makes Lu Han forget that he needs to stop Yixing.
Kris pulls Kyungsoo right into the ballroom, smack in the middle of the gala dinner so Kyungsoo can’t even struggle if he wants to. The lights are dim and someone is speaking in a loud voice into the mic onstage. But at the tables near them, people are starting to murmur among themselves, staring at the MD and his PA.
“Let go of me,” Kyungsoo hisses, straining himself to keep up with Kris’ long angry strides, hand still caught in his grip. “People are looking.”
“Let them look,” Kris says without expression. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Yixing approaching and quickly backs Kyungsoo into the wall until he’s completely blocked off.
“What are you doing!” Kyungsoo snaps, pushing at Kris’ chest, trying to get him off. His entire view is obscured, trapped between the wall and Kris’ body. His pulse begins to race at their closeness; Kris’ heart lies just beneath his palm. A nostalgic citrus scent invades Kyungsoo’s senses, prickling his lids. He used to think this was what happiness smelled like. Kyungoso has fantasized being held by Kris many times but he now protests vehemently. Not like this, not at all.
“Shut up.” Kris ignores Kyungsoo’s struggles, pulling off when he sees Yixing change direction and walk out of the ballroom. Renewing his grasp on Kyungsoo’s arm, he makes for the balcony right at the other end of the room, just beside the stage.
Narrowing his eyes, Kyungsoo digs in his heels and yanks his hand back. If Kris doesn’t mind losing face, why should Kyungsoo? But Kris has such a strong hold on Kyungsoo that he merely stumbles before hurling himself into Kris’ arms. Kris steadies by wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist, holding him up against his chest. “Why so eager now, I thought you wanted Zhang Yixing instead?” He whispers hotly into Kyungsoo’s ear.
Kyungsoo fights him so hard, Kris has no choice but to release him. Before he could even right himself, he feels something hit him near the ear and the world begins to spin. The gasps near him are drowned out by loud music accompanied by the host shouting into the microphone, “Let’s now welcome Kris Wu, Managing Director of Huifei Holdings to give us a speech!” No one notices the commotion, covered up by the activities of the dinner.
Blinking to clear his colorful vision, Kris sees Kyungsoo nursing his sore right wrist, looking visibly shaken. He stumbles a step forward, hand over his ringing ear. “Kyungsoo, I’m sorry…”
“Fuck you.” Kyungoo seethes, voice shaking.
“Sajang-nim?” Someone says, the HR director has come calling. “Stage, now.” As if on cue, the spot light that was previously shining on Kris’ vacant seat at the VIP table has chased him to where he stands at the corner of the room.
Kyungsoo steps out of the limelight, his eyes flitting over Kris’ form enveloped by harsh white light. Except for his bruising jaw, Kris still looks perfect, gorgeous in his silver grey tuxedo. And even that bruise will heal eventually. Only Kyungsoo ends up hurt.
“Your speech.” The papers Kyungsoo has kept clutched in his hands the entire night are thrust at Kris. All emotion is gone from Kyungsoo’s voice. It scares Kris.
“Kyungsoo,” he reaches out.
“Sajang-nim!” The HR director presses, shrinking back when Kris pierces her with warning in his eyes.
“Wait for me,” Kris tries to persuade, sweating in the light that’s pressing on him, “please.”
“Good luck, Kris.” He thinks he hears Kyungsoo say when he heads for the stage. Then he finally sees it when he unfolds the paper and out drops an envelope.
It’s a resignation letter.
Kyungsoo turns right when he stalks out of the hotel, unsure if it’s the right way home but he walks down the street anyway. It’s not important where he ends up as long as he doesn’t have to stay here.
The night is freezing and by the fourth step, it begins to rain heavily. Kyungsoo doesn’t even curse; things can’t possibly get any worse than his current state. It’s just a little rain. He ducks into the bus stop a few meters away, sitting on the plastic chair and staring at the ground, watching it darken as big raindrops crash into it. The water that has fallen on his coat now seeps into the wool, making him shiver.
Sounds of running footsteps suddenly near and he jumps up. But the man in the black coat stares at him, choosing to settle at a spot furthest away from Kyungsoo. With his heart thundering, Kyungsoo sits back down. Unsure if he’s relieved or disappointed. One by one, people begin to gather at the bus stop to seek shelter from the rain. Someone stands a bit too close to him and he shifts, thinking the bus stop has gotten crowded when he catches a whiff of citrus, so distinctive even when mixed with the scent of rain.
“Who allowed you to go?”
His head darts up. Kris looms over him, causing raindrops to fall from his hair onto Kyungsoo. He doesn’t even have the time to run for it. Kris grabs his shoulders and pulls him to his feet. Kyungsoo prepares himself for an argument, not unlike any of those they had in the previous week. They can’t seem to converse in a civil manner anymore.
But Kris doesn’t give him a chance to speak. He picks him up, slams him against the bus shelter ad, and begins to kiss him fiercely.
On instinct, Kyungsoo’s eyes squeeze shut against the impact, there’s a dull throbbing at the back of his head where it hits the sign, but that is forgotten when his eyes flit open and he is stunned motionless by the sight of Kris’ face, so close to his own. He doesn’t do anything except to let Kris slant his lips across his mouth and deepens the kiss even more. Kyungsoo gasps when Kris’ tongue slips into his mouth and rubs against his, feeling thrills jolt his body, numbing his nape. It’s electrifying. Kris is kissing him. Kyungsoo can’t believe this. He wants this just as much as he spurs it. The conflicting emotions claw at Kyungsoo, ripping him up from within; it's sheer agony, he's going to combust from both the pain and excitement. He lets out a ragged cry in protest.
The sound only serves to incite Kris and his breathing becomes harsh, cold hands slide around Kyungsoo’s neck, urgently lifting his face up so Kris can have better access to his lips.
But the cold wakes Kyungsoo up. He finally remembers to protest, shoving Kris’ shoulders as hard as he can. Tilting his head to bend in to kiss Kyungsoo at another angle, Kris grips his hand and stills Kyungsoo’s fighting by pinning it beside his head. In the next instance, there’s a sharp pain shooting up his leg and he grunts, releasing Kyungsoo.
Panting, Kyungsoo pushes Kris away, running the back of his hand across his swollen lips. His foot is supposed to hurt where he kicked Kris’ shin, but the pain doesn’t register. It hurts too much elsewhere. He can’t take this anymore; what does Kris take him for? He just keeps doing this, always giving Kyungsoo hope, pulling him in a bit deeper before leaving. Doesn't Kris already know? Kyungsoo can hurt, too. And it hurts. It really, really hurts.
Equally out of breath, Kris glares at Kyungsoo, ignoring the gawking crowd at the bus stop. He expects a confrontation, instead, Kyungsoo just turns and walks into the rain.
Kris follows right behind. “Are you going to run away and hide every time there’s a problem! Are you going to stop speaking to me for an entire year this time!” He shouts at Kyungsoo’s back, yelling to be heard over the rain, not expecting a response but Kyungsoo brakes and turns around so fast, Kris thought he was going to slip.
“I’m not going to talk to you for the rest of my life!” The rain flattens Kyungsoo’s hair, making his bangs stick onto his forehead. He bellows, throwing away all his usual composure, exerting himself so that the veins on his neck protrude. “Remember, I’ve quit!”
“Fine! I accept your resignation!” Kris hollers back.
Not to be outdone, Kyungsoo roars, “Fine!” But his voice breaks at the end of his shout, giving him away. He quakes in the rain. Why is he always on the losing end when it comes to Kris? He just can’t win. He can never win. Closing his eyes, Kyungsoo turns on his heel and walks off again.
But he hasn’t even taken the second step when his hand is caught and Kris forces him to face him, lifting his chin to meet his lips in a kiss. It’s not like their first kiss. This time, it’s soft, Kris’ lips brushing gently against his mouth again and again. It feels amazing, the cold of the rain mixed with the warmth from Kris’ lips. Kyungsoo hears a cry but it doesn’t sound like him at all. He shakes so hard because the pain just won't stop, and Kris has to hold him tight to keep him from falling apart. Kris' arms snake around Kyungsoo’s waist and pull him up against his chest, forcing Kyungsoo to stand on his toes. Raindrops crash onto the ground, little collisions that collect into a roar, the sound so loud that Kyungsoo thought he would miss Kris’ words. But they turn out so clear.
“I lied,” Kris mumbles, “I miss you. Everyday. Don’t go, don’t leave me again.” His voice sounds strange, not like his usual at all; it sounds too small and quiet, like a plea. For the first time, Kyungsoo realises that he could have this effect on Kris as well; Kris isn't as unaffected as he thought. Far from it.
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Kris says, sounding so hurt that Kyungsoo almost doubled over with his eagerness to pacify him. Despite his anger, Kyungsoo still wants to reach out and console Kris instead, spoiling him rotten in his usual way. But Kris holds him down so he could continue, “But you can tell me. Tell me and I’d do anything I can to make it right again. I will do anything you want. Anything. If so,” Kris halts, before he resumes speaking in this awfully soft voice that Kyungsoo has never heard him used before, “If so, can you not go?”
Kris’ vulnerability gets to Kyungsoo, it always gets him, demanding that he resets all his new resolutions. Kyungsoo inhales sharply at the pain in his chest, feeling as if someone has reached inside of him to tighten a fist around his heart. He never wants Kris to be sad, he could never bear to. Even if it’s because of him.
“You know I like you,” Kyungsoo whispers, the ache in his heart so intense his words tremble with the force of it, “You know I’ve liked you for so long…”
Kris tightens his embrace and rests his chin on the top of Kyungsoo’s head, listening to him ramble.
“I have already made the decision to forget you, it took me a really long time to decide… I can’t take it if you’re going to blow hot and cold on me again. I can’t take it, I can't.” Kyungsoo grips the lapels of Kris’ jacket and shudders. “If you don’t like me, you’d better make it clear now.”
Kris tries to make Kyungsoo look at him but he hides deeper in Kris’ arms.
“No.”
Kyungsoo ceases his resistances.
“I like you.” A rain drop falls onto Kyungsoo’s lips, creeping along the seam of his mouth when he lifts his head up to gaze into Kris’ eyes.
“I like you so much.”
How could it be? That Kris likes him back? Kyungsoo blinks back the raindrops in his eyes, but he couldn't stop the emotions surging through him, tearing him up from within; pain and happiness struggle to co-exist. How could something this good still break him like this? But it's Kris. He is special. Everything about Kris breaks Kyungsoo.
It tastes like rain when their lips meet again. It tastes like all the good things in the world.
“You are shaking,” Kyungsoo says breathily against Kris’ lips, when they part.
“Because I’m nervous. I’m afraid you will reject me again.” His answer sounds funny, but there’s nothing funny in Kris’ expression when Kyungsoo peers up at him. “I’m very happy you didn’t.” But Kris’ smile looks so sad.
Kyungsoo’s eyelashes flicker when he tries to recall when he ever rejected Kris. But strangely, what he recollects are Lu Han’s words. You don’t know how he feels. Do you ever listen to what he says?
Did he? Didn’t he?
When Kyungsoo quiets down to listen to Kris, he finally, finally, hears it. The sound of Kris’ heartbeat is even louder than his own, and Kris is quavering just as badly as him.
So when Kris next bends over, for the first time, Kyungsoo meets him half-way by tiptoeing.
The popularity of ‘Huifei oppas’ lasts far beyond Kyungsoo’s imagination. In fact, it peaks after their campaign ended, their reach spreading out to the rest of the world who’s always interested in whatever South Korea likes. Huifei Holdings reverts to their standard marketing style when spring returns, but their good sales – both online and in-store - persist due to their much favourable image, since the company is still linked with the names of Kris and Lu Han. Interestingly though, fans of Lu Han discover that they can no longer find his picture on the Management page in the company’s website. His picture has been replaced with that of another young man. One with exceedingly large eyes and a cute smile.
“What about Lu Han?” Kyungsoo asks Kris a month later.
“What about him?” Kris bounces the question back to him.
“I thought…” The sentence is trailed off suggestively in the hope that it’d get picked up, but Kris just returns to their discussion on the summer collection.
“Have you ever liked him?” Kyungsoo finally asks point-blank while they are on the topic of gradient tie dye. Much to Kris’ displeasure, Kyungsoo reverently refuses to bring in those tacky fuckers.
“Must you mix work with pleasure?” asks Kris, propping his chin up with a fist, enjoying the fact that Kyungsoo is jealous of Lu Han because of him.
“No, I can assure you this is very unpleasant for me.”
“Why don’t you explain your relationship with Zhang Yixing first?” retaliates Kris.
“He is my friend.” Kyungsoo throws his arms open as if to show he has nothing to hide. “It would help if you stop sending him unspoken threats via eye signals whenever he comes around though.”
Tapping his fingers impatiently on the table, Kris retorts, “He keeps sending you gifts.”
But Kyungsoo cocks his head to the side with sudden interest. “Speaking of which, you’ve never worn the earrings he gave you. Why?”
Narrowing his eyes, Kris says coolly, “I will never wear them.”
Who’s jealous now? Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and raps his knuckles to get Kris to refocus. “We were talking about Lu Han.”
“When are you going to get over this, Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo nears until his face is right in Kris’. His boss leans back in his chair, tethering on the edge of his seat. “Never,” Kyungsoo draws out the word in Kris’ ear, but inches back when he makes to kiss Kyungsoo. “I told you never to do this in the office,” he lectures sternly, inserting space between them.
“Then stop seducing me.” Heaving a sigh at Kyungsoo’s flustered look, Kris just says, “Lu Han has nothing on you,” then he grabs Kyungsoo’s hand, playing with his fingers. “Trust me,” he employs Kyungsoo’s catchphrase.
Kyungsoo frowns, squeezing Kris’ thumb absent-mindedly. “I trust you, of course.” He just doesn’t think the same of himself. Is he really good enough for Kris, good enough for this? “Don’t you think he’s good?”
Instead of answering his question, Kris sits up straight instead, looking very concerned. "Why? Did anyone say you aren't good? Don't listen to them, you are good, better than me, the best," he says seriously.
Kyungsoo holds Kris' hand right, feeling the warmth from Kris seep onto his skin. He feels bad. Kris is not to be blamed for all of Kyungsoo's insecurities, it's Kyungsoo who has personally placed Kris on that pedestal.
Letting Kyungsoo knead his hand, Kris continues, “I don’t know if Lu Han’s good but I know you’re good.” At Kyungsoo’s disbelieving look, he says, “You don’t say good things but you do good things. Where people cannot see, you quietly do those things so they don’t know you are that good.” Kris flips Kyungsoo’s hand over and traces the lines on his palm, making him squirm because it’s so ticklish. “It’s your secret, really, you aren’t obvious with smiles and nice words. It’s true, you know, good things don’t come easy. So if people miss you, it’s just that you aren’t easy to find. We need to be just as good in order for you to show yourself.”
This is embarrassing. Kyungsoo has never known how to accept sincere good words about himself. “Why does this sound like you’re praising yourself?” he says wryly, trying to diffuse the awkwardness with his usual sarcasm.
But Kris doesn’t give him a chance, he intertwines their fingers together and tightens his hold on Kyungsoo. “No, I’m just saying I’m lucky.” He lifts up their clasped hands, admiring them before he smiles at Kyungsoo.
“Thank you for finding me first.”
Kyungsoo blinks at Kris, looking so stupid when he smiles that gummy smile Kyungsoo loves so much. Ignoring his own office rules, Kyungsoo throws his arms around Kris. “Thank you,” he mumbles against Kris’ neck, taking in his scent. Kris’ arms wrap around Kyungsoo too, one hand reaching up to stroke his hair. When Kris holds him like this – hands pressed onto the small of Kyungsoo’s back, locking him against his chest in a full body hug – it always makes Kyungsoo feels small, and it’s not just their size difference, nor is it because of his soon-to-be defunct inferiority complex. But because it’s always a gentle reminder to Kyungsoo.
It’s OK, I got your back now, you can stop being so strong for a while.
“For what?” asks Kris, stroking Kyungsoo’s back.
But the gesture that’s meant to comfort incites such strong emotions in Kyungsoo that something comes bubbling up in his chest, threatening to gush out and he struggles to push it down. Kris smells like the sun; it smells like happiness around here. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to spoil it. He lets his eyelids fall shut so he could better appreciate the moment. It takes Kyungsoo a while but he replies eventually. “For making me happy.”
“Well, thank you for that, too.” Kyungsoo has never heard Kris’ voice like this, flimsy around its edges, sounding so fragile. He wants to turn to look at Kris’ face but Kris refuses, pinning Kyungsoo down against him. “Don’t move,” Kris whispers in his ears, making him shiver. “Just like this, a little more.”
Nodding, Kyungsoo stays obediently in Kris’ arms, hugging him so tight he feels like suffocating again, although he’d never want to escape this. Is it alright to be this happy? Kyungsoo thinks.
Silence descends in the small meeting room, but when they next speak, it’s Kris who tries to divert Kyungsoo’s attention. “Say, it never occurred to you that I always called him Xi Luhan?”
Kyungsoo tries to recall, large eyes flickering from left to right. “Now that you mention it… but I thought you it was just because you always remembered his name wrong?”
“No, it was because he was so inept at his job as a Brand Director that I invented a new name in order to get back at him.”
Kyungsoo pulls out from their embrace. He looks at Kris, opening and closing his mouth. Why did he think Kris was ever nice again? For the longest time, he thought it was a sincere mistake and even went along with the flow to piss Lu Han off. “That was extremely petty.”
“You were the one who wanted him sacked.”
“Nah, I merely coveted his job.”
“Congratulations, then.” Kris kisses the tip of Kyungsoo’s nose in celebration.
Kyungsoo is about to smack him off but a bright flash distracts him when Kris shifts in his seat. It’s the fleur cross hanging on his ear, capturing the sunlight. Kyungsoo once thought of Kris as the sun; the strong curve of his shoulder feels unreal beneath Kyungsoo’s hand now. It’s still hard to believe he is permitted to be this close to Kris. A familiar fear makes its way back and Kyungsoo burrows back into Kris’ embrace, snuggling until there’s no distance between them. He knows what it’s like to be standing next to Kris, only to turn and realise once again they can never be. The sunflower dies when it gets too close to the sun.
But Kyungsoo is no sunflower, he will cherish this, he closes his eyes and swears to himself. The strumming of Kris’ heartbeat is so loud and clear, Kyungsoo finally knows.
“What?” Kris mumbles against Kyungsoo’s cheek. Where did all these aegyo come from? He presses a kiss onto Kyungsoo’s temple, thinking that he has better make full use of it while it lasts. Kyungsoo will gladly fling himself off a cliff if that means he doesn’t need to do aegyo.
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo murmurs, except he knows there’s something. He lied when he said he likes Kris. But it’s alright, he thinks, giving all his weight to Kris. I lov-
“Did you gain weight?” Kris interrupts Kyungsoo and willingly receives a punch on his bicep, right over his insect. The tremble of his laughter shakes Kyungsoo up too.
I love you, and one day, you will love me too.
Kyungsoo is no sunflower, but Kris will always be his sun.
“I’m looking for Kyungsoo.”
“Tenth floor for the Brand Director. This is the MD’s office.” Lu Han chews and speaks around his pen without looking up from the magazine he’s flipping through.
“Are you loafing on the job, Love Sage?”
In a flash, Lu Han looks up and hits Yixing on the chin with the pen in his mouth. He screams a little and scampers back. “Ring Seller! Why are you standing so close to me!” He clutches his heart and puts on an expression of agony.
Yixing pouts so his dimples are only vaguely visible. Lu Han wishes he would smile instead. “I distinctly remember this to be Kyungsoo’s office as well.”
“Job rotation. We swapped roles,” Lu Han twists his lips when Yixing mentions Kyungsoo.
“Where is he? I have something to pass to him.”
Smirking, Lu Han taps the table top with that chewed pen. “He’s already taken, keep your paws away.”
“I know,” Yixing grins and Lu Han keeps staring at his dimples, “but what about you?”
“What about me what?” asks Lu Han dumbly, sticking the tip of his pen into his mouth again.
“Are you taken?”
The pen drops out of Lu Han’s mouth but Yixing doesn’t mind, he just continues smiling in his special way that suggests a million possibilities between him and Lu Han.
Chanyeol makes progress in his career. When Chanyeol messages him that, Kyungsoo thinks he has finally managed to sell his character designs, but when he clicks into parkdonut.tistory.com, he sees a banner on the webpage announcing the book release. “That sneaky little,” Kyungsoo laughs but stops when he clicks into the site.
The very first comic strip shows a small figure with large eyes squatting in a corner of the frame, crying. In the next frame, a character with extremely big ears comes flying to the scene wearing a cape, as if he’s a superhero. He stands over the sobbing smaller character, assuming the thinker position. A lightbulb appears when he seems to have thought of something. In the last frame, the taller character ties the cape around his short friend’s neck, waving to him when he takes flight. The small friend finally stops crying and smiles when he flies away with his friend’s cape.
At the end of the strip is a line that goes: I am your superhero!
He clicks again and it’s just one picture this time, with the small friend and big friend from the first comic strip, distinct with their large eyes and ears. They are now hunched together in what seems to be a small enclosed area. This time, it’s the big friend who’s sobbing and the small friend is squatting in front of him, cupping his small hands over the big friend’s ears. But his hands are too tiny and the ears still stick out anyway.
Dobi! Dobi! I like your ears even if no one likes them!
Kyungsoo feels something glaze his eyes over when he clicks into the next page. In the first frame, it’s just Big Friend and Small Friend. But as the number of frames increases, so does the number of friends that gather around them. One of them even looks remarkably like Sehun. Mid-way though, the friends start leaving one by one until it’s just Big Friend and Small Friend again in the last frame. And with their arms around each other, they walk towards the sunset.
I have a lot of friends, but I like you best!
Pulling out his phone, Kyungsoo messages Chanyeol.
are you sure Sehun won’t mind?
All Kyungsoo receives in reply is: ^^
Kyungsoo straddles Kris and pushes on his shoulders so he’d be leaning back against the couch, then he lowers his lashes, staring at Kris’ lips before his eyes flicker up to meet Kris’.
“Don’t play,” Kris warns lowly, his eyes already going dark and he latches onto Kyungsoo’s gaze, just as smothering as his own.
In reply, Kyungsoo pulls in his lower lip and nibbles on it, inching closer and closer so that Kris’ breath skims his cheeks. His smooth skin feels hot against Kyungsoo’s fingers and goosebumps rise in their trail. Kyungsoo slides a hand over Kris’ heart, lips curling into a self-satisfied smile when he detects the furious rhythm.
“What happened to all your rules?” Kris whispers against Kyungsoo’s right temple, rolling his hips and making Kyungsoo fall onto him. When their chests meet, Kris pins Kyungsoo down by wrapping an arm around him and lifting his knees up so that Kyungsoo is pressed fully against him.
The heat from Kris envelopes Kyungsoo and sears him. Kyungsoo arches up in protest but the movement only serves to provide more friction to their cocks that are pressed so tightly together, and Kyungsoo is shocked that Kris is already so hard, harder than him. “W-we are at home now,” he breathes heavily into Kris’ ear, not knowing that it’s sheer provocation.
Kris’ hands move down to Kyungsoo’s ass and pull him in tight, forcing their erections together even more, until there’s no distance between them. Then those large hands grab Kyungsoo’s buttcheeks, lifting Kyungsoo up a little his length and then down again, rubbing their cocks against each other and the rhythm grows increasingly frantic until Kyungsoo is just as hard as Kris and he can’t take the simulation anymore. Kris is wearing stiff leather pants and the soft material of Kyungsoo’s cotton trousers is little defense against the friction and it’s driving Kyungsoo crazy. Kris’ erection feels incredibly hot pressed against his own and fuck, Kyungsoo thinks he’s going to come by just dry humping.
He grabs Kris’ shoulders and pushes urgently, attempting to escape but Kris jerks him right back. He quickly unbuckles Kyungsoo’s pants, pulling both that and his boxers off so that Kyungsoo’s erection is now resting against Kris’ bulge, the zipper of his leather pants slipping right into the slit of Kyungsoo’s fully erected cock. The cold of the metal sends electric shocks ripping through Kyungsoo but Kris gives him no time to react, he grabs Kyungsoo’s ass and forces him to ride him again, rubbing their cocks together at a frenzied speed. Pre-cum leaks out from Kyungsoo's cock and drips over the front of Kris' pants, creating a mess.
The sheer simulation of his sensitive cock against the stiff leather is so intense, it makes Kyungsoo’s toes curl and he cries out, but Kris kisses him then. The living room is filled with Kyungsoo’s pants and moans, they leak out even from their joined mouths. He can’t take this anymore, he fucking can’t.
“S-stop,” Kyungsoo pants, mouth hanging open, body swaying passively in response to Kris’ motions. He’s already helpless to do anything more than cling onto Kris’ shoulders for support. “I can’t, I-, please.” But even then, Kris is sucking on his tongue, hard cock exerting a relentless pressure against Kyungsoo’s and he moans helplessly into the kiss, shaking his head against the onslaught of his orgasm.
Kris own breathing is unsteady, the sounds Kyungsoo make is breaking all his restraints. “Shush, your parents might come home anytime.” Despite his words, Kris pushes a hand between their bodies and wraps it around Kyungsoo’s cock, thumb running circles around the hyper sensitive corona, his touch light and teasing. And Kyungsoo is spasming while he’s locked down in Kris’ arms, their mouths still sealed in a kiss, muffling all his cries. He makes to break off the kiss to inhale but Kris holds him there, his tongue stroking the roof of Kyungsoo’s mouth and at the same time, he presses his thumb against the slit of Kyungsoo’s cock and begins to rub insistently. The intense pressure is both pain and pleasure, especially when Kris adds another hand to lightly scratch the base of Kyungsoo’s cock with his nails.
Kyungsoo begins to thrash, he needs to breathe, and he needs to come. But Kris restrains him for another few seconds, ignoring all his frantic choked sobs, kissing him languidly, before finally releasing Kyungsoo’s mouth. But just as Kyungsoo surfaces to breath, Kris laces both hands around his cock and starts giving him a proper handjob. His large hands are so hot for some reason and they are wrapped so tightly around Kyungsoo’s cock that at the first pull, the sudden burst of pleasure makes Kyungsoo sees white. So instead of sucking in air, he wheezes. Kyungsoo arches his back, hands grappling Kris’ arms, the head of his cock peeking out from under the hem of the shirt he still has on and he climaxes, while Kris is still pulling on his cock with both hands. It's too much, Kyungsoo tries to push Kris' hands away but he runs rough calluses along Kyungsoo’s entire shaft, further intensifying his orgasm instead, making him keen.
Kyungsoo jerks his hips weakly in response to Kris’ stroking hands after his orgasm. “Stop…” he whines, falling back into Kris’ embrace, feeling the bones in him melt, “too sensitive.” Kyungsoo gives a little groan when Kris only stops after giving his softening cock another light squeeze. He blinks and surprised, he lifts a hand up to his face. It’s wet. He’s been crying without even realising it.
Kris lays Kyungsoo down on the couch, smirking lazily when he sees that Kyungsoo still has his shirt on. The hem lies over Kyungsoo’s crotch, crumpled and sticky with semen. It barely covers his balls. Breathing heavily, Kris bends over and covers Kyungsoo’s body with his, not bothering to take some of his weight off him. He can’t wait anymore.
Kyungsoo consoles Kris by kissing his earlobe, right over the dangling fleur cross. “I finally get to see your other tattoos,” he mumbles hoarsely into Kris’ ear.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself now?” Kris takes his hand, kisses his wrist before resting it on the very first button of his shirt. It’s buttoned all the way up; Kris’ usual style. It should make him appear prim and proper, instead he looks sexy as hell. Kris smiles invitingly, eyes at half-mast. “Come on,” he breathes right into Kyungsoo’s ear, lips trailing the contour of it.
With trembling fingers, Kyungsoo opens the first button. He reminds himself to message Chanyeol with the answer.
many, many thanks to you for helping to beta. honestly, i rely so much on you & i'm so grateful that you've been so generous with your time. you've spent so much effort on this, and most importantly, you've been patient with me. i only have a small thank you to offer and i hope it's enough♥
and thanks for sticking through 50k, if you've made it all the way here :>
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