reciprocorn

[happinessplate]

sehun/lu han | pg-13 | 20k
>> move over, jongin, sehun has a new nemesis

♫♫♫

It is difficult. No, not Math, not Physics. They are easy. If the boiling point of water were 100ºC at normal temperature (298 K), what would be the boiling point of water in outer space? Easy. It doesn’t exist because water can only be found on planet Earth. Sehun has lots of common sense; he just wishes the same for the teacher who set this test question. What’s going to happen to the future of South Korea if their education system continues to erode like this? Sehun is very concerned.

What’s difficult is settling down to study. It’s not Sehun’s fault. Was he the one who invented Instagram? No. Was he the one who invented Naver? No. Was he the one who invented fucking Youtube, brilliantly glorious despite her silly five-second ad thing? No. Sehun is not to be blamed for every single obstacle that stands in his way to graduating at the top of his class and getting invited to walk on a red carpet that leads to being the management of Samsung. And neither are you.

So why is he getting shit from his parents for that series of Fs on his report card? Every single F seems to stand for ‘Fucked’ every single time he glances at that offending letter. Sehun tries to recall what happened when he sat down to study for his test.

Apparently he found the explanation in his textbook inadequate and went in search of better ones on the internet.

He ended up watching March of the Penguins.

Sehun’s life was a blur between the search for Newton’s Third Law and fluffy grey baby emperor penguins. He couldn’t, for the life of him, recall what link he clicked, but the babies were so cute. And their fluff was shedding? Why do baby emperor penguins shed their fluff, Sehun typed into the browser. Oh, so the fluff was really called ‘down’ and penguin chicks shed to reveal adult plumage… Plumage, Sehun typed into the browser. “Feathers, I see,” Sehun muttered to himself.

After he finished MotP, there really wasn’t any reason not to begin revision and work his way up to grade A. But good grief, look at this untidy desk. There was just no way he could ever concentrate on Newton and his apples with the state of his desk like this. He needed a clean table so that aesthetically, he could also feel pure in the heart before filling himself up with formulas and science-y stuff. Surely you would empathize with him. So, for the first time in 3 years, Sehun tidied up his desk. His mother had always nagged at him to clean up anyway, and clearly, there was no better time to do this other than the night before finals.

When he was done, he checked the time and realized it was already 10pm, a good eight hours to cram for, one hour for each chapter (with the remaining 4 chapters sacrificed. Sehun was picking his battles). Who slept the night before exams anyway? Joonmyun does, the voice in his head whispered, but by ‘who’, Sehun really just meant Jongin and Chanyeol, his best detention friends, not people who walked around with halos hovering above their heads.

There was still ample time for him to study and- what was that rumbling sound? Oh, he was hungry. How in the world was he going to study without energy? According to the law of conservation of energy… well, regardless of what it said, Sehun wanted to have ramyun.

After finishing his ramyun, Sehun finally flipped open his textbook and, yawnnn, Jesus Christ, so sleepy. What was it that his teacher said? It was important to always sleep early at night so that he could wake up recharged? That was it. Sehun set an alarm for 3 am. He would need to rush through his notes later but there’d be no worries about forgetting anything because they’d all be fresh in his mind and not forgotten after a night’s sleep. He could try to study now of course, but logically, that would really be a waste of time, since he was so tired he couldn’t even absorb a single word. Study smart, not hard! was his motto.

Sehun woke up screaming at 8am. He rushed to school, knowing everything about emperor penguins and nothing about Newton’s Third Law. Did he ever want to become a zookeeper? Um, who cares. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present.

The present registers when the clock starts chirping in the living room. It’s 6pm. The tutor his parents got for him should be arriving any time soon. He didn’t want tuition of course; it’d cost him 2 hours of play per session, a total of 6 precious hours a week. But it’s not like democracy exists under this roof either.

The door bell rings just as Sehun is lamenting over his fate. Sighing heavily, he waddles over to the door and opens it. The moment his sight rests on the dude standing at his doorstep, Sehun decides he is unreal and shuts the door.

“Too much manga lately,” Sehun shakes his head to clear his vision and sighs to himself.

A knock could be heard and Sehun jumps back. Oh my God, he’s real, Sehun thinks.

“Yes, I am real.” The voice is muffled when it seeps around the edges of the door.

Oh my God, he can read minds, Sehun gasps.

“No, your brain to mouth filter is failing.” The voice is laughing now. It sounds like the tinkling of bells. Sehun has always liked Tinkerbell.

He pulls the door open so fast, the wind ruffles manga dude’s hair. With a bemused smile, manga dude rearranges his bangs and looks at Sehun in the eyes. “Hi,” he says with another laugh. He looks so adorable, like emperor penguin chicks, and Sehun feels himself begin to melt. Not gently, like chocolate in a warm hand. He’s fast disappearing like pandas in China, candles in the wind, and all that jazz.

A million different ways of saying ‘hi’ flits by in Sehun’s mind but he chooses to swallow his tongue and choke on it instead. When he’s done with his hacking cough, Sehun straightens up and says, “H-hello.” He sounds fairly normal, not mind-blowingly cool, but at least he’s normal and Sehun is glad, even though there’s also spit on his philtrum. He looks at his feet and decorates the doorway with shy, squinty-eyed smiles.

“Lu Han,” manga dude says, placing a hand over his chest to indicate that it’s his name, “I’m going to tutor you for this term.”

Sehun thinks that Lu Han is the most beautiful name he has ever heard. “Lu Han hyu-,” he begins.

“You must always call me seonsaengnim,” Lu Han interrupts him primly.

Sehun chokes on ‘-ng’ like there’s an actual walnut in his windpipe.

“Can we talk in your room? I assume we’re going to have the lesson there?”

Sehun frantically tries to recall whether he left his underwear on the bed. He did. It’s also grey and in an unspeakable state. “Well,” he tries to suggest the living room but when he turns around, Lu Han is already standing at the door of his bedroom, correctly deciphering it to be his.

“Did a tornado just visit or what?” Lu Han lifts an eyebrow at Sehun, quirking his lips.

But Sehun is glad his room is in its usual state of chaos; Lu Han would never be able to spot his underwear. He watches Lu Han sweep debris off the coffee table set in the middle of the room so he could clear space to sit at one side.

Lu Han picks up Sehun’s report card and begins to peruse it. “I heard from your parents that you are terrible at Maths,” his eyes move down the list of subjects and the grade beside them, “Physics, Chemistry…” Lu Han finally looks up at Sehun. His jaw loosens with what seems to be incredulity. “Everything?”

“I passed Korean,” Sehun frowns and retorts self-defensively, as anyone would when their intelligence is being challenged. Good feelings sliding off rather rapidly, he drops down to the floor to sit opposite Lu Han at the coffee table that also doubles as his study desk.

“I bet you framed that D grade and flaunt it every time your relatives drop by,” Lu Han quips cheerfully.

Sehun forces his eyes away from his Chemistry textbook that’s lying on the table; he’d really hate to kill his new tutor with it.

“You know, I don’t want to embarrass you,” Lu Han says, but Sehun has the feeling that he has waited for this and is enjoying it too much, like a child who tries to resist chocolate and fails, “but what’s that?” Lu Han points to an indiscernible grey shape on his bed and Sehun feels himself turn to ashes. A breeze blows into the room and carries bits of him all over the world. Just as well, Sehun has always wanted to visit Prague.

“It’s my dad’s,” Sehun pieces himself together and lies.

“You have your dad’s underwear on your bed, why?” Lu Han asks critically, looking like he doubts all of Sehun’s morals and apocalypse is suddenly reduced to something like a picnic in the park on a breezy summer day compared to this.

“Just joking, don’t take me too seriously,” Lu Han smiles. Lines flow from the edges of his eyes, seeping into his skin but for some weird reason, they just seem to make him appear youthful. Everything about Lu Han seems to glow and he makes Sehun grow soft on the inside. Sehun is shallow, big deal, so is the rest of mankind.

“…Ok,” he says in a subdued voice.

“I was still joking. You must always take me seriously.” Lu Han deadpans. Then a grin softens his features, as if he’s just amused himself.

Is he serious or… who is this person? Sehun thinks, horrified. He wants to suffocate Lu Han with his holey grey underwear. But he also wants to feed him strawberries and laugh over their baby pictures together. Why.

“I’m going to whip you into shape,” Lu Han declares. “What do you think? Do you have confidence in me?” he asks, tapping his fingers on the table, impatiently waiting for Sehun’s reply.

Sehun answers stiffly, “Yes, seonsaengnim.” He does have a lot of confidence in Lu Han whipping him… why does this sound hot? And wrong, it’s wrong, Sehun! he scolds himself.

“Good, I’m sure we can pull through this term together.” Lu Han beams. His smile makes Sehun want to conquer cities and name them Lu Han! Or Seonsaengnim. Whichever he’s allowed to use. Um.

But Lu Han isn’t done speaking. “Make you wish you were never born,” he smiles again, just as dazzling.

“Joking,” Lu Han trills again, laughing at Sehun’s stunned expression.

“But you said to always take you seriously…” Sehun says with disbelief.

“Hm?” Lu Han makes a sound like he sincerely missed what Sehun said, sweet innocent lamb and all. But the cheeky glimmer in his eyes speaks otherwise.

“Look,” Sehun begins bravely, fighting the spell Lu Han is bounding him with, striving to regain lost ground but to his horror, his tutor is listening for once. Lu Han tilts his head slightly to a side and starts staring at him.

“Don’t look at me,” Sehun protests, embarrassment making him sound fiercer than he intended to, hands flung out as if to protect himself.

Lu Han releases an exaggerated sigh, like Sehun is the one being difficult here, like Sehun is the one who has magicked himself into Lu Han’s life and judged his underwear. Sehun’s face burns at the thought of Lu Han in just his underwear. Urgh. He wants to throw balled up tissues at his tutor.

“Why is your face so red?” Lu Han asks, sounding like he sincerely cares. He probably sounded the same when he was decapitating puppies in some previous life.

Because I was trying to visualize you in just your underwe-, Sehun’s mind saves him from himself by refusing to complete that thought. It’s Survival Skills 101. Do not get an erection when you’re getting ridiculed, do not exhibit signs of masochism, etc.

He is just reaching across the table for the box of tissues when Lu Han leans across the table and suddenly, there are fingers gently tapping Sehun’s chin.

Lu Han is chucking him under the chin.

He stops breathing. The unexpected intimacy pushes Sehun’s pulse into overdrive. He hopes Lu Han can’t feel the fluttering pulse that’s just a few centimeters from his fingers, even if it’s making Sehun’s head swell and pulsate like the throat of a toad. Lu Han’s face is too close to Sehun’s, the curl of his lips flirting with Sehun’s heart rate, eyes so bright Sehun has to blink against his will. Then his fingers go, tap, tap, tap, light and teasing, sending Sehun’s world helter skelter.

“I think we’ll get along well,” Lu Han surmises, breath tickling the curve of Sehun’s cheeks.

I think that’ll only happen in hell, Sehun thinks, throwing a tissue in Lu Han’s face.

♫♫♫

As a start, Lu Han lets Sehun attempt a series of questions he set. Then he marks the papers while Sehun admires the way sunlight plays with the highlights in Lu Han’s amazing soft brown hair.

“Sehun?” Lu Han says without looking up from his work.

“Yes?” Sehun replies dreamily. Even if Lu Han has his eyes downcast, Sehun could still recall the bright twinkle in them. His eyelashes are so long and it makes Sehun wants to-

“Why are you stupid?”

-pick them out one by one.

Sehun breaks out of his reverie to gape at Lu Han. His mom and teacher have always been gentle with him. “Every student is a budding flower at this stage,” they said, “some just take more time to blossom.” So Sehun has always envisioned himself as a tiny red daisy bud, and one day, with enough sunshine, rain and love, he’d blossom like Joonmyun and have a halo above his head, too.

Blinking rapidly, Sehun replies, “Every student is a budding flower,” but then, Lu Han pierces him with an I-wish-we-could-swap-souls-so-you-could-see-for-yourself-how-you-look-like-when-you’re-sprouting-this-much-bullshit look, and Sehun feels deflowered, just like that.

“You’re in the third year of high school. If you haven’t blossomed, you’re probably just a cactus and you’re going to,” a dull sound is made as Lu Han throws a thick book onto the coffee table, “grow,” he throws another one, “limbs,” and another one, “even if I chop all your existing ones off!’ He empties his bag of books onto the table. “We, you,” Lu Han corrects himself, “are going to complete all of these by the end of the month,” he orders.

“I don’t understand,” Sehun plasters a fake smile on his face, as his eyes flicker from the title of one assessment book to another. He’s pretty sure one reads as How to Lose Sleep at Night, but when he blinks again, it’s just Pre-Calculus with Trigonometry.

Lu Han sighs sadly. “Yes, you won’t even recognize E=mc2, even if it’s sticking its dick up your there,” he ends politely.

“Mom!” Sehun shouts with all the indignation in his being, but Lu Han leaps onto him with the agility of an emperor’s assassin and Christ, he has no concept of personal space- is this a good time to think about personal space? There’s suddenly something pressing against his throat. Sehun’s eyes flicker down. It’s the edge of the spine of How to Lose Sleep at Night. The book feels cold against his skin, like the barrel of a gun.

Lu Han’s eyes follow the trail of Sehun’s and catching on, he whispers against the curve of Sehun’s ear, “Don’t underestimate this. If I wanted to end you, it would be more than enough.”

Lu Han’s life threat sounds like the singing of angels when it’s drawn out seductively against his ear, Sehun thinks. But no, Lu Han has misunderstood Sehun, who has already believed him to be a puppy decapitator, an emperor’s assassin, someone who could fly to outer space, remove the American flag on the Moon and be back in five seconds flat. And he’s already killing Sehun right now by looping his arms around his shoulders. Lu Han’s embrace feels warm and cosy. Like a womb.

“Are you listening?” Lu Han frowns and looks at Sehun who has to quickly put on a victim’s mask instead of one which makes him look like he’s floating serenely in Lu Han’s figurative womb.

“Yes, seonsaengnim,” Sehun pulls his brows together, and pushes the middle of his lips up like｀へ´, like he’s still resisting all these, when he’s already rolling along like a donut down a one way street.

“I’m sure you now know what will happen if you call for Mrs. Oh again.”

“I will be punished with How to Lose-, Pre-Calculus with Trigonometry.”

“Good,” Lu Han releases him to return to his seat and Sehun puts a hand over where Lu Han’s arm was, as if he could make the warmth stay.

“Good boy,” Lu Han says again, somewhat patronizingly and Sehun’s frown becomes real. But he also wants to smile. This is so strange.

♫♫♫

Lu Han sets him a schedule, one that not only involves the two agonizing hours he spends with Lu Han every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but all his time spent outside school as well. Lu Han tried to schedule something during school breaks as well, but Sehun stamped his foot and shouted, “Yah!” when he looked over Lu Han’s shoulders while he was drawing it up. Lu Han laughed at him, and instead of scolding him for being rude to his seonsaengnim, cooed, “Aigoo, our Sehunnie is so cute,” with his pretty brown eyes crinkled into crescents. Then he chucked Sehun’s chin, like Sehun is his private property or something and he’s free to do whatever he wants to him. So Sehun retreated into his usual safe ｀へ´ expression. Sehunnie. Oh man, why is his name suddenly cute? Also, he’s his own Sehunnie, if this makes sense.

Because of the schedule, Sehun has no choice but to think about Lu Han every single second since his time now revolves around him. Sometimes he flips open his notebook to the schedule just to run his fingers over the words Lu Han scribbled on top. “Our Sehunnie’s Schedule,” Sehun mutters to himself. A finger taps on the yellow star Lu Han has drawn beside his name. Then Sehun makes this weird face like he doesn’t know if he should smile at Lu Han’s silliness or frown at having his time monopolized. It’s like Lu Han has put Sehun’s face into a blender and he no longer knows what expression to put on. Jongin starts making the same face around Sehun just to piss him off.

Not only has Sehun lost his freedom, he also begins to lose things. He used to have a wooden ruler and he was proud to say that all the formulas on the underside of it were hand-carved. It was something he absolutely must have during exams. But he doesn’t have it anymore because Lu Han stole it.

The first time Lu Han rapped him on the knuckles with it, Sehun was attempting a question on Dynamics.

“Ow!” Sehun wailed, exaggerating his pain a thousand-fold, “What was that for?”

“You got the first step wrong,” Lu Han justified, hitting the ruler on the table. Then he lifted his eyebrows and eyed Sehun’s homework as if to say, go on.

“Ow!” Sehun yelped like his dick got caught in the door when Lu Han hit him again.

“Wrong again,” Lu Han said, rolling his eyes, “and stop being dramatic, I merely tapped your hand, or is that your erogenous zone?” He wiggled his brows suggestively.

Sehun glanced at the hand resting on his forearm. Lu Han didn’t seem to realize he was still holding onto Sehun, and the tutee decidedly didn’t protest or attract any attention to this fact. Some people just liked being handrests, problem?

But it was true that when it came to Lu Han, it was as if every single part of Sehun was his erogenous zone, so he had to stifle his retort and balloon up red-faced, like a kettle that contained boiling water but had to keep all its whistling in. Sehun could almost feel the steam gushing out of his ears like he was anime. Had Lu Han been Jongin, Sehun would have dunked him into the nearest anything that mildly resembled a trash can, but it was Lu Han so Sehun’s defense mechanism just stuttered and he… flailed.

Maybe it’s the lack of complaints about the rapping, Lu Han’s actions have escalated and he has taken to tapping Sehun on his forearm with the ruler whenever they go through his sums, patting Sehun on the cheek whenever he wants to emphasize a point, or ‘oops, muscle memory, heh’. When Sehun pulls his eyebrows together, Lu Han just grins, so cheekily that Sehun wants to scrawl an F on Lu Han’s nose with red ink and fail his face.

But during the extremely rare times when Sehun gets a difficult question right, Lu Han would reach over, do his ‘aigoo’ cooing thing, and ruffle his Sehunnie’s hair. The first time Lu Han’s hand reached out to do this, Sehun ducked because he didn’t know what the hell Lu Han was planning to do and he was hyper-sensitive to his seonsaengnim. He could have suddenly decided Sehun’s skull made for a good mug, for all Sehun knew. But Lu Han’s hand followed him, and when he began patting the back of Sehun’s head, Sehun froze. “Good job,” Lu Han praised, a small smile on his face so Sehun knew he was being sincere, not teasing, not being his usual playful self, which was terrible because it made Sehun feel like something was twisting his insides, turning everything into pulp. He couldn’t even muster a frown.

As Jongin so frequently reminds him, Sehun is superficial, so he tells himself it’s just his temporary obsession over Lu Han’s pretty face, but every time he convinces himself this is so, Lu Han would do something to completely overturn his new conviction. For example, they had a completely normal session just two days ago and now Sehun’s handphone is ringing right in the middle of tuition with ‘home’ as the caller. Wordlessly, Sehun stares at the screen of his phone.

Pretty sure only Lu Han is home with him right now.

“…hi,” Sehun picks up the call and mutters uncertainly, leaning forward to peer through the crack of his bedroom door. Lu Han has excused himself to go make a phone call just seconds ago.

“Hello, Sehun!”

“Why are you calling my mobile from the living room, seonsaengnim?” Sehun asks incredulously. It’s a valid question, you’ve got to give him that.

“How did you know it was me?” asks Lu Han; his disappointment is loud in Sehun’s ears, both from the phone and the sound drifting into his room. It’s a little like surround sound.

“One, I can see you. Two, I can see you. Three, I can see you,” Sehun fiercely rattles off his list of points. In his room, he’s sprawled over the coffee table with a stapler jabbing into his belly, just so he could have a good view of Lu Han who sits slouched on the couch in the living room, holding the telephone to his ears, tapping the wooden ruler leisurely against his knee.

Lu Han laughs and waves at Sehun with the ruler when he spots a slice of his ｀へ´ face through the door crack.

This makes Sehun scowl again. “Shouldn’t you get back in here so we can resume tackling this question, seonsaengnim?” he asks, more aggressively than he intended to. He shifts and the stapler is now poking into his ribs.

“A lion had gum stuck in his mane today, Sehunnie.” No, not Sehunnie again. Lu Han always uses that when he’s trying to be cute, that asshole. He usually just uses ‘Sehun ah’, all informal and sass while Sehun has to call him seonsae- A lion had gum stuck in his mane?

“I see, this is exactly what I need to help me pass Chemistry,” Sehun says sarcastically. He flips himself off the table and rolls over the carpet like a clumsy ninja to glare at Lu Han while he’s on his hands and knees, handphone still glued to the ear. Sehun looks both ridiculous and compromised in this position. Thankfully, he isn’t aware.

“Yeah, so we got to sedate him and trim his mane. It was a huge mess; I had lion hair all over me!” Lu Han narrates in an animated tone while he’s looking directly at Sehun. Approximately five meters stretch between them and Lu Han is shouting so he could close the distance. Clearly, he has forgotten the phone in his hand.

It’s very cute, but also dumb. Sehun wonders if he should disconnect the line.

He decides to give Lu Han a chance. “You sedated and trimmed a lion’s mane,” he repeats instead, then, “Are you serious?”

“I swear to God, if this were a lie, all the lions in the zoo would have balding manes!” declares Lu Han.

Sehun sees Lu Han sticks his hand up as if making a solemn vow in the witness stand. He couldn’t help but grin at the mockingly serious look on Lu Han’s face. “Shouldn’t you be the one to go bald?” he’s yelling back at Lu Han, with the phone burning against his ear, obviously losing the capacity to think logically as well. His knees are beginning to hurt but Sehun doesn’t care; this shouting conversation is so adorable.

“Lots of hearts would break if that happened, Sehunnie,” Lu Han smiles reassuringly at Sehun.

“That lion should have eaten you,” Sehunnie feigns annoyance.

“I’m quite a mouthful,” Lu Han agrees, all matter of fact about it, and Sehun chokes on his chagrin. But then Lu Han suddenly couldn’t prolong his act anymore; he scrunches up his eyes and laughs at his own absurdness. His giddy laugh is surround sound too, and Sehun feels like he’s enveloped by happiness. It’s infectious and a reluctant smile hangs off Sehun’s lips as he looks over at Lu Han. But he also accidentally catches his reflection in the mirror. Blowjobs have been delivered in less compromising positions. In his haste to get up, Sehun hits his nose with the phone.

Mid-laughter, Sehun hears Lu Han speak over the phone. He’s no longer shouting. Instead, his voice is gentle and calming, like the melody the sea makes when lured by the moon. “Sehun ah, do you feel better now?”

Sehun shoots Lu Han a startled look, but only concern resides on Lu Han’s face now. It makes Sehun recall the argument he got into with his mom just before tuition began today. “It’s your last year in high school. What are you supposed to do, if you can’t even get into a decent university?” she had demanded. “I’ll get into university,” Sehun argued. “With your grades?” she asked plainly. But then, A lion had gum stuck in his mane today, Sehunnie.

Sehun bursts out laughing at the mental image of a distressed lion with a matted mane and judgy Lu Han at its side with a pair of scissors.

Lu Han noticed. Lu Han made him happy again.

Sehun disconnects the line and astonishment creeps onto Lu Han’s face as he also pulls the phone away from his ears.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says quietly in his room. But a smile brightens up Lu Han’s face as if those words were whispered into his ears.

♫♫♫

Lu Han is making Sehun feel a million things at the same time. It is confusing and a tad distressing, so Sehun decides to explain things to his friend between classes after a month of tuition.

“I want to stick him into the oven like he’s Christmas turkey,” Sehun elaborates to his friend, who sits beside him. He even opens an imaginary oven and sticks imaginary Lu Han-turkey into it.

Friend seems to be busy, so Sehun talks louder to capture his attention. “But I also want to watch my favorite movie with him, whisper the plot in his ears and throw popcorn at him because it’s cute.”

“BECAUSE IT’S CUTE, JONGIN,” Sehun ups his volume and repeats himself, when he gets no response.

Jongin finally stops doodling on his desk. “You know how some guys have issues talking about their feelings? How come it never happens to you?” he asks.

Every single time that Sehun feels like he’s being a dick, Jongin would do something to make Sehun want to serve that special title up to him on a silver platter along with a tiara and a blown up cheque for 5 billion won. Like, Congratulations, you’re the world’s biggest dick! Figuratively, sorry!

Sehun folds his arms and slowly leans back in his seat. So this is how they’re going to play it, huh. His eyes turn into slits. “You want to talk about guys with feelings? Ok, well, who was the one who cried when he saw his mom in the audience at his first dance recital?” whispers Sehun eerily.

“She cried first!” Jongin retaliates hotly.

“Who was the one who broke down onstage when he got first in the dance competition held by the school? Good gracious, couldn’t even say his thanks properly, had to hide behind the emcee,” Sehun sneers.

Jongin puts his hands up. “Ok, I get it.”

“Who was the one who grabbed my hand, held it like a life buoy,” at this point, Sehun dramatically throws his arms out as if re-enacting the scene; Jongin could almost see the olive branch dangling off his fingertips, “and sobbed his heart out when he saw the ballerino fondant figurine on his cake on his last birthday!”

“Alright, please! Tell me everything about your turkey!” shouts Jongin.

“I’ve fantasized him in just his underwear,” mutters Sehun sullenly.

It takes a moment for Jongin to absorb this fact.

“I’m not sure if we’re best enough friends for this high level confession,” he says worriedly after a while.

“But he has seen mine!” Sehun argues.

“Reciprocation. Congratulations.”

“You are so difficult to please. You don’t want to listen to the feelings part and you won’t empathize with the carnal side of things either,” complains Sehun. “He is so difficult to please,” he makes a face and repeats in a prissy voice to Joonmyun who’s standing at the side of his desk.

Joonmyun shuffles his feet back uneasily. “I just need your Chemistry assignment,” the class rep says.

“The usual!” Chanyeol the class clown shouts from behind, before turning to Jongin and begging to borrow his assignment to copy. “I don’t even know half the answers to this,” Jongin protests, as if anyone still has doubts about his intelligence. Then he adds in a lower voice, “However, I copied the other half from Joonmyun’s pile when he wasn’t looking.” But Chanyeol doesn’t care even if Jongin’s answers are copied from the Dutch translation of the Bible; he’s only looking to complete his assignment, not get a scholarship out of it.

‘The usual’ means Joonmyun will have to stay in class and wait until they finish copying answers from their fellow classmates before he could collect and submit the homework. To everyone’s astonishment, however, Sehun just reaches into his bag, fishes out his Chemistry assignment and pushes it into Joonmyun’s hand.

“Traitor,” hisses Jongin beneath his breath, after Joonmyun left.

“What about our fellowship of the detention class?” Chanyeol asks, hurt etched onto his face.

“If only you guys knew,” Sehun bites his lips tearfully. He did the assignment with Lu Han breathing down his neck. It was hell in two distinctly different ways. The questions were daunting, and the puffs of breath drifting down his neck were deliciously hot. Sehun’s face was very red, as if he were absorbing heat like a fucking endothermic reaction. It was uncomfortably nice, if that made sense.

“Let’s go to the rooftop after school,” suggests Chanyeol. The rooftop is the place where the three of them indulge in their gossipy little selves. But sadly, this changed a few weeks ago.

“We can’t go there; it’s Do Kyungsoo’s territory,” Jongin moves in to say. This is the cue for the three of them to gather around at Sehun’s desk and sneak peeks at the transfer student. He’s seated at the back of class even though he’s one of the shortest boys. But it’s an unspoken rule that bad boys have to sit at the back of class, even if they are short and cute.

Feet propped up on the table, Kyungsoo is looking straight at them. Gulping, Sehun turns back to the front. “Yeah, let’s go somewhere else,” he murmurs, not wishing to step on Kyungsoo’s toes.

“God, Kyungsoo’s so hot,” Jongin gushes. “Dot,” he corrects himself. “So tiny,” he further explains when Sehun narrows his eyes suspiciously at him. “As tiny as a dot,” Jongin wheezes.

“I’m not afraid of Do Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol declares, eyes moving around quickly when he realizes he has said it a bit more loudly than he intended to. “Shit, do you think he heard me?” he whispers to his friends.

“Yeah, and the aliens from Pluto just paged to ask that you shut the fuck up, too,” Sehun quips.

“Because he’s so nice and he’s everyone’s friend!” Chanyeol rears his head above the gathering and announces again, loudly to make sure he’s off Kyungsoo’s blacklist. “He must have heard that, right?” he asks again.

“The Plutonians are paging again,” Sehun replies.

“Safe,” nods Chanyeol seriously, “I heard he beat up Sungwoo from Jungnam High School.”

“No way,” Sehun widens his eyes. Sungwoo is notorious among high school students in their area. He smokes, drinks, and there are even accounts of him hanging out with legit gangsters.

“Yes way,” Chanyeol drops his voice as though he’s telling a ghost story, but ends up sounding like the motor of a lawn mower because deep.

“So, your tutor,” Jongin interrupts to get them to stop talking about Kyungsoo. It makes him uncomfortable, as if they were openly discussing his secret.

Sehun takes the bait like a starving tuna. “He is so cute!” he says angrily, throwing a pen down on his table as a show of his ire.

“And?” Chanyeol presses.

The anger slinks off as easily as it appears. “And he pats me on the head if I do well,” Sehun says in a baby voice, tapping the tips of his index fingers together. “He hits me with the ruler sometimes but he does it affectionately…” This is kind of true but it’s also fact that Lu Han could give Sehun a sucker punch and he would still think it’s a show of affection.

Jongin wonders if Sehun is aware he’s doing that finger thing. He makes I-think-Sehun-has-gone-mad sign language at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol makes I-think-so-too-but-he’s-our-friend-and-we-must-love-him-for-everything-he-is signs back at Jongin. Then he coughs, “So, Sehun, what’s your tutor’s name?”

Sehun thinks over this for a long while. “You must always call him seonsaengnim,” he finally concedes.

"Why are you forcing your kink on me?" Jongin scowls.

Chanyeol makes a hole with his thumb and index finger, then he sticks the index finger of his other hand through it. It takes years of camaraderie for Jongin to be able to comprehend this sign language as fuck-this-bye, and then before he knows it, Chanyeol is off.

“So, seonsaengnim,” Jongin says expectantly.

But Sehun just looks at him just as expectantly for advice.

From all evidence gathered at this point, Jongin completes his sentence with what he deems to be sound judgment. “Must be a jerk?” But Sehun gasps with outrage and Jongin quickly continues, “No doubt that’s who he seems to be at first, but from his name – Seonsaengnim - I already feel that he must be a warm person.”

“His name is Lu Han,” Sehun nods and supplies helpfully.

“Lu Han, yes, the name emanates happiness.” Jongin has no idea when he became a fortune teller but Sehun seems to agree with his predictions.

All of a sudden though, Sehun changes his mind and says, “He is evil.”

That’s it. Jongin shuts down his fortune telling stall. “Change your tutor,” he says curtly.

“But why?” Sehun asks woefully.

Because he is an aspiring philanthropist, Jongin throws a non-verbal tirade. He allows a long pause filled with silent accusations that only best friends could read, so that Sehun could understand just how impossible he is.

Instead, Sehun just says agitatedly, “I don’t know, ok, it’s just that he’s so ridiculous and cute, it’s hard to get him out of my system. Seonsaengnim also taps my chin, did I tell you that already?”

Jongin shakes his head hard with an expression on his face that’s supposed to mean, ‘Ew, don’t wanna know,’ but Sehun misunderstands it to be ‘Own up, you sonovabitch.’

“He taps my chin,” says Sehun sulkily, as though this makes him sad instead of happy, which it does, but it also makes him feel sad... Sehun's emotions are flitting from one to another so fast that Jongin can feel whiplash creeping up his neck.

“And he teaches me things!” Sehun continues, suddenly panicking. “He makes the wrong stuff right and he is patient. He is so patient. Tuition sucks up my freedom but I don’t know? He also notices when I’m upset. Ok, now I can’t stop talking about him, thanks, I hate you. Sometimes, he’d stay after tuition and talk to me about his day, things about animals and I really like these sessions. Like that time, he talked about his internship at the zoo and the lion who had something stuck in its mane and they had to trim it. The lion had something stuck in its mane, Jongin. What. It just sounded so funny and amazing and he is ridiculous, out of this world, but he also makes me laugh and I feel happy and I just. Really. Like,” Sehun stops there because he doesn’t know what else to say. “I just really like,” he ends up repeating in a daze. Sehun looks at Jongin for his reaction only to see him holding his phone up.

“Can I film this? I won’t distribute, I promise.”

It is unfortunate that Jongin’s phone has to hit their Physics teacher in the head just as he’s entering the classroom, since Sehun was specifically aiming for the rubbish bin.

♫♫♫

Just for the record, Sehun still hates tuition. Because as if Lu Han isn’t bad enough for his health, enters Maths, stage left, Chemistry on the right, and Physics up his there. Lu Han never goes easy on him. The actual answers don’t matter much to him; he prefers to have Sehun explain to him the logic behind each step towards the answer. And if Sehun’s wrong, Lu Han will rework the entire problem around, with principles and laws scribbled around all the calculations so Sehun could understand why and not just how he arrives at the answer. “It’s all about logic,” Lu Han explains to Sehun, not knowing how he’s anything but that to him.

But it works, although Sehun doesn’t think he could ever muster as much enthusiasm as Newton to question falling apples. It’s kind of fun when electron flow begins to make sense (or maybe Jongin’s right, Sehun has gone mad) and Sehun is just 15 Watts away from the correct answer. However, it takes a lot of time for Lu Han to go through just one exam question with him because of the details involved. That’s why two hours is never enough. It is pure torture to Sehun.

“You should go, seonsaengnim,” Sehun sometimes hints blatantly at Lu Han.

But Lu Han will just smile wickedly. “Not until I suck you dry of your life force.”

They frequently go into overtime, with Lu Han staying from 6pm until 9pm and often beyond. Sehun doesn’t have much time for his games and leisure anymore, just study and sleep, and he begrudges Lu Han for that, grumbling about it to his face every opportunity he gets.

Until tonight, when he re-enters his room after a loo break and overhears Lu Han on the phone.

“I can’t join you guys,” Lu Han mumbles into the phone as he checks the time, not noticing Sehun just behind the door, “don’t think I can reach there by 9pm. No, it’s fine, don’t wait for me, I don’t know when I’ll be done. Yeah, I know, sorry, I know I’ve been missing out, yes, yes, I haven’t seen you in ages, you miss me? Aww, ok, fuck you too. No, kid’s not having a test, I just think he needs more time. What about my own test? Errrrr, have you studied? Well, then I’m fine! We can flunk together. Look, I’ll treat you to a round of drinks next time, ok? Next time, I promise, stop nagging, Wu Yifan, or I’ll ship you back to Canada. No, what the hell! He's just a kid, I don't even- I told you I don't and I won't rob cradles- Shut up. Gotta hang up now, hang up now, up now, now…beep beep beep,” Sehun hears Lu Han sings a few more fading-out beeps before he taps his screen and it goes dark.

Then Lu Han pulls out his notebook, teeth worrying his lower lips as he reads his schedule. He has his internship during the day and Sehun sees all his Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights blocked out, not just from 6pm to 8pm but all the way until 11pm and Sehun recalls the after-tuition sessions that he likes so much. He wonders if Lu Han also enjoys them as much as he does, or are they taking up his time? If he leaves Sehun’s at 10pm like he sometimes does, what time does he reach home? Would he have time to study a little before bed? Sehun has only thought about his own free time, but what about Lu Han’s?

Lu Han is in his final year at the university, studying veterinary, and marked haphazardly on his schedule are project deadlines, internship logs, interview dates, et cetera. They are strewn all over his days and on some nights, Sehun could see that Lu Han couldn’t even fit in sleep anywhere.

But on one particular Wednesday, Lu Han has scribbled in large letters, ‘SEHUNNIE’S APOCALYPSE’ and they stretch over his entire day, from 00:00 to 24:00, and Sehun recognizes the date as the day before his Maths test, his worst subject. If the Z grade existed, Sehun’s teacher would gladly grade him Z minus.

On the day before his apocalypse, Sehun gets to have all of Lu Han’s time.

So, yeah, it might not be apocalypse after all.

And just like that, Sehun finally realizes he has been monopolizing Lu Han’s precious time, not the other way around.

He blinks rapidly at the back of Lu Han’s head, scampering away from his room when Lu Han turns to the door. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to hide or why he’s suddenly seized with emotions that clog up his throat and he can’t push them down. Sehun tries his usual frown, the convenient mask that has melded into the edges of his face, but he just ends up looking confused instead of angry. It feels a lot like hurt but it isn’t. Sehun thinks he should feel grateful but this isn’t it either. Instead, there’s this weird achy feeling lodged in his chest, sinking its claws in, and he couldn’t put a name down to it.

Sehun stands there outside his room for a few minutes, nursing an unknown bruise in his heart.

He hasn’t composed himself yet but Sehun enters his room again when Lu Han begins to call out for him. It takes only a second for Lu Han to notice. He always notices. In retrospect, Sehun couldn’t remember if he’s ever noticed Lu Han’s mood for the night. Did he ever look tired? Did he ever not smile at Sehun? He couldn’t recall.

“Nevermind, let’s stop doing the sums,” Lu Han says quickly, misunderstanding the look on Sehun’s face, not even asking about the abrupt change in Sehun’s mood. “I’ll talk to you about my day at the zoo!” he says brightly.

“No, I want to tackle the question,” Sehun says mulishly. He should be working hard, earning his grades to make Lu Han’s efforts worth it instead of wasting his time. Why hasn’t Lu Han ever talked to him about this? He shouldn’t have stayed for overtime if he couldn’t afford to.

But Sehun instantly regrets his tone when Lu Han’s grin fades at his words. Sehun sounds angry when he’s not. He should thank Lu Han but it’s too embarrassing and he wouldn’t be able to explain that he has been peeking at his schedule. He feels an urgent need to say something but he doesn’t know what. His words are caught in his mouth like trapped butterflies and he panics, trying to give them flight. His breathing is suddenly loud in his ears and he’s embarrassed by his show of emotions. Sehun wants Lu Han to laugh at him, to tease him like how he usually does, so they can just laugh this episode off.

But Sehun also knows Lu Han is not like this, he won’t tease when Sehun is suffering. Beneath his playful exterior, Lu Han is sensitive and he always reaches out to people.

So instead of mocking him, Lu Han consoles him. The touch is hesitant at first, especially when Sehun couldn’t help but wince a little at the intimacy. But he sees Lu Han gnaws his lower lip before he takes a deep breath, as if finally making up his mind about this, and envelops Sehun’s clutched fist. This somehow seems just as difficult for Lu Han. Sehun very vaguely recalls the cradle bit in the earlier phone conversation he had with his friend.

But then a small smile seeps onto Lu Han’s face. Upon the sight, the intensity of Sehun’s emotions almost forces a physical reaction out of him; they churn and burn in his heart where the ache is. Then Lu Han taps a finger softly against Sehun’s knuckle.

Once. Twice. Thrice

And Sehun’s emotions still at Lu Han’s warm touch. It feels magical.

“Sehun, it is ok,” Lu Han whispers, although he has no inkling what’s going on.

Opening his mouth, Sehun lets his butterflies die into a ghost of a sigh. How could Lu Han affect him like this and then turn around to comfort him? The tide of his feelings goes down, now licking his banks with unhurried waves. Lu Han makes everything ok.

“Can I try this problem by myself?” Sehun asks slowly, but his voice is firm now.

“Go ahead,” Lu Han smiles when he sees that Sehun is well again.

When he bends his head down to do his work, Sehun peeks at the clock. It’s 9:30pm. The bruise in his heart begins to ache again, but he ignores the prickling of his lids and buries himself into his studies.

Someone is good to you. You never notice and you never say your thanks. You take him for granted every day. Every day. Every day. And then one day, it just hits you.

You’ve been cared for, over such a long time.

♫♫♫

The first time Sehun ever thinks that he’s taking a step towards maturity is when he finally recognizes the need to stop laughing when he’s at a funeral. Like, someone’s dead, maybe it’d be nice to try to be less happy. But that’s absolutely nothing compared to the leap of faith he’s going take now.

“So I’ve decided to put my all into studying!” Sehun pssts to Jongin, doing a fist pump so he could exhibit his determination.

“Sure, Sehun, but is this a good time to be telling me this?” Jongin hisses at Sehun under his breath. “Don’t you think it’s a little counteractive?”

“Why do you think I’m whispering?” whispers Sehun, sneaking a look at his Physics teacher, who unfortunately is looking straight at him. Like all students, Sehun drops his eyes immediately and pretends to be blind.

They are smack in the middle of Physics class and someone needs to answer the question. So of course, everyone is avoiding the teacher’s eyes, gazes fixed on the floor like there’s a dead body lying on it. Expectedly, Sehun gets called up to answer the question that’s from their last paper. His classmates heave a collective sigh of relief.

“If the boiling point of water is 100ºC at normal temperature, what is the boiling point of water in outer space?” his teacher recites and lifts a brow because he distinctly remembers Sehun’s answer to this question. Not that he has made a note to, it’s just pretty memorable.

Sehun stands up hesitantly, side-eyeing Jongin who mouths ‘you hero, you’ at him. “Um, well, I’m not exactly sure but the boiling point of water is 100 deg C at normal temperature and pressure, and as altitude increases, pressure decreases, therefore in space, it should be near-zero. Since PV equals to nRT, the boiling point of water becomes very low, hence, it should boil very easily in space,” Sehun pauses here, his brows puckering. His Physics teacher is about to say ‘good, sit,’ but he continues, “However, since temperature is extremely low up there, the water vapor should pass immediately into the solid state, freezing to become crystals; the process is known as desublimation. In fact, it would be appropriate to discuss the triple point as well; if the question discusses ice instead of water, the reverse process, sublimation, which is the direct conversion of ice to water vapor would occur at constant pressure in space and… um… I still don’t know the boiling point of water in outer space... or freezing point, is that ok?” he ends with a question.

“…I think that’d suffice,” his teacher says, a little dumbstruck.

“Do you want me to go into radiation in space?” Sehun asks. “I can go into radiation in space.”

“Please don’t.”

“Ok,” quips Sehun easily, taking his seat and turning around to Jongin immediately. “What just happened?” he demands.

“Your brain, it exists,” Jongin marvels.

“I know,”, says Sehun in awe, wrapping his hands around his head, as if protecting his new found brain. “Tuition is the best thing in the world!”

“I need a year’s supply of whatever you’re having,” Chanyeol speaks up from behind them.

♫♫♫

After classes end, Jongin walks the usual path to his favorite fried chicken store. Just by himself, since Sehun has Seonsaengnim waiting for him. He takes the short cut through a long winding alley when he suddenly hears faint noises. Rounding a bend, he finally sees the source of the sounds. Kyungsoo is lying on the ground, shielding his head with his hands. At least four other guys stand over him, raining fists down.

The criticality of the situation makes Jongin realize two things. One, he likes Do Kyungsoo. Two, he loves himself even more.

Jongin is about to turn and get the hell out of here when Kyungsoo catches his eyes. “Run! Don’t just stand there! Run!” he shouts at Jongin from afar, sounding like a hero.

Ok, now, there’s no way Jongin could run away and leave Kyungsoo here alone. He can be hero, too.

“I’m coming, Kyungsoo!” Jongin shouts and sprints towards him. But when he nears, he finally realizes what Kyungsoo has been screaming at him from 10 metres away.

“Hurry up and help me, you son of a gun!”

Oh. Jongin stops in his tracks.

“Hurry up!”

What the hell. Jongin continues running towards Kyungsoo anyway. “Yah!” he shouts when his fist connects with the stomach of one. It seems to have little impact. Why is he weak? The dude looks up murderously at him.

“Hi, um, I think I’ve seen you around in school,” greets Jongin.

Jongin helps Kyungsoo by getting his share of beating.

They are sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall and trying to recover. No one has spoken at all, during the fight and after. Kyungsoo reaches into his blazer and Jongin holds his breath in anticipation. He’s going to smoke in front of me, Jongin thinks, this is going to be so hot, unf.

Kyungsoo pulls out a pack of gum and offers it to Jongin.

Jongin stares at the gum. It isn’t even mint; it’s watermelon-flavored.

Wordlessly, he takes the gum and sticks it into his pocket. It might not be mint but Jongin is going to keep a piece of Kyungsoo’s legend to himself.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks as he watches Jongin pocket the gum.

Jongin could jolly well answer, ‘I’m going to keep a piece of your legend to myself’ of course, but that might be awkward. So he takes the gum out and eats it tearfully.

“Thanks for helping back there, Jongin,” mutters Kyungsoo, chewing his gum and grimacing when he moves his sore jaw.

“You know my name!?” gasps Jongin, gum slipping down his throat and choking him.

Kyungsoo’s eyes flicker from left to right and then back to the left again as he generates a passable reply. “You sleep so much in class; I got to memorize it when teachers take turns waking you up.”

He knew something good would come out of all that napping. Jongin swallows his gum and laughs, smacking Kyungsoo repeatedly on the shoulder in his glee. “Oh, sorry, habit,” he says with sincere contriteness when Kyungsoo stares at him with the wide expanse of his eye whites. Cautiously, Jongin speaks up again, “I hope this doesn’t offend you but I thought you could fight, I mean I heard stuff but back there…”

Kyungsoo tightens his jaw and stands up, dusting his pants off. “That’s the past. In this new school, I no longer fight. But people keep coming up to me, looking for a challenge.” Kyungsoo looks out at the far distance like he’s standing at the top of a mountain, looking out at the majestic landscape before him, although there are only walls around them in the narrow alley.

The troubles of a legend, Jongin struggles to empathize. “I can help you,” he says sincerely.

“Can you?” Kyungsoo holds out a hand to Jongin, who’s sitting on the floor.

The sun is just behind Kyungsoo, sunlight outlining his form and Jongin has to squint up at him. It’s hard to see Kyungsoo’s small smile but Jongin takes his hand anyway. He doesn’t need an invitation just so he could extend his own. “Yeah, you need new friends!”

“You look like you have a cozy little clique,” Kyungsoo comments.

Jongin blinks in surprise. “You noticed?” He thought Kyungsoo too new and uninvolved to know happenings in the class.

Kyungsoo purses his lips for a while then he relaxes into a smile, “Of course, we’re classmates.”

Ah, of course, Kyungsoo would just need to look up to see Jongin together with Sehun and Chanyeol. “And now, we’re friends?” asks Jongin, staring at his shoes. He hopes he doesn’t look as shy as he feels.

Kyungsoo smiles and doesn’t answer. Instead, he hands him another piece of gum. This one, Jongin gets to keep.

♫♫♫

It’s 2pm, the day before his apocalypse and Lu Han is already at Sehun’s.

“Ta-dah!” he shouts when Sehun returns to find him at his doorstep and so, Sehun has to pretend he was surprised.

“What are you so early!” he exclaims, and Lu Han grins like he knows everything and Sehun doesn’t.

“Can’t wait to torture you,” he sings, and his hand moves; it looks as if he were going to touch Sehun’s face, so Sehun blinks in surprise and stops breathing for a bit. Sure, Lu Han has been touchy ever since they’ve known each other but this just seems… a little too intimate. It seems like they’re finally heading somewhere.

Sehun’s not the only one surprised. Lu Han himself seems to be taken back by his own actions, too, and he makes a small startled sound, taking a step back and gaping at Sehun in shock. It’s the first time Sehun has seen him so flustered.

“What are you doing?” he asks Lu Han, trying to cover up the disappointment in his voice with amusement. He wouldn’t have minded, really, having Lu Han’s hand on his face. Or elsewhere. Anywhere, to be honest.

Scowling, Lu Han re-establishes his authority by reaching over to chuck Sehun firmly on the chin and Sehun the hyung feigns resignation, sighing and letting Lu Han the maknae tickle his chin. But a few seconds later, he surrenders and laughs, all squinty-eyed. Lu Han wrinkles his nose and takes his hands back, appearing relieved that things are back to normal, whatever his definition of normal is. Sehun will take that, and anything Lu Han offers.

Sehun’s worst day is tomorrow but his best is today.

“And the angle between these two lines is?” asks Lu Han, peering down at Sehun’s book when they settle down to work.

“And the impact of this angle on my future is?” Sehun counters, heart beating so fast at Lu Han’s proximity, it could power NASA’s next launch. Despite his words, Sehun has already completed his revision for tomorrow’s test. He works especially hard now, doing his reading and homework before Lu Han arrives for tuition so they could discuss it. He hopes this means Lu Han would have more time for himself, even if it’s just a few minutes.

“Shut up, you’re ridiculous,” Lu Han laughs, but really, the outrageous one is him. He’s wearing a baby blue hoodie, looking so young with his sideswept bangs that Sehun finds it hard to believe that he could sit here and teach him all the intricacies of high school maths.

The sound of Lu Han’s laughter travels around his room and Sehun swallows, stopping himself from doing the things he wants to do. He stops himself from resting his head on Lu Han’s shoulder, stops himself from curling up against the curve of Lu Han’s warm body and clinging on forever.

Instead, Sehun just lets a smile light up his face, too. “If I became a doctor, would patients come into my room and say, Doctor, I have chest pains but could I also please know what the angle between my blood veins is?” Sehun holds up his wrist to Lu Han, imitating his future pseudo-patient and Lu Han doubles over. In his laughter, he hits the coffee table repeatedly with his palms, jaw dropping open as he keeps laughing. Lu Han looks fairly ugly like this but Sehun indulges him by picking up his protractor and pretending to measure the angle between the blood veins on the inside of his wrist. He scowls as if facing difficulty and keeps adjusting the protractor he has pressed against his hand.

Lu Han howls. He reaches out and knocks the protractor out of Sehun’s hands. Sehun cracks up too; he bends over, rests his forehead on Lu Han’s shoulder and laughs, feeling Lu Han’s smile against his ear. Then he shoots up in the next second.

Oh my- Jesus fucking- Holy-, Sehun is so flustered he couldn’t even complete his curses. Why does he has zero impulse control? Why does Lu Han smell so nice? Sehun slaps a hand over his nose so he could hide that offensive thing.

At the look on Sehun’s face, Lu Han sobers up too. He, oh man, Lu Han blushes furiously, and this throws Sehun completely off, off the edge of Earth. He could almost feel himself float in zero gravity.

Lu Han knows how to blush? Why is he blushing?

But Lu Han is quick to recover. He raps Sehun’s knuckles with the ruler (Sehun is beginning to suspect that’s Lu Han’s favorite spot to hit). “Focus,” Lu Han says succinctly, all poker-faced, only to have that mask crumble after a second when he picks up the protractor from the floor. He grins at the stupid thing and places it against his wrist like how Sehun did. Then he shows his wrist to Sehun and laughs stupidly again.

Sehun rolls his eyes. Talk about distractions. “Lu Han hyung,” he tests.

“Seonsaengnim,” Lu Han puts down the protractor and corrects him, even holding his fist up to threaten Sehun.

“Seonsaengnim hyung,” Sehun retorts and grins when Lu Han’s crinkles his eyes in reaction to his new name.

“Seonsaengnim hyung?” Lu Han repeats dumbly with an ear-splitting grin. He seems to like his new nickname.

“Seonsaengnim hyung,” Sehun confirms with a reluctant smile. Then the reluctance gives way and he smiles in earnest at Lu Han. Sehun knows exactly what’s being displayed on his face. It’s blatant adoration, seemingly powered by a million suns. He wishes he could at least dim it a little but Sehun has no idea how to protect himself, he can’t even hide it

But as he watches, the grin on Lu Han’s face slowly fades until it’s replaced by confusion, then hesitation and finally, dread. Sehun feels his own smile die. “What?” he asks, puzzled by Lu Han’s sudden change of mood. If he were honest with himself, this is not the first time Sehun has witnessed this. They’d be exchanging barbs, which usually end with one of them (Sehun) giving up and dissolving into laughter, when Lu Han would take on this look like he just realized he did something wrong. It’s always abrupt and unplanned for, like a nasty surprise.

At times like this, it doesn’t feel like a giddy crush anymore. Sehun becomes acutely aware that if this doesn’t turn out right, he would get crushed instead.

“How old are you again? Eighteen?” asks Lu Han, out of the blue and rather weakly.

“Yes, and you’re old,” jests Sehun but when Lu Han’s face pales even more, he quickly adds, “But it’s alright, I guess, I like wrinkles…” Sehun’s voice goes smaller and smaller until he’s just mumbling at the end of his sentence. Flustered, Sehun fiddles with the hem of his shirt and stares at his feet for a moment before sneaking a glance at Lu Han. “Why?” he asks.

“Nothing,” says Lu Han, sounding as if it means everything. He seems more than ready to drop this discussion.

Sehun drops his eyes to his homework before he fidgets and looks up again to Lu Han, searching his face for clues. But the moment has passed and Lu Han just taps his knuckle. “Focus,” he says sternly again, nodding towards Sehun’s homework.

One day, Sehun will get Lu Han right. But today, he’s still testing the waters, and he’s waist-deep.

“What do I get if I pass Math?” Sehun asks instead.

“You mean what you won’t get if you pass? Well, I won’t kill you with this.” Lu Han picks up How to Lose Sleep at Night and waves it in Sehun’s face.

Sehun tuts, dipping his fingers into his glass of water and sprinkling it onto Lu Han who giggles and hits Sehun’s bicep.

“Ow, ow, ah,” Sehun dodges and wails, crashing down onto the floor. When he feels like Lu Han is satisfied with his performance, he rolls over like a puppy and glances up at Seonsaengnim hyung, “What do I get?” he presses, tugging on the hem of Lu Han’s hoodie.

There’s a light pink flush on Lu Han’s cheeks and his eyes are wet from Sehun’s antics. His fingers twitch, looking as if they were going to reach out and run a thumb across Sehun’s cheek again and Sehun’s left buzzing with anticipation once more. Like how he always does when Lu Han fixes him with this gaze, and he looks so fond of Sehun that the latter is left breathless with hope. The amazing feeling, an intoxicating mix of excitement and want, fills Sehun up from within, flooding his system and gushing out of him. It’s happiness, but it’s also fiery, red and sears Sehun right where it hurts most. Lu Han has to feel this, too. This has to go both ways.

Sehun stares up at Lu Han’s wondering face; his mouth has gone pouty when he considers Sehun’s question. When did it become like this? When did Sehun grow ripe and soft, so Lu Han could bruise him and worm his way into his core?

When Lu Han’s lips stretch taut with a grin as he found an answer, Sehun’s feels his own smile goes slack while he ponders his question. He closes his eyes and Lu Han’s smile comes alive in the darkness. Sehun has memorized every line on Lu Han’s face.

“Would you like to visit the zoo, Sehun?” A soft look envelopes Lu Han’s face and he hesitates, for the tiniest bit, before he finally, finally, lays a tentative hand on Sehun’s face. A plethora of expressions flit across his face. Happiness, indecision, wistfulness. Lu Han is glad Sehun has his eyes closed.

At Lu Han’s touch, Sehun's heart jolts painfully in his chest. He pulls his eyelids open so he could peer into Lu Han’s gentle eyes. He doesn’t want memories. He wants Lu Han.

“I love penguins.”

♫♫♫

When Sehun picks his school bag up the next day so he could go face his doom, he sees rows of note cards lined up neatly in one corner of his room. He didn’t notice them yesterday. When did Lu Han do this?

He walks over and realizes there are formulas scribbled onto the note cards. Sehun grins and picks them up one by one, until he reaches the last row.

our sehunnie! A ｀へ´face is drawn under the word and Sehun guffaws, a bit too happy for 7am. He moves on to the next.

fighting!! There are so many stars drawn around the words. Sehun grins and picks the card up. He reaches out for the last card.

-your lu han hyung. A misshapen penguin holds a heart above his head beside the word ‘hyung’. An arrow points to it with the words ‘lu han’.

“Your Lu Han hyung,” Sehun repeats, nodding his head, feeling the ends of his lips draw up. He chuckles. “Our Sehunnie,” he mumbles under his breath, fingertips grazing a corner of the card.

Sehun suddenly laughs out loud in his room and is immediately embarrassed, although no one is here to witness his foolishness.

♫♫♫

“So, Kyungsoo-sshi,” Sehun says and fully intends to follow up with ‘what do you usually do in your free time,’ like what his middle-aged homemaker mom would say when she’s trying to carry on a conversation. But then Jongin glares at him for using ‘sshi’ after Kyungsoo’s name and his mind short-circuits so Sehun ends up speaking the truth. “What are you doing here?” he blurts out.

Jongin gasps with such outrage that Sehun thinks he has insulted him instead. Beside him, Chanyeol closes his eyes and prepares to be punched.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t answer; he just looks to Jongin as if he would like to know the answer, too.

They were gathered in a circle at the rooftop when Jongin, for some reason, came up to Chanyeol and Sehun to say that they now had Kyungsoo’s permission to use it. Kyungsoo’s exact words were, ‘It’s none of my business even if you plan on doing corpse dissection up there.’

Narrowing his eyes, Sehun watches Jongin pat Kyungsoo’s hand, pacifying him like Sehun has just turned all his guns on Kyungsoo, what the hell. To his surprise, Kyungsoo doesn’t fling Jongin’s hand away. Instead, he just nods at Jongin who scratches his head and says, “I just think we should all be friends.” The amount of bull Jongin is now sprouting could fertilize the entire Amazon forest for the next decade to come. In all the years they’ve known each other, Sehun has never had his hand patted so reassuringly by Jongin before. Jongin doesn’t want to be just friends with Kyungsoo. Sehun’s gut feeling tells him that Jongin wants to watch his favorite movie with Kyungsoo, whisper the plot in his ears and throw popcorn at him because it’s cute.

“Sure!” shouts Chanyeol. “Friends?” He holds out a fist to Kyungsoo who slowly rises his and bumps it. “I’m friends with Do Kyungsoo, this is so cool,” Chanyeol says with awe. Jongin eyes Chanyeol’s fist enviously.

“Sehun is currently having tuition,” Jongin says conversationally, trying to get Kyungsoo acquainted with his group by unearthing his best friend’s secrets, wow, is he nice or what. “Because his parents are so mad he got a string of Fs in the last round of tests.”

“I passed Korean!” Sehun protests loudly and quickly.

“And he has a thing with his seonsaengnim,” Jongin says pointedly to Kyungsoo who seems to regard Sehun with new understanding.

Sehun wants to force a skirt onto Kyungsoo just so he could properly shriek ‘skirt chaser!’ at Jongin.

“So, you want to talk about things now?” Sehun’s voice has a dangerous edge to it, his eyes fliting back and forth threateningly between Kyungsoo and Jongin. “Ok, let’s talk about things. Your thing.”

Chanyeol the innocent just blinks his beautiful large eyes and asks, “What thing?”

“Well,” Sehun starts and then stops abruptly. Not because Jongin is making wild non-verbal threats at him but because from behind him, Kyungsoo is fixing Sehun with a cold stare, looking kind of menacing. Don’t mess with what’s mine, he seems to be saying.

Oh.

Sehun gets it. Kyungsoo wants to throw popcorn at Jongin, too.

He makes Kyungsoo-thinks-you’re-hot-too sign language at Jongin.

Jongin makes are-you-serious-how-do-you-know signs back at Sehun and flushes a deep red.

Chanyeol makes violent what-thing sign language at them. He gets ignored again.

“Stop using sign language I can’t read,” Kyungsoo says dryly.

“So!” Jongin yells to divert attention. “Are we all set for movies on Saturday?”

“I can’t make it,” Sehun says unapologetically.

“Why not?” Jongin asks with a scowl. It’s the day of Kyungsoo’s initiation into their group. No one has been initiated before of course, but does Jongin really need a reason for a date with Kyungsoo (and Chanyeol, but who cares)?

Sehun gives Jongin a saucy wink. “I’m going to the zoo.”

♫♫♫

All mothers have a talent, and Sehun’s mom is no exception. The talent is called Losing Clothes in the Blackhole of the Washing Machine on the Most Important Day of My Child’s Life. Sehun has a wardrobe full of clothes but all these mean little when he couldn’t find his favorite shirt. He ends up wearing his second favorite shirt, feeling less human in it but when Lu Han sees him, he says, “I like your shirt.” He might sound a little breathless and Sehun hopes that’s not just his imagination. Lu Han’s smile is so amazing that Sehun’s second shirt gets a boost up the ranking ladder.

Sehun grins, just a tad shy, back at him. And Lu Han ducks his head and fucking blushes. Again. Is this becoming a common thing now? Because Sehun can sure get used to this.

“Why are you in this?” Sehun asks in bemusement when he sees Lu Han clad in a zookeeper uniform.

“Cosplay,” Lu Han explains calmly, striking a Sailormoon pose and Sehun guffaws. A bright zing zips through him and it makes Sehun feel so wonderful, so unbelievably warm and fuzzy and seriously, what the hell is going on? Why does he feel like a fucking Disney animation with three billion happy endings? Why does he laugh so much around Lu Han? And why are Lu Han’s cheeks bright pink again? Sehun hasn’t even done anything except smile at Lu Han- oh.

And then, jesus christ, Sehun blushes, too. Whatever, he’s just an 18 year old on his first date and he’s entitled to being awkward and embarrassing; cool is an old people thing, so what’s Lu Han’s excuse?

Sehun wants to ridicule Lu Han, really, Sehun totally means to do that, but when he chances a glance at Lu Han’s eyes and his ridiculously long lashes, and how the sun makes his skin so translucent, Sehun can almost make out the veins beneath and how his blush makes him pink all over and-

And it all hits Sehun like a ton of bricks.

So he ends up having his heart slam against his ribs, sending more blood gushing up to his face, reddening it even more. When his gaze returns to Lu Han, he sees that Lu Han's cheeks are still radiant with color, but he's also now sporting a sly grin. The same smile that tells Sehun it’s useless trying to hide all his secrets from Lu Han.

"Stop that," Sehun snaps with a frown.

"Stop what," Lu Han smiles knowingly. Sehun hates him.

"Stop blushing!" Sehun retorts hotly.

For the first time ever, Lu Han shuts up.

Sehun really enjoys the deep, deep red that subsequently floods Lu Han's face.

Lu Han's brows snap together at the sight of the glee on Sehun's face.

"Speak for yourself!" Lu Han counters sharply.

Sehun glowers at Lu Han.

Lu Han actually snarls.

Blushing boys. So much coy.

♫♫♫

Penguins smell like cow dung and that’s exactly what Sehun tells Lu Han.

“Penguins smell like cow dung,” he says with disgust and backs away when Lu Han ushers a particularly fat one (his favorite, it seems) towards him. Just then, the fatty stops wobbling and spares a backward glance at Lu Han at Sehun’s words as if to say, Tell him in human language that he sucks, too.

Lu Han’s eyes flit between the obese penguin and scowling Sehun. Then he shakes his head at the penguin and Ludacris squawks to make his indignation at Lu Han’s bias known.

“Are you guys communicating?” Sehun asks sarcastically. Ludacris screeches ‘yes’ and Lu Han sighs very loudly.

“I thought you liked penguins,” he frowns back at Sehun.

“They didn’t smell in March of the Penguins,” elaborates Sehun, throwing his hands up. “And they weren’t as fat,” Sehun whispers maliciously to Ludacris when Lu Han turns his back. The penguin squawks and makes a mad dash towards Sehun who feels like he’s in definite mortal peril. He panics and stumbles backward, tripping over a bucket of fish.

And the entire waddle of penguins charge towards Sehun.

They are in a small room that’s linked to the penguins’ enclosure. Lu Han has his uniform and pass on and he hands Sehun a visitor pass too, so he could show him around the zoo and into restricted areas.

“I’d show you what cow dung smells like,” snaps Lu Han when they step out of the penguins’ enclosure after he saves Sehun from hungry penguins.

“I just got assaulted by penguins, ok,” complains Sehun, demanding sympathy.

“You should be flattered. Only you and fish in the South Pole can say the same.”

Sehun throws his head back and laughs. The sound spooks a couple of sparrows nestling in a nearby tree into flight. “That’s funny?” asks Lu Han with a puzzled look on his face, not knowing he’s the reason for all of Sehun’s feelings these days. Then he looks pleased, as if he’s gratified for being the reason of Sehun’s happiness.

Sehun catches his eyes and smiles again.

They don’t take their eyes off each other for a long time.

♫♫♫

Instead of the cow dung Sehun deserves, Lu Han shows him the lion whose mane he trimmed.

“He looks rather ugly,” Sehun comments objectively as he sits on a bench in the pavilion just off the perimeter of the enclosure. There are crowds gathered around in the front which has the best view of the grumpy lion but there’s only Sehun and Lu Han in the pavilion which barely offers a glimpse of anything. The people around them fade out until only a faint buzz exists to hint at their presence.

Sehun thought Lu Han would protest his opinion but he just sits down beside him and stares at Sehun critically. “Do you need a haircut too, Sehunnie? Maybe you need shorter bangs,” he runs a finger along Sehun’s fringe like they’re guitar strings and Lu Han is playing to the tune of his heart.

Sehun’s eyes cross trying to follow the trail of Lu Han’s finger. It swipes across Sehun’s bangs before it wags in his face like a warning. But Lu Han’s lips curve like a rainbow, the stars in his eyes glimmering warmly. He looks so happy, too. A light wind sails between them and Lu Han blinks when it ruffles his hair, allowing Sehun to tuck a lock behind his ear. Although he lowers his lashes to look away when Sehun gets too close, Lu Han doesn’t shift away. There’s a sprinkling of a blush on his cheeks again and Sehun finally realizes that for all his outrageousness and loud laughter, Lu Han is shy.

It all translates into an invitation to Sehun and he moves, not permitting himself time to consider. It seems too fast, but it also seems like Sehun has waited all too long for this. He wants this. He wants it so much, it feels like a tangible weight in his heart and every fiber of him aches for Lu Han.

The dying sun gets into his eyes as Sehun leans forward, and for a moment, his entire world is one piercing ray of white but when it all clears, he sees Lu Han waiting at the other end. Up above them, the skies are bleeding marvelously; red, orange and pink. But Lu Han is still the most beautiful thing to ever happen to Sehun. The blazing look on his face steals Sehun’s breath away. Lu Han is half exhilaration, half hope; full of unspoken invitation.

Lu Han drops his eyes to stare fixedly at Sehun’s lips and unconsciously inches closer.

Sehun knows exactly how he feels.

It must have taken less than a second but it seems like eternity for Sehun to tilt his face to seek an angle where Lu Han would fit perfectly against the curve of his lips. Lu Han’s lids drift down and Sehun can no longer see the lights in his eyes but then their lips touch and his senses shut down.

Lu Han.

Sehun burns for him.

Sehun’s body responds to the kiss by going haywire; his heart slams against his ribs and he stops breathing entirely. He is buzzing, intimacy with Lu Han has turned him into a live wire, even his fingertips seem to cackle with static when they touch Lu Han’s skin. Sehun’s heartbeat is a loud roar in his ears but he hears it when Lu Han’s quiet gasp escapes from between their lips. Only when his eyelids flutter open then did Sehun realize he had them closed, too. But Lu Han presses down and Sehun shuts everything out again to breathe Lu Han in, leaning in to kiss him again from another angle. Everything is soft and a dream lies beneath Sehun’s feet. Every kiss feels like Sehun’s first, every sigh he elicits rings like a love poem recited.

Then Lu Han makes a rough sound at the back of his throat and the chaste kiss becomes hot and desperate. Sehun clutches the collar of Lu Han’s uniform to pull him in even closer, gasping when Lu Han sucks his lower lip. And then Sehun’s pressing their lips together with even more urgency, hands running down Lu Han’s arms. Oh god, Sehun wants to touch him his skin, to feel him. It’s maddening to hold himself back, but he does, choosing to frame Lu Han’s face with his hands and kiss the breath out of him instead.

When they part – harsh pants gliding across each other’s cheek – Sehun pauses for a while to appreciate the moment for a bit more, before he slowly drags his lids open. But reality seeps through the cracks in his dream and Sehun loses his footing, when he sees that expression on Lu Han’s face. That familiar expression of unknown dread.

He’s sure Lu Han kissed him back, so Sehun reaches for his hand. But while Lu Han allows his touch, the look on his expression persists. He looks as if he just realized something terrible.

“Sehun,” Lu Han starts, his voice trembling, but then, all he whispers is, “no.”

No, and then Lu Han stands up, removes Sehun’s hand and rushes out of the pavilion before any more words could be uttered.

Sehun wakes up from his short dream.

♫♫♫

“I threw popcorn,” Sehun explains in a daze, “but he didn’t throw any back.”

He looks normal but just in case, Jongin drags Sehun away from the edge of the rooftop.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t contemplating anything,” he says dully. But his voice suddenly goes small. “He didn’t come in for tuition on Monday.” Sehun blinks, not saying anything else.

“Real feelings are so scary,” Chanyeol says worriedly to Kyungsoo while they watch Jongin stuff a chocopie into Sehun’s hand like some sort of teenage consolation.

“What’s all this popcorn talk?” Kyungsoo asks Chanyeol.

“If you throw popcorn at someone, it means you like him.” The earnestness in Chanyeol’s voice is frightening, so Kyungsoo refuses to ask more.

“You just need a new tutor,” advises Jongin. “How about Kyungsoo!” he suggests brightly, still trying for his cute male-bonding thing.

What do ex-gangster students who are trying to turn over a new leaf know? Sehun sighs. But once the idea pops into his head, Jongin is ablaze with enthusiasm.

“Trust me, I'm your best friend!" Jongin exclaims and Sehun hears the loud unspoken echo of 'and I will ruin your life again and again with every chance I get, including this one' but he ventures on anyway, because there's still that one shred of naivety left in Sehun's heart, no matter what Chanyeol says. “Alright…” Sehun mutters grudgingly.

“What do you say, Kyungsoo?” he asks excitedly. But Kyungsoo just shrugs at him with indifference, like, it’s just Sehun, Jonginnie, why are you asking me this?

He might be nursing a heartbreak but Sehun is still Sehun, and this is unacceptable behavior towards him. How dare Kyungsoo. How dare he assume Sehun would say yes to tuition with him, even if he just did. The queue of people waiting to tutor him could go around Earth several times and still make it to Pluto. “How are your grades?” Sehun challenges Kyungsoo, nose high in the air.

“A's,” Kyungsoo says, studying his nails as if bored. Sehun is amazed Kyungsoo doesn’t burn on the spot with the admiration blazing from Jongin’s eyes.

“A for which subjects?” asks Chanyeol with awe.

Kyungsoo looks up from his nails to stare pointedly at them and Sehun’s chocopie drops to the floor.

“If you don’t stop making baby noises, my manly body might react badly by punching you,” Chanyeol warns Jongin.

♫♫♫

It’s Friday; Lu Han didn’t turn up for tuition on Monday and Wednesday. Sehun mopes and drapes himself over the coffee table like he’s checkered red tablecloth.

“It’s nice having tuition with you, too,” says Kyungsoo dispassionately, sitting on the other side of the table.

“I’m too dead on the inside to squabble with you,” Sehun replies in a flat voice, not bothering to move. He closes his eyes, not wanting to think about straight A's ex-gangster students or Lu Han.

“Fine, I’m leaving,” quips Kyungsoo, packing up his stuff. It’s not like Jongin is around anyway.

In reply, Sehun feigns death.

“Oh.” He hears Kyungsoo say on his way out. Maybe he misheard and it’s actually ‘bye’. So Sehun mumbles to the table, “Bye.”

“I’ve just arrived though.”

Sehun jerks as if electrocuted and he struggles to get up from the table. It’s Lu Han, standing at the door of his bedroom, still as beautiful as Sehun first saw him, still as confused as Sehun last remembered him.

“Why are you here?” Sehun asks shakily, breaking the silence first.

He watches Lu Han struggle with his answer. A variety of expressions flit across his face. “Tuition,” he finally decides.

Sehun is suddenly angry. He gets up on his feet and stalks up to Lu Han, drawing to his full height and looking down at him. “You turn up here after missing two sessions of tuition, after,” at this point, Sehun releases the breath he’s holding, “after walking out on me, and now all you want to do is to resume tuition. You don’t even want to talk about it. Really? Lu Han?” Not Lu Han hyung, not seonsaengnim.

“I didn’t walk out on you,” Lu Han says defensively but Sehun is quick to interrupt.

“Yes, you did!” Sehun shouts without meaning to, but nothing is intended when it comes to Lu Han. He drives Sehun into a corner each and every time, so flustered he couldn’t even plan for anything. “You did,” he repeats in disbelief, as if he still couldn’t convince himself Lu Han really didthat.

“You don’t like me?” Sehun means that as a statement but it turns out small and broken. It ends up as a plea.

He wishes Lu Han would protest this. Instead, he just lets his shoulders slump. “Sehun ah,” Lu Han whispers, like he’s the one suffering. It sounds a lot like ‘no’ all over again.

Sehun is confused and he couldn’t keep the helplessness and hurt out of his voice, couldn’t even disguise them. “Then why did you kiss me?” he asks softly and waits a long time for Lu Han’s reply.

But Lu Han just clenches his jaw and stares at Sehun with big sad eyes.

Sourness pricks Sehun’s lids and floods his tongue. It tastes like disappointment. Fuck this. It hurts too much, Sehun doesn’t care anymore. He takes a big step back away from Lu Han. “Don’t come again, I got a new tutor,” Sehun says with false nonchalance.

This seems to finally stir up Lu Han. “You have a new tutor?” he asks, pulling his brows together.

“Yeah, you saw him on his way out, didn’t you? We just finished tuition,” says Sehun, voice a bit too loud for someone who doesn’t care.

“Don’t be stupid,” bites out Lu Han, “your grades were improving, don’t do this.”

Sehun smiles sadly. “Yes, I’m always the stupid one, am I not, seonsaengnim?” His voice is quiet. “You walked away and I asked why. I shouldn’t have,” he admits. It’s embarrassing, trying to salvage something another is so willing to throw away. He wears his scowl to protect himself, the old mask he has discarded for Lu Han.

Lu Han’s anger vanishes when he sees Sehun pretend to be strong. “Sehun-ah,” he says pleadingly, looking at Sehun with the same confused expression that has grown so familiar.

“Don’t look at me.” Sehun lowers his eyes to avoid Lu Han’s gaze, and this time, he means his words.

This time, Sehun walks out on Lu Han first.

♫♫♫

Sehun doesn’t go home after school on odd days of the week anymore. He doesn’t go to the rooftop, but he doesn’t have tuition with Kyungsoo either. He has sworn off tuition. Instead, he stays at the school library to study, and when it closes, he shifts to a café near the school to resume work, packing up to return home only when it nears midnight.

He repeats this day after day, two entire weeks, but when he steps outside the school gate today, he pauses and stares at the distance for a while. Then he picks up pace again. The café is just a corner away. Just fifty meters away. Sehun considers making a run for it. But it would be too foolish; it would also mean it still matters to Sehun.

Lu Han doesn’t care though. He sprints up to Sehun, catching his arm before he bends over and pants harshly, although his eyes are locked with Sehun’s.

Sehun wants to snatch his arm back and ask Lu Han to go but when he opens his mouth, these words tumble out instead, “You look terrible.”

There’s stubble on Lu Han’s chin, and his eyes, so gentle and brown previously, are now bloodshot. But Lu Han just asks, “Where’s your new tutor?” He sounds hopeful.

“That’s none of your business,” Sehun recovers and tries to pull his arm free.

“I’ve made up my mind,” Lu Han says, biting his lower lip. He lets go of Sehun, fully expecting him to stay after his words but Sehun strides off instead.

“About us,” Lu Han elaborates breathlessly, jogging to keep up with Sehun.

That does it. Sehun brakes and Lu Han bumps into him. “Just?” he says emotionlessly and watches Lu Han press a hand against his mouth, as if he’s just realized he said the wrong thing. He looks sick but Sehun has stepped beyond that line. “You just made up your mind about us?” Sehun tries to stay stoic but agitation is seeping into his voice. “Let me tell you when I made up my mind about us, Lu Han. It was when you told me about the lion and then asked if I was fine. It was when you put a hand over mine and told me it was going to be ok. Every time you called me ‘our Sehunnie’, when you allowed me to call you ‘Lu Han hyung’,” Sehun makes a muted sound as he gasps against the sharp pain in his chest and his eyes go bright and shiny with moisture, but he no longer cares about being the losing one in this relationship. He opens up all his vulnerable spots just so Lu Han and all those beautiful memories could have one last chance to hurt him all over again.

“When I read your stupid notes, I,” Sehun’s voice trips, so caught up in the flood of memories he couldn’t speak right, “I still have them in my drawer,” he whispers, so softly, so quietly, when he turns to peer into Lu Han’ eyes, all his emotions pressing onto this moment. “Lu Han ah,” he doesn’t want to sound like he’s begging but there’s just no other way to define the catch in his voice; he can’t even seem to breathe right now, “did you know?”

How could you not know?

“When I kissed you in the pavilion and you kissed me back,” Sehun trembles and exhales heavily, his words running into each other. “I thought we were it,” Sehun confesses quietly, “I really thought we-” he couldn’t even finish his sentence, just closes his eyes and turns to walk away.

“Please don’t go,” Lu Han says, sounding small and helpless. “I like you, I really do.”

“Don’t,” Sehun warns, his steps turning brisk. He doesn’t know why Lu Han is only telling him this now, doesn’t know if he’s just pacifying him.

When Sehun doesn’t even stop, Lu Han begins to jog again. He runs up to Sehun sniffling and he might be tearing a little but Lu Han doesn’t bother. “I wanted to quit after a week of tuition,” he explains, desperation jumbling up his words. “I was tired every day, too tired. Have I ever shown you my schedule before, Sehun?” Lu Han reaches into his haversack, tripping over his other foot because he isn’t looking at where he’s going. But Sehun doesn’t stop and Lu Han has to continue jogging alongside him.

He pulls out his planner and something else falls out as well but Lu Han doesn’t even notice in his hurry; he just flips open the book and shows it to Sehun. “I couldn’t fit you in here, but I did. I had to stay up for school work and everything else; I hardly had time to sleep. But I, I stayed on. For you,” Lu Han stammers and flushes hotly at having to confess this way, like he’s begging for it. “Sehun, please,” Lu Han chokes out. When Sehun simply continues to walk away, Lu Han pushes his planner into Sehun’s hand, but Sehun curls his hand into a fist and his notebook just drops to the ground. Lu Han stops running and stares at it, tears blurring his vision.

“Sehun ah,” Lu Han calls out gently as a tear falls.

But Sehun just pauses to say, “You get paid for tuition, Lu Han, don’t make yourself sound so noble.” He doesn’t even turn his back. If Sehun had spared Lu Han a glance and looked a bit harder, he would have seen that yes, Lu Han looks terrible but he no longer seems confused.

Lu Han stops breathing when he hears Sehun says this, looking like he has just been slapped across the face. “It’s not about money,” he rasps out to Sehun’s back, voice faltering.

“I don’t care what it’s about, Lu Han,” Sehun snaps, but he blinks in shock when he finally swivels around and sees Lu Han cry in silence. . He looks beautiful even when he’s crying. The tears hang on his eyelashes as if they were crystals, but his eyes are locked stubbornly on his scheduler that’s still lying on concrete. Something sharp pierces his heart at the sight of Lu Han looking so sad. He doesn’t want to see Lu Han cry. But, “I don’t care anymore,” Sehun lies and doesn’t stay to see the horrible effect his words have on Lu Han.

♫♫♫

It’s been a month since Sehun last saw Lu Han and when asked, he says he doesn’t miss him at all.

But Jongin tells a different story. “The real one,” he emphasizes. “Sehun is a bit strange on odd days of the week. He asks to hang out with us but always make us feel like we’re the wrong company for him. It’s true, none of us is Seonsaengnim,” Jongin explains, pointing at Chanyeol, “I mean, look at that coconut tree.” Then he stares at Kyungsoo, blushing a little when he catches his eyes. “Kyungsoo’s cute too, but he’s a different kind of cute. Please don’t tell him I said this,” he mutters in a single breath. “What about me? It depends... are you a nuna?”

“This might be best friends syntax, but you know how Sehun was sometimes a piece of shit? No, surely you’re aware? Stop speaking up for him,” Jongin says impatiently. “Anyway, Sehun was a piece of shit but now, he’s just… there,” he frowns. “He doesn’t talk back anymore. He isn’t a brat to his hyungs anymore, doesn’t do stupid things like sniffing the back of my neck for no good reason anymore - which is good because dude, that’s disgusting, although I also miss it… He doesn’t laugh his squinty-eyed laughs anymore, doesn’t make annoying dumb faces at me when I’m talking anymore,” Jongin pauses to re-evaluate. “Wow, now that I’m listing it all out, it’s like Sehun isn’t Sehun anymore. Does Sehun even have any good points, you ask? Um, yeah he has them but urgh, am I supposed to list them out, that’s gross. Of course I only dish out his shit like how all best friends betray each other.”

“Sehun always says he’s fine but don’t trust him, trust me instead,” Jongin thumps a fist on his chest, like that’d really prove his credibility.

“Sehun misses his seonsaengnim everyday.”

♫♫♫

Sehun plops down on the couch beside his mom to watch television this Sunday afternoon. The clock sways on its side above him, creaks filling the living room.

“Have you finished your work?” his mom asks suspiciously.

“Yeah,” Sehun replies flatly, “I’m ahead of class.”

Sehun’s mom is impressed but she isn’t convinced. “Say, you received your report card on Friday, right? Show it to me.”

Sighing heavily, Sehun gets up to go to his room and get the card. It’s on the coffee table, pinned down by his wooden ruler. Sehun doesn’t know when Lu Han returned it to him. Probably the last time he dropped by, when they had their fight, he thinks bitterly. Sehun drags the report card out and sends the ruler flipping on the table. When it clatters to a stop with the underside showing, Sehun freezes. He picks up the ruler and scrutinizes it. There’s a ｀へ´ face carved on it, right beside an integration formula.

Lu Han.

Breathing is suddenly a chore and the bruise in his heart begins hurting again. Sehun is afraid the pain would last like all previous attacks. It’s been a month but it only gets worse. He drops the ruler and quickly walks out of his room to place the card into his mom’s open palm.

“What’s the hurry?” His mom asks and gives him a strange look. Sehun just shakes his head.

“As and Bs, finally, no Fs,” Mrs. Oh smiles; satisfaction suits her face. “I’d be sure to buy Lu Han something for his efforts.”

Sehun’s chest tightens around his heart and squeezes mercilessly at Lu Han’s name. He swallows the lump in his throat to ask cautiously, “Are you still in contact with him?” His mom knows they’ve ceased tuition but refrains from asking much as Sehun has insisted so strongly, she knows she wouldn’t get a word in anyway.

“Of course,” she says distractedly, turning her attention back to the television. “You know Kim Sangmin-sshi of the neighborhood supermart 5 blocks down?” At Sehun’s nod, she continues, “Lu Han is the son of his longtime customer and I met him by chance when I was there, got to know he studied veterinary and asked if he could be your tutor. I was just asking,” Sehun’s mom clarifies hastily. “I would have paid for a tutor for you anyway, but since he must be really smart to get into veterinary… To my surprise, he agreed! Such a nice boy, you don’t get them much these days,” she adds.

Sehun’s mouth goes dry. “What do you mean you would have paid for a tutor anyway?”

Mrs. Oh turns to face her son since the commercials are on. “I didn’t pay Lu Han anything for tuition.” Then she pats Sehun’s cheek. “Why do you look so pale?”

♫♫♫

Sehun envelopes Jongin in a full body hug when he arrives. “I love you,” he says fiercely in Jongin’s ear, before taking the money in his hand and dashing off to buy a zoo ticket. Sehun has been waiting for him at the entrance of the zoo. He grabbed his T-money but left home for the zoo in such a hurry that he forgot his wallet, and Jongin lives closer to the zoo than he does.

“Ah, well,” Jongin mutters, scratching his ear, just a bit embarrassed. “I love you, too!” he calls out impulsively and gets a wave in return. Then suddenly, Sehun is running back to him again.

“I made him cry,” Sehun admits to Jongin between pants, worry drawing his brows together. “I’m scared.”

This is strange; Sehun has never told him about his fears before. “It’s alright,” Jongin says, sounding just a tad unsure. “I guess it’s ok to be scared about important things.” He might have memorized this piece of wisdom from some quote book; Jongin honestly can’t remember.

“Yeah?” Sehun mumbles and Jongin thinks he’s going to cry. He sure is making the same face he did when Jongin first saw him in elementary school, bawling his eyes out because his mom just left. You aren’t a person’s best friend until you’ve seen his ugliest crying face. Sehun cries just as much as him; Jongin just threatens him less with this fact.

“Yeah, I think you looked happier with him around,” Jongin squints against the sunlight in his eyes and says.

Sehun’s mouth scrunches up into this funny shape and Jongin tuts to make his annoyance known. “Sehun,” he snaps, “remember when you lost your absolute favorite pencil case in third grade, the one you said you’d pass down to your children as the family heirloom and their kids would have to pass down to their kids and so on until the family died out and then it’d have to go to a museum, if museums still existed?”

Sehun nods.

“Yes or no!” snips Jongin.

“Yes…”

“Well, you look a million times sadder now.”

In the end, Sehun doesn’t manage to thank Jongin because people who have known each other half their lives don’t say ‘thank you’ to each other. Pulling ‘I love you’s off as jokes is fine, but sincere ‘thank you’s are embarrassing as hell.

He just awkwardly taps Jongin’s shoulder before running off.

Fortunately, people who have known each other half their lives don’t need words to understand some things.

“What would he do without me?” Jongin shakes his head and laments to Sehun’s retreating back.

♫♫♫

Sehun stalks the entire zoo twice but couldn’t find Lu Han. Exhausted, he staggers into the penguin enclosure now, hoping to find him here, although the last two visits didn’t prevail. “Where’s Lu Han hyung?” he asks the fattest penguin dejectedly with the glass between them, although he couldn’t be sure it’s Ludacris.

“I messed up,” he confesses, making to sit on the floor so that he’s on eye-level with Ludacris (?) who’s standing by the glass of the enclosure. Sehun ignores the gawking of the crowd in the penguin enclosure.

“I’d understand if he doesn’t want to see me again,” Sehun stares into the penguin’s beady eyes. “I was an ass.”

Sehun waits with bated breath. Because according to clichéd plotlines, Lu Han is supposed to overhear his heartfelt confession and appears out of nowhere to forgive him. Then they might kiss, or not. Sehun has a mint, just in case.

His wait comes to fruition when the camouflaged door beside him opens and out steps the person he’s been pining after for a month. Without warning, pain overwhelms Sehun at the sight of Lu Han, and for a second, Sehun fears he’ll never be alright again, even if this ends well. The bruise in his heart sinks cruelly into the sorest, softest part of Sehun where Lu Han resides and it’s incredibly hard to breathe with this pain.

Sehun wants to say ‘sorry, I was so stupid’, or an unimpressive but wholly true ‘hello, I miss you.’ Anything, something. But he fears words are not enough to make Lu Han stay and Sehun has no good tricks up his sleeve for this. He ends up just staring at Lu Han, not doing anything. He can’t do anything.

Lu Han widens his eyes at the sight of Sehun sitting at his feet in the penguin enclosure. “What the hell are you doing here?” he asks accusingly. Then his mouth pulls itself into a straight line and he looks away.

But then someone steps out to stand beside Lu Han. He’s so tall and gorgeous that Sehun shoots up immediately, feeling threatened. He reads the name on the tall stranger’s tag. Kris.

“Huh,” Kris says stupidly as his eyes fly from Lu Han to Sehun.

Sehun shifts his feet, unsure what to think of the stranger. He looks formidable but sounds dumb.

“Sehun?” Kris tests and receives a jab from Lu Han in the ribs. “Hey!” He protests and shoves Lu Han’s shoulders.

Sehun quickly makes to stand between Kris and Lu Han.

“He’s protecting you, this is so cute,” Kris says to Lu Han over Sehun’s head.

Sehun stands over 180cm; why does this kind of shit still happen to him? “Who are you?” It’s hard to be rude and polite at the same time but Sehun somehow manages it.

“Kris,” Kris says at the same time Lu Han shouts, “Nobody!”

“Kris Nobody,” Kris re-introduces himself lamely. This is so unfunny that Sehun tries to stare Kris into submission, and he’s a little shocked that it works.

“You are so fierce,” Kris pouts (What the fuck, Sehun thinks). “No wonder Lu Han is ditching you.”

“Time!” Lu Han yells and tells Kris to take a long walk on a deep river and hopefully sink. Kris slinks away only after realizing he doesn’t have a good enough retort for that.

Sehun hasn’t seen a more abusive friendship since Jongin and himself.

But this isn’t a good time to ponder about friendships because Lu Han has just spun on his heels to face him. “Please go,” he says quietly and Sehun wishes he was still yelling.

He keeps his eyes on Lu Han and slowly shakes his head.

But Lu Han nods. “Ok,” he quips lightly before brushing past Sehun to stalk out of the penguin enclosure.

Sehun keeps up quietly behind him.

“Go!” Lu Han finally snaps after Sehun makes to follow him into restricted area.

This is the third time Lu Han has rejected Sehun. “Please don’t do this to me again.” Sehun hears his voice break mid-sentence.

“Do what, Sehun?” Lu Han asks plainly, although his eyes redden so fast, he has to glare at Sehun to suppress his emotions.

In reply, Sehun takes Lu Han’s right hand and places it on his own shoulder. Then he takes a step back with Lu Han’s hand still on him. “This,” he whispers, eyes as red as Lu Han’s.

The crease between Lu Han’s brows intensifies but the glare is ruined when his mouth also twists, so instead of looking fierce, Lu Han just looks like he’s trying really hard not to break down. His hand trembles in Sehun’s grip.

Sehun mirrors him. They both hurt.

“If I let go of you, will you run again?” Sehun asks softly, as if speaking to a spooked deer. He peers into Lu Han’s eyes, and those familiar lights glimmer so gently, like candles swaying down a dark river.

Slowly, with his eyes locked onto Sehun’s, Lu Han taps Sehun’s knuckles. Once. Twice. Thrice. Until Sehun finally understands. That was Lu Han’s favorite spot to hit with the ruler. Sehun wants to smile; he ends up holding back his tears so hard his stomach starts cramping instead. He releases his hold on Lu Han so he could speak.

“I miss you so much and I now hurt a lot. I know this might sound funny but there’s a weird tight feeling in my chest, not just because of all these,” Sehun throws his hands up as if to indicate the squabbles he and Lu Han had. “I mean, it’s been there like way before, ever since I got to know you. It gets really painful every time I think about you and I think about you all the time,” Sehun stops because it suddenly becomes too much, he has to blink to push back his emotions. He swallows and sniffles, struggling to push his voice out. “I think,” he says, meaning to sound strong but his words come out weak and hoarse. Sehun scowls and sniffles again, clearing his throat. “I think about you all the time,” he repeats in a frighteningly soft voice and stops, because he can’t say anything else. Anything that comes out next would become a sob because the tears are coming.

“Don’t cry,” Lu Han says, sounding frantic. He lifts a hand but Sehun stops him.

“No,” he gasps, “If you- I don’t think I can continue.” And so, Lu Han lets his hand fall.

“Have I said that I’m sorry? Yeah, I’m so sorry. I’ve spoken words I didn’t mean. You hurt me really badly. I, I thought,” he gnaws his lower lip for a second as though what he’s going to say next is difficult. “I thought you liked me, back at the pavilion when we, and then you just stopped coming for tuition, you didn’t want to see me anymore. You didn’t like me.” Sehun’s entire face collapses when he recalls this. He looks to be in so much pain that Lu Han takes a step forward but Sehun shakes his head. “Then out of the blue, you sought me out and said all the things I wanted to hear. After turning me down twice, it was just crazy. I was angry and confused.” Sehun is crying openly now; every word of his is accompanied by a tear. He doesn’t care, doesn’t even feel embarrassed. “I couldn’t think right. I was mean.” He lets out a harsh sigh, shuddering, and another tear drips from his chin when he concedes, “I wanted to hurt you like how you hurt me.” He pauses to see how Lu Han would react to this.

Sehun looks so terrified, Lu Han feels his whole body cave on the inside. He wishes he could make it stop hurting for Sehun, but all he could say is, “Sehun ah, it’s ok.”

When he hears the familiar endearment, a gush of relief floods Sehun. It’s amazing how Lu Han still makes everything alright. He smiles with tears in his eyes. Lu Han smiles back at him.

This feels so easy, Sehun is sure that something is going about to go very wrong again, like how it did back in the pavilion. Good things never last when they come easy. “I’m so stupid. I babbled, I know, I’m sorry, I just can’t help it,” Sehun chokes out. “I’m afraid.” The sharp pain in his chest just won’t go away.

“Why are you scared?” Lu Han asks, clenching his hands into fists so he could hold onto his promise not to touch Sehun.

“I’m scared you will, that you,” Sehun takes a deep breath so he could continue without getting interrupted by his gasps for air. He says slowly and painfully, “I’m scared that you will push me away again.”

And just like that, Lu Han loosens his fists to throw his arms around Sehun and gather him close. His hands run over Sehun’s back, comforting him as if he’s a child, and Sehun yields to his touch, curving himself like molten metal so he could fit against Lu Han. “I’d never,” Lu Han whispers against Sehun’s neck, feeling his eyes grow hot again, “never push you away again. I’m sorry to have hurt you so much. I’m sorry, so sorry,” Lu Han keeps repeating in a hushed tone, soothing Sehun until he calms down.

“I was afraid, too,” Lu Han mumbles, voice muffled against heated skin. “No,” he says quickly when Sehun makes to lift his head up from Lu Han’s shoulder, “just stay here and listen to me.” When Sehun settles down again, Lu Han continues, as if he’s a narrator, not a main character. “I like you, Sehun. I really, really like you. You know this, right?” Lu Han starts speaking again only when he feels Sehun nod. He nods, too. “But I am about to graduate and start a new job, and you,” at this point, Lu Han smiles wistfully to himself and raises a hand to stroke Sehun’s hair, “you are so young. Only eighteen.” The best time of Sehun’s life. Lu Han sounds glad, but also sad.

Lu Han stops talking when Sehun curls slim fingers around his wrist and brings his hand down. He smiles when Sehun’s fingers thread through his to entwine them together, allowing their hug to break so Sehun could bend to press their foreheads together. This feels incredibly intimate, so warm and tender that Lu Han couldn’t speak smoothly anymore.

“I worried about a lot of things. You still have so much to see, so much to learn. I didn’t want to take this away from you.” He blinks rapidly, wet lashes tickling the softness of Sehun’s cheek. “I started thinking a lot about the future, about us. I hesitated and hurt you, hurt us.” Something wet stains Sehun’s skin and he kisses a tear away from Lu Han’s eye.

Gasping at the gentle touch, Lu Han says, “I, I don’t just want the present. I want us to be together, for a long time. A long, long time. I might be more into this than you are.” He pauses, and Sehun takes the opportunity to open his eyes and stare deeply into Lu Han’s. “Am I scaring you?” Lu Han quietly asks. There’s an entire world in Sehun’s eyes and Lu Han is greedy. He wants it all.

Sehun kisses Lu Han. It’s his most honest reply.

His lips slide smoothly alongside Lu Han’s, hands pressing into the small of Lu Han’s back so they could press their hearts together. Sehun has never tasted tears as sweet as theirs. He fits a hand against the slope of Lu Han’s jaw and tilts his face up, deepening the kiss. They kiss gently, slowly, squandering time.

When they break to steal snatches of air, Sehun says, simply and earnestly, “I don’t want the present or the future. I only want you.” He’s not even smiling. Sehun doesn’t mind bruises; he’d invite Lu Han into his heart over and over again. He’s never had a more beautiful visitor.

Then Sehun places one hand into Lu Han’s open palm. With his free hand, he curls Lu Han’s hand around his, locking himself down. “Don’t let me go again,” Sehun mumbles.

What do you say when someone presses his heart into your hand? Lu Han could think of nothing.

Sehun helps him. “This is when we kiss a second time.”

Lu Han is happy to oblige.

♫♫♫

“You are right, I’m too young to be in a committed relationship,” Sehun complains while he flips over a page of his immunology textbook.

“You are three years late in realizing this, but fine, I’m too busy to date an undergrad anyway,” Lu Han mutters distractedly while he uses his phone to peruse the detailed notes of his patient, an old pug who had a popped eye. The appointment for a follow-up is later this afternoon and he always prefers to review his cases early rather than do it in the clinic. He’s always busy which is why he has taken to working at Sehun’s so they could at least breathe the same air in the same room. Romantic old couple.

However, he makes Sehun study while he works. This is like tuition all over again. Even if Lu Han looks hot in his new specs.

Lu Han’s reply deeply offends Sehun, although he started it. “I recall you holding onto my hand like it was the most precious thing in the world back then,” he says, sounding disappointed. “Now, don’t misunderstand, I’m really sorry some corgi broke its short legs, but what about me?” Sehun demands, vying for Lu Han’s attention with an imaginary crippled dog.

“Technically, you pushed your hand into mine, even forcing me to grip back. I had little choice in the matter,” Lu Han drawls, “and it’s a pug.”

Sehun bristles. “Stop looking through your notes, you should help me study,” he accuses.

“You treat humans, I treat animals,” Lu Han deadpans, "although sometimes you make it hard for me to tell the difference between the two."

Cue for divine intervention, and if Sehun isn’t divine, he doesn’t know what is. “Seonsaengnim,” Sehun says in a low voice when he leans over, intent clear when he gazes into Lu Han’s eyes and removes his specs. Then his eyes move down to stare at Lu Han’s lips.

Sehun hasn’t called Lu Han ‘seonsaengnim’ for years, not even ‘Lu Han hyung’. He just calls him ‘Lu Han’ now. But well, when the mood is right.

“I’m suspecting that this is really your kink,” Lu Han says, smile coy as he throws an arm around Sehun’s neck, drawing him close to speak hotly into his ear. “What’s the angle between my blood veins, Doctor?”

Sehun can’t believe Lu Han remembers. He’s a kinky and cheesy bastard, but Sehun grins suggestively and lowers his head to kiss Lu Han.

“Which part of your body are we referring to?”

♫♫♫

Jongin is a shy boy. But it’s still not a valid reason for why he hasn’t confessed after three long years.

Kyungsoo decides to take things into his own hands since, what the fuck, they’re graduating next year.

“You studied like crazy to enter Seoul university, why?” he asks. Then before Jongin could reply, Kyungsoo says, “It’s because of me.”

Flushing madly, Jongin stammers, “T-this is not a good time to talk about this.” His crush on Kyungsoo has grown increasingly obvious over the years, so Jongin shouldn’t be surprised, but no, really, it’s not a good time because he’s is in the shower after an intense dance session and Kyungsoo is shouting to be heard over running water in the locker room. But he’s just glad Kyungsoo didn’t jerk open the shower curtain, oh. He just did.

Kyungsoo wants to force Jongin to face his feelings, only to get Jongin’s thing in his face. It’s a shame he’s stopping the water and grabbing his towel now but whatever. Later, after they get through this, Kyungsoo could see what he wants to see for however long a time he likes.

But Jongin is too dumbstruck to comprehend Kyungsoo. It’s natural considering his predicament but Kyungsoo is demanding as hell. He tries to think of an easier way to put it across.

“You want to throw popcorn at me,” he states and sees comprehension engulfs Jongin’s face. Kyungsoo can’t believe he’s just validated Chanyeol after years of disbelief.

“I want to throw popcorn at you, too.” Kyungsoo refuses to be embarrassed. He fails.

Jongin nods stiffly. He wonders if it’s a good time to drop the towel and let things proceed from there.

But Kyungsoo just says, “Good,” and whips the curtains back in place.

The water starts running again but Kyungsoo hears suspicious sounds. “Jongin?” he shouts.

“Yes?”

“Are you crying?”

“No,” Jongin lies.

end

for you, i hope you like this! the reason for writing this is completely bc of you♥

& thanks to you once again, for your beta efforts. always excellent! thank you for taking the time out to help, despite your busy schedule. i rly, rly, appreciate it♥

all mistakes are mine bc i just couldn't leave this alone after beta. thanks for reading, as always :3

Comments

[pound]

lays on the ground and withers away

pls have my heart pls take it

[happinessplate]

taking your heart away with relish >:)

[(Anonymous)]

This so cliche and fluffy I think I'm gonna combust!! Loved every line of it! ^u^

[happinessplate]

thanks for liking :D

/put out your fire

[(Anonymous)]

ahhh this fic was so cute I absolutely loved it and I think you did a great job with their characterisation too
I loved the misunderstanding between them!!! it was gr8 I teared up and I loved it eeeeeeee
also the kaisoo was cute! and sekai's bromance!! but most of all the selu was adorabubbles!!!!!
honestly I love this fic to bits 😭😭😭😊😊😊😍😍😍😍😚😚😚❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

thank you for writing this!!

- niyaowo @ lj

[happinessplate]

lol at adorabubbles! i'd be sure to use it some time soon ;D
thank you for liking the characterisation!

[(Anonymous)]

god I love you there was selu and kaisoo in here and it was just the right mix of humorous and touching and I cried ODG
i am not ok pls take my firstborn child

[happinessplate]

thanks for reading & commenting but...

pls keep your firstborn ;-;

[(Anonymous)]

this is just the right amount of fluff and crack and romance and angst in one go, so perfect <3
i'm like lol-ing all the way at the beginning but then i teared up on the last part XD
thank you for sharing with us..

[happinessplate]

thank you for letting me know this was alright for you, too!

[(Anonymous)]

lord forbid selu. i am a mess this is just beautiful i am so sad. this is so nice a beautiful and please enter all the nice adjectives i can use to describe this because my vocab is very very small. (and kaisoo jesus christ i dont even)

i am nowhere near okay pls take my virtue my first born child my everything

[happinessplate]

your vocab is absolutely perfect :3
thank you so much for reading, commenting & for offering your everything❤️

[(Anonymous)]

And this is why I can never stray from Hunhan. it's all so fluffy and I feel stuff and hurt and AGHHHHHH

[happinessplate]

lol at the AGHHH at the end. thanks for reading & commenting!

[(Anonymous)]

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS (ilu author too)

the fluffffffff the cuuute and the angssssst jeebus i just /flails limbs off/ i srsly cannot stop smiling at this and maybe teared up at some parts but srsly

weeps for hunhan and kaisoo omf thank you authornim bless u and your beautiful soul <3

[happinessplate]

thank you so much, anon-nim. bless you for your lovely words :)

[read0write.livejournal.com]

omfg that was so cute and sweet
that freakin' kyungsoo and jongin side stuff was so adorable
but aww sehun and luhan ;-; at least things worked out so well :D

[happinessplate]

glad to note it ended well for you, too :D
thanks for reading & commenting!

FAV FAV FAV FAV FAV

[(Anonymous)]

"“Your brain, it exists,” Jongin marvels.

“I know,”, says Sehun in awe, wrapping his hands around his head, as if protecting his new found brain. “Tuition is the best thing in the world!”"

I marvel at the existence of his brain too, Jongin.

SO THAT WAS AMAZING. I WAS LAUGHING AT FIRST AND NOW IT'S RAINING ON MY FACE AND WHEN I READ THE END IT RAINED HARDER GOD BLESS MUCH THANK FAAAAAV QUQ

I'm so incoherent right now but oh god this was amazing thank you for sharing it!!!

Re: FAV FAV FAV FAV FAV

[happinessplate]

i so love cappy comments! here's a brolly for your face ☂ ;-;
thank you for thinking this was alright, thank you for telling me so :D

[(Anonymous)]

too cute TT <3

[happinessplate]

thank you ;-;

SORRY I DONT HAVE AN ACCOUNT :-(

[(Anonymous)]

I READ YOUR GQ GANGSTER AND GOD, THAT WAS AMAZING. when i saw this and it was hunhan, i think i was already sobbing into my pillow. your writing flows so well and i enjoy reading your work SO much. there are a billion things i could compliment you on but if i tried, i would never stop?!!?? i rly liked how ''strict'' luhan was in here but was just as affected by sehun's qtness the way sehun was with luhan. :- ((( and omggg, when sehun found out that luhan was getting next to no sleep bc of him and he tried so hard to study so luhan wouldn't have to stay over as long. SEHUN IS SUCH A QTPIE ;w;

ZOO DATE ☆*･゜ﾟ･*\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆

'your luhan hyung'(╥_╥)
'our sehunnie' (╥_╥)

“You get paid for tuition, Lu Han, don’t make yourself sound so noble.”
no O OO oo o O OOOO o o oo OOOO

WHEN SEHUN FINDS OUT THAT LUHAN DOESN'T GET PAID, IT'S LIKE A PUNCH IN THE GUT. A STAB TO THE HEART. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE STABBING ME IN THE BACK AND TWISTING THE KNIFE A THOUSAND TIMES

ok i think that's enough. hopefully this comment doesn't look as bad as i think it is. i also rly loved the kaisoo side story and that last kaisoo bit with jongin crying. fuck, that's so jongin, i'm chortling.

I RLY WANT TO THROW POPCORN AT YOU, BYE!!!!

(i also hope we get to see more from you :3)

Re: SORRY I DONT HAVE AN ACCOUNT :-(

[happinessplate]

lol zoo date. i had just gone to the zoo when i wrote this back then, so i inserted in it :3 penguins are so cute
getting stabbed in the back is the worst thing ever, i know, both literally & figuratively!
this comment is right at the top of my excellent list, no worries :D
popcorn fight it is. i'm as good with eating them as i'm with launching them.

(from historical stats, it looks like 1 fic every 6 mths...

...or not idk!)

BRB ROLLING OFF OF MY BED INTO THE STREETS WATING TO GET HIT BY A BUS

[(Anonymous)]

I feel so
You are so
Why are you so

pls don't get hit by a bus ;-;

[happinessplate]

could we fix you if you broke
and is your punch line just a joke
i'll never talk again, oh boy, you've left me

throws a bucket of popcorn on my laptop screen

[(Anonymous)]

screams hysterically i haven't had these much emotions since forever
i haven't read a long one shot this good since forever
have my heart forever

VET!LU AND DOC!SE THO think of all dat kink

a+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ for kaisoo and popcorn throwing and also selu and angles ehUEHEUHEUE

one thing that bothered me was the 'tuition' though. shouldn't it be tutoring? or tutoring sessions? or sessions? yeah welp anyway. such a great read. much wow very tears. ♥

Re: throws a bucket of popcorn on my laptop screen

[happinessplate]

your heart is safe with me for all of eternity :3
cries i was wondering about 'angles', like, 'the angle they kissed...?' but then i realised it was the blood veins bit. sorry it was so dumb ;-;

thanks for letting me know your opinion, anon. hmm i know the word as, like, private lessons with a tutor outside school = tuition; that was the definition i was taught in school. beta didn't correct that, and i have absolute trust in her.
but that doesn't mean you're wrong, ofc! could it be that the word is used differently in different countries?? idk, tbh! welp. i'm sorry it bothered you, but i'm also glad you enjoyed this despite that :3 thank you so much for your comment

[(Anonymous)]

Kinky selu at the end killed me.
This was just too.. Too.. Perfect. That's it.
THE FLUFF OH MY HEARTHSJDKDFOSJA

[happinessplate]

thanks for enjoying the fluffiness :D

[(Anonymous)]

Really a great story! Bff sekai is an A+ I really love their friendship, like, the way you express them. Also those hunhan fluff is to die for! That scene when they first kissed I smiled like an idiot for once and suddenly luhan ran away it was so hurtful. You did an awesome job! *applause*

[happinessplate]

i love bff sekai too! they are sooo qt irl as well
thanks so much for reading & commenting, your comment is just as osm :D

[chrmrtsn.livejournal.com]

Fifteen comments? REALLY? JUST FIFTEEN?D: You don't know how devastated I was upon seeing the number of comments your story had so far, Author-nim. I mean, I'm really sorry if I'm coming of as blunt or rude to the readers right now, as we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I swear. This is just -- no.D: I'm sorry. My brain-mouth filter's going haywire at the moment.

Because after everything -- which includes giggling/cackling maniacally at the adorable-ness of everyone's persona in this fic, suspending one's breath for an indefinite amount of time as he/she backreads again and again a line or two from HunHan and SeKai's exchanges (which is sometimes full of dumb but can be really precious and philosophical) just to make sure that not one word is missed and well, just to relive the moment, from cooing to almost-crying at our Sehunnie's realizations in different parts of the story, to swearing off Luhan, crying at KaiSoo's cuteness, and cooing yet again and downright blushing at the epilogue-ish part -- JUST HOW COULD THEY NOT?D: Even a short note of thank you to acknowledge the author's efforts would've been much appreciated already, guys. AND YES, I'M DEFINITELY GOING ALL OUT FOR THIS BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVED WHAT YOU WROTE, DEAR. SERIOUSLY.

I swear I had premature ventricular contractions all throughout.;A; AND IT'S THE GOOD KIND, I SWEAR. I took Biology in University and I'm now taking up my first year in Medicine, so I guess that gives me enough reason for adoring the nerdy quips and the random science/math questions you threw in HunHan's lesson plan. Maybe, that too, caused me to fall in love with this story. Or was it the moment when Sehun slammed the door on Luhan and the disappearance of his brain to mouth filter that followed? It's really hard not to get attached to this one.;A;

I really really really like your writing style, Author-nim.:D It's fun, endearing, and it seems to catch up with your character's train of thought at each particular moment, that it makes everything much more real for me.;A; I especially love the wit and humor that came naturally throughout. Plus the inside jokes and the sign language. OH DEAR GOD THE SIGN LANGUAGE. AND THE POPCORN-THROWING REFERENCE. AND THE ASKDJALKSD FAWKKKES THE POST-IT/COLORED CARD THINGS. LUDACRIS (sobs at the name). AND LUHAN CHUCKING THEHUN'S CHIN. JUST EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FIC, BASICALLY.;A; I CRY/SOB/WAIL AT THE PERFECTION. Although I was a bit confused in the shift in perspective at some points and even if others would argue how the student-tutor plot is too cliche, I can honestly say that I haven't enjoyed reading a HunHan fic like how I did in the past hour of reading.

I cried out a few expletives in my native tongue while reading, mind you. JUST BECAUSE. FEELS. YOU KNOW THIS, MAN. When we come to multiple swearing, headdesking, and whining our reactions out loud -- we know that the shit's getting serious.

AUTHOR-NIM. I just can't thank you enough for this. I'm definitely coming back to read this because this is easily one of the best HunHan's I've ever encountered, and I've been reading about my OTP for quite a while already. You just proved to everyone how the ship can sail without the pr0n, the M ratings, and the crazy kinks, and I love you forever for that.;A;

This might be a longshot, but I would really, really, really like it if you continue writing on and learning different genres of writing. You've got real potential, you know. Don't waste it.:) And maybe more HunHan in the future?:D And KaiSoo? And BaekYeol? ACTUALLY, JUST GO AND CONTINUE WRITING, because whatever it is, I'm sure that it'll turn out great with the passion that you've included in the process.:D

I'd love to follow you on tumblr, you know. To keep updated about your projects and stuff.XD

WRITE ON, U ADORABLE HAPPY PLATE U.<3


XO, your new fan.

[happinessplate]

this is such a long & amazing comment, thank you so much, it rly made my day when i read it! :D and pls, just knowing that you've enjoyed this so much already made me so so so so sooooo satisfied & happy & glad & warm & fuzzy & hello, all the good feelings in the world. you are wonderful & lovely & oh dear, thank you. have a cyber hug!
omg you're in med (premature ventricular contractions?? hehe, had to google). i certainly hope you didn't spot any errors in my science, cos i had to research and google stuff to write that bit lol
no, it's you i can't thank enough. this comment made me so excited to read & i was buzzing with happiness. tbh, i'm always unsure about writing anything but aww, you're being rly sweet, thank you wow i can't stop repeating this u_u your reactions are too cute, i just want to squish you

[exobaekpie]

THIS IS SOOO AMAZING

AND I CRIED

AND I LAUGHED SO HARD

AND CRIED AGAIN BECOZ CRYING LUHAN IS NOT GOOD AND THAT SEHUN FACE T_________T

THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT OKAY BECOZ I LOVE IT TOO MUCH. UGH. IT HURTS ME IN THE DEEPEST AND DARKEST PIT OF MY SOUL PLS SAVE ME OH GOSH IM ABOUT TO START BAWLING AGAIN BECOZ IT ENDED AND

POPCORN

POPCORN

//POPCORN//

this fic is seriously brilliant and hilarious though please let me love it forever and evar tenkyu bless you bye

[happinessplate]

i honestly have NO IDEA how popcorn became part of a running bit in this fic, cries, but i'm happy to see you like it (i hope you did!)
bless you too for your cappy comment, baek some pies k ;)

(that was so lame, forgive me ;-;)

;A;

[(Anonymous)]

oh my shimjanggg
why
so
fucking
perfect
I mean
every line
I'm- I can't-
I'm questioning my kokoro's existence rn bec this story is just perfect
SCREAMS

Re: ;A;

[happinessplate]

lmao! you used both korean & japanese for hearts in your comment omg i'm laughing irl this is so qt hahaha ;-;

[(Anonymous)]

can you save me from all of these feelings because
tutor!luhan and doctor!selu and play-hard-to-get!selu
KYAAAAAAA /dies/

[happinessplate]

well, with respect to saving lives, i do know cpr

;D

/sleazy comment /o/

[xyst]

im crying im cryin this is so beautiful idk idk hhHHhh

[happinessplate]

lol pls don't cry! thanks for your comment :D

OMG SUPER AMAZING

[(Anonymous)]

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS LIKE AN EXPLODING FLUFFY GLITTERING ROLLERCOASTER RIDE ON STEROIDS FROM BEGINNING TO END WTF //dies//

Re: OMG SUPER AMAZING

[happinessplate]

lmao @ your description
the rollercoaster sounds out of this world, would love a ride on it myself!

[(Anonymous)]

I HOPE I AM NOT TOO LATE IN THIS PARTY

AND OH THIS IS THE DECLARATION OF MY LOVE PLS ACCEPT MY HEART YOU BRILLIANT WONDERFUL AMAZING AWESOME AUTHORNIM

THIS FANDOM IS SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU OMG

/GOES BACK IN THE CORNER CRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THIS FIC ㅠㅜㅜㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

[happinessplate]

you're never late to parties, it all depends on your entrance >:]
and caps is always the way to go!

nah, i'm the one blessed to have this comment :D

[digindeeper]

oh my god this was amazing. i love the humour throughout. it was hilarious in the beginning, and when the romance began to filter in, it was done seamlessly and by the end i was all teary. lovelovelove the extra kaisoo bit in the end. you're amazing and i love you this was absolutely perfect.

[happinessplate]

was unsure about the romance bit so thanks for mentioning that it was alright for you. this comment was amazing & made me feel fluttery, thank you for it! :3

[(Anonymous)]

ngaaaaaa OMG author-nim you are perfect in every way!!! OMG this made me laugh and squeal and asdfjk;sd OMG! Thank you so much! This fic made my day <3

[happinessplate]

reading your comment made my day too! thank you for bothering to leave this little happy pill here for me. hearteu!